


Follow Where You Lead

by connyhascontrol



Series: Follow Where You Lead [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gilmore Girls AU, Lesbian AU, Slow Burn, Smut, idiots to lovers, no knowledge of the show required
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-01-07 10:37:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 100,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18408920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/connyhascontrol/pseuds/connyhascontrol
Summary: Getting pregnant at 16 definitely hadn't been part of Katya's plan, but now at 34 she is pretty happy with how things have turned out. She didn't have to raise her daughter alone, she had a whole town of interesting characters helping her. Especially Trixie, who runs the local diner and who Katya couldn't live without. Because of the coffee, of course.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A while ago a drunk anon stumbled into my inbox on tumblr, yelling something about a trixya Gilmore Girls AU and here we are, several months and a rewatch of the show later. Having seen Gilmore Girls isn't at all necessary to understand this fic, you will just miss a few references. But also you should watch that show because it's good, even if unfortunately very straight. 
> 
> A big thank you goes, as always, to [Naty](http://pichitinha.tumblr.com/) for beta reading this and for her constant encouragements while writing and being excited about this with me.
> 
> [Here is a playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/badwolfonbakerstreet/playlist/3hteSFAGLITkzbmgu1aInD?si=GQgsYgxWTE6tat_FLdC-tA) to go along with this fic.
> 
> If you enjoy this please consider leaving me a comment here or come talk to me on tumblr where I'm [@connyhascontrol](http://connyhascontrol.tumblr.com/), that would make me a very happy lesbian.

The steaming mug of coffee appears on the table in front of Katya before she’s even sat down and dropped her bag on the chair next to her.

“Thank you!” she calls in the direction Trixie has disappeared in without saying a word and then inhales deeply before taking a sip. People are starting to file in for an early dinner and Trixie has her hands full with orders. Katya is happy just drinking her coffee and watching the other patrons around her. Most of them she knows and sees around town every day, as is the nature of small town diners. In the corner by the window she spots the newlyweds that are staying at the inn she runs. Earlier she had to reprimand Violet for being horribly rude to them, probably without any lasting effect. Sometimes she doesn’t know why she bothers. She also doesn’t mind enough to actually do anything about her often unacceptable behavior towards guests. Violet is pretty enough that people usually forgive her anyway.

“That coffee looks good.”

Katya looks up from her mug at the man talking to her. He's one of the few people in the diner she doesn't recognize.

“It's the best in town,” she explains with a polite smile. Without another word he pulls out the chair nearest to him and sits down at the table, while Katya looks on, blinking in surprise, her smile frozen in place and probably not looking all that polite anymore.

“I'm Joe.”

“Uh-huh.” She sips her coffee.

“Do you have a name?” Joe asks. Knowing everybody in town usually spares Katya the clueless guys who can't take a hint, but today seems to be her lucky day.

“Not since the accident.”

Now it's his smile that starts to falter.

“I'm actually waiting for somebody, so if you wouldn't mind…” She lets the sentence trail off, hoping he'll fill in the blanks, and looks at him expectantly.

“Right.” All interest and politeness disappears off his face and without another word he stands up and moves to the counter instead. Katya is always amazed at how men will stop pretending they think you're a person when they realize they won't get to fuck you. She doesn't get to dwell on it for long, because the door to the diner opens and then Kate sits down opposite her, dropping her massive backpack on the floor.

“There you are! I was already making new friends because I thought you were never going to show up,” Katya says with a smile.

“We have that group presentation next week and had to meet up after class to plan it, I told you about it.”

She vaguely remembers hearing Kate yell something about that from downstairs this morning while Katya was digging through her dresser for a bra that would be less visible through her shirt.

“Oh, right, you did! How did it go?” Kate just gives her a dark look. “Okay, I'll get you coffee.” When she goes up to the counter and asks Trixie for another cup, she only reluctantly gets one out when Katya explains it's for Kate.

“It's almost six, she really shouldn't be drinking coffee at this time,” Trixie says with a raised eyebrow, but still pours it. “And neither should you.”

Katya just smiles at her, says, “Thank you!” and grabs the mug. “Oh, you gotta be kidding me,” she mutters to no one in particular when she turns around and spots Joe back at the table, talking to a very uncomfortable looking Kate. She quickly walks towards them, places the coffee in front of Kate on the table and puts her hand on her shoulder, standing between her and Joe.

“What a pleasure to see you again so soon. I see you've met my daughter.”

The way his face falls in shock should be entertaining, but there's too much adrenaline pulsing through Katya to enjoy it.

“Your daughter?” he sputters. “You don't look old enough to be a mother. And she doesn't look, uh, like a daughter.” His voice becomes smaller as he speaks.

“It's the dark witchcraft.” Katya puts on a big smile, a fake flirty voice and twirls her blonde hair around her fingers.

He looks genuinely concerned now and with an “Uhh” backs off before turning, considering his spot at the counter and then instead leaving the diner altogether.

Katya rolls her eyes at Kate. “You'd think the school uniform would be a giveaway.”

Trixie approaches their table. “Did he just try to hit on you?” she asks Kate, still looking out the window with a frown, even though the guy is long gone.

“He sure did,” she answers with a resigned expression.

“God, what a creep. Well, he's not getting served here anymore. Did he not notice the school uniform?”

“That's what I said!” Katya holds up her mug. “Refill?”

“This stuff will kill you one day,” she says gloomily and yet, as always, she still fills Katya’s cup.

As they both enjoy their coffee, Katya can’t help but look at Kate out of the corner of her eyes. She still gets to put herself between her daughter and creepy men now. Not that she plans on ever stopping, but in a few days she will turn 18 and the creepy men will be harder to deter. Best not to think about it, she’ll just get mad and there isn’t anything she can do about it anyway.

“What?” Kate asks and Katya smiles, despite having been caught.

“Nothing, just thinking about your birthday.”

Kate grins at her over her coffee cup. “It’s gonna be great!”

“It sure will be,” Katya agrees and doesn’t share the chain reaction that’s going on in her mind at the thought of her daughter turning 18. She’s legally an adult then and in a few short weeks she’ll be done with high school and at the end of the summer she’ll be off to college, leaving this town and leaving Katya.

But she’s so happy for her, Kate has been talking about college since she was six years old and Katya knows how excited she is. And she should be! Still, the thought of her daughter moving out of her childhood bedroom with the stuffed animals, fantasy movie posters and her hundreds and hundreds of books produces a knot that lies heavily in the pit of Katya’s stomach. How could it not? Kate is not just her daughter, she's Katya's best friend.

As she does every time she goes down this spiral, she reminds herself that that's not going to change just because Kate starts her life away from home. They will adjust. They always have.

*

As she does every year on this day, Katya drags herself out of bed at exactly 4:10 am so that by 4:14 she will have walked down the stairs in the dark, made her way through the hallway without stubbing any toes if she’s lucky, snuck into Kate’s room, sat down on the edge of her bed and wiggled enough to make her wake up and make room for Katya to lie down next to her.

“Happy Birthday, Katie!” she whispers into the dark and only gets a hum in reply, but Kate rests her head on her shoulder and Katya presses a kiss to her light brown hair. “Exactly 18 years ago I held you in my arms for the first time. You were all red and wrinkly and extremely unhappy about being in the world. And after 14 hours of labor, during which I believed I was dying several times, I looked at your little face and I couldn’t believe that I had actually made a human.”

When Kate’s alarm goes off at 6:30 they both wake up again, Katya rubbing her sore neck and not remembering at what point of the annual retelling of her labor story she fell asleep. She swings her legs out of bed and trudges to the kitchen to make coffee. They’re going to have breakfast at Trixie’s and drink coffee there but she needs something to tide her over until then.

As the coffee maker starts sputtering, Kate stumbles out of her room and into the bathroom and Katya does the same upstairs. In between getting dressed and putting on makeup they stop by the kitchen to get a mug of coffee each. It’s a ritual they have cultivated over years and Katya can go through the motions half asleep.

“What do you think she’s done this year?” Kate asks as they’re walking to the diner.

“I don’t know, but if she’s topped last year’s decorations she’s definitely losing her reputation.”

Despite having grown up in Stars Hollow and owning the local diner, Trixie mostly keeps to herself. Katya didn’t even know she was a lesbian for years after they had moved there. She’d had a feeling, of course, but she didn’t know for sure. It’s not that Trixie isn’t personable, she just keeps her persona as the diner owner in vaguely 50s style clothing with the big makeup and her personal life separate. Considering that everything that happens here becomes gossip within two minutes of it happening, Katya not only understands why she’d want to, she is also immensely impressed that Trixie manages to do it.

Despite all of that Katya has struck up a friendship with her, mostly because she didn’t give Trixie a choice and has been relentlessly friendly to her over the years. She did it partly because Trixie makes the best coffee in the entire state and partly because they’re gay and in a small town you have to cling to all the support you can find, even though Stars Hollow had turned out to be a lot more accepting than Katya had anticipated when she moved here over ten years ago.

Kate, however, is the exception to Trixie’s relationships that can generally be described as reluctant. When she was still a kid and Katya had worked her way up from being a maid to manning the front desk at the inn with sometimes grueling shifts, she would often leave Kate at the diner with her homework and a stack of books. Sometimes she’d come back to the sign at the door having already been flipped to ‘Closed’, with only Kate and Trixie at a table, empty plates that once held pie still sitting out, and them engrossed in a discussion about whatever it was Kate was reading at the time. Trixie would nod earnestly as she listened to Kate explain and offer her own thoughts and insights. She never took any money for the pie and waved away Katya’s thanks, but she did accept the sleepy hugs she got from Kate with a warm smile.

The one thing that Katya is truly proud of is that her daughter is not only one of the top students at a prestigious private school but that she is also loved. Everyone in town has only good things to say about her and not just because they would feel Katya’s wrath if they didn’t. Her Kate is a good kid and everyone knows it. Even though starting today she’s not technically a kid anymore.

When they step into the diner they immediately spot the table Trixie has decorated. The big shiny balloons are hard to miss. As soon as they sit down Trixie comes over with coffee.

“Happy birthday, Kate! Your food is coming right up.”

“We haven’t ordered yet,” Kate points out, but Trixie waves her hand dismissively.

“Got something special for you.” She disappears into the kitchen and Katya and Kate exchange a look full of anticipation. She comes back and places a large plate of pancakes in front of Kate. “Coffee and vanilla pancakes.” They’re swimming in maple syrup, just the way Kate likes it, and are decorated with freshly sliced peaches. Trixie’s never going to give up trying to feed them at least a few healthy things.

“Thanks!”

When Kate digs in, Trixie puts a second plate down in front of Katya and she knows immediately they’re regular pancakes.

“What about me? I don’t get the special pancakes?”

“It’s not your birthday,” Trixie states dryly.

“Yes, but I made _her_!” Katya gestures towards her daughter.

Trixie rolls her eyes, grabs a can of whipped cream from the counter and sprays a smiley face onto Katya’s stack of pancakes.

“Now they’re special.”

Satisfied Katya thanks her and Trixie sighs when she gets back behind the counter.

In a low voice Kate asks, “Why do you always have to rile her up? One day you’re gonna go too far and she’ll cut us off from the coffee.”

“Because she gets that cute little groove between her eyebrows when she’s annoyed. And relax, I’m way too charming for that.”

“You’ve thought that before and then she did cut you off,” Kate murmurs.

“I fixed it, didn’t I?”

In truth she hadn’t really done anything, Trixie just gave in. When they had first moved into town and started going to the diner Katya had called her Tracy for a full two years before Trixie snapped, pointed at the sign hanging over the door reading ‘ _Trixie’s_ ’ and hissed “Learn it or get out!”

Even then she hadn’t reached the point where she would cut Katya off. That happened about two weeks later, during which Katya was sure to call her Trixie at least once in every sentence. After that Trixie refused to serve her anything and only relented after Katya had had a truly awful shift at the inn and must have looked like it too. That had been the best cup of coffee of her entire life.

With a glance at her watch, Kate puts down her fork. “I need to get to the bus.”

“What, already? But it’s your birthday!”

Kate gives her a look and while getting up already grabs her backpack. “Unfortunately neither the bus nor school will wait for me just because of that.” She swings it onto her back and pulls her hair out from underneath the straps. “I’ll see you later. Thanks for the pancakes, Trixie!” she calls towards the kitchen and one hand appears in the open door, waving.

“Alright, have a good day, honey,” Katya calls after her and then her daughter is out the door. Immediately Katya pulls her plate close and pushes the leftover pancakes onto her own. She leaves the peaches where they are, on principle. Then she pulls out her phone and scrolls through the news while finishing her breakfast.

“Darling, you don’t look a day over 12!” A booming voice pulls Katya out of her thoughts and she looks up at a smiling Jinkx, who, at Katya’s confused look, points at the balloon reading ‘ _Happy 18th Birthday!_ ’ that is tied to the table leg.

“I’ll see you tonight, right?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t miss Kate’s birthday for the world.” She drapes her shawl around her shoulders carefully and then adds, “I wouldn’t dare.” She sits down opposite Katya. “So, will we finally meet the woman Dela has told me you’ve been _very close_ to lately?” She leans in as if that is a secret they share and not as if Dela happened to see Alex drop her off after a date and maybe spend some time on the porch kissing. Katya should have known better with her nosy neighbors, but going inside had also not been an option with Kate home.

“You absolutely will not,” she answers Jinkx’ question. “We’ve been on two dates, I’m not bringing her to my daughter’s birthday party.”

“What a shame!” Jinkx waves at Trixie and she grabs a mug and the coffee pot and comes by their table. “Trixie, don’t you agree Katya should introduce her girlfriend to us?”

“Since when do you have a girlfriend?” Trixie asks with a frown.

“I don’t!” Katya exclaims, but neither Trixie nor Jinkx look convinced. “She’s nice, but we’re not a good match.” The full truth is that Alex is very hot and if Katya didn’t live with her daughter she’d definitely invited her in after the last date, but she doesn’t get Katya’s sense of humor at all and their conversation hadn’t exactly flowed easily. Katya had thought about asking to see her again just so they could go back to Alex’ place, but then she had considered one more of her jokes receiving only a polite chuckle and had decided it wasn’t worth it. She doesn’t need to rely on other people just for an orgasm. “I don’t have time to date anyway, with Kate graduating soon and opening the new inn in a few weeks,” she tries to change the topic. “Not that it’s any of your business,” she then adds in Jinkx’ direction, who raises her hands in an appeasing gesture.

“I just want to see you happy, Katya.”

“God, you sound like my mother.”

At that Jinkx gasps and puts her hand over her heart. “That was hurtful and unnecessary.”

Katya just shrugs. That’s what she gets for sticking her nose into other people’s business.

*

How Ginger managed to prepare this much food Katya has no idea. They have pretty much the same schedule at the inn and they’ve both been checking in at their new place several times this week. As soon as she thinks about it, Katya is worried about the state of the rooms again, thinking they’re never going to be finished for the planned opening in two months.

“Hey, stay with me!” Ginger snaps her fingers and pulls her out of her thoughts which Katya is grateful for. They have more to set up before the first guests arrive and Katya has strictly forbidden Kate from helping. It’s her birthday after all and Katya has ordered her to take her time getting ready. The slightly burnt smell coming from her door lets her know Kate is curling her hair right now.

The doorbell rings long before they’ve told people to show up and when she answers it Katya finds herself face to face with a somewhat panicked looking teenage girl with an armful of clothes.

“Oh, hey, Phi Phi. Don’t know what to wear?”

She nods sharply. “I didn’t know how formal this was going to be, so I brought everything.”

“Kate is in her room,” Katya says as she steps aside to let Phi Phi through and she power-walks down the hall. Katya can hear her and Ginger exchange brief hellos before Phi Phi quickly raps on Kate’s door. She’s already in Kate’s room when Katya has walked back to the kitchen.

“That girl is always on a mission, isn’t she,” Ginger remarks dryly. “I still can’t believe she and Kate are friends.”

“Weirder things have happened. Like us being friends,” Katya points out and Ginger snorts.

Kate and Phi Phi seem to be a weird pair at first glance and when they met they had hated each other. Where Kate is quiet, Phi Phi isn’t, and where Kate is sometimes too shy, Phi Phi will go and get what she wants. Katya thinks they’re a good influence on each other. She just hopes Phi Phi’s intensity doesn’t rub off on Kate too much.

“I’m glad for every friend she has she can actually hang out with and doesn’t just play Dungeons & Dragons with on her computer.”

“Is she still doing that?”

“Yes, and her half-elf bard is at level 12 now and has a thing going on with her party’s orc healer,” Katya explains. Ginger raises her brows. “Listen, the little nerd loves that stuff and I’m gonna be involved and supportive, even if I don’t understand half of the things she tells me. The point is, she tells me about it.”

“See, that’s why I could never be a mother. I couldn’t care about that shit,” Ginger says as she meticulously arranges vegetables on a tray.

“That doesn’t stop most parents.” Katya steals a baby carrot and pops it into her mouth, not because she wanted to eat it but because she loves messing with Ginger.

Kate’s door opens and she pulls a reluctant Phi Phi after her into the kitchen.

“What do you guys think of her outfit?”

“You look great, Phi Phi!” Katya subtly elbows Ginger and she quickly agrees with her. Their evaluation doesn’t change anything about Phi Phi looking slightly green and unhappy and she quickly excuses herself to the bathroom.

“What is going on? Isn’t that what you wanted to wear?” Katya quietly asks Kate, who sighs.

“I invited Brandon--”

“Debate club Brandon?” Katya interrupts and Kate nods. “But you said he was unbelievably dull.”

“Yes, and I still think that, but Phi Phi doesn’t.”

“Ah, gotcha. That explains the panic.”

Kate steals one of the baby carrots as well and Ginger rolls her eyes, but replaces it immediately.

“And since I don’t have anything to wear now I thought I could maybe borrow that shirt you bought last week?” She gives Katya a smile her mom could never resist, despite her having planned to wear that very shirt tonight.

“Fine, it’s on my bed. And take the red skirt too, you don’t have anything that goes with it.” Kate is already halfway up the stairs as Katya finishes her sentence.

“Thanks, Mom!” she still calls.

Katya sighs. “Roommates, am I right?”

“I wouldn’t know, I never had a roommate,” Ginger replies absentmindedly while assessing the food setup and apparently deeming it satisfactory. Katya snorts, thinking that any and all potential roommates should be grateful they missed that.

It doesn’t take long until the house is filled with what seems to be at least half the town, loud music and joyful conversations. When Katya had told her friends and co-workers what activities she was planning both Ginger and Violet had doubted her, but Katya had assured them she knew what she was doing and Kate proves her right. Katya had pulled out all the stops and combined all of Kate’s favourite things from her childhood birthday parties. Katya has yet to meet somebody who doesn’t find anything of interest when there’s a pinata, Twister, a cupcake decorating station as well as a karaoke machine. For the boring people who aren’t into activities there’s always tons of delicious food and good company. By the way Kate slings her arms around her mom and squeezes when she sees it all, Katya can tell the party is a success.

*

“I have no idea what she see in him,” Kate remarks, while she, her long-time best friend Kim, and Katya watch as Phi Phi seems to interrogate a boy in a sweater vest.

Katya snorts. “He’s certainly non-threatening.”

“What do you mean?” Kate asks and her and Kim look at her in confusion, but Katya lightly shakes her head.

“Nevermind. You’re a good friend for inviting him.”

Somebody rings the doorbell, barely audible over the music playing, and Katya yells, “It’s open, come in!” Seconds later she is confronted with her father’s slightly confused face as he takes in the people around them and the disapproving stare of her mother.

“That’s hardly an appropriate way to greet your guests, Yekaterina.”

Katya doesn’t get the chance to justify herself, since Kate is already rushing towards them and hugging both of them quickly. “Grandma, Grandpa, you came!”

“Of course we came, we wouldn’t miss such a special occasion,” Pyotr says and smiles warmly at his granddaughter.

“Happy birthday, Kate! My, what a beautiful young woman you’ve grown into.” Katya’s mother holds Kate’s hands as she takes in her appearance.

As much as it still sometimes stings to have her parents look at Kate with the pride they never felt for her, Katya is glad they love Kate as much as they do. In their eyes she truly can do no wrong and it’s one of the few things that Katya and her parents can agree on.

“We’ve got you something, but you’ll have to come outside with me,” her dad murmurs conspiratively and excitedly Kate follows him, with Svetlana and Katya trailing after them. Katya hears Kate’s reaction before she actually sees it.

“Oh my god! You bought me a car?”

“We certainly did!” Pyotr beams at Kate’s excitement, as she circles the silver Prius.

“It’s not long until you’re off to college now and this way you can come home whenever you want to.”

Kate’s big smile is bright in the dim evening light as she turns towards them on the porch. “Thank you!” Then her face falls a little and her eyes flit to Katya with a questioning look, but she just smiles and nods lightly. They asked her if they could get Kate a car, which is a completely new quality in itself, and no matter how much Katya doesn’t want to accept anything from her parents, with Kate moving out in the fairly near future it’s a practical gift. Katya had thought about getting her a car herself. It would have been used and old and probably have some faults and quirks, as a first car should, but this she can easily live with. Even if it makes her gift of a new laptop look small in comparison. Kate had still been over the moon when she unwrapped the box and that’s what matters.

Katya takes her mother back inside while her dad and Kate go for a quick drive around the neighborhood. As she puts a piece of cake on a paper plate she says, “Thank you, that was a really thoughtful gift.” Svetlana is so stunned she doesn’t even say anything about the plate as she takes it.

“You’re very welcome. Kate is an adult now, she should be independent.”

Katya bites down on the comment of her parents suddenly encouraging independence. “I agree.” She opens herself a bottle of beer. “You want one?” Her mother stares at the bottle in her hand for a second. “Come on, Mom, live a little!”

“Oh, alright, why not.” She accepts an opened bottle from Katya, who has to take a sip to hide her grin when seeing her mother drinking out of a beer bottle, or any bottle for that matter, for the first time in her life.

They wander into the packed living room, Svetlana taking a seat on the couch to eat her cake. Immediately Jinkx and Dela sit down either side of her, telling her how nice it is to see her again.

“Mom, I’m sure you remember our neighbor Dela and Miss Jinkx, who runs the local dance studio?”

“Yes, of course, what a pleasure to see you!” To the uninitiated Svetlana looks and sounds utterly sincere, but Katya is pretty sure she has no recollection of meeting them before.

“Can you believe our little Katie is 18 already? It feels like yesterday that she took my beginners ballet class,” Jinkx reminisces with a dreamy smile, that Katya is sure has more to do with the wine she’s holding than the memories of little Kate.

“I didn’t know she danced.” Svetlana turns her accusatory gaze towards Katya.

“Oh, she only went for a few weeks. She fell over constantly and for the safety and well-being of the other kids, Jinkx and I agreed to pull her from the class.”

“She looked adorable in her little tutu, though!”

“She wore it at home for months.” Katya smiles at the memory. Kate hadn’t even started school back then and they had still been living out of town in the remodeled shed at the inn. Katya had no money to send Kate to dance class, but Jinkx had noticed her staring longingly through the open door of the dance studio every time they were in town to buy groceries and had offered a few free try-out sessions. It must have been over a month but she never asked Katya for any money. The people of this town have always taken good care of them.

The sound of Kate’s excited chattering and her dad’s amused chuckle reach Katya’s ear and she turns towards the door. Kate is already halfway across the living room and, without giving her a chance to set down her plate, she hugs her grandmother.

“Thank you so much, I love the car.”

Her parents are in good hands so with a smile Katya wanders through the house, stopping by to chat with everyone. She waves to Violet who’s been standing in a corner with her phone glued to her ear all night, obviously having more important people to talk to than the ones at the party she’s at. Katya isn’t going to complain. Violet still got Kate a sweater that surely is some pricey designer piece.

As outgoing and happy to have everybody here as Katya is, it does start to get a little much for her and she longs for a moment to collect herself, so she decides to retreat to the kitchen just for a few minutes, away from all the noise and the people. Just as she’s sat down at the table the backdoor opens and in comes Trixie.

“There you are! You need cake!” She gets back up, in hostess mode again.

“Sorry I'm so late, Shea wasn't feeling well so I sent her home and closed up myself,” Trixie explains as Katya hands her a plate with cake.

“Don't worry about it.” She offers Trixie a beer that she accepts happily. “Wait, you were there this morning when we came in for breakfast and you closed up?”

Trixie frowns. “I couldn't leave Shea alone there when she's sick, could I?”

“No, of course not! I’m just saying you work an awful lot.”

“Well, that’s the life of a business owner.” With a smile Trixie raises her bottle towards Katya, as if for a toast. “You’re about to experience that yourself.”

Katya just raises her eyebrows at her.

“What?”

“What I am going to experience is having a cleaning crew and Violet and other service staff. And Ginger and her kitchen staff and the waiters.” Katya leans against the counter, her arms crossed in front of her, and expectantly looks at Trixie, who suddenly seems extremely interested in her cake.

“The inn is gonna be much bigger than my diner, you can’t compare that,” she mumbles, not meeting Katya’s eyes.

“Okay, you don’t need an entire staff, but you only have Shea in the kitchen and Pearl as a server. You’re there seven days a week and I bet more than 8 hours a day too.”

Trixie finally looks up at Katya and there is that charming little line between her eyebrows she gets when she’s annoyed. “Are you done?”

Katya raises her hands in an appeasing gesture. “I just think you could use another waiter and some free time, that’s all. And as luck would have it I have the perfect girl for you in mind.”

“Do you, now?”, Trixie asks with one corner of her mouth pulling up, seemingly against her will.

Katya grins and lowers her voice. They’re alone in the kitchen, but she doesn’t want to risk any of the teenagers in the house overhearing her. “I meant for the diner, but I’m sure I could get you laid, too.”

Trixie screeches out a laugh and Katya takes a swig of her drink, satisfied with making her forget she was annoyed with Katya only a minute ago.

“Don’t you dare! Jinkx has been trying to set me up with every gay girl she has ever met my entire adult life, I don’t need you in on that as well.”

Katya snorts. “Oh, I’m familiar with Jinkx’ matchmaking attempts. I’m surprised she never tried to set us up.” Trixie laughs, but it’s not the joyful scream from earlier. “Can you imagine that? We would kill each other within a week.”

“Yeah,” Trixie just says and pushes her cake around on the plate.

“Anyway, you need to hire another server and Kim would be perfect,” Katya returns to their original topic.

“Kate’s friend Kim?”

“The very same. She could come by after school and do a few weekend shifts. And it’s summer soon. She’s a hard worker and I know she could use the money.”

“Hm.” Trixie ponders it for a moment. “Yes, that could work, I think.”

“Really?”

She shrugs. “Sure. She’s doesn’t usually get on my nerves and that’s more than I can say about most people in this town.”

“Great!” Katya gives her a big smile. “How about you talk to her now?”

“Uh, right now?”

She knows she caught Trixie off guard and usually the element of surprise works in Katya’s favor. So instead of answering Trixie’s question she calls Kim’s name and seconds later the girl traipses into the kitchen.

“Yeah?”

“Trixie was just talking about how she could use some more help at the diner.” At that Trixie laughs an incredulous little laugh that Katya ignores. “And I mentioned that you would be perfect for that.”

Kim’s face lights up and she turns to Trixie. “Really? You’d give me a job?”

“Possibly. Do you have any work experience?”

“I help my parents out at the antiques shop a lot.”

Trixie nods slowly. She knew that already. “That’s better than nothing.” She thinks for a moment. “Yeah, this is ridiculous, I’ve known you all your life, why would I be asking you questions? You’ve got the job.”

Kim beams at her. “Thank you! You won’t regret it!” she promises.

“Come by the diner some time tomorrow and we can talk details,” Trixie says with a smile. When Kim has run out of the room, probably to tell Kate the news, Trixie’s smile drops.

“What the hell, how did I end up hiring somebody? I didn’t want to hire anybody, let alone right here tonight!”

Katya grins and shrugs. “But now you’ve done it and you would absolutely crush her if you told her you didn't mean it. Besides, she’s a good kid and I’m sure you really will not regret it.”

Trixie doesn’t look convinced. “You always talk me into things I can’t get myself out of, so I just deal with it.”

Katya laughs and clinks her beer bottle against Trixie’s.

*

“Katya, I think it’s time we left. Where is Kate? We’d like to say goodbye.”

“Oh, uh, sure, Mom!” Katya looks around the room. “Where _is_ Kate? That’s a good question.” She gets up on tiptoes, as if that’s going to help her much at her height. “Katie? Where are you?” Her parents flinch as she yells.

“Yes, thank you, Yekaterina, we could have done that ourselves,” her dad remarks with a sigh.

“By the door!”

Katya gives them an ‘I told you so’ look. “It works, though.” When they get to the door they find Kate in the company of a young man, holding a bag of ice that Katya ordered over the phone, begging Taylor at the market to have somebody bring it over.

“Jason! I didn’t know you were in town!” Katya says with a big smile.

“Just for a few days.”

“Yeah, he has to go back to college on Sunday,” Kate chimes in and Katya looks back and forth between them for a moment.

“I see your uncle put you right to work.” She points at the bag of ice that is rapidly turning into a bag of water.

“Oh, yeah, you know how he is.”

“That I do. Why don’t you put it in the kitchen and if you want to why don’t you stay? We have lots of food and now even cold drinks.”

Behind her her mother clears her throat. “Kate, we wanted to say goodbye. Have a lovely rest of the party, we will see you next Friday for dinner,” Svetlana gets the conversation back on track and Katya points Jason towards the kitchen while Kate sees off her grandparents. After that it doesn’t take long for Kate and Jason to find a corner and chat and for Katya to look on in astonishment.

“Oh wow, is that Jason Doose? They’re looking awfully cozy.” Trixie has shown up by Katya’s side, looking just as stunned as Katya.

“I know, they’ve known each other for ages and they’ve never talked like this. Maybe he’s got a new charm now that’s he’s gone off to college.” She notices how he keeps looking at his hands as much as he keeps staring into Kate’s eyes. “She could do much worse than him.”

“I don’t know, he’s related to Taylor, there’s gotta be something wrong with him.”

At Katya’s laugh both teenagers look over to them, Kate clearly clocking they’ve been watching them and looking less than happy. Katya just shrugs and grabs Trixie by the arm to pull her away a bit. As she does she bumps into Phi Phi, who is standing with her arms crossed and also staring at Kate and Jason.

“Pathetic,” she remarks and even though she really doesn’t want to know, Katya asks what she means. “Kate! With that boy! He looks like he’s a farmer, he could be a farmer. I bet he’s a farmer. She could do so much better than him!”

“Jason is a decent guy and rest assured, I haven’t seen him farm a day in his life,” Katya lets her know, trying hard not to smile. Phi Phi just scoffs and storms off and Katya hopes she doesn’t descend on Brandon again.

“Poor girl,” Trixie remarks and Katya hums in agreement. “Does she know she’s in love with Kate?”

“She doesn’t have a clue.”

They both laugh as their eyes meet and then keep drinking their beers in comfortable silence.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usually on Friday nights when Katya comes by Trixie’s after dinner, she just keeps going on with her work while Katya rants about her parents, chats with Kate or simply enjoys her coffee in silence. Trixie has never joined her before. Katya doesn’t point out that Trixie doesn’t even like coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments, kudos and messages about the first chapter, I'm really excited about this story and I'm so happy I get to share it with you! Thank you as always to [Naty](http://pichitinha.tumblr.com/) for proofreading and I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

“Yekaterina, there you are!” her mother greets them with a worrying level of enthusiasm. “You’re late.”

Katya checks her watch. Contrary to their usual habits they’re actually ten minutes early for the weekly Friday night dinner. She doesn’t bother pointing it out, since Svetlana seems to already have moved on. As she takes their jackets, she tuts at Katya’s outfit. 

“That skirt is hardly appropriate for dinner in polite company.”

Katya looks down at herself and tugs the hem of the skirt down over her thighs a little more, even as she says, “It’s perfectly fine, Mom.”

“And you should have done something with your hair,” her mother continues after assessing her appearance critically.

“My hair looks the same as always,” Katya points out.

“Exactly.”

“Okay, lovely.” Katya grabs Kate by the shoulders and gently pushes her forward. “Hey, Mom, do you remember Kate? She’s your granddaughter.”

Svetlana gives Kate a half hug. “Hello, my dear, you look lovely.” 

Katya rolls her eyes. Of course Kate looks lovely. She’s used to her mother disagreeing with any and all of her life choices, including the way she dresses and styles her hair, but usually she waits pointing it out until they’re seated at the table. In the last two years that they’ve had these dinners they had been slowly rebuilding a relationship and occasionally Katya felt like there was hope for her and her mother after all. Tonight is not one of those times. 

It all makes sense when she steps into the living room and instead of her father reading the Financial Times she finds him deep in conversation with a man she doesn’t know, obviously thrilled to have found somebody he can speak Russian with. As they walk into the room the two men break apart.

“Ah, there they are!” her father says, smiling pleasantly and Katya bites back a comment about everyone being so surprised that they’re where they are every week. “Stefan, this is my daughter Yekaterina and her daughter Kate.” They shake hands. “This is Stefan Andropov, he was just transferred from the Moscow office.”

“And since he came to the States  _ alone _ ,” her mother gives her a meaningful look, “I thought it would be nice to invite him to dinner and maybe make the transition a little easier for him.”

“That is very kind of you, Svetlana,” he says with a thick Russian accent that her parents have lost a long time ago and Katya never developed. 

“Yes, isn’t it.” Katya tries to push down the fury that begins bubbling underneath the surface of her polite smile. “Mom, could I talk to--” She doesn’t get to finish her question because the maid steps into the room, announcing dinner is ready.

“Please follow me, Stefan.” Her mother gives him a charming smile and they head towards the dining room, leaving Katya and Kate to follow while giving each other uneasy looks.

“Stefan is looking for a house to buy, Yekaterina. Maybe you could show him the area,” her mother suggests as they have just started digging into the lamb and Katya slowly looks up.

“I'm afraid I'm very busy at the moment.” Katya even manages to smile apologetically as she declines.

“I have heard so much about this Stars Hollow, it sounds very charming.” Stefan looks at her with genuine interest as he says it and Katya has to remind herself that this is not his fault.

Of course Svetlana has told him about the town she lives in and that she has barely ever been to herself. Anything to get her daughter in the vicinity of a man she approves of.

“Yes, well, I’m currently in the middle of renovating and opening my own inn, while still managing another one. Mom, maybe you can show Stefan around, since you’re already such great pals.” She pops the p in pals and smiles brightly at her mother, who returns it just as stiffly.

“Well, I doubt Stefan would like to spend his precious free time with me. I’m sure there are lots of charming women his age who wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to show him the area.” 

“Great! He can go with one of them, then.” Both their smiles have slipped at this point and they’re staring at each other across the dinner table. Katya registers the uncomfortable faces of the other three, very intensely not looking at each other or the scene that is unfolding in front of them. “The lamb is great, isn’t it?” she asks nobody in particular.

“Oh, yes, it’s delicious, Grandma,” Kate luckily jumps in and the tension slowly starts to seep out of the room. It definitely counts in Stefan’s favour that he seems to realize whatever Svetlana promised him the evening would result in won’t happen and he makes no further remarks about wanting to spend any time with Katya. It might also be the slightly threatening display from earlier that put him off. As long as it works, Katya is happy with either. Kate keeps giving her worried glances that she answers with what she hopes is a reassuring smile. Even her dad catches her eye at some point and shrugs almost imperceptibly and sheepishly. Only her mother will not look at her for the rest of the dinner, which passes in an uncomfortable haze. 

As soon as he’s downed the obligatory after dinner brandy, Stefan quickly takes his leave. He is extremely polite when he thanks her parents for the dinner invitation, tells both Kate and Katya how nice it was meeting them and makes no attempt to get her number. 

He’s probably not a bad person and none of this was his fault. He’s just one more bland insurance guy who had the bad luck of falling into her mother’s clutches. As soon as he’s out the door, Katya grabs her mom by the arm. 

“Can I talk to you for a second?” She doesn’t give her the opportunity to protest, just drags her into the hall. Once she stops, her mother regards her with a frosty expression and waits for her to speak. “I realize you would like to see me married sometime soon, but  _ a man _ , Mother!” Just for a moment she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “Do you remember that little talk we had like ten years ago about me being a lesbian? You must remember, you cried and said I was ruining your life and we didn’t talk for months afterwards.” She can feel the anger boiling, getting closer and closer to the surface and tries to swallow it down. Katya doesn’t want to fight, she just wants her to  _ understand _ . 

“Yes, I remember,” her mother finally says loftily without meeting her eyes.

“Then why did you think it was acceptable to try and set me up with a man?” Katya takes a deep breath. She is not going to cry. She is not going to cry in this house, in front of her mother. Not anymore. Now, screaming, that’s a different matter. 

“Well, you haven't been seeing any women either, I thought you might have changed your mind.”

“I have  _ not _ changed my mind and you don't get to assume that,” she presses out through clenched teeth.

“How could I know that? Clearly you've changed your mind before.” Svetlana actually has the nerve to sound indignant.

“Oh, I see, when it fits your argument suddenly me getting pregnant at 16 is a good thing.”

“I don't understand what you're making such a big fuss about, it's not like we arranged for you to marry him. I just wanted to present you with another option.”

“I'm making a  _ fuss _ because you refuse to accept that I'm a lesbian! I don't expect you to like it, I just need you to respect it.” Her voice lightly echoes in the hall and that it's so stupidly big that it produces an echo only makes Katya angrier. “Kate!” she yells, drowning out her own voice. “We're leaving!”

“I just want you to be happy, Yekaterina.” Her mother looks at her like she used to, with disapproval and as if she's being ungrateful. 

As Kate joins them in the hall, Katya grabs their jackets and says, “No, if you did you would accept that the things that make you happy will never make me happy.” She hands Kate her jacket and pulls her own on while opening the front door. “Bye, Dad!” she yells and still sees him standing in the door to the living room looking worried before she storms out. In the car she sits with her hands on the steering wheel, but doesn’t start the engine. 

“I’m sorry,” Kate offers quietly and Katya briefly looks at her face, half illuminated by the light coming from the house.

“It’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay, but, you know. It’s what they’re like.”

She can see Kate nod slowly, looking at her hands she has folded in her lap, waiting for Katya to do something. She doesn’t, except for sitting there, forcing herself to breathe slowly. Usually she has no problem ranting about the outrageous things her mother does, but tonight she isn’t just mad, she’s hurt.

“Should I drive?”

“No, I’m okay.” Finally she turns the key in the ignition and the Jeep roars to life.

“Let’s go home.”

“No, I need coffee and lesbian solidarity.”

Kate smiles at her. “Okay, Trixie’s then.”

*

When they get to the diner the sign on the door reads ‘Closed’, but the light is still on and through the glass they can see Trixie refilling ketchup bottles behind the counter. When she spots them at the door she comes over and unlocks it.

“Bad dinner?”

“Oh, you can’t even imagine.”

Trixie steps aside to let them in, but Kate doesn’t follow Katya. “I’ll leave you in Trixie’s capable hands, I have some homework to catch up on.”

“You know that’s what Sunday nights and Monday mornings on the bus are for, right, freak child?” Katya asks with a frown, but Kate ignores it, wishes Trixie a good night and starts walking home.

“I swear, I don’t know how she turned out like that.” Katya shakes her head while she takes a stool off the counter and puts it back on the ground so she has somewhere to sit. Without her having said anything, Trixie grabs a mug and pours Katya a coffee. Then she goes right back to filling the ketchup bottles.

“So, tell me about dinner.”

“My mother invited a man.”

At that Trixie looks up from her task. “Oh no.”

“Oh yes! Some Russian guy who works for my dad’s insurance company. She wanted me to ‘show him the area’, can you believe?”

“But they  _ know _ , right?”

Katya nods, sipping her coffee. The adrenaline has stopped pumping through her and her hands are steady where they are wrapped around the warm ceramic. “They know, they just don’t care. At least my mom, I don’t think Dad was in on what she was doing until it was too late.”

“Did you talk to her about it?” Trixie is done with the ketchup and moves on to the mustard bottles.

“I did, she thought I might have changed my mind because by her logic I was straight when I got pregnant with Kate, so why can’t it be like that again?” Katya can hear the bitterness in her own voice. That’s not usually her, but it’s what her mother brings out in her.

“God, that’s awful.”

“Yeah.”

Trixie sighs and puts the mustard down before pouring herself a cup of coffee, grabbing the stool next to Katya off the counter and sitting down with her. Usually on Friday nights when Katya comes by Trixie's after dinner, she just keeps going on with her work while Katya rants about her parents, chats with Kate or simply enjoys her coffee in silence. Trixie has never joined her before. Katya doesn’t point out that Trixie doesn’t even like coffee.

“It’s not even the religious ‘You’ll burn in hell!’ kind of homophobia, she’s just worried about what people will say about her daughter, the single formerly teen mom who is also a lesbian. And the worst thing is she really believes she's doing this in my best interest.”

Trixie just silently drinks her coffee, waiting for her to get it all out and Katya is grateful for it. “I thought we were making real progress, you know? With Kate’s birthday present and everything I thought they were starting to take my feelings into consideration. Half the time I don’t even mind the Friday night dinners, even though we only go because that’s the condition they put in place for paying for Kate’s school. But,” she looks down into her cup, “sometimes it was nice having my parents back.” Katya sighs and squares her shoulders. “I let my guard down and immediately got the payback.”

Trixie looks at her with sympathy. “What are you going to do?”

Katya snorts. “Nothing. I'll find some excuse to not go next week and the week after that and I'll find a way to get out of their life again. If they can't respect me, they can't expect me to respect our agreement.”

Trixie nods slowly and sips her coffee. “D'you think that's gonna work?”

“Absolutely not, but let me lie to myself for tonight.”

Trixie smiles and briefly squeezes Katya's knee. “Do you want a donut?”

“I can't believe you'd even ask me that!”

When Katya is picking the sprinkles of her donut she smiles because she used to cheer Kate up with food all the time and she recognizes that Trixie's doing the same with her. She doesn't mind, it's helping.

“I'm sorry, I only ever talk about myself, I never ask what's going on with you.”

Trixie puts down her chocolate glazed donut and wipes her fingers on a napkin. “Don't worry about it, there's nothing happening in my life. I guess that's the good part about not having much family; no drama.”

“You have a brother, don't you?” Katya has never seen him, only heard town talk about what a handsome young man he was and what a shame that he moved away.

Trixie nods. “Yes, he was supposed to take over the hardware store, but he decided this life was not for him. He was in Chicago last I heard of him.”

Katya looks around the diner with the old shelves from the hardware store days still on the walls. “Why turn it into a diner? Why not keep the store?”

Trixie looks around with her. “I dunno, the store was Dad's thing and then it was supposed to be Michael's thing and it wouldn't have felt right to take it over. So I figured I'd do my own thing. And Dad would have liked this,” she says with a smile. 

“It suits you,” Katya adds. “It could use some sprucing up, but it’s nice.”

At that Trixie looks offended. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just that you’re doing the whole 50s diner thing with the pastel dresses and everything while the place looks like a converted hardware store, which I know it is,” she quickly adds when Trixie opens her mouth to protest, “but don’t you think it deserves to look like  _ your _ place?”

“Why are doing this?” Trixie asks, sounding somewhat suspicious.

“Because right now I need a distraction and also because I finished picking all the colors for the new inn last week and I’m really good at it and I like painting,” she explains brightly. “So what do you say, are you up for some redecorating?”

“I’d have to close the diner,” Trixie objects.

“Maybe for one day. We could paint at night, let it dry the next day and you’re good to go.”

“Taylor has been on my case to paint it for years,” is Trixie’s next counter.

“That is a good reason not to do it, but as hard as I find this to say, I agree with him on this.” 

Trixie still looks unconvinced. “You’re so busy with the inn, I don’t want to take up any of your time.”

Katya rolls her eyes. “You’ve helped me out at the house so much over the years, I owe you. And I’ll manage, it’s one evening. Come on, it’ll be fun!”

Trixie sighs. “Alright.”

“Excellent!” Katya flashes her a big grin. “I still have the paint samples for the inn, I’ll bring them by tomorrow and we can pick some together. Maybe I can pick some color schemes tonight already,” she says more to herself than to Trixie. In a few bites she finishes her donut and then downs her coffee. “Thanks for the food and the talk, I’ll see you tomorrow!” She grabs her bag, Trixie wishes her a good night and Katya quickly drives home. This is exactly what she needed, just a fun little project helping a friend and doing something nice. 

*

“Kate!” she excitedly calls when she unlocks the front door. “Trixie and I are gonna paint the diner, do you want to come help me pick colors?” She stops dead in her tracks when she notices everything is dark. When she unlocks her phone the screen lights up and tells her it’s half past ten. Maybe Kate is in bed already. She creeps down the hallway, noticing Kate’s door isn’t all the way closed and silently pushes it open. The room is empty, the bed untouched.

“Kate!” Katya calls again, this time with more urgency, thinking that maybe her daughter is upstairs for some reason, but there’s no reply. She still runs up the stairs to check and finds the upper floor dark and empty as well. Panic rises in her as the fact that she has no idea where her daughter is settles in. Her phone shows no new messages and when Katya calls her it goes straight to voicemail. “Kate, where are you? Call me as soon as you get this,” she presses out urgently. She checks all tables in the house, but Kate hasn't left her a note anywhere.

What next? She is frantically trying to think of the right thing to do now, but her brain won’t form a single thought that isn’t about how awful this is. She always knows where Kate is. She doesn’t follow her around and Katya isn’t strict about a curfew or anything like that, but she  _ always _ knows where her daughter is and who she’s with. Kate is too responsible to not let her know, so something must have happened to keep her from at the very least texting Katya.

“No,” Katya says decisively as her brain tries to come up with all the things that could have happened to her. No, she can’t sit here and let her thoughts run amok, she needs to do something. 

A minute later she’s frantically knocking on Dela’s door, who answers wearing a robe over her pyjamas.

“Is something wrong, sweetheart?”, she asks when she takes in Katya’s expression.

“Have you seen Kate?”

“Not since you left for your dinner. What happened?”

“We went back to Trixie’s after dinner, but Kate walked home about an hour ago, except she isn’t here yet and I didn’t see her on the drive home.”

“If she walked maybe she took a different route, ran into somebody and forgot the time chatting, it happens to me all the time.” Dela puts one hand on Katya’s arm in a soothing gesture and Katya swallows. 

“Maybe.” Then she really thinks about her words. “She could have taken the shortcut through the park,” she realizes. “Thank you, I’ll go check right now.”

“Do you want me to call Jinkx and rouse the neighborhood, love?”

Katya shakes her head. “No, not yet, I’ll go check at the park and if she isn’t there then we can do that. I don't want to start a panic, it's probably nothing,” she tries to convince herself.

“Right. Let me know when you find her or if there’s anything I can do!”

“Of course. Thanks, Dela.”

Katya only gets back inside the house to grab her car keys and then she's driving back towards the diner, except this time she stops the Jeep by the little park near the town center. As soon as she rounds the corner she spots two figures on a bench, illuminated by a street light. One of them is Kate and her laughter rings through the cool evening air. 

Katya feels as if all of her bones have vanished with how quickly the tension and anxiety leave her body. Kate is okay. She’s safe. The relief is quickly replaced by anger. She squares her shoulders and marches towards her daughter. As she gets closer she identifies the other person as Jason and can't help but roll her eyes. All of this over a boy. 

“Mom!” Kate's face falls as soon as she spots Katya and she checks her watch. She jumps up, looking panicked, and hurries towards Katya.

“Mom, oh my god, I am so sorry, I totally forgot the time. I ran into Jason and we started talking. I'm  _ so _ sorry, I should have called-- oh no, I still had my phone off because of dinner!” she realizes, her eyes wide.

She has rarely ever seen her daughter look so panicked when talking to her, so Katya puts her hand on Kate's arm. “It's okay, we’ll talk about it at home. Let's go.”

“Right.” She turns towards the bench. Jason has gotten up, too, but is wisely keeping his distance. “Oh!” Kate runs back towards him, pulling off the jacket she's wearing and that's when Katya notices it isn't hers. She doesn't linger when she hands it back to Jason, barely looks at him before hurrying back to Katya and then they walk to the car. During the short drive home they're both silent, but Katya feels how Kate keeps giving her sidelong glances.

When they get out of the car Dela's door opens and she steps onto the porch, still in her pyjamas and dressing gown, phone in hand.

“Did you-- Kate, there you are, thank goodness!”

“Everything's fine!” Katya shouts back, but heads straight for the front door. Inside she lets herself fall onto the couch.

“I am so sorry, Mom, I can't believe I did that, I promise it won't happen again.”

Katya snorts and feels slightly bad when she takes in Kate's worried expression and how she's wringing her hands. Now that she knows Kate is safe and sound she can look at the situation with a new perspective.

“It's okay, honey,” she assures Kate, but she doesn't look relieved.

“No, it's not! I told you I would head straight home and then I didn't and didn't let you know. I should know better, and I  _ do _ , I just didn't think.” She looks absolutely miserable, so Katya reaches out and when Kate takes her hand she pulls her down next to her and puts one arm around her.

“Listen, kid, it was a simple mistake and of course I was worried, but I may have slightly overreacted,” she admits. “You're 18 and if you want to go out on a Friday night that's totally fine. I would just like to know when you do and even that I can't force you to tell me, now that you're technically an adult.”

“Of course I'll tell you! I didn't mean to do this, I swear”

“I know that. But just to be safe, for the future, please tell me when you're going to hang out in parks with boys, which, by the way, really? That's the best thing you could come up with?” Kate stares at her. “There's much more fun things to do!” Then Katya realizes what she's saying. “But not too fun, or if you do those things at least use a condom.”

“Mom!” Kate pulls away from her, looking uncomfortable.

“I'm serious, I'm too young to be a grandmother!”

“I'm not-- I've never--”

“I know,” Katya interrupts her and she looks relieved to not have to say it. “But at some point you probably will. And this is the first time you've ever had any real interest in a guy.” Kate doesn't look at her, so Katya nudges her arm with her elbow. “So Jason Doose, huh? Didn't you go to middle school with him?”

Finally Kate looks at her and there's a slight smile on her face. “Yes, I never really noticed him back then, I guess.”

“Right.”

“He's not my boyfriend!” Kate then declares.

“Okay,” Katya says, unsure of where this is going.

“We've just talked a couple of times,” Kate clarifies.

“Do you want him to be your boyfriend?”

Kate breaks out in a big smile. “I would like that very much.”

Katya smiles back and nods. “You should text him, let him know you’re not in trouble and he’s not in trouble. Or that he’s a little bit in trouble, I might need to pull the scary mom card at some point.” 

Kate gets up and heads towards her room, but then stops and turns around again. “Thank you for me not being in trouble. I promise you can trust me from here on out.”

“I always trust you, kiddo,” Katya says truthfully.

Kate comes back to pull her into a brief hug. “Night, Mom.”

“Night, honey.”

As soon as Kate has disappeared into her room, Katya falls back into the couch and groans. What a night. First the thing with her mother and then Kate disappearing. Maybe she should have been stricter. Not knowing where her daughter was had put Katya in a panic she hadn’t experienced since her early days of parenthood, when she was confronted with a new challenge every day and was convinced she was doing it all wrong.

But the relationship Kate and her have has always been special. She does trust Kate, partly because she’s the responsible one in this household, but also because her own mother had never trusted her and that was definitely one of the reasons why Katya moved out with her newborn instead of staying in her parents’ house, where there would have been a maid and probably a nanny too. Back then at 16 raising a child completely alone was more appealing than staying under her parents’ hold and have them not only decide what Katya does, but inevitably having Kate raised the same way she was.

She remembers how hurt her mother had been when she once by accident had seen the shed Katya had moved to with her baby and that she couldn’t understand how Katya could leave behind the privileged life she had for that, and by now Katya can understand her mother’s point of view better, but she still stands by her decision. She and her daughter wouldn’t have what they have now, had she stayed.

This is also the biggest mistake Kate has ever made. By that age Katya had been expelled from two schools, had been smoking and drinking and gotten herself pregnant. In comparison Kate is an absolute angel. And she is 18 now anyway. Katya is grateful that Kate doesn’t view this as a reason for their relationship to change and to somewhat detach herself from her mother. They both appreciate what they have with each other. 

Part of Katya’s earlier freak-out probably also was that she’s not going to know where Kate is every second of every day for much longer. As long as she’s living in this house it’s reasonable to want to know where she goes, but college is coming closer and closer and Katya knows it will be hard for both of them. Logically she’s aware that it will be great for Kate, having to be more independent, but not having her home will probably be awful for a long time. 

With a sigh she pulls herself up and slowly makes her way up the stairs, falling into bed utterly exhausted a short time later. She’s only turning 35 in a few weeks, but all of a sudden Katya feels old. She asks herself when that happened, but falls asleep before she can find the answer.

*

Satisfied Trixie steps back and they both admire their work. Now all that is left to do is clean up and remove all the masking tape and wait for the paint to dry. The walls of the diner are now a friendly pale yellow with the shelves and window frames being accented in pastel blue. It looks tidy and inviting and Trixie loved the colors that she and Katya had picked out together. 

They both have smudges of paint on their clothes, strands of hair have escaped from their ponytails and they’re both tired. Katya estimates it’s around 2 am. But there’s something so satisfying about doing physical work and doing it well and being happy with what you’ve made. Trixie gets two beers from the fridge and they sit on the floor, leaning their backs against the counter, since all the tables and chairs are standing in the middle of the room, hidden underneath a tarp. Wordlessly they clink the bottles together and enjoy their drinks. 

The way she’s sitting Katya can see the only part of the wall they haven’t painted. Next to the counter there’s a little square where once Trixie’s dad wrote down an order for wood directly on the wall. It’s now the only thing in the diner that lets you know it once was a hardware store. Customers won’t spot it, but Trixie will know it’s there. When Katya turns her head she sees that Trixie is looking at it too and she's smiling. 

“He’d tell me I’m a sentimental fool for not painting that over.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that every once in a while.”

“I guess not,” Trixie says with a smile. Then she asks, “Did you ever meet him?”

Katya knows he passed away around the same time she had moved into the house. “I saw him a few times, but I don’t think I ever talked to him. Didn’t do much handywork.”

Trixie snorts. “He would have liked you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, he appreciated it when people worked for what they wanted. He was really funny, too, and you would have cracked him up.” Then she adds, “He never would have admitted it, though. Everybody always thought he was a very serious man, but he just always played his cards pretty close to his chest.”

Katya nods, wondering if Trixie knows she’s like that as well.

“My mom was the complete opposite. She talked about everything, and I mean  _ everything _ . And she was a total goofball, especially when she could use it to embarrass my dad.”

“How old were you when she passed away?” Katya asks quietly.

“16. By that time we had watched her get more and more sick over months and in a way it was almost a relief when it was over.” Trixie looks at the checkered floor while she says it, but she looks like her thoughts are far away.

Katya knows Trixie is a bit older than her, so at that time Katya must have been really starting her rebellious phase, sneaking out of the house through her window and meeting up with guys she didn’t really care about, but knew that her parents would disapprove of. At the time she was convinced she was the unhappiest girl in the world. She doesn’t blame her teenage self, but it’s still awful to hear that at the same time, not that far away from her, Trixie was watching her mother slowly fade away while she was climbing on motorcycles and stealing cigarettes. It was before she really learned what consequences were.

Trixie sighs loudly and then looks up, visibly collecting herself. “I’m just trying to do something here that they would be happy with.”

“I’m sure they would.”

Trixie gives her a small smile and they drink in silence for a moment. It’s cruel that Trixie lost both her parents when she obviously loved them so much and Katya feels bad that all she ever does is complain about hers. They drive her mad and they definitely have done things that weren't okay, but even so she can't imagine not having them around anymore.

“Thank you for doing all this,” Trixie says quietly, looking at her in a way that makes Katya think it’s about more than just the painting.

Katya leans to the side a little so she can lightly nudge Trixie’s arm with her elbow. “Anytime.”

*

Katya hangs the room keys on the board behind the front desk. There’s no real reason to keep them all organized like this, but she can’t bring herself to just put them down somewhere. The very last guests at the Independence Inn have just checked out and it feels like something has physically shifted, with the place and with her. She’s still the manager, there’s still a few weeks left where she has to make sure everything is packed up and either ready for the people who bought it to pick up or to put in storage for the new inn. 

But for now she doesn’t feel like a manager. Most of the staff is gone, the breakfast they made this morning was the last meal Ginger would prepare in this kitchen and without any guests the place feels lifeless all of a sudden. She lets her gaze wander over the cozy little lobby with its sofas and armchairs, the fireplace that isn’t lit and the flowers standing on an end table that need to be replaced soon-- no, thrown out.

This is the place where she truly grew up, not that cold big house her parents raised her in. Here she learned how to work, that she liked working and the sense of satisfaction that came first with a neatly made bed and a clean bathroom and later with guests leaving with a happy smile. This place is where Kate made her first steps and spoke her first words, later than usual, but she did start speaking in full sentences. Here is where Katya learned who she was and who she wanted to be.

“Oh god, you’re not going to cry, are you?” 

At the familiar French accent Katya turns around to Violet. Her words may have sounded cold, but her eyes aren’t as she joins Katya behind the desk. Usually it would have been her job to check out the guests today, but she had spotted Katya when the Hendersons came down the stairs with their bags and had murmured “I’m going to get coffee, I’m sure you can handle this,” letting Katya say goodbye in a way. 

“This is it.”

“Yes, we knew this was happening today,” Violet simply states and Katya rolls her eyes.

“Aren’t you sad to say goodbye to this place at all?” She knows nobody here has as emotional a connection to the inn as she does, but still, Katya thought Violet might get a bit more emotional.

“No,” Violet replies and shrugs. “I do love it here, but that chapter of my life is over now. I’m not saying goodbye to my job or Ginger and you, so I’m good.”

At that Katya gets up on her toes and pulls Violet into a tight hug that seems to take her completely by surprise, but after a short moment she relaxes into it and pats Katya’s back. People are emotional in different ways and Violet telling her she cares more about them staying together than staying at the Independence Inn is her way.

Startled by a loud noise she can’t place Katya lets go off her and shortly after Ginger rounds the corner with an open bottle of champagne and three glasses in hand.

“Ladies, I think this calls for alcohol.” She sets the glasses down on the front desk and fills them quickly, handing Katya and Violet a glass. Then she looks expectantly at Katya and when Violet does too, she realizes they’re waiting for her to make a toast of some kind. She takes a deep breath.

“This old lady has taken good care of us for a long time. It was an honour and pleasure to take care of her in turn and there isn’t anybody else I would have rather done it with.” Katya does have to fight back a few stubborn tears and her voice feels heavy in her throat as she says it. Ginger doesn’t practice as much self-control and is sniffing loudly. “To the Independence Inn and to us starting a new chapter together.”

As they clink their glasses together, Katya feels a new sense of excitement settle in with the bittersweet taste of today. Things are changing and for the first time Katya feels ready for it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked this, please consider leaving me comment or talking to me on tumblr where I'm [@connyhascontrol](http://connyhascontrol.tumblr.com/)!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To Kate this place used to look big because she was so small, to Katya it used to look big because it was her own space and she had never had that before. It really was just a shed and even with the tiny kitchen and the bathroom separated by a curtain it is undeniably shabby. Katya had made it as comfy and homey for them as possible with blankets and floral curtains. Still, it’s hard to imagine they lived like this for years. They moved into the house and now it’s time they move on from this place altogether.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends! Sorry this took a while, but I'm back back back again. As always a big thank you goes to [Naty](https://pichitinha.tumblr.com/) for proofreading. I hope you enjoy this and if you do I would really appreciate it if you left me a comment.

Katya grabs the ringing phone from the coffee table, but immediately drops it carelessly onto the couch when she sees who’s calling. She keeps scrolling through Netflix, looking for something to watch.

“Mom, phone!” Kate yells from her room.

“M-hm,” is all Katya replies, eyes still trained on the TV.

“Mom!” Kate repeats more urgently. 

The phone is still ringing and Katya puts her feet up on the table. How is her watchlist always full of all kinds of things and she’s never in the right mood to watch any of them? Katya only moves when Kate hurries out of her room and towards the still ringing phone. She snatches it up and presses it against her chest to keep Kate from answering it.

“No!”

Kate crosses her arms in front of her body. “You’ll have to talk to Grandma at some point.”

The ringing finally stops and Katya puts the phone down. “I don’t think I do.”

“You’ll have to come to dinner on Friday,” Kate insists.

“I can’t, I’m still sick.” The fake cough she produces wouldn’t convince anybody, but Katya doesn’t care. She has used the excuse two weeks in a row already and she will keep milking it for as long as possible. Katya’s cell phone starts ringing and she pulls it out of her pants pocket. It’s her mother again, so she shoves the phone behind one of the couch cushions.

Kate looks at her with raised brows and obvious disapproval. “You’re being childish.”

“I’m an adult, that’s my prerogative.”

Kate throws both hands in the air, turns around and stalks back towards her room. “Fine, be stupid if you want to, but I’m not covering for you anymore. You’ll have to call them yourself and tell them you’re not coming to dinner.”

Katya gasps. “I can’t believe you’re choosing her side!”

“I’m not choosing anybody’s side, this is none of my business. I’m Switzerland,” Kate yells from down the hall.

“And I thought you loved me!”

“Switzerland!” Kate slams her door shut and Katya throws the TV remote to the other side of the sofa. She knows Kate is right, but she’s not going to admit that, at least not right away.

*

The next morning Katya is woken up by a shriek from downstairs and before she’s fully awake the door to her bedroom flies open.

“What? What’s happening?” she mumbles and blinks, slowly taking in Kate standing in front of her bed, wrapped in a big bath towel and with a second one on her head.

“We have no warm water.”

“What?”

“We have no warm water and I need to shower and get ready for school!”

Katya sits up, grabs her glasses from the bedside table and puts them on. With a frown she gets up, pads into the bathroom next door and turns on the tab at the sink, Kate trailing after her. 

“Huh,” she says when the only water coming out is ice-cold. “Have you looked at the water heater?”

Kate shrugs. “It’s there and it’s a water heater, that’s as far as my expertise goes.”

Katya thinks that’s fair and despite not knowing anything else either they make their way to the downstairs bathroom and stare at the boiler, without any idea of what they’re looking for. 

“Huh,” Katya says again. “It usually makes a noise, doesn’t it?”

“Oh yeah, kind of a  _ voooooo _ , that’s gone.”

“No, no, it’s more of a  _ fwhooooo _ .” Katya makes the noise as well, but lower and breathier.

“Either way, maybe the heating thing is broken.”

“Something definitely is,” Katya mutters, in her head already going over their expenses for the next months and where they could cut things out. Probably the amount of food they order in. She’ll have to prepare meals or look really pitiful when she tells Ginger about this so she will cook for them. “I’ll call a plumber later. For now that means a whore’s bath and dry shampoo, I guess.”

“My hair is already wet, what am I supposed to do? It’s gonna look awful now if I dry it without shampoo.”

“Wear a hat?” Katya suggests, not seriously, and Kate gives her an unhappy look. She does settle on properly washing her hair in the sink, that way she at least doesn’t have to stand in the cold water. Katya gets dressed quickly, relieved that she washed her hair yesterday and that it still looks fine. While Kate is blow-drying her now at least clean hair, Katya tries to call the nearest plumber, but nobody answers. Frustrated she hangs up. She’ll try again when she’s at the inn, for now coffee is more important.

“What’s gotten into the two of you?” Trixie asks as she takes in their gloomy faces and pours them two large mugs of coffee as soon as they’ve trudged into the diner and sat down at the counter.

“Cold!” is all Kate says, leaving it to Katya to elaborate.

“Apparently our boiler is broken and we have no warm water.”

Trixie frowns. “Any idea what it is?”

“It has stopped going  _ fwhoooo _ ,” Katya imitates the noise again and Trixie’s brows go up on her forehead.

“Sure.”

“I couldn’t reach a plumber yet, so I have no idea what that means.” Katya shrugs.

“A plumber will probably tell you you’ll need to replace the whole thing and totally rip you off. If you want I can take a look tonight, maybe I can fix it,” Trixie offers and Katya grabs her hand on the counter.

“Really? Would you?”

“Sure, it’s no big deal.” Trixie pulls her hand out from underneath Katya’s to grab the coffee pot and serve somebody else.

“Thank you, Trixie!“ Kate says emphatically and Katya joins in with ”You’re an absolute angel, Trixie Mattel!” loud enough that she can hear it over by the table at the window where she’s trying to pour coffee and she gives them a dark look, but Katya can see her ears have turned pink, matching her dress.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t make me change my mind,” she mutters when she gets back, but it doesn’t change the big smiles Kate and Katya give her.

*

In the evening Trixie arrives in her truck, carrying her big heavy toolbox like it’s no big deal. She has changed into jeans and an open flannel over a simple white t-shirt. Her face is scrubbed clean of makeup and her blonde hair is in a simple ponytail. Seeing her like this always takes Katya by surprise. She looks so different that one would expect her to act differently, but she’s the exact same as always. Without much chit chat she marches through to the bathroom and sets the toolbox down.

“I turned it off this morning, like you told me to,” Katya says and doesn’t say how proud she was when she figured out how to do that.

It only takes about 10 minutes of Trixie turning it back on, getting down on her knees, crawling halfway behind the boiler and knocking about with an assortment of tools until she finds the problem.

“It doesn’t actually look that bad.” Her voice sounds dull from behind the contraption.

Katya, leaning in the doorframe and looking at Trixie’s ass, grins. “Looks great from here.”

Trixie gets up too quickly and bangs her head on a pipe. “Fuck!”

“Oh god, I’m sorry, are you okay?” Katya takes Trixie's hand away from where it's rubbing her head. There's no blood. “Looks like you'll live.”

Trixie takes a step back. “That's good to hear. Anyway, it looks like the burner is broken. I can replace it, but it's an older model, I'll probably have to call a few people to find a fitting one, so it might take a few days until the new one gets here.”

“That is great news, thank you so much!” Katya beams at her.

Trixie starts packing up her tools. “It's no big deal.”

“No, it is!” Katya insists. “You've saved me so much money and trouble and you don't have to do all that.” She has a sudden thought. “Hey, let me take you out to dinner to say thank you!”

“Oh no, that's really not necessary.” Trixie waves the offer away with one hand.

“But I want to do something nice for you.”

Trixie won’t meet her eye as she says, “No, it’s fine.” and Katya deflates a little.

“Oh. Okay,” she says, trying not to sound disappointed.

“I better get going.” With a polite smile Trixie collects her things and waits for Katya to step out of the way.

“Right.” Trixie is already halfway to the front door when Katya says it and she has to hurry after her.

“I’ll let you know when I can put in the new burner. Bye!”

“Bye.” Katya is dumbfounded by Trixie’s sudden exit and slowly closes the door with a frown. She’s still standing there when the truck outside roars to life and Trixie drives off.

“Mom, phone for you.”

She looks up at Kate, who’s standing in front of her and holding the phone out to her. She takes it.

“Hello?”

“Yekaterina, it’s good to hear from you.”

Katya just about bites back the groan that wants to escape her and gives Kate a dark look. Her daughter used her confusion to trick her into talking to her mother. That’s what she gets for having such a smart kid. Kate smiles at her and disappears back into her room.

“Hello, Mother, what is it?” she greets her with as much disinterest in her voice as she can muster. At the other end of the line she can hear her mom take a deep breath.

“I wanted to apologize.”

Katya coughs out a dry laugh. “You what?”

“Don’t make this harder than it has to be, Katya,” her mother reprimands her.

“Right. Carry on.”

“Kate explained to me that it was disrespectful to disregard your…”

“Sexuality,” Katya offers when her mother’s sentence trails off.

“Yes, quite.” She takes another deep breath. “It was not my intention to make you feel like I was forcing a man on you.”

Katya is pacing back and forth in the living room at this point. “Okay, I appreciate you saying that, but that is exactly what you did.” She knows that those words were hard for her mom to say, but she’s not just going to accept an apology that blames her for feeling the way she does and that doesn’t actually address the problem. “I’m a lesbian and that means I’m never going to date or marry a man. If you want me to be in your life, you will have to accept that.”

“I just don’t want you to end up alone because of this,” Svetlana says almost pleadingly.

“Mom, I’m not single because I’m gay, I’m single because dating is not high on my priority list right now. And I’m doing fine by myself.”

“Does that mean you don’t want to get married?”

“Ever? I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not. But for us to be okay I need to know that if I brought a woman to dinner you would treat her with respect.”

Her mother is quiet for a moment and Katya waits. She has said what she needed to say, now it’s up to Svetlana to fix this.

“I understand,” she finally says. “I will try my best.”

Katya shakes her head, despite being alone in the room. “No, you will do it. There is no trying anymore. You’ve had ten years to try.”

Her mom sighs. “Fine.” That’s the best Katya can expect from her, she thinks. “Your father and I will see you on Friday at seven. Don’t you dare try to get out of it with that ridiculous fake cold of yours.”

Katya rolls her eyes. “Fine. Bye, Mom.” 

Once she’s hung up she walks into Kate’s room and drops down on her bed. Kate, who is sitting at her desk, doesn’t look up from the notes she’s studying.

“Why do bad things always happen all at once?”

Still without looking up Kate replies, “Because the universe has it out for you specifically.”

“That sounds about right.” The glow in the dark plastic stars they put up when they moved in are still on the ceiling, Katya notices.

“So you’re coming to dinner on Friday?” Kate asks casually.

“Yeah, yeah, you little backstabber.” Katya moves around until she can rest her head on Mr. Mittens, the cat shaped pillow Kate got for her 5th birthday. He’s missing fur in some places and Katya had to replace one of his eyes years ago. “Thank you for talking to her,” she says quietly. “We wouldn’t have talked it out if you hadn’t.”

“You’re welcome.” Kate finally looks up and smiles at her. “What was Trixie’s verdict?”

“That it’ll take a few days to get the part we need, but that she can fix it. And that she won’t let me take her out to dinner to thank her.”

“You know what she’s like; always the first to help and the last to want any praise.”

“I guess.” Katya doesn’t think that that completely explains why Trixie basically fled the house when she offered to buy her dinner, but who knows what goes on in Trixie’s head. She’ll have to think of another way to thank her. For now she will have to go and ask Dela if they can shower at her house for a few days because there’s no way they’re going to take cold showers for the foreseeable future.

*

“The tiles are yellow.” Katya stares through the door to the bathroom where Ginger has dragged her. 

“Yes, they are. Luckily they only had two bathrooms finished by the time I got here, otherwise they would all be yellow.”

It’s not even a nice yellow and it definitely doesn’t go with the rooms. “What did Tom say?” Until now Katya had felt lucky with their contractor, who did his best to make all the little details they wanted possible and had been patient when they took a little longer to get his payments to him. She reminds herself of that fact as she looks at the tiles that are definitely not the ones they picked out.

“That his supplier messed up and then his boys didn’t double check before they started, so we’re not being charged extra but it will probably take a week until the right tiles are here,” Ginger rattles off.

“A week?”

“Yes, but he promised he can rearrange some things and it should still all be finished in time.”

Katya feels her heartbeat slow down again. “Thank god! You should have told me that earlier.” As far as construction catastrophes go, this is a mild one. It had been much worse when they found out the entire foundation of the house was unstable and had to be reinforced, especially since it ate up such a big part of their budget.

“You wanted to show me something?”

“Oh, yes!” Ginger’s question reminds Katya of why she came by in the first place and she pulls a large envelope out of her bag. “The samples for the stationary and the business cards arrived yesterday.” She pulls several sheets of paper out and a few business cards come falling out after it, that Katya catches before they hit the floor. She hands them to Ginger with a big grin. It’s just paper, but seeing Amur Inn actually printed still fills Katya with excitement. 

Ginger holds up the business card with her name on it and ‘Chef / Co-Owner’ underneath. “Feels official now, doesn’t it? It’s really  _ ours _ .”

Katya nods. That’s exactly how she felt when she opened the mail yesterday. “What do you think of the designs?”

Ginger holds one of the samples up. “This one is too…” 

“Frilly? Country? Old lady like?” Katya offers.

“All of the above, yes.”

“I’ll throw it away before we show Violet, or she’ll call the designer herself and then we’ll have to find a new one,” Katya says and Ginger snorts. Katya shuffles through the papers and puts one at the front of the small pile. “This one is my favourite. Modern, but not city hotel sleek, friendly, but not ‘We all meet up in the afternoon for tea and singing hymns together’ friendly.”

Ginger hums approvingly. “Yes, that’s very nice! Leave them with me so I can look them over at home?”

“Sure!”

“I’ll bring them to work tomorrow so Violet can tell us that we have no taste and that they’re all horrible.”

Katya grins. “Sounds good.”

Katya takes an unnecessarily long way out to check on the progress in the kitchen. There they have luckily used the correct tiles, that Ginger was very particular about, as she was with everything in her new kitchen. It’s the only room that’s already recognizable as what it’s supposed to become and Katya takes a deep breath. They’re really doing this. It hits her anew every single time that she comes to the inn. Over the last months she’s watched it go from a decrepit overgrown architect’s nightmare to a charming country inn that is now only waiting for the finishing touches and then - finally - guests. It’s a dream come true and sometimes it feels like she somehow cheated, that somewhere somebody made a mistake and that she’s not actually supposed to have this. 

Katya closes her eyes for a second and when she opens them the kitchen still looks the same. This is real, she has worked for it and there is a lot more work to do.

*

Something about the fabric store always makes both Kate and Katya feel ten years younger again. As a young mother Katya learned very quickly that children’s clothes are ridiculously expensive and she didn’t want to let her daughter run around in only second-hand clothing, so she learned to sew. Luckily Kate was young enough to not mind the very rough first attempts at dresses and over time Katya has become a very capable seamstress. Money isn’t so tight anymore that she  _ has _ to make clothes, but it’s become a tradition that she sticks to for special occasions and Kate’s graduation definitely counts as one. 

They have been wandering the aisles for what feels like hours, fingertips sliding over different fabrics and pointing out some really hideous ones. As always Katya finds herself drawn to the most obnoxious patterns she can find, but she’s not looking for herself. 

“Mom!”

Katya follows Kate’s voice to the next aisle over where she’s pointing to a light brown fabric. Only when she steps closer does she spot the fine lines depicting mountains and forests.

“Is that the map of Middle Earth?”

“Yes!” Kate exclaims. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

Katya raises her brows. “You want me to make your graduation dress out of this?”

“No, but maybe like a cute summer dress? Something simple.” She gives her a pleading smile and Katya snorts. 

“Hmm, maybe something for a date?” she asks with an exaggerated wink and Kate’s expression becomes sullen.

“It doesn’t look like I’ll be going on any dates soon,” she laments. “Jason still hasn’t asked me out! We’ve been talking for weeks and I love talking to him, but what’s the point if it doesn’t lead anywhere?”

“Why don’t you ask him out?”

Kate looks at her as if she’s lost her mind. “I can’t do that! What if he doesn’t actually like me like that?”

“Oh, he does, trust me,” Katya reassures her, unsuccessfully, judging by Kate’s expression.

“Then why doesn’t he ask me out?”

“Maybe he’s thinking the same thing you’re thinking. It’s not fair to put this all on Jason. We’re modern women, we don’t rely on men to make the first move. I mean, me for different reasons than you, but still.” Katya thinks for a second. “He might also be scared of me.”

“You’re 5 foot 4,” Kate states drily. 

“You’ve gotten awfully patronizing since you’ve grown an inch taller than me.”

“Two!” As she says it, Kate straightens her back, as if to prove how much taller than her mom she is.

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.” Katya looks back at the fabric Kate called her over for. “I’ll tell you what, you ask Jason out and I’ll make you your nerd dress. Deal?”

Kate sighs dramatically before she says, “Fine. But if he says no and I'm humiliated I'm blaming you forever.”

“I would expect nothing less. Now go and pick something for your graduation dress.”

They both wander further along the walls of fabric until one catches Katya's eye. The powder blue damask has a barely noticeable flower pattern in a slightly lighter shade of blue and feels luxurious in her hands.

“Ooh, that's beautiful!” Kate remarks. “I think it's too fancy for me, though.”

“I wasn't thinking it's for you.”

“For you?” Kate sounds understandably confused.

Katya grins and shakes her head. “I think I've found a way to thank Trixie.”

At that Kate's face lights up. “That's a great idea! She can't  _ not _ accept it when you've already made something for her!”

“That's exactly what I'm thinking.”

They leave the store shortly after that with the damask, the nerd fabric and a deep purple satiny one for Kate's graduation. At home Katya immediately begins flipping through the notebooks she keeps for her various sewing projects. 

“A-ha!” she exclaims triumphantly when she has found what she was looking for: the chart with all the measurements for the spring festival costumes she made last year for all of Jinkx’ dancers. Originally Jinkx had asked Katya to play the role of spring queen, which required standing in the gazebo in the middle of town and looking beautiful. Katya would have done it, but her and Kate had been out of town that weekend.

“If you need someone to look beautiful, you should ask Trixie!” Katya had told Jinkx when she had asked her in the diner, loud enough that Trixie could hear it in the kitchen. She had come out to the counter, looking at Katya with a mixture of surprise, confusion and anger.

“Whatever you want me to do, the answer is no!” she had decisively told Jinkx, who had looked her up and down critically.

“Yes, that could work,” she had then murmured. Trixie’s eyes had been shooting daggers at Katya while she just smiled big and bright.

“You would be perfect, Trixie! Nobody else says radiant beauty like you.” Katya had rested her chin on her hand and fluttered her lashes. Trixie’s face had become less thunderous and a faint blush had bloomed on her cheeks.

“And if we don’t find a spring queen, the kids won’t be able to perform,” Jinkx had jumped in with the emotional blackmail.

Trixie had rolled her eyes and sighed before agreeing less than enthusiastically. Even though she missed the performance, Katya has seen lots of pictures and Trixie did look absolutely stunning in the flowy dress Katya had made her.

In her book Katya circles Trixie’s measurements with a pencil, hoping they’re still accurate, and then she gets to work.

*

It’s early, the grass still wet with dew, and Katya is tempted to take her shoes off as she walks across the property. Kate and her have spent countless hours sitting on a blanket in the grass behind the inn. It feels like a lifetime ago now. She knows they haven’t done that in years, but knowing that soon they won't be able to anymore makes her heart ache. 

The last pieces of furniture were just picked up and on Monday they’re handing over the keys to the new owners. Manila, the current owner, had wanted to sell the place for years, had only held off until Katya and Ginger were ready to move forward with the plans for their own place. It was unbelievably generous of her to take them into consideration like that and Katya is grateful she didn’t tell them about it for a long time, because Katya would have tried to convince her to just do what is best for her and her business, regardless of how that would affect them. Manila would have sold them the inn at a bargain price, too, if Katya hadn’t stumbled upon the old building right at the edge of town that her and Ginger had immediately fallen in love with it. They had the chance to really make it theirs. The way things had worked out was really the best for all of them. That doesn’t mean that Katya isn’t going to miss this place.

“I thought I’d find you here,” she says with a smile when she pushes open the door to the shed and spots Kate looking out the window of their little kitchenette. She had come out with Katya on this Saturday morning to say goodbye while her mom handled the last business they had here.

“It looks so small now.”

Katya nods. To Kate this place used to look big because she was so small, to Katya it used to look big because it was her own space and she had never had that before. It really was just a shed and even with the tiny kitchen and the bathroom separated by a curtain it is undeniably shabby. Katya had made it as comfy and homey for them as possible with blankets and floral curtains. Still, it’s hard to imagine they lived like this for years. They moved into the house and now it’s time they move on from this place altogether.

“We should do something before we leave for good,” Kate says, obviously in thought.

“Do something?”

“Yeah, like a dinner for the whole staff or something,” she suggests.

“We don’t have a functioning kitchen anymore,” Katya interjects. “But maybe we could do a picnic!”

“Yes! How much time do we have?”

“Only today and tomorrow. But I think it’s doable, at least if Ginger is on board.”

*

Ginger, it turns out, is on board, even if she swears at Katya a whole lot for giving her basically no time to prepare. They drive back home, where Katya leaves Kate in charge of trying to contact everybody and getting them to their picnic, while she goes grocery shopping with Ginger. It’s already afternoon by the time Katya makes it back home and Kate is still sitting on the couch with Katya’s laptop open on the coffee table, her virtual address book pulled up.

“How is it going?”

“There’s four people I haven’t reached yet, a few can’t make it and Jamie let me unmistakably know what he thinks about spending time with his former co-workers on a Sunday,” Kate summarizes.

“Yup, that sounds like Jamie.” They’ve offered a few people from the current staff positions at the new inn, but it’s smaller and not everybody made the cut. Some people took it well, others not so much. Having to downsize their staff has been one of the hardest decisions they've had to make so far, but it was just not possible to keep them all on.

The doorbell pulls Katya out of her thoughts and when she answers it she is faced with Trixie, back in her casual clothes, her toolbox in one hand and a cardboard box under the other arm.

“Ah, Trixie, our saviour!”

She rolls her eyes at that, but still smiles. “It’s just a burner.”

“Yes, but you knew that, where to get a new one and how to install it too. That makes you an indispensible person in our life.” Katya steps aside to let Trixie in.

“That and that we love you!” Kate calls from the living room and Trixie laughs.

“That’s always nice to hear.”

Quickly Trixie gets to work, unpacking the new burner from the cardboard box and laying out her tools. Once she has made sure Trixie has everything she needs, Katya leaves her to it and takes over Kate’s task, giving her the opportunity to slink off to her room for more studying. That by now she doesn’t possess all knowledge that exists in the world seems unlikely to Katya, but she knows studying calms Kate down and it’s for the last tests of her high school career, of course she’d go a little crazy.

Even though she knows it’s probably a lost cause, Katya selects Manila’s number in her phone and hits the button to call her.

“Katya, doll, what can I do for you?” she answers promptly and cheerfully as usual. “Did everything go alright today?”

“Yup, all good, the inn is completely empty. That’s not why I’m calling. Kate thought it would be nice to have one last get together with everybody so we’re having a picnic tomorrow and I know you said you couldn’t make it here for Monday, but I thought I should at least ask you if you’re absolutely sure you can’t make it. None of us would be there if it wasn’t for you.”

“Oh, I would absolutely love to come, believe me, but I can’t go all the way to Connecticut right now. There’s so many things that need my attention here,” Manila declines, the regret apparent in her voice.

“I know, but I had to ask.”

“I appreciate it and I hate to miss all of that. I almost wish you weren’t so reliable and capable, so I’d have to come to make sure everything goes well.”

Katya laughs a little at that. It's been five years since Manila moved to LA, leaving the Independence Inn in Katya's hands and even though they haven't really needed her to run the place, every time something had gone wrong Katya had wished Manila was there. Not to deal with it and solve her problems, but more so that Katya had her to talk everything through with and to reassure her she would figure it out and it would all turn out fine. Manila had been the one who 18 years ago gave Katya a job and a place to stay for free. She had been a mother figure for Katya - even though she was way too young to be Katya's mother, as she never tired of pointing out - when Katya didn't want to have anything to do with her own mother and Katya had relied on Manila so much in those first few years of Kate's life.

“I promise I will be there for the opening of your place,” she assures Katya.

“Good, I have a room reserved for you.”

“Ouch, damnit!” comes from the bathroom and Katya frowns.

She takes the phone away from her face before calling, “Everything alright?”

“Yes, I'm okay!” Trixie calls back.

“What's going on there?” Manila asks.

“Trixie is here to fix my water heater and apparently it's fighting back,” she explains and Manila whistles long and low.

“Fixing your water heater, huh? Is that a euphemism I'm too old to understand?”

Katya laughs and puts on a weird voice. “Yeah, she’s making sure I get  _ hot water _ , if ya know what I mean.” 

“What  _ does _ that mean?”

“I have no idea!” Katya wheezes and Trixie pokes her head out of the bathroom.

“What kinda lies are you spreading about me now?” she asks, face red presumably from exertion, before adding, “Say hi to Manila from me!”

“Trixie says hi,” Katya says into the phone, ignoring her first question.

“Hi back!” Manila says and Katya repeats it into the room. Trixie has gotten back to work, but acknowledges it with a grunt.

“So, I would love to come and celebrate with all of you and I will in three weeks for the grand opening,” Manila promises again.

“Alright, I’m holding you to that!”

“Give Kate my love. And Katya?”

“Yeah?”

Katya can hear the smile in her voice as Manila says, “I’m so proud of you.”

After their call Katya gets back to the task of trying to contact the last few people on their list and has managed to get two more people to come when Trixie calls, “Done!” from the bathroom. By the pleased expression on her face, Katya can tell she was successful. The familiar background noise of the water heater has returned and without a word Trixie turns on the water at the sink. When Katya sticks her fingers under it they’re met with pleasantly warm water.

“Oh, you magical woman!” she says, slowly shaking her head. Down the hallway Kate’s door opens and she rushes into the room.

“Did you fix it?” she asks and when Trixie nods she hugs her. “Thank you so much!”

“Anytime,” Trixie replies once Kate has let go of her. 

“We’re gonna order in a bunch of food and watch a movie, would you like to stay?” Katya asks. It seems like the least she can offer after Trixie has accepted not a cent more than the cost for the replacement burner, and the dress she’s making is hanging still only half-finished on the dress form in Katya’s bedroom. Trixie looks conflicted so Katya adds, “It’s Chinese night at Al’s Pancake World,” trying to convince her.

“I’d love to, but Shea has to leave early and I don’t want to leave Kim alone yet to close up,” Trixie excuses herself.

“Oh, that’s a shame.” It’s a good reason to not stick around, but Katya is still disappointed.

“How is Kim doing?” Kate’s question startles Katya. For a second she had forgotten that there were three people squeezed into the small bathroom. 

“Oh, she’s great! Never messes up an order, polite to the customers and very reliable. I guess I should thank you,” she directs toward Katya with a small smile. 

Katya shrugs in reply. “What can I say, I have an eye for these things.” Trixie snorts slightly, but doesn’t say anything else. Instead she starts putting her tools away. She leaves pretty soon after that, barely accepting Katya’s repeated thank you at the door and when she’s gone Katya vows to get a move on with the dress and get it to Trixie quickly.

They settle in on the couch for their movie an hour later when their food has arrived, but Kate’s phone keeps buzzing where it’s lying on her lap. Every time it does the screen lights up with a notification and both Kate and Katya keep glancing at it. Katya appreciates how much restraint her daughter shows. Movie time is sacred in this household and they both usually stay away from their phones for it, but Katya can see that Kate keeps bouncing her leg impatiently.

“You know, we’ve seen Clueless so many times before, we don’t have to do this tonight. Why don’t you grab some food and go text him back?” Katya suggests. Kate’s face splits into a big smile and she jumps up, clutching her phone in both hands. 

“Thank you!” 

She quickly disappears into her room with a plate piled full of food and Katya calls, “Don’t forget to ask him out!” after her. Then she is left alone in the living room, nibbling on a spring roll, after which she realizes she isn’t really hungry and puts all the food into the fridge. Then she grabs a book off the coffee table, turns off all the lights downstairs and makes her way to the upstairs bathroom. They have hot water again and there’s no better way to celebrate that than with a long hot bath. 

She sighs as she sinks into the lavender-scented water and closes her eyes. After the busy day she’s had she should enjoy this time she gets to herself, but instead she thinks about the fact that not just one, but two women have blown her off tonight.

“Looks like you don’t got it anymore,” she says and it echoes slightly in the bathroom. Katya squeezes her eyes shut and slides down in the tub until the water covers her head. Underwater she concentrates on her heartbeat that she can hear drumming in her ears. Almost immediately she can feel the stress seep out of her, surrounded by warm water and quiet, and she stays like this until she has to come up for air. Her book lies forgotten on the floor next to the bath mat while Katya focuses on her body that is slowly relaxing. 

She goes to bed early and with her hair still wet and quickly falls into a dreamless sleep.

*

The weather is absolutely perfect for a picnic, sunny and unusually warm for early May, and Violet has outdone herself with the setup. It's only blankets, pillows and a few garden tables, but amidst the blooming bushes it looks like it's right out of a Jane Austen novel. Ginger had settled on simple but delicious food and had enlisted the help of her sous chef to get it all done for today. She had even managed to make a cake that Katya almost doesn't want to cut into because it's so beautiful. Kate had set up her laptop with some speakers and picked a mellow playlist with music that seems to float through the warm spring air. 

Not everybody is there, but more people than she had expected showed up and it makes Katya proud that she's run the kind of place where employees will happily give up their Sunday afternoon to spend it with their co-workers. She makes sure to have a chat with every person there, especially the ones they can’t take to the Amur with them, letting them know how much she appreciates them and their work. What Katya hadn’t expected were all the people thanking her and telling her how much they enjoyed working with her. 

Kate gets a few teary-eyed monologues from longtime staffers who had watched her grow up here and when they give her money Kate tries do decline it.

“Take the money, kid! Mama needs some new shoes,” Katya yells from where she’s sitting in the sun, a glass of wine in hand, and Kate rolls her eyes but accepts the bills being pushed into her hand.

As the afternoon turns into evening the sun takes its warmth with it and they start packing up, most people staying until everything is tidied up and packed into several cars. As they start all saying their goodbyes, hugging and promising to stay in touch, Katya thinks that this is probably what family reunions are like for other people and she’s proud that she helped build this family.

“I’m glad we did this,” Katya says when they’re home and they both fall onto the couch. “That was a good idea, Katie.”

She smiles and leans her head on Katya’s shoulder. “Are you gonna be alright?”

“Me?” Katya turns her head, peering down at her in surprise.

“Yeah, I know saying goodbye wasn’t easy for you.” Kate says it like it’s obvious and maybe it is.

“I didn’t know I was that transparent.”

Kate shrugs. “Maybe not to everyone, but I always know what’s going on with you.”

At that Katya laughs. “Now there’s a terrifying thought.” Then she puts one arm around her daughter’s shoulders and squeezes. “Of course I’m gonna be alright,” she answers Kate’s original question. Kate sits up a little and turns so she can look Katya in the eyes and apparently decides she’s telling the truth. Satisfied she nods.

“I’m gonna miss it, too,” she then says quietly and Katya’s heart grows three sizes with the affection for that wonderful empathetic girl she has raised. She smiles and pulls Kate a little closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I would love it if you left me a comment here or came talk to me about it on tumblr where you can find me at [connyhascontrol](https://connyhascontrol.tumblr.com/).


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mom, you’re staring,” Kate remarks and when Katya tears her eyes off Trixie and looks at her daughter, she has her brows raised and a slight smile on her face.
> 
> “You can’t blame me for much rather looking at Trixie than Taylor,” Katya says with a nonchalant shrug.
> 
> Kate rests her chin on her hand, giving her mother a searching look. “Do you think Trixie is pretty?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends, here's the next chapter and it's a big one. Thanks to everyone who has left comments, kudos and messages on tumblr, I can't tell you how much I appreciate that, so feel free to do it again on this one. A big thank you as always to [Naty](https://pichitinha.tumblr.com/) for dealing with my typos, arbitrarily placed commas and me. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Katya pushes herself off the hood of her jeep when she sees Kate exiting the school building. She immediately spots her and lets Katya pull her into a tight hug as soon as she's walked up to her. Kate leans her entire weight against Katya, leaving her mom to hold her up, with apparently no regard for what her classmates might think about it.

“I’ve done it.”

“Yes, you have.” Katya rubs her back until Kate pulls herself up again and steps back.

“I can’t believe it, I’ve written my last final.”

“How did it go?” Katya asks as they get into the car, Kate dumping her backpack on the backseat.

“I ran out of time. There was a lot more that I wanted to write about the symbolism of water, but I think I still did alright.” She sounds like she’s trying to convince herself.

“I’m sure you did,” Katya reassures her, certain she did more than just alright. She always does. “So, what do you feel like doing?” Katya had made sure she would have the rest of the day off, Ginger promising her she would handle anything that came up at the inn, so she could spend the afternoon with Kate.

“Uh, I don’t know.” Kate lets her head drop against the headrest and closes her eyes. “My brain is fried, I can’t think anymore.”

Katya starts the jeep, drives off the school grounds and in the direction of Stars Hollow. “Guess that’s it for your college career, then,” she says with a grin and Kate’s eyes snap open.

“Don’t even joke about that!”

“Sorry! I take it back.”

It’s been a few weeks since Kate had sent out all of her college applications and after that her brain had been occupied with finals. Now that those are over, Katya fears that Kate will think of nothing else until she gets the replies. Her heart is set on Harvard and Katya thinks her chances to get accepted are pretty good, as does everybody at her school, but even if they don’t accept her, at the very least one of her backups will. They have to. Katya refuses to consider how devastated Kate would be to not get into Harvard. That’s a bridge she’ll cross when - _if_ \- they get to it.

“We could get ice cream,” Katya suggests and Kate’s face lights up.

They don’t like to admit it, but the best ice cream in town is at Taylor Doose’s old-fashioned soda shop. Taylor owns not only that, but also the market, the only place in town to get groceries. He is as close to a mayor as they have as well and the person you need to go to if you need any building permits signed, so over the last year Katya has had her fair share of run-ins with him regarding the new inn, since he only signs what he likes and has no problem putting stones in people’s way when it suits him. In turn Katya enjoys doing things she knows he will find annoying, like showing up to the monthly town meeting with lots of snacks that she will loudly unwrap and eat and voting against pretty much everything he suggests.

That is nothing compared to the feud Trixie has going on with Taylor. He is always on her case to make the diner more of a tourist attraction and for her to participate in more of the town’s many festivals, which Trixie categorically refuses because she doesn’t like being told how to run her business. The soda shop is right next to the diner and that it ever opened still surprises Katya, since Trixie owns the building and rents the space to Taylor. While renovating it, he had put in a window between his shop and the diner without getting Trixie’s permission first and Katya still will tell people she saw actual steam come out of Trixie’s ears when she saw it.

Now they watch Trixie, who has her hands full with orders, through the glass while they enjoy their ice cream sundaes. They give Kim, who has spotted them from the other side of the window, a friendly wave.

“Look at her, she’s so professional!” Kate remarks and Katya has to agree. In the few weeks she has worked there, Kim has learned the ins and outs of the diner and has developed an easy routine with Trixie. The two get along well and having Kim around lets Trixie have more free time, at least in theory. Katya highly doubts she’s actually working less, she still seems to be there every time Katya comes by for coffee. Her eyes follow Trixie as she serves food with one hand and refills coffee cups with the other, then hurries back to the kitchen, calling out orders to Shea and picking up the next plates.

She does it all with a calm focus that Katya has always admired. Trixie never gets frazzled, she deals with spilled drinks and supply shortages efficiently, never losing her cool. If patrons really annoy her, she simply kicks them out, rather losing business than sleep over it, and Katya has never seen anyone try to question her authority on it either. If Trixie Mattel kicks you out, you leave, no questions asked. Wearing pretty dresses and a lot of makeup at work does not in the least detract from her presence, her heels making her even more of an impressive figure with the added height, despite being already a fairly tall woman. Katya has never seen it, but she’s sure if it was really necessary Trixie could throw a punch or two. She’s certainly strong, as she has proven during the numerous handywoman jobs she’s done at the house over the years.

“Mom, you’re staring,” Kate remarks and when Katya tears her eyes off Trixie and looks at her daughter, she has her brows raised and a slight smile on her face.

“You can’t blame me for much rather looking at Trixie than Taylor,” Katya says with a nonchalant shrug.

Kate rests her chin on her hand, giving her mother a searching look. “Do you think Trixie is pretty?”

Katya frowns at the question. “Of course! Don’t you?” Kate only hums and then starts methodically stirring her ice cream into a soft paste, as she has always done, before spooning it into her mouth. Katya is slow to go back to her own sundae. There is nothing weird about her thinking Trixie is beautiful, that’s simply an objective truth. Not that Katya is in the habit of ranking women by looks, but she’d say Trixie is probably the most beautiful woman in town. That Kate would ask her that is strange. Unless there’s something that Kate is implying and that would be ridiculous.

It’s not like Katya is _interested_ in Trixie. She is one of Katya’s closest friends, has been for many years, and any attempt to get involved with her could only end in disaster. And Trixie has never expressed any interest in her, either. Besides, dating in this town is always difficult, seeing somebody from here, who everybody knows, would be a nightmare. Everyone would have an opinion on their relationship as long as they’re dating, but especially afterwards. No, she can’t be into Trixie, there’s no way it could be worth the trouble.

Kate pulls her phone out of the pocket of her cardigan where it must have buzzed with an incoming message. She stares at the screen for a few seconds.

“Jason wants to know how my final went.”

“That’s nice of him,” is all Katya replies, waiting for Kate to say what she actually wants to express.

“He remembered that it was today and he asked how I did.” Katya waits for Kate to explain whatever dots are connecting in her mind right now. “That means he cares enough that he wants to know.”

“That is usually why people ask questions,” Katya agrees.

Kate looks up at her with an intense expression. “Do you really think he would go out with me? And not because you’re my mother and have to think I’m great, I mean realistically.”

Katya refrains from rolling her eyes. “Yes, I am absolutely, one hundred percent, without even a hint of doubt sure that he would love to go out with you,” she answers truthfully. “He is constantly texting you and he looks at you like you’re the actual sun. He likes you, he’s just very shy,” she insists and with a frown Kate bites down on her lip.

“I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna ask him out,” she finally says and with a determined expression she unlocks her phone, her fingers hovering over the screen for a moment before she looks at Katya again. “I don’t know what to say. Where would we even go?”

“Hm, movies are bad for first dates because you don’t actually get to talk to each other. Maybe you could go to the bookstore together and afterwards to Weston’s for pie?” Katya suggests

“Mom, if I go to the bookstore we won’t have time for anything afterwards.”

“True.” Katya doesn’t know how Kate can spend so much time there, her mind is already a complete index of every book in that shop. “So just Weston’s, then.”

“Why Weston’s?”

“Al’s Pancake World is dinner food, that’s too serious. Antonioli’s is pizza, that’s where you might go with friends, so that sends the wrong message. Trixie’s you go to every day, so that’s too casual and Trixie would be breathing down Jason’t neck the entire time. Weston’s is cute and something special, but not too much,” Katya explains her reasoning and Kate looks impressed.

“Weston’s Bakery it is, then.” She takes a deep breath, starts typing and once she has sent the message she immediately drops the phone on the table as if it might burn her. “Oh God, I just asked Jason out! What now?”

Katya smiles. “Now you wait for his reply and I make you a dress.”

Kate sinks into her chair and stares at the phone that’s lying on the table with her leg nervously bouncing. No matter how intensely she stares at it the screen stays dark, no new messages incoming. It takes maybe two minutes for Kate to get overwhelmed with impatience and to snatch the phone of the table and stuff it back into her pocket.

“I have to go tell Kim,” she says and stalks out, and through the window Katya can see her enter the diner seconds later. She marches up to Kim at the counter and starts talking to her. After a few seconds Kim hugs her and both girls start jumping up and down excitedly, before Kate stops and probably points out that he hasn't said yes yet.

When Katya goes next door a few minutes later after finishing her sundae, Kate is following Kim around while she delivers and picks up plates, the two of them still talking.

“Okay, what did I miss?” Trixie asks when she rushes by a minute later.

“She asked Jason out.”

Trixie stops dead in her tracks where she was about to pick up plates full of food waiting to be served and turns around to Katya. “Kate? Our Katie?”

“It took some convincing from me,” Katya explains at Trixie’s understandable confusion.

“Right. What did he say?”

Katya shrugs. “Nothing yet.” Trixie scoffs and finally picks up the plates, but stays where she is so she can keep talking to Katya.

“What, does he think he could do better than her? Who does he think he is?”

Katya has to try hard not to smile as she says, “It’s been like 5 minutes, give the boy a chance.” She’s glad she advised Kate against coming here for her date, considering how protective Trixie is.

Then Kate rushes towards her, grabs her arm and presses out, “He said yes!” practically vibrating with nerves.

“That’s great, honey!” Katya answers, as if that’s not exactly what she knew would happen. “Can I get a coffee to go?” she then asks Trixie. “I need to go home and make my daughter a dress for her first date.”

*

“Amur Inn, how may I help you?” Katya asks in her customer service voice while at the same time repeatedly slapping Ginger’s arm. She grabs Katya and even Violet looks excited. It’s the first call they’ve gotten at the newly set up front desk, until now all calls had been redirected to Katya’s cell. The rooms are still not completely ready, but the place is finished enough that Katya can work there now with the reception area and the little office set up. The woman at the other end of the line inquires if they already take reservations and when Katya cheerfully informs her they do, she reserves a room, her name joining the few they already have in their calendar for next month. Their very first reservation Katya had had to write down on an old gum wrapper she found in her purse. Now she types it into their system, the clacking of the keyboard sounding more satisfying than it ever has before.

When she hangs up Katya screams, startling a few construction workers, and pulls Ginger and Violet into a hug.

“Are we going to do this every time something happens here for the first time?” Violet asks with a roll of her eyes, her accent making the question sound more disdainful than Katya is sure she actually feels. It’s just that everything sounds bitchy in a French accent.

Katya has no time to reply, because the phone starts ringing again and she answers it.

“Ah, good, it’s you, Yekaterina.”

Katya’s big smile disappears. “Oh, hey Mom, why are you calling here?”

Ginger looks at her questioningly and Violet wanders off, clearly having lost interest in what’s happening.

“Your father and I were wondering at what time we should be there for the opening?”

“Uhhh,” Katya goes. “The opening?”

“Yes, of your inn,” her mother clarifies and it’s exactly what Katya had feared.

“Mom, I’m afraid we’re fully booked for the opening night, I don’t have any space for you.” Katya pulls a face towards Ginger, who shares her uncomfortable expression.

“What do you mean? Didn’t you reserve a room for us? Well, no matter, you’ll just have to bump someone.”

Katya laughs an incredulous little laugh. “I can’t do that, those are all paying customers, who actually let me know with plenty of time in advance that they intended to be here,” she explains and a thudding sensation starts building behind her eyes.

Svetlana sounds irritated as she says, “Of course we’ll pay!”

Katya pushes her hand into her hair. “No, Mom, I just meant I could squeeze you two in whenever we have a free room. But canceling any of our guests on the opening night would leave a terrible impression.”

“Your father and I will not be _squeezed_ into any free room, our daughter is starting her own business and we will be there,” her mother insists and Katya sighs. She knows she’s fighting a losing battle. If she gives up now she might save herself from having a headache for the rest of the day.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Excellent! Let me know when you’ve sorted it out,” Svetlana instructs her.

“Right,” Katya still replies, but her mother has already hung up. Katya turns to Ginger. “Looks like I’m finding my parents a room for the opening,” she says resigned.

“And how are you gonna do that?”

“Build them one? I don’t know.” She rubs at her temple, willing the headache to leave her alone.

“If they wanted to come, they should have told you earlier,” Ginger points out.

“You would think that, but apparently it was obvious that they’d be there so it’s my fault for not reserving them a room.”

Katya knows it’s stupid and that she should have said no, with anybody else she would have. But with her parents the consequences of that would follow her for years. She’s not sure if giving in is simply the smart thing to do or the cowardly one. Frankly she’s surprised they were aware the opening was happening next week. In all the months leading up to this her parents didn’t seem to take a lot of interest in her business endeavour. Maybe Katya doesn’t give them enough credit and they do notice what’s important to her. They should work on how they express it, but it’s a start.

*

**Kate**

_Phi Phi emergency, I’ll be home late._

Katya stares at the text message Kate had sent her a few hours ago and again almost texts her, telling her to come home as soon as possible. On the kitchen table letters from several colleges are waiting for Kate. She knows that Kate would want to open them immediately, but if there really is something big going on with Phi Phi she’d get distracted if Katya told her and not take care of her friend, and she wouldn’t want that either.

She no longer has to feel torn when she hears Kate’s car pull up in the driveway and hurries to the door.

“Whoa, okay, hi,” Kate says surprised when Katya opens the door right in front of her face.

“Come with me,” Katya orders, grabs Kate’s hand and pulls her down the hall and into the kitchen, ignoring Kate’s protests and questions.

“Oh,” she says when she takes in the envelopes spread out across the table. Katya looks at her, expecting her to jump into action and open them, but Kate seems to be frozen where she’s standing.

“Katie?” she asks and Kate looks at her with worry written all over her face.

“That was the Phi Phi emergency,” she says just above a whisper.

“What?”

“She didn’t get into Harvard,” Kate explains and Katya understands both that Kate had to go lend moral support and that now she’s reluctant to open her own letter. Phi Phi had been just as likely to get into Harvard as Kate was, so her being rejected is bound to make Kate nervous.

“Well,” Katya reaches out and rubs Kate’s shoulder, “you will have to check at some point. And you know you won’t get a minute of peace until you do.”

“Can you do it?” Kate asks, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

“Are you sure?”

Kate nods so Katya gets a knife from a drawer and steps up to the table.

“Harvard first?” she asks and Kate takes a deep breath and nods again. It’s a big envelope and fairly thick which Katya thinks is a good sign. The sound of ripping paper is deafening in the quiet kitchen and then Katya pulls out the first sheet of paper.

“Dear Miss Zamolodchikova,” she begins reading out loud and breaks into a grin as she processes the next words on the page. “We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted--”

She doesn’t get to finish the sentence, because Kate is already screaming and rushing in to hug her before quickly pulling the paper out of Katya’s hands, reading it for herself.

“Oh my god, I got accepted.” She shakes her head, eyes glued to the page. “I got accepted!” she repeats and hugs Katya again, the two of them jumping in place.

“Wow, it’s decided, then. My daughter is going to Harvard,” Katya says more to herself than Kate.

“Well, no, I want to see who else accepted me. This is not a decision I should make lightly.”

“Right.” Katya doesn’t point out that in Kate’s room there’s a pin board with Harvard paraphernalia all over it. She should have known this wasn’t going to be an easy decision. She can already imagine the pro and con lists.

The next envelope she opens is from Yale and it’s another acceptance letter. Originally they both had said Kate wouldn’t even apply there because her grandparents felt very strongly that's where she should go. Svetlana had said it’s because Yale is closer so Kate can come home more often, but Katya knows it has more to do with the fact that on weekends Pyotr plays golf with half of the Yale business faculty at the club. They’re definitely already planning to introduce Kate to all of them and secure her some easy A’s that way. Kate and her had agreed that she shouldn’t choose a college based on her grandparents connections. But it is a good school and it _is_ close to home, so in the end it was Katya who convinced her to send in an application.

Princeton has only sent a small envelope and as Katya predicts it’s a rejection, but Kate hadn’t really wanted to go there anyway. Even so she frowns when Katya tells her she didn’t get in.

Over the next days more letters arrive, all from Kate’s backup choices and she gets accepted to every single one. With every letter that arrives she gets a bit more panicked, adding more and more lists to her notebooks and constantly muttering under her breath. Katya knows Kate needs to be alone with her thoughts for a while before sharing them with her, and while she’s impatient Katya is also grateful to not be involved in Kate’s decision making process right now, with the opening of the inn only days away.

The day before the opening the room doors are supposed to arrive and be installed, already two weeks after the original date, but instead Tom informs them that they were accidentally send somewhere else and Katya almost yells at him. Ginger does yell at him. He assures them they will be there the next day and so far he has never let them down, but Katya can already see herself explaining to guests they’ll have to put up sheets in the empty door frames. Once she is almost convinced that that’s going to happen her brain goes down a spiral of all the other things that could possibly go wrong and she doesn’t fall asleep until the early hours of the morning.

*

It’s half past 2 when the truck with the doors arrives and the guests are supposed to start checking in at 3. Katya is beyond worrying and has reached a point of focused problem solving that she turns on Tom and his construction guys in its full intensity. They’re up the stairs with the doors before Ginger has even noticed they’ve arrived, which Katya thinks is for the better. The missing doors were the last puzzle piece and now she feels almost prepared for the day. Then to her horror the front door open, but she relaxes when she sees it’s Manila that steps through it. She somehow looks glamorous in her pantsuit and Katya thinks it’s the one streak of grey in her otherwise jet black hair. She lets go of the handle of her little suitcase as she spreads her arms and Katya hurries to hug her tightly for a moment.

“Hello, darling! I’m sorry I’m too early, but I didn’t want to awkwardly hang around in town,” she apologizes.

“Don’t worry about it!” Katya waves her concern away. She would have liked Manila to see the Amur Inn when everything is perfect, but she doesn’t feel the need to hide the chaos from her either. If anybody knows how days like these are, it’s Manila.

“Right, let’s get you checked in.” Katya quickly makes her way behind the front desk and wiggles the computer mouse, the screen coming to life again. In the meanwhile Manila looks around the reception area.

“It’s really beautiful,” she says in reply to Katya’s look that she wasn’t even aware she was giving her. “It’s cozy, but elegant. I could live in this place,” she concludes and Katya breaks into a grin. That’s exactly what they had been going for.

“There’s an agenda in your room, tea starts at 4. We’ve got you in room 6. You might not have a door yet, but it’s getting fixed as we speak,” Katya explains and as she hands over the key, an actual key, not just a plastic card, Kate rounds the corner.

“Manila!” she exclaims excitedly and hugs her as well.

“My goodness, look at you!” Manila holds her at arm’s length and looks her up and down. “When did you grow up?”

“Beats me,” Katya says. “I swear I only looked away for a second and suddenly she was this.” With fluttering hands she gestures vaguely at her daughter.

Kate takes it with a resigned smile and an eyeroll. “Shall I take you up to your room?” Before Manila can say anything, Kate picks up her overnight bag and starts climbing the stairs. Katya still hears her coughing and frowns. Kate has been fighting off a cold for the last couple of days and Katya had suggested she stay home today, but Kate had insisted on helping and sworn she wasn’t actually sick. It really just seems to be a mild cold, but Katya had told her to stay away from the kitchen and the guests. Manila was an exception and Katya doesn’t hold it against her.

Tom and his men are finished with the doors just when the next guests start to arrive and Violet sends them out through the backdoor while Katya starts checking them all in. It doesn’t take that long, they only have 8 rooms one of which is reserved for Ginger, Kate and her for tonight. Originally Ginger was supposed to get her own room, but Katya’s parents deciding they wanted to come had forced them to scrap that idea.

For the afternoon they have a high tea planned and afterwards guest can explore the surrounding area in a horse-drawn carriage, the more adventurous ones even on horseback.

For dinner they have more people coming, every last spot of the dining room is reserved, there will be live music and Katya feels like dinner will be the first actual trial for them. She had personally checked all rooms after Violet had already checked them, so Katya is sure there is nothing amiss there. It’s harder to anticipate how dinner service will go, at least for Katya. Ginger has been planning this meal for months and Katya trusts her fully, she just has a feeling that something is bound to go wrong.

Her parents arrive not long after 3 and Katya is in the middle of checking in another couple. It feels weird doing her job when they are standing right there, watching her.  

“I think you handled that very well,” her father says with a smile when the other guests have left with their room key.

“Thanks, Dad, I’ve done this job for years now,” Katya points out with a friendly smile of her own. She knows he didn’t mean it like that, but she has enough on her plate today without her parents being condescending at her.

“Right, well, it’s a charming little place you’ve got here,” he adds.

“Yes, I’m surprised,” her mother jumps in. “I expected it to be more rustic.”

“Not to worry, there is indoor plumbing.” Katya pushes the key to their room across the desk. “Tea is at 4, you’ll find an agenda in your room, enjoy your stay!" She’s hoping that agenda will keep them busy enough to let her do her job for the rest of the day.

“Thank you, dear.” Her father picks up the key and their bags and they make their way up the stairs. Maybe they actually can behave.

*

The way Ginger hurries towards her with a fake smile plastered across her face immediately starts up an alarm in Katya’s brain. The last guests are currently standing next to her and waiting to get into the carriage to enjoy the lovely early summer weather.

“Uh, there’s something I might need your help with in the kitchen,” Ginger informs her stiffly. “Now.”

“Of course,” Katya replies in a bright voice. “If you’ll excuse me, somebody will be with you in a second,” she reassures the waiting guests and then Ginger already pulls her inside, where Katya has barely enough time to catch Violet’s eyes and send her outside. She looks anything but enthusiastic at the prospect of being near horses, but goes without a complaint. They make it to the kitchen in record time.

“Alright, what’s the problem?”

“We wanted to get started on the salad for dinner and half the lettuce is rotten. It’s my fault, I didn’t check it properly, the top of the crate looked fine and I didn’t look through all of it because I was busy--”

“Is it all off or could you salvage some?”, Katya interrupts her.

“We picked out and thoroughly cleaned the top layer that didn’t touch any of the gross ones, but it’s not nearly enough for everyone.”

“Okay, can you substitute it with anything?”

“Not really.”

“Okay,” Katya repeats, frantically trying to think of a solution. “Maybe I can send Kate into town. I’m sure they’ll have some lettuce at the market.”

“Good plan!”

Katya leaves Ginger to her dinner preparations and starts looking for Kate. She’s only just got to the reception area when Manila stops her.

“Katya, I just wanted to let you know that Kate isn’t feeling well, so I told her to go rest in my room,” she says calmly, her hand on Katya’s arm.

“What?”

“She was feeling woozy earlier and looked like she might fall over. I’m pretty sure she has a fever, I can stay with her if you’d like me too.”

Katya doesn’t say anything, just starts climbing the stairs, Manila directly behind her.

“Hey, kid,” she says just above a whisper when she enters Manila’s room and sits down on the edge of the bed. Kate is lying under the covers with a washcloth over her forehead. She peels it away with a hand that Katya notices is shaking slightly.

“Hey, Mom, do you need me for anything?” She starts trying to get up and Katya gently pushes her back down. Then she lays the back of her hand across Kate’s forehead. She definitely has a fever.

“No, you stay where you are. I’m gonna see if I can find somebody to drive you home, okay?”

Kate doesn’t protest, just nods, so she really must be feeling miserable. It’s a cold and she will be fine, but right now she needs rest and preferably the comfort of home, where they also have a bunch of meds for occasions like this.

When Katya’s out in the hallway her fingers unlock her phone and scroll through the contacts almost by themselves. Without a second thought she hits ‘call’ and Trixie answers after the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Trixie! I have two huge favours to ask you!”

“Okay, what do you need?” she asks, sounding completely unfazed and Katya could kiss her for it. As many of their friends, Trixie had planned to come by for dinner. What was supposed to be a lovely relaxing evening is turning into a chore and she doesn’t seem to mind.

“Could you drive by the market, pick up a crate of lettuce, bring it to the inn and then take Kate home? She’s sick,” she rattles off in one long breath.

“Sure! Is Kate gonna be okay?” Trixie sounds worried

“It’s just a cold, she’ll be fine, I just want her to have some quiet.”

“I’ll be there as quick as I can,” she says and Katya hears rustling. Apparently she’s already on the go.

“Thank you so much, you’re an absolute angel!”

It takes Trixie barely 20 minutes until she's walking into the kitchen through the backdoor with a crate of lettuces that Ginger is so overjoyed to see that Katya thinks she might start crying.

“I picked these up from the diner, I thought that would be quicker than going to Doose’s and to be honest Taylor’s vegetables are never great.”

“Thank you so much,” Katya says again. “I’ll reimburse you, of course!”

Katya gets Kate, who had been dozing upstairs, and walks her down the stairs. She’s shaky and silent the entire time and Katya knows it’s the right decision to send her home. Just as they reach the door and Trixie puts her arm around Kate, Svetlana appears.

“Ah, Yekaterina, I’ve been looking fo-- What’s going on here?”

“Kate isn’t feeling well, so Trixie is taking her home,” Katya explains quietly.

“Why didn’t I hear about this earlier? Your father and I could have made sure she gets home, this is a family matter,” she says insistently and quietly, but not quiet enough that Trixie wouldn’t hear. She says nothing, but raises her eyebrows, expectantly looking at Katya.

“There is nobody I would trust more than Trixie and I didn’t want to bother you.”

Trixie smiles slightly at Katya’s words. “I’ll make sure she gets settled. Have a nice evening,” she then directs at Katya’s mother, who seems to be taken aback by the polite goodbye.

“Thank you,” Katya says once more and with a nod, Trixie is out the door, leading Kate to her truck and helping her climb inside. Now that she knows Kate is in good hands and the dinner crisis is averted, Katya can breathe freely again.

“You seem to have a lot of faith in that woman.” Svetlana’s tone is even, her eyes calculating.

“Kate has a cold, she’ll be fine. And yes, I do. She’s known Kate most of her life and she knows where our medicine cabinet is.” Which is more than Katya can say for her own mother, but she keeps that to herself.

“Hm,” is the only reply she gets and Katya rolls her eyes. She doesn’t have time to try to interpret her mother’s cryptic remarks right now. They have a dinner to serve.

*

It’s after midnight when Katya gets home. She knows logically that Kate is fine, but she doesn’t want her to awake to an empty house in the morning, so Ginger gets a room to herself tonight after all. As she pulls up in the driveway, she has to brake a lot earlier than usual because most of it is taken up Trixie’s truck. When she looks at the house she can see that the light is on in the living room.

Once she’s inside Katya bites down on her lip at the sight of Trixie on the sofa. She is sitting more or less upright with her arms crossed in front of her body, her head is laying on the backrest at an angle that Katya is sure can’t be comfortable. Her mouth is open and she’s sleeping soundly. Katya carefully takes off her own shoes, to not make any noise on the wooden floor, and sneaks down the hallway. Quietly she opens Kate’s door and finds her sleeping as well, her breathing raspy but even. She has Mr. Mittens hugged tightly to her chest and there’s an extra blanket spread over her.

She tiptoes back into the living room and just when she wants to switch off the lamp by the sofa Trixie wakes up with a start.

“Katya.” Her voice is rough with sleep and she blinks a few times, looking disoriented. “I didn’t want Kate to be alone, in case she woke up.”

Katya smiles and feels warmth spreading in her chest. “That’s why I came home. You can sleep here if you like.”

There’s a frown on Trixie’s face as she seems to think over Katya’s offer. In the low light and just having woken up she looks younger and softer than usual and even though Trixie is here to look after Kate, Katya has the sudden urge to take care of Trixie.

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that,” she mumbles, taking Katya by surprise. Without another word Trixie lays down on her side, rearranging the throw-pillows underneath her head. Katya grabs a blanket off the armchair, shakes it out and spreads it over Trixie, getting the smallest “Thank you,” in return. She seems to be asleep as soon as she has settled in, but when Katya turns off the light, she murmurs, “Good night, Katya.”

“Good night,” Katya replies quietly.

When she’s lying in her bed shortly after that, she feels like something is pressing on her chest, not unpleasantly, just a gentle weight making her feel grounded and warm and comfortable, and she hopes it doesn’t let go.

*

When Katya gets up after far too few hours of sleep and before the sun is fully up, Trixie is already gone, the only sign she was there at all is the neatly folded blanket on the arm of the couch. She probably has early morning deliveries she needs to tend to. The night seems to have taken the soft, warm feeling Katya felt with it and now she can only think about how much her body aches.

She checks on Kate, who is still sleeping, and when Katya puts her hand on her forehead it’s still warm, but not nearly as hot as last night. She leaves her a note to call her when she wakes up and some money so she can get breakfast at Trixie’s if she feels up to it. Katya will bring back something from the inn when she’s done, just in case.

When she gets to the inn it’s still blissfully quiet and Katya takes a moment to enjoy the sight of it in the morning sun with birds chirping around her. The kitchen is already busy with Ginger hurrying back and forth and Katya slinks her way to the coffee machine, pouring herself a cup.

“Good morning, any catastrophes I missed?”

“No, it was quiet all night,” Ginger replies absentmindedly, looking around for something, so Katya leaves her to her breakfast preparations. It all goes smoothly and while Katya makes her rounds, several guests stop her to compliment the food, last night’s music and the rooms. She stops dead in her tracks when she sees her parents sitting down at the same table as Manila.

“Good morning, everyone! I hope you slept well?”

“Oh, like a baby!” Manila reaches out and pats Katya’s arm. “How is Katie doing?”

“The fever broke and I think she just needs to sleep it off now.”

“That’s good to hear,” Pyotr says and then there’s silence. Katya doesn’t really have anything to do right now, but she wants to not be at this table while at the same time not wanting to leave her parents alone with Manila.

A few years ago they had met briefly and her mother and Manila had apparently had a private conversation in which they discussed things that to this day Katya doesn’t know about. She knows her mom resents Manila for becoming a mother figure for Katya all those years ago, but now they seem to be talking very civilized, which she doesn’t find reassuring since she doesn’t know how they reached this point. The ringing phone at the front desk makes the decision for her and she excuses herself to answer it.

To really make her morning a bizarre experience, when her parents check out her mother asks, “Why don’t you bring Trixie to dinner on Friday?” in a tone that almost passes as casual.

“Why on earth would I do that?” Katya asks back, completely baffled.

“We want you to be comfortable to share it with us when you have a partner--”

“Oh my god, Mom, I’m not dating her!” Katya interrupts her and now it’s her mother who’s looking surprised. “Why would you think that?”

“Well, she looked very familiar with Kate and _your home_ ,” she says pointedly.

Katya’s mouth drops open at what she thinks her mother is insinuating. “Jesus, I’m not living with her! She’s just a friend. This is a small town, people are like that here.” She knows that that’s not quite true and that next to Trixie there are only a few people she would have sent Kate home with and would have been perfectly fine to find sleeping on her couch. But her mom already has the wrong idea and Katya doesn’t need to fuel that.

Svetlana doesn’t look convinced. “We’re all adults, you don’t have to pretend. But fine, if you want to act like that.”

“I’m not acting, Trixie and I are not dating.”

“Have it your way,” her mother says loftily, but there’s a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

Then Katya’s dad gives her an awkward half hug across the desk.

“Goodbye, dear. You’ve built a wonderful place here and I can’t wait to see what you do with it.” He is openly smiling and Katya is taken aback by the compliment.

“Thank you,” she replies gently with a smile. She had expected a lot of well-intentioned advice on how to run her business, but she hadn’t received any of that. Instead her parents had been model guests and unusually kind to her. Her mother even leaves with the promise to recommend the Amur Inn to the ladies at the country club, in case they need any accommodation in the area, and they part for once without Katya feeling like she needs a strong coffee and somebody to complain to.

Checking Manila out is the last thing Katya does at work for the day before handing the front desk duties over to Violet. Before Manila has to leave they sneak away for a little celebration in the kitchen with Ginger. It’s too early in the day for alcohol and they all still have things to do, so they stick to lemonade, but it’s nice to take a moment and appreciate that almost everything went off without a hitch.

“It’s been so long since I’ve had the chance to enjoy your risotto, Ginger, just for that the trip was worth it,” Manila says and Ginger beams at the compliment. Much like on Katya, Manila had taken a chance on Ginger when hiring her and yet had always trusted her, leaving Ginger to try out new dishes and bold flavours - some of them a little too bold for a little country inn - and having Manila here today makes everything complete. She grabs both of their hands.

“I am so proud of both of you and I know this place has a bright future. And if you ever need anything, you’re going to ask me, understood?” Katya nods dutifully and squeezes Manila’s hand in hers, willing herself not to cry. “Although, judging by last night you already know who to call when you’re in need of help,” Manila adds with a wink in Katya’s direction.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Ginger perks up, “I called my vegetable guy this morning and yelled at him so he came by and gave me some extra lettuce as compensation and it’s top notch. You should give Trixie some.”

Ginger and Trixie have an interesting relationship. It’s not that they dislike each other, they just have very different ideas of how food should be prepared. Ginger in particular is miffed that Trixie has no formal training and still makes undeniably delicious meals. She likes it herself, she just doesn’t like to admit it. Katya has so far managed to stay out of it, she loves both of their cooking and relies on it to survive. But their weird little not-quite-rivalry is probably the reason why Ginger is asking Katya to deliver the lettuce. And Katya swings by the diner every day, often multiple times, anyway.

Later when they’ve said goodbye to Manila, Katya packs up the crate of vegetables as well as some pastries and drives home. There she finds Kate on the couch, in her pyjamas and wrapped in the blanket Trixie slept underneath last night, watching TV. When Katya places the pastries on the table her eyes light up.

“Feeling better?”

Kate nods, her mouth already full, barely swallowing her unconventional lunch down before asking, “How did everything go?”

“Great!” Katya drops down next to her and pulls off her heels. Her feet are killing her and she wiggles her toes, happy to be able to stretch them again. She wants nothing more than to change into sweatpants and laze the day away with Kate on the couch, but there’s a dress in her bedroom waiting for some finishing touches she’s been putting off for far too long already. After last night she doesn’t feel like she can wait any longer.

*

The last guest leaves as Katya approaches the door, kindly holding it open for her so she doesn’t have to set down the crate of lettuce or the bag that’s balancing on top of it.

“I come bearing gifts,” she announces and Trixie looks up from the register where she’s counting change, by the looks of it.

“Oh dear.”

Katya sets everything down on the counter. “Lettuce that Ginger assures me is of impeccable quality,” she picks up the gift bag and pushes it across the counter in Trixie’s direction, “and a little something from me.”

With a careful hand Trixie pulls the gift bag towards her. Katya feels uncharacteristically embarrassed about it having a cartoon snowman on it, christmas bags were the only ones she had, but Trixie doesn’t comment on it. There’s a frown on her face when she starts carefully pulling the blue fabric out and unfolds it, finally holding the dress up delicately and staring at it open-mouthed.

“Katya, this... is beautiful, but I can’t accept--”

“Nope, none of that,” Katya immediately interrupts her. “You have to, I made it to your measurements. It should fit, but I could still make some minor adjustments if necessary, just let me know. It was supposed to be a thank you for the whole water heater thing, but since then you've already done so much more and I can't make you a dress for each time. I just want you to know that I'm very grateful.” Katya’s playful tone has gotten more serious. She wants Trixie to know she really means it.

“You don't have to keep thanking me, I don't mind doing any of it,” Trixie says, looking somewhat uncomfortable, as she always does when the attention is on her.

“No, I absolutely _do_ have to keep thanking you. You go above and beyond what I would expect from anybody. And of what I would be willing to do for anybody.” Katya is only half joking with that last one. She really can't imagine going out of her way this much for other people’s benefit. “I appreciate what you do for me-- for _us_ so much. I don't ever want you to feel like I'm taking advantage of your generosity, even though that's what I feel like sometimes,” she admits. “You should probably start saying no to me occasionally, on principle.”

Trixie smiles, first at the dress she’s still holding in her hands and then directly at Katya, pressing the dress to her chest lightly. “Maybe I don't wanna say no to you.”

Katya feels like her stomach has flipped over and she gets the urge to make a sex joke with a setup like this, but Trixie's open expression holds her back. She looks at Katya with curiosity, as if she's waiting to see how Katya will react.

“I'll keep that in mind,” she finally replies, not sure what she's implying herself.

“Good,” Trixie says quietly. Katya can feel her heart pounding against her ribcage and taste the sweat on her upper lip. There doesn’t seem to be enough air in the room and she wonders if she maybe caught Kate’s cold.

“Oh, hey, Katya.” Kim has apparently wandered in from the storeroom. Katya’s eyes snap to her and out of the corner of her eye she can see Trixie turning rapidly towards her too.

“Hi, Kim.” She looks at Trixie, feeling like there was something else she wanted to say but it slipped her mind. “I better go.”

“Right,” Trixie says before her eyes go wide. “How’s Kate doing?” she asks, as if she just remembered.

“Much better, thank you.”

“What’s wrong with Kate?” Kim asks, sounding alarmed.

“She has a cold, nothing to worry about,” Katya assures her. “I’m off then. Bye.”

They both wish her a good night and when she’s sitting in her car, Katya realizes they didn’t talk about Trixie staying over. Not that there’s anything to talk about, she slept on the couch because it was late and she was tired. Still Katya can’t help but feel like it was a success that for once she got Trixie to stay when she offered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please consider leaving me a comment here or come talk to me on tumblr ([@connyhascontrol](https://connyhascontrol.tumblr.com/))!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katya smiles at the memory and takes a deep breath. “That was the day I realized I was responsible for the life of that little person and for the first time it didn't scare me. I knew I would do absolutely anything to make sure she was safe and happy.”
> 
> Trixie looks over to where Kate is dancing with Kim, both of them laughing. When her eyes meet Katya’s, she smiles softly. 
> 
> “You did a good job.”
> 
> “I think so too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are again, thanks so much for all the comments, kudos and messages, it really means the world to me to know you guys love this as much as I do. Thanks, [Naty](https://pichitinha.tumblr.com/), for proofreading this as well as your thoughts, you're an angel!
> 
> I'm gonna leave the playlist I made for this fic [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3hteSFAGLITkzbmgu1aInD?si=9ytNDc5FSR-xwLUmukad9w) again, in case anybody missed it.

****When the doorbell rings, Kate shouts “I'm going!”, rushes to answer it, and Katya doesn't hold back her smile. It takes Jason and Kate a moment to come into the living room, because they're busy kissing as if they haven't seen each other in five years, which Katya pointedly pretends not to notice.

It might have taken them a while to figure out their first date, but it was a total success, with Kate coming home floating more than walking and absolutely beaming.

“I have a boyfriend!” she had practically squealed, hugged her mom and then run off to get changed from her Lord of the Rings dress into jeans and a t-shirt so she could go over to Kim's and tell her all about it.

With Jason living out of town on campus they can’t see each other every day, but for the last two weeks Kate had been glued to her phone. It's an entirely new side of her, that Katya is happy to see. She knows it takes her daughter some time to come out of her shell around other people, but her and Jason overcame the awkward, quiet phase very quickly. It helps that he’s into books and nerdy stuff as much as she is and that he takes college very seriously. That's something Katya can appreciate as well. Kate really made a good choice for her first boyfriend, as far as Katya can tell.

Katya had been sure to give them space and let them do things at their own pace, so she was pleasantly surprised when Kate suggested the three of them have a movie night together. It’s early for officially meeting the parents, but Katya can tell it’s important to Kate. Also Jason had mentioned that he’s never seen The Princess Bride and neither Kate nor Katya will stand for that grave oversight in his education.

“Hello, Mrs-- Miss Zamolodchikova,” he greets her, stumbling over the name a little, as Katya is setting up the snacks on the couch table.

“Hi, Jason! Please, Katya is fine,” she says with a smile and he looks relieved.

They settle on the sofa and start the movie as soon as everybody has a drink and Katya has given Jason a tour of the snacks. He had looked a little overwhelmed at the sheer amount of food, but hadn’t said anything. Now he’s on one end of the couch with Kate next to him and then Katya at the other end. Kate and Jason are holding hands in a way that they seem to think is stealthy. It’s very obvious and very cute.

Katya doesn’t think she ever was like that. Any of the guys she went out with when she was a teenager she had picked for being the ones her parents would least approve of. Matt, Kate’s dad, had been the first one she had a genuine connection with, but it was less romantic and more that they had a lot in common. They were both from rich families, unwilling to do what they were told and generally bored.

By the time Katya had figured out she was a lesbian, she was 23 and her daughter was starting school. The time for teenage crushes and being disgustingly in love were over without her ever getting a shot at it. She’s glad Kate gets to have this.

Jason tries to ask a question and Kate immediately shushes him.

“But you were talking earlier!” he complains.

“Yes, but we know which parts aren’t that interesting so we won’t miss anything if we talk during them,” Kate explains.

“But how--”

Kate shushes him again. “The sword fight!” she then says excitedly, slapping Jason’s arm, even though he has no idea what she’s talking about. After that he stays silent, but he doesn’t look like he minds all that much.

When Katya leaves the room to get more soda for everyone, she’s making sure to make some noise on her way back from the kitchen, but she doesn’t catch them making out, instead finding them in conversation, the movie paused.

“But it’s short for something?” Jason asks, visibly confused.

“Yup,” Kate confirms with a grin.

“What are we doing?” Katya puts the drinks down on the table and reclaims her spot on the couch.

“Jason is guessing what Kate is short for.”

Katya snorts. “Good luck with that.”

“He’s already tried Katherine, Caitlin and Kathleen.”

“I’m gonna get it!” His voice is full of determination..

“I’ll give you a hint,” Katya says with a grin. “The usual short form of it is Katya, not Kate.”

He looks stunned. “So… you two have the same name?” he concludes with a frown.

Katya nods. “While I was in labour feminism overcame me and I thought men name their sons after themselves all the time, so why couldn’t I name my daughter after myself?” she explains. Then she adds, “I was also on a _lot_ of drugs.” and he laughs.

“It’s short for Yekaterina,” Kate then tells Jason.

“That’s very pretty.”

Katya twirls her hair around her fingers. “Thank you!”

“Oh my god, Mom!” Kate looks at her both pleadingly and with disgust and Katya cackles.

“I’m your mother, it’s my job to embarrass you, especially in front of your new boyfriend.”

Kate bites her lip to hide her grin and Jason looks a little uncomfortable at being called her boyfriend, so Katya lets it go, pressing play on the remote and returning to the movie.

Later, while Kate is in the bathroom, Katya can practically see Jason gather his nerves.

“I just want you to know, that I really like Kate and that I would never do anything to hurt her--”

Katya stops him with a lopsided smile. “You don’t have to give yourself the shovel talk, it’s alright. You’re a smart guy and I can see you like her a lot, and either way it Kate’s decision and I trust her judgment.”

He smiles a little at that. “It’s just that I know you two are very close and she cares a lot about what you think.”

“I appreciate that, Jason, that’s very respectful. And just so you know, if I had anything negative to say about you - which I don’t - I don’t think that would change anything for her.”

Jason openly grins for a second before clearing his throat. “Right.”

He doesn’t hang around for long after the movie is over. Kate comes into the kitchen after saying bye at the door and she watches Katya pile the glasses in the overly full dishwasher and put away the leftover food. She doesn’t say anything, just hovers in the background.

“I think that went very well,” Katya breaks the silence. Kate still looks at her expectantly. “I like him,” she adds and her daughter visibly exhales. “What, were you worried?”

Kate shrugs. “Not really, but it’s important to me that you like him. And he was worried you two got off on the wrong foot because of that time I didn’t tell you where I was.”

Katya rolls her eyes. “I’m not holding that against him. It’s not his fault you’re so smitten your brain stopped working.” They’re at a point where Katya can joke about that without Kate feeling terrible. “Anyway, he has my seal of approval.”

“As if I need that,” Kate says, sounding petulant, but when Katya looks at her with raised brows, she’s grinning.

*

Katya keeps looking out across the yard full of parents milling about and then to her watch. The ceremony is supposed to start in five minutes and Matt is still nowhere to be found. She can’t say she’s surprised, he has a long history of promising he’ll be somewhere, not showing up and then calling a week later to apologize. She just thought he might get it together for their daughter's high school graduation.

Katya gives up and returns to her seat, between her parents and Ginger and Trixie. Kate's dad might not be here, but she still has family cheering for her. Just as the headmaster takes the stage and starts his speech, out of the corner of her eye Katya spots Matt showing up at the end of their row of seats, giving her an awkward wave, before he starts squeezing himself past the family next to them, then past her parents and finally sitting down in the empty chair next to her.

“Hey, Kat,” he whispers and presses a kiss to her cheek.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” she whispers back with her brows raised, but she’s smiling.

“Shh!” her dad goes and she quickly grabs Matt’s arm and squeezes. Kate will be so happy that he made it. Katya drifts off for most of the headmaster’s speech, still not quite believing what today signifies. Kate is done with school, graduating top of her class alongside Phi Phi and by the end of summer she will go off to college. That is still unimaginable to Katya. Her little Kate, the girl with a soft spot for Disney movies who still needs her mom to remove spiders from the bathroom for her, which Katya is only allowed to put outside, not kill.

Then again she’s also the Kate who at age 12 had written down a household budget, coming to the conclusion that they could be spending less on food and trips before the both of them had decided that they were going to ignore that. She was also the one who had convinced Katya that she could get her business degree in night classes and helped her study for her finals last year. If there ever was an 18-year-old ready for college, it's Kate.

Katya is slow to join in the applause that apparently signals the end of the headmaster’s speech and then Phi Phi takes the stage for her speech as the head of the student council. She seems to have gotten over the disappointment of not being accepted into Harvard and appears to be her usual self again.

The speech starts out as more of a war cry to go out there and be better than anybody ever was, which is very much in character for Phi Phi. It mellows out after a while, when she talks about the experiences they’ve had in school and the people they have had them with. When talking about her friends she seems to genuinely choke up for a moment. Katya films some of it on her phone, to make sure Phi Phi will have something to remember this day by. Katya doesn’t know if her parents are here, she has never met them.

When she’s done, Matt leans closer to Katya. “Wow, she seems intense.”

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it,” Katya whispers back with a smile.

As soon as the procession of students going up to the stage to receive their diplomas starts, Ginger has her phone at the ready and her dad starts fussing with his camera as well. There won’t be a second of this occasion that will go undocumented, Katya is sure. When it’s Kate’s turn, Katya is sure to snap a good number of pictures herself before applauding enthusiastically. Once Kate has shaken the headmasters hand, her eyes search for them in the crowd and she beams when she spots all of them, her gaze settling on her dad and she gives a little wave that Matt happily returns.

Ginger reaches out and squeezes Katya's arm and when she looks towards her friends, both Ginger and Trixie look just as proud as she feels. Katya had been surprised when they, separately of course, had approached her saying they'd like to come, but she had been so moved too. They have both watched Kate grow up and done their fair share of jumping in whenever Katya needed someone to look after her. They're just as much family as Matt and her parents.

When the ceremony is over, Matt is the first to hug Kate and she’s clearly excited to see him. Still it’s Katya who she doesn’t seem to want to let go of when it’s her turn to hug.

They take a truly ridiculous amount of pictures, Svetlana ensuring they get pictures of all of them together as well as Kate with her parents, Kate with her grandparents, Kate with Katya, Ginger and Trixie and then Kate with Phi Phi. For once her mother acting over the top like this doesn't bother Katya. It's an important day and that deserves to be acknowledged.

Matt shows up by her side as Katya watches the proceedings. “Can you believe we made that amazing person?”

“I feel like she made herself, to be honest.”

He laughs. “Oh no, you definitely had a hand in that, she clearly is your daughter. I know I can't take much credit for how she turned out, that was all you, I was just around for the fun part.”

Katya snorts at that. They've had so many fights over the years about him not being there when he said he would. A few times Katya had been close to actually cutting him out of their lives altogether, but things have changed since then. It may have taken him a long time, but Matt seems to have finally grown up. For Kate's sake she's still sad he didn't figure out how to be a father sooner, but in all those years they've never _needed_ him. The two of them have always been enough for each other and Katya had a whole community around her, willing to help whenever she needed it. In the end him not being around was really only a loss for him.

“Has she made a decision about college yet?” Matt asks.

Katya nods with a smile. “Yes.”

Kate had never before agonized over a decision this much. Katya tried to keep out of it, because it had to be Kate's decision and not hers, but there came the time when there were no more pros and cons to add to the lists and it was time to evaluate.

A few days ago Katya had found Kate's notebook on the kitchen table and couldn't help but snoop a little. When Kate had walked in she had frozen on the spot. Katya had closed the notebook and looked at her.

“Going by this it's an obvious decision,” she had said with a smile and Kate had looked uncomfortable.

“Honey, you have to choose what's best for you. You already _know_ where you want to go. Trust your instinct.”

With a conflicted expression Kate had explained, “I don't want this to be weird between us.”

Katya had pulled her in for a tight hug. “Listen, I don't resent my parents enough to put that above your happiness. Whatever decision you make I am going to be fine with. You have an amazing opportunity here and I promise it's not going to change anything between us.”

That Kate had even been worried about that made Katya a little sad, but then Kate had exhaled and smiled.

“Then I'm going to Yale.”

The next day Kate had come home to her wall of Harvard pennants and hats being replaced with Yale stuff and in the middle of it all her acceptance letter.

“Yale had more pros and fewer cons than Harvard,” Katya tells Matt.

“Really?” He looks flabbergasted. “And I thought Harvard was a given.”

Katya shrugs. “Apparently in the end it was Yale's theatre program that tipped the scales.”

“Wow. Your parents must be thrilled.”

“We haven't broken the news yet, but I'm sure they will see this as a personal triumph,” Katya agrees.

“You don't seem that upset about it,” he says, his observation accompanied by an expression of surprise that Katya answers with a grin.

“Our daughter is going to Yale, Matt. There's nothing to be upset about.”

*

Kate’s graduation party was supposed to be a small thing, just a get-together with a few friends. Katya doesn’t know when exactly it took on a life of its own and was relocated to the town square with literally everybody coming. She knows Jinkx and Dela were probably to blame and Katya had been too stressed out about getting the inn off to a good start to intervene.

It had probably more to do with the fact that everybody was looking for something to celebrate, since they’d had to cancel the summer festival this year because of scheduling conflicts from a number of vendors as well as a bunch of sponsors dropping out. When announcing it at the town meeting, Taylor had kept staring at Trixie, who had then in a muttered conversation told Katya that Taylor had been trying to get her to sponsor half of it by herself.

“I never even go to the stupid festival!” she had quietly vented her frustration with crossed arms, glowering at Taylor on the podium.

So the town had taken it upon themselves to throw a party, not just for Kate but all the Stars Hollow High School graduates as well. Their little party had split up after they were done with photos, going home to change, except for Svetlana and Pyotr who luckily already had another thing to go to tonight and Ginger had to go back to the inn to take care of dinner. Matt had trailed behind Katya and Kate back to the house. Once Kate is in the purple dress that Katya made and she has put on a prairie dress, they walk to the town square together and Katya thinks it’s nice. They have barely ever done anything as a family and she knows Kate must be so happy to have her dad here for all of this. It certainly looks like it, the way she keeps rapidly talking at him, barely letting him get a word in edgewise.

When they get to the town center and Katya sees all the tables and benches set up, she is once again amazed by what the people of this town can pull off when they set their minds to it. There are balloons everywhere, a dance floor and a DJ, and teenagers are standing around in groups with their parents milling about, chatting to each other. It seems like everyone in town has shown up, even the people who have no relatives graduating. Everybody is a family friend of a graduate anyway.

The first to spot them is Kim, who’s in a modern, structural dress that’s definitely too much for the occasion, but she’s wearing it with confidence and it works for her. Kate takes the time to introduce Matt and then the two of them are off, finding a place to sit and chat. It doesn’t take long for Jinkx to spot Katya and Matt.

“Katya! I didn’t expect you of all people to show up with a handsome gentleman tonight.” She has already taken Matt’s arm. “I’m Jinkx Monsoon, I run the local dance studio, it’s such a pleasure to meet you.”

“Jinkx, this is Matt, Kate’s dad,” Katya introduces him.

“It’s nice to meet you, too.” Matt puts on a smile and good-naturedly lets his arms be fondled.

“Oh my, now I understand why even Katya couldn’t resist.”

Katya knows she should probably rescue Matt from the woman squeezing his bicep and making bedroom eyes at him, but he _was_ late to Kate’s graduation and deserves to suffer a little.

“Is it time for another husband already, Jinkx?”

She laughs an airy, flirtatious and fake laugh and with a playful shove at Matt’s shoulder she says, “You tell me, darling!” and leaves with a wink, no doubt to go find Dela and tell her all about her newest find.

Matt blinks a few times. “You know, Kate has told me a lot about the people here, but I always assumed she was exaggerating.”

Katya laughs. “If anything she was only giving you the light version. Come on, let’s get you something to eat.”

There’s a large buffet set up and somebody is barbecuing. They grab some paper plates, fill them with a multitude of dishes and find themselves a table to eat at. They don’t stay alone for long, since apparently Jinkx’ news have already made the rounds and people are excited to meet Kate’s dad. In all these years even when he had come visit he’d only stayed at their house or they had met somewhere else, he has never actually experienced the fascinating small town life that Stars Hollow has to offer, and Katya watches him be both flattered and uncomfortable with the attention. Kate is the one to finally rescue him by asking him to dance. It speaks highly to her character that she makes that sacrifice, considering neither of them can dance and they’re just kind of swaying in time with the music, but on the dance floor and away from all the curious questions.

“So, that’s Kate’s dad, then.”

Katya turns her eyes away from the awkward pair of them when she hears Trixie’s voice, and when she sees her, she stands up. Trixie is wearing the blue damask dress and it fits her like a glove. The hem falls around her knees, accenting her legs, with the sweetheart neckline extending into off-the-shoulder short sleeves elongating her neck and making Katya’s gaze get stuck on her collarbones for a moment. She rarely ever has her hair open, but tonight it falls in soft curls down her back. With her makeup she has settled on soft pinks and peachy tones and in the slowly fading evening she’s glowing and golden.

Trixie smoothes the fabric of the skirt down with her hands and smiles at Katya. “It fits,” she says unnecessarily and Katya just nods. She doesn’t know why she got up, now she’s standing around like an idiot for no reason.

“You look… I mean. Wow. You look incredible.”

At that Trixie smiles, looking surprisingly shy.

“Uh, do you want to sit?” Katya shuffles down the bench to make room for Trixie.

“Sure!”

Trixie’s naked arm brushes Katya’s as they sit down and she worries Trixie will get cold once the sun has set.

“I almost didn’t believe he really existed,” Trixie says, turned towards the dance floor where Matt and Kate are attempting a very stiff looking waltz.

Katya grins. “What do you think?” Trixie turns towards her with an expressionless face and then raises a brow, making Katya laugh. “What?”

“It’s just… you! And him!”

Katya cackles. “I know, I know, but hey, listen, it was a long time ago. I was stupid and horny.” She considers it for a moment. “So not much has changed.”

Now it’s Trixie’s turn to laugh.

“If I had known back then that being into women was an option, there would have been no him and me,” Katya ruminates and then adds, “But there would be no Kate either, so it all turned out for the best.”

Trixie has one elbow leaning on the table, her chin resting on her hand, and she's fixing Katya with an intense look. “It’s weird, you always struck me as the kind of lesbian who always knew.”

“Oh no, not at all. I mean, I theoretically knew gay people existed, but they might as well have been cryptids for how little I actually knew about them. I grew up with such rigid expectations, it never even occurred to me that I could be one of the gays until years after I moved out.”

Trixie only hums pensively.

“What about you?” Katya asks. It’s weird that they’ve never talked about this before, they’ve been friends for so long, after all. But getting anything personal out of Trixie is difficult and Katya doesn’t want to be invasive, so she usually doesn’t ask. This seems safe enough, though.

“I knew. I don’t know how early exactly, but it was early. And so did everybody else,” she offers somewhat reluctantly.

“Making out with girls under the bleachers, huh?” Katya jokes and Trixie screeches, making the people around turn towards them. She clears her throat.

“No, definitely not that. I helped out at the hardware store, wore a lot of my brother’s old clothes, never did anything with my hair or wore makeup and I never showed any interest in guys, so people came to their own conclusions.” The picture Trixie paints seems so different from the person sitting next to Katya now. Of course it does, they’ve both come a long way since then.

“Wow, you’ve changed.” Katya snips one of the soft curls that has fallen over Trixie’s shoulder back behind it where it belongs, and she notices how Trixie’s chest expands as she breathes in deeply. She meets Trixie’s eyes and is reminded of that moment in the diner after Katya had given her the dress. Just like then the air seems to have been sucked out of the room, except this time there is no room, the first stars twinkling in the sky above them. Trixie looks at her with an expression Katya can’t quite place, something like curiosity and expectation, but there’s something sadder underneath it and Katya wants to reach out and do something, she doesn’t know what. But they’re so close, she could easily pull Trixie into a hug.

Then Trixie abruptly turns her head and Katya feels like something between them has snapped, a string that was holding her upright and now she feels almost untethered.

“Being called a dyke at school long before I was ready to call myself anything like that didn’t help,” Trixie returns to their conversation, her gaze directed towards the dance floor.

Being pregnant at 16 hadn’t done anything good for Katya’s social status at school either, so she can imagine what Trixie went through. The difference is that she left as soon as she could and unless her parents mention anybody she has no idea what the people she went to school with are up to these days. Trixie probably doesn’t have the same luxury, she might see the people who made her life difficult back then every day around town. She wants to ask if it ever got really bad, but stays silent, partly because she knows Trixie wouldn’t want to talk about it and partly because she’s worried she might learn things about her neighbours that would make her do something she might regret later.

“My parents were great, though,” Trixie continues when Katya doesn’t say anything. “My dad bought me a Melissa Etheridge vinyl when he found out.” She finally turns towards Katya again and she’s grinning, but the sadness from earlier is still in her eyes. Despite that Katya laughs at her words. Growing up gay in a small town like this must have been hard, she’s glad to know that Trixie had love and support from her family through it all. Matt approaches their table and it’s like a switch has been flipped, Trixie’s face becoming pleasant and impersonal and Katya recognizes it as her customer service face.

“Did you know Kate has a boyfriend?”, Matt asks Katya, sounding a little upset. Katya looks towards the dance floor, her eyes finding Kate by the side talking and holding hands with Jason.

“Yes, Jason. It’s still very fresh.”

He nods cautiously. “Okay, then I won’t be offended nobody told me. Do we like him?”

“We do,” Katya confirms with a smile and once again he nods. When she invites him to sit Matt declines.

“Actually I have to get going,” he admits. “I have to work tomorrow and it’s a long drive back to Boston.”

“Oh.” It takes Katya by surprise and she’s a little disappointed he’s not staying longer, but it’s also the responsible thing to do and Katya is the last person who would try to deter him from that.

“I’ve already said goodbye to Kate, so I’m gonna head back to the house to get my car.”

“I’ll walk you!” Katya is already getting up when he tries to decline, insisting she shouldn’t miss the party. She rolls her eyes. “I’ll be back in twenty minutes, see you then?”, Katya directs towards Trixie.

“Sure,” she says with a smile before turning to Matt. “It was nice meeting you.”

“You too! Have a good night.”

Katya feels slightly uneasy seeing Trixie and Matt interact and she can’t put her finger on why. Maybe it’s because her relationship with Matt is so far in the past when she was a totally different person and Trixie is part of her new life and it’s weird seeing the two mix.

“Shall we get going?”

At a leisurely pace they start strolling back towards the house.

“I still can’t believe our daughter is done with high school and heading to Yale soon. And she has a boyfriend!” His tone gets sadder when he says, “She’s grown up, hasn’t she?”

Katya loops her arm through his. “She has, but she’s always going to be our daughter.”

“I know, I just wish I had been around more. I’ve missed so much.”

“You have time to make up for it. She’s always kept that door open for your.”

“Thank you for letting her.”

Katya nods. As hard as it was for her to watch him be absent from Kate’s life for so many years and her disappointment because of it, she could never keep her from Matt. Katya always wanted them to have a good relationship and it might have taken him a long time, but if he’s finally willing to put in the work, she’s not going to stop him.

“Kate told me you’re going on a road trip?”

“Yes, next month we'll get in the car and just drive around for a week.” Originally they had planned to backpack across Europe for six weeks, but with the Amur Inn having just opened Katya can’t disappear for that long and with Kate going to college soon they don’t exactly have the money to spare.

“You should stop by in Boston, I’d love to have you two around for a bit,” Matt suggests and unlike so many others over the years it sounds like a genuine offer.

“Sure, we can do that on the way home,” Katya agrees happily.

“Actually there’s somebody I’d like Kate to meet. You too, of course, but mainly Kate.” He looks a little sheepish as he says it.

“And could that somebody have something to do with you staying in one place for more than a few months and having a steady job?” Katya asks with a grin and pokes her elbow into his ribs.

“She might have.” He grins back and Katya thinks that he looks happy. “Her name is Tatianna and she’s a teacher, I think you’re gonna like her. She’s clever and independent and she told me very clearly that she liked me, but wouldn’t date me unless I got my shit together.”

“Are you sure you want me to meet her? Because she sounds like my type.”

Matt laughs. “I have asked her if she’s sure she’s not a lesbian. I’ve learned my lesson,” he jokes. “What about you? Are you dating anybody?”

“Oh, you know me, I work best alone.”

He looks at her with doubt. “If you say so.” They walk quietly for a minute, then Matt asks, “Are you gonna stay in the house when Kate moves out?”

“Where else would I go?” Katya asks with a frown, not understanding the question.

“It’s really big for one person, you could sell it and move into a smaller apartment,” he suggests.

“But I have all these prairie dresses, where am I supposed to spin?”

Matt doesn’t react to her joke, so she sighs and then gives a serious answer. “I still want Kate to come home on the weekends and feel like she’s coming _home_ . It wouldn’t be the same anywhere else, where she would have to sleep on the couch or something. We love that house, _I_ love that house, and I’m not going to give it up.”

“Okay,” is all he replies.

Katya had always liked that about Matt. He had never doubted her decisions or tried to change her mind, even when they were 16 and he proposed to her, because that’s what you do when you’re from a rich family and expecting a child, and instead she had broken up with him. He hadn’t been happy, but he had always respected her. They hug tightly when they get to the house.

“I’m glad you came today.”

“So am I.” Matt gets into his car. “Bye, Kat, I’ll see you soon.”

“Yes, you will. Get home safe!”

She watches as he drives away, waving one last time as he pulls from the driveway onto the street.

*

When she gets back to the town square the crowd has gotten significantly smaller already. The sun has fully set and Katya is glad she brought a jacket to protect her from the cool night air. She finds their table from earlier deserted and is surprised when she spots Kate back on the dance floor with Jason, Kim and an entire group of teenagers, many of which Katya knows she went to school with before she got accepted to private school. Kate never really hung out with any of them before, so Katya assumes they must be Jason’s friends.

On a nearby park bench Jinkx and Dela have a lively conversation with Trixie, or at least at her. She sits with her legs and arms crossed and judging by the slightly annoyed expression on her face, her pose is not just to keep herself warm. She’s wrapped in a cream-colored shawl that compliments her dress perfectly and that she must have gone home to pick up. Katya can see Trixie roll her eyes at something Dela says and she jogs over.

“Are they ganging up on you?” she asks with a grin.

“No, we would never!” Dela assures her with a sweet smile.

“We’re just chatting and I think we’re done chatting now,” Jinkx says with a wink. “Come on, Dela, I have a sudden urge to dance.” She saunters off with Dela at her heels.

Katya sits down next to Trixie. “What are those two up to now?”

Trixie shrugs lightly. “I don’t know and I don’t wanna know.”

They both quietly watch the dance floor for a moment, that is now illuminated by the surrounding street lamps as well as cheap bamboo torches somebody has set up. The DJ has switched to classics by now, getting not just the kids to dance but to their mortification the parents as well. The first notes of Eternal Flame start playing and Katya jumps up.

“Oh, oh, oh! Trixie! You have to dance with me!”

Trixie just looks at her slightly bemused. “I didn’t take you for a Bangles fan.”

“First of all, how dare you? The Bangles are geniuses and their music is timeless art. Secondly, _do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?_ ”

As she bursts into song, Trixie groans. “God, will you stop singing if I dance with you?”

“Yes!” Katya smiles brightly as she gets up, grabs her by the arm and pulls her towards the dance floor. They’re surrounded by couples gently swaying to the music, but Katya won’t let that deter her. She takes Trixie’s hand, puts the other on her waist and starts to move. Trixie doesn’t keep up with her and it takes Katya a moment to realize that unlike her Trixie is actually in time with the song and isn’t trying to hold her back.

As she keeps on miming to the words in an exaggerated way she catches Trixie smiling. She really hams it up for the big finale, grabs Trixie around her waist and dips her. Katya is rewarded with one of her scream-laughs and can’t help but laugh along. Around them people have made space and are looking at them, but as soon as the song is over Trixie steps back, Katya’s hands falling away from her. She pushes her hair behind her ears, rearranges her shawl and with a quick smile at Katya retreats to their bench again. Katya follows close behind and drops down next to her. She is actually slightly out of breath, which is probably a first for anybody dancing to Eternal Flame.

“Sorry, but I can’t not dance to that,” she tells Trixie.

“Why that song?”

Katya knows she could just make an offhand remark about how she made out with a hot girl to it once, but Trixie looks at her with genuine interest in her big brown eyes and Katya looks to the ground as she answers.

“When Kate was 3 she got a really bad cold. She was running a fever and she was miserable and wouldn't let go of me, so I carried her around all day, her little arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. At some point she demanded music, the Bangles was what I had in the CD player and that song came on. Once it was over she wanted it again. And then again and again and again. At the time neither of us appreciated the irony of Eternal Flame and her burning up.” Trixie lightly snorts at that. “When she fell asleep and I tried to turn the music off, she woke up and protested, so I had to put it back on. For hours I stood swaying with her to that song until my back hurt so much I couldn't stand anymore and we slept on the couch, Kate still holding onto me.” Katya smiles at the memory and takes a deep breath. “That was the day I realized I was responsible for the life of that little person and for the first time it didn't scare me. I knew I would do absolutely anything to make sure she was safe and happy.”

Trixie looks over to where Kate is dancing with Kim, both of them laughing. When her eyes meet Katya’s, she smiles softly.

“You did a good job.”

“I think so too.”

That day was one of the defining experiences of motherhood for Katya and it’s funny to think about how only a few weeks ago Trixie jumped in for her in a similar situation. It’s not that Kate needs that amount of care anymore, but it’s nice being taken care of when you’re feeling miserable. And Trixie didn’t just do it because somebody should, but because she loves Kate and wanted to make sure she was alright. She had never overstepped her boundaries and interfered with Katya’s parenting, but it was clear she was willing to take on more responsibility than a friend necessarily would and Katya wonders if it’s because she would like to have kids herself.

They sit there and chat for a while as more and more people leave, the evening having turned into night, and Katya starts getting cold even in her jacket. Next to her Trixie suppresses a yawn.

“It’s probably time we head home,” Katya says. The group of Kate’s new friends has gotten smaller and she’s sitting next to Jason, her head on his shoulder, looking half-asleep already.

“Right, I have an early start tomorrow and it’s way past my bedtime.” Trixie stretches her arms above her head.

“Don’t you always have an early start?” Katya asks with a grin.

“That’s true.” Trixie gives her a soft, sleepy smile and Katya feels the need to reach out again, but Trixie gets up before Katya can make up her mind about what to do.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Good night!”

“Good night, Trixie.”

Katya watches her walk away from the town square and across the street towards the diner. It doesn’t take long for the light in the apartment above it to come on. Once it does, Katya yawns and pulls herself up on her feet as well. She doesn’t want to bother them, but she at least needs to let Kate know she’s going home. When she sees Katya approach, Kate sits up straight and blinks a few times.

“I’m heading home, do you wanna stay or come with me?”

“I think I should go, too,” she says, so Katya leaves her to say goodbye to everyone, knowing it’ll probably take a while with Jason. She walks to the street corner to wait there for her and smiles when she sees Jinkx sauntering towards her.

“Where has that delicious man disappeared to?”

“Home to his girlfriend.” Katya grins at the disappointment spreading across Jinkx’ face.

“What a shame! But at least now we know who Kate has her good looks from.”

Katya laughs. She can see Kate walking towards them. “Right, I’ll grab my daughter and then we’re off. Have a good night, Jinkx.”

“You too, darling. And Katya?”

“Yeah?” She looks at Jinkx expectantly.

“Be careful with Trixie’s heart.”

Katya sputters out a surprised laugh, but it quickly dies down, since Jinkx doesn’t look like she’s joking. She looks at Katya almost pleadingly.

“What do you mean? I’m sure her heart is perfectly fine.”

Jinkx sighs. “Just… be careful.” Then she leaves, letting Katya stand there with a frown.

‘Maybe I don’t wanna say no to you,’ repeats in her head, as it has done often since the night Trixie had said it to her. There’s no way Trixie could have meant it like _that_. They’re friends and they have been for so long. If there was anything between them, surely one of them would have acted on it by now. Who knows what Jinkx believes to know.

“Well, that was cryptic,” she mutters to herself.

“What was?” Kate has appeared at her side, her cardigan wrapped around her as tightly as it can go and still shivering slightly. Katya puts one arm around her and tries to rub some warmth into her.

“Nothing. Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it, I would love it if you'd let me know either here or on tumblr ([@connyhascontrol](https://connyhascontrol.tumblr.com/)).


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If your relationships never work out because you run, then maybe this is the one to make you stop. But you'd have to try.”
> 
> “It's not that simple.”
> 
> “Really? Because to me it just sounds like you're scared.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the last day of pride month so it's only fitting I send some gay stuff your way, I hope you enjoy it! The reception of the last chapter was better than anything I could hope for and I'm so so grateful for all of your support! A big thank you as always to [Naty](https://pichitinha.tumblr.com/) for proofreading!
> 
> Just a heads up, I've taken the rating up to explicit, we're entering the horny half of the fic.

Katya sprawls out across her hotel bed while Kate is in the bathroom, putting on makeup.

“And you're sure you don't want to come?” she asks loudly enough so Katya can hear.

“Yes, you should spend some time with your dad and get to know Tatianna without me hanging around.” They had spent all day with Matt in the city, his girlfriend Tatianna joining them in the afternoon. As Matt had predicted Katya liked her. She was smart, funny, stunningly beautiful and Matt was clearly in love with her. Tatianna had asked if they wanted to join them for dinner as well and Katya thought it was a good idea for them to talk without her there. She's sure Tatianna doesn't see her as a threat and she shouldn't, but meeting your partner's kid is already a lot to deal with, having his high school girlfriend and said kid's mother along wouldn't make it any easier. So Katya had decided she'd spend a quiet night at the hotel, just her and as much room service as she could justify to herself, giving her aching feet a well-deserved break.

For the past week they've driven around Connecticut and Massachusetts, stopping at every dumb tourist trap and staying in horrible frilly country inns that affirm Katya in her believe that they're doing great at the Amur. Mainly they had talked in a way they both haven't had the time for in a long while and probably won't again for an even longer time. Katya is glad Ginger had convinced her to take the time off, assuring her they could get by at the inn without her for a couple of days. They may not have done anything exciting, but Katya is aware of how valuable time spent with her daughter has become. They only have a few weeks of summer left.

Once Kate has left, Katya turns the TV on, aimlessly switching through the channels, but nothing catches her eye. She turns it off again and immediately finds the silence too much. She looks at the room service menu, but she doesn’t really have the appetite for any of it, blaming the hot dogs and ice cream they ate earlier while they were out. Katya’s evening plans are starting to look less and less appealing. She’s always struggled with being alone, it leaves too much space for her thoughts to run away from her and they never end up anywhere good, so she likes having somebody around as a distraction. Kate is of course much more than that, but Katya considers it one of the perks of parenthood.

After lying on the bed and just unhappily staring at the ceiling for a while, she decides to not let the night get away from her and do something about her mood instead. She figures she just needs some people around her, so with a quick glance at the mirror she deems herself looking acceptable enough to go have a drink at the hotel bar. She doesn’t bother dressing up or adding anything to her simple everyday makeup.

As soon as she sits down and orders a glass of wine she feels her nervous energy fizzle out. It’s not a fancy hotel and neither is the bar, which makes Katya feel like she fits right in. There’s music quietly playing in the background and while the place isn’t packed there’s a few people around and Katya watches them as inconspicuously as possible. There’s a couple at a table, he’s much older than her and she’s much more attractive than him, but Katya notices that she genuinely seems interested in him and they have an animated conversation going. At another table she spots what clearly is a mother and son duo not exchanging a single word, obviously at odds with each other, but downing their drinks at the same rapid pace.

While she takes a sip of her wine, Katya notices a woman watching her a few bar stools down. Despite being caught staring, she smiles at Katya and something in the pit of her stomach heats up. It's been a while since a woman has looked at her like that. She is beautiful with her distinctive features and the sleek blonde bob, and her tight black dress pronounces her muscular shoulders and arms. Katya sets down her glass and smiles back. At that the woman grabs her own drink, gets up with cat-like grace and comes over, sliding into the empty spot right next to Katya. She is quite a bit taller than her and her body is both slender and muscular, a fact her dress does little to hide.

“That doesn't seem right, the both of us drinking alone. Do you mind if I keep you company?”

“Not at all,” Katya says and turns towards her. Up close it's obvious that she is much younger than Katya, maybe in her mid twenties, and it makes her feel both a little uncomfortable and excited. She probably could have walked up to anybody in this bar and gotten them to buy her a drink, but she chose to talk to Katya.

“I'm Brooke.” She holds out one hand with short manicured nails and when Katya takes it, she doesn't just quickly shake it, she holds onto it. Katya knows her skin is hot and a bit clammy, but Brooke doesn't seem to mind, she holds her hand just a little longer than usual, keeping her eyes trained on Katya's. 

“I'm Katya,” she finally remembers to say when Brooke lets go of her.

“That's an unusual name.” Her index finger starts tracing the rim of her glass. “But beautiful. It suits you,” she adds and Katya thanks her. She considers telling Brooke it's Russian, but she doesn't really feel like talking about her parents’ immigration right now so she leaves it be.

“What are you doing here all by yourself?” she asks instead.

“I'm in town for a friend's wedding and apparently some of the girls had started the hen night by themselves very early because they were completely black-out drunk by 8.” She leans in a little closer, seemingly steadying herself with her hand on Katya's arm. “There's only so much time I can bear watching a bunch of snocked straight girls hit on obviously gay guys at a club.” She leaves her hand where it is.

“Snocked?” Katya asks with a grin and Brooke returns it.

“I'm Canadian, but I've lived in the states for years now.” Like Katya, she apparently also doesn't think her country of origin is that interesting and doesn't elaborate. Instead she asks, “And what's a stunning woman like you doing here all by yourself?” For a moment Katya thinks about some lie she could tell, after all whatever this is, it's not going to lead to a lasting relationship of any kind, but she's too tired and so she simply settles for the truth. 

“I'm on a trip with my daughter and we came to Boston so she could spend some time with her dad.” She hopes it's obvious that her and the dad are not an item and only then does Katya realize she's actually considering doing this. It's been a while since she's hooked up with anybody. Brooke isn't exactly her type, she looks too much like herself and usually Katya prefers a fuller figure, but she's undeniably hot and clearly interested.

Brooke brushes her hair behind one ear and grins. “Wow, you're an actual MILF.”

The other patrons at the bar turn around to them when Katya screeches with laughter. The comment wasn’t actually that funny, but it took her by surprise. With that sense of humour maybe Brooke is exactly her type after all. When she’s calmed down Katya takes a swig from her wine glass and with a raised eyebrow she jokes, “I can tell you to go clean your room if that’s what you’re into.” 

At that Brooke leans in even closer and slides her hand from Katya’s arm down to her thigh. “No, but I can take you to my room and show you exactly what I’m into.” Her low voice right next to Katya’s ear makes goosebumps rise on her neck and she swallows hard. Brooke doesn’t do anything else, just sits there and waits for Katya’s reply. She could say no. Hooking up with a stranger who picked her up at a bar is not how she imagined the night to go, it’s certainly not why she had come here. 

But there’s no real reason not to say yes. Brooke is hot and Katya likes her, as much as she can tell from the short conversation they’ve had. There’s no harm in casual sex and they both seem to be on the same page that that’s what this is. 

Katya leans back a little. “How old are you?” 

Brooke laughs a little in surprise. “26,” she answers and then cocks her head, clearly waiting for Katya’s next move. 26 isn’t that young. It’s nine years younger than her and it’s not like they’re considering dating. Katya bites her lip, making a decision, and then quickly downs the rest of her wine.

“Okay.”

Brooke’s striking face shows surprise before splitting into a big smile again and she takes Katya’s hand, intertwining their fingers, and then pulling her up. She leaves her own drink and the bar behind and heads straight for the elevator. As they wait for it to arrive, Katya admires how calm and collected Brooke looks. The nerves Katya feels are completely absent from the other woman’s face, but she impatiently bounces one heel. As soon as the doors slide open, Brooke pulls Katya into the elevator and hits the button for her floor, two above Katya’s room. 

When the doors close, she crowds Katya against the wall with sure movements. Her face comes closer but then stops, and Katya realizes she’s still giving her a way out. Instead Katya closes the distance between them and quickly Brooke’s lips part beneath her own, her tongue swiping over Katya’s bottom lip. She tastes of alcohol and faintly of cigarettes, which Katya finds unpleasant but chooses to ignore. Brooke pulls away when the elevator stops. There isn’t anybody they would have given an involuntary show, the doors open to an empty hallway and again Brooke leads the way with determined steps. When they’re at her room, she lets go of Katya and with steady hands she pulls the keycard from her purse and unlocks the door. She holds it open for Katya and quickly closes it behind her. Then she’s on Katya again, pushing her against the wall and kissing her, this time with no pause. Her hands start roaming over her arms and shoulders and Katya slides hers to Brooke’s waist, pulling her even closer so their bodies bump together. At that Brooke breaks their kiss and presses her face into Katya’s neck.

“God, you’re so hot,” she breathes against her skin and Katya groans. She feels hot now, when before Brooke started talking to her she only felt lonely and old. Now the adrenaline is pumping through her veins and the way Brooke kisses and gently bites at her neck makes her press her thighs together. Katya lets her body take over and her hands wander first to her ass, that feels like solid muscle under Katya’s fingers. Then her hands travel even further south until they reach the hem of Brooke’s dress and pull it up to her hips. From the waist down she’s only wearing a thong and Katya’s hands return to her ass, now without any fabric in the way. 

When she slides one hand over the front of her underwear, Brooke moans, “Fuck!” and kisses Katya hungrily, at the same time blindly pulling at her shirt. 

Katya breaks their kiss to say, “Let me,” and pulls her shirt up and over her head, catching on her glasses a little, so she takes them off and puts them down on the desk. With no time to waste she unclasps her bra and it quickly joins the shirt on the floor. All the calm has disappeared off Brooke’s face and she’s biting her lip, her eyes fixed on Katya’s breasts, before she apparently remembers she has hands and touches her much gentler than Katya had anticipated. She has to let go again when Katya grabs the hem of her dress that she’s already pushed up and pulls it over her head, leaving her in a lacy little bralet and her thong. Katya takes a moment to admire her body in its entirety. 

“Jesus, are you a personal trainer or something? You look incredible.”

Brooke looks almost bashful at the compliment and it makes her whole face look softer.

“I do ballet,” she remarks with a casual attitude that Katya is pretty sure is fake. She whistles low and drawn out.

“What a classy broad.”

“Not professionally,” Brooke explains. “I was always too big for that.”

“I used to do gymnastics, but not professionally because I wanted to spite my parents and then I got knocked up.” Katya grins and with a wink adds, “But I’m still very flexible.” Brooke laughs at that and Katya grabs her hand to pull her further into the room and towards the bed, while with the other hand undoing the button of her jeans. She takes them off completely and clad in only her simple black briefs climbs onto the bed. She pats the covers next to her and smiles at Brooke, who’s now standing at the foot of the bed, looking unsure.

“Is something wrong?” Katya asks when she doesn’t join her.

“No, no, everything’s great!” she is quick to assure her and then she gets on the bed but Katya scoots away from her a little.

“Are you sure? We don’t have to do this, or we can go slower if you like.”

Brooke grabs her hand. “No, you’re great and I appreciate you asking. It’s nothing, really.” She adjusts her position so they’re lying next to each other. “I’ve just never done anything like this before. Not sex, I’ve had sex, I mean picking up somebody at a bar. This isn’t like me at all.”

“Oh!” Katya is genuinely surprised. “The way you were acting I thought this is just a regular Tuesday night for you.” Brooke laughs a little at that.

“God, no! I… I wanted to try it, I didn’t think you would say yes. And then I felt like I had to pretend like I knew what I was doing.”

Katya props her elbow up and rests her head on her hand. “You didn’t think I’d say yes?” she asks perplexed and Brooke sighs.

“Okay, do you want the backstory?”

“Ooh, hit me!” Katya says with a grin, intrigued.

“One of the girls at the bachelorette party I’ve known for a while and I really like her and she kept hitting on absolutely everyone we met tonight.”

“Except for you,” Katya deduces.

“Except for me,” Brooke confirms, looking embarrassed. “And that’s fine, she doesn’t have to like me back, but I couldn’t watch it anymore, so I said I wasn’t feeling well and went back to the hotel. But I thought it looks so easy when Vanessa does it, so I could probably do it too, and then I spotted you and you looked cool and fun and hot. So I thought,” she looks away from Katya’s face, “I thought if I tried to hit on the most interesting person there, she would surely tell me to get lost. But then you didn’t and I kind of wanted to see what it’s like and, you know, didn’t want to blow my chance to sleep with you.”

Katya laughs, wheezing a little. “You really need to work on your self-esteem if you think an old crone like me would turn down a gorgeous woman like you.” She liked Brooke before, but now that the confident façade has fallen away and she really gets to see the person behind the beautiful face, she likes her even more.

Brooke lightly slaps her arm. “Oh, shut up, you’re not old!”

“Maybe not, but I am a single mom. This kind of thing doesn’t usually happen to me either.” She smiles at Brooke and gets a tentative smile in return. “Listen, you may not have known what you were doing, but you were great at faking it. I promise if you do what you did with me with, what’s her name? Vanessa?” Brooke nods. “If you do that and she has half a functioning brain, she’ll want to sleep with you.”

Brooke breaks into a big smile. “Thank you.” Katya just nods.

“Now, do you actually wanna do this or should I get dressed?”

“Really? After all that you're still game?”

Katya shrugs awkwardly in her half lying position. “Sure, I'm already mostly naked and you're still a hot piece of ass. But no pressure.”

Brooke laughs and leans over to kiss her, only breaking away long enough to say, “Okay.” It doesn't take them long to put their conversation out of mind. Katya's skin, that had started getting cold, quickly heats up again under Brooke's hands. She takes off Brooke's bralet and pulls her closer, their breasts rubbing against each other and Katya sighs into their kiss. With featherlight pressure she lets her fingertips travel down to Brooke's underwear and starts rubbing her through the material, and she pulls back from the kiss, instead panting into Katya's neck, her hips starting to move in time with Katya's hand. She lets Brooke ride the sensation for a while before pulling her panties to the side and sliding her fingers directly over her wet folds. When she does, Brooke moans loudly and Katya clenches her thighs at the sound. Nothing is sexier than knowing she can do that to a woman. Katya gets up on her knees and Brooke whimpers when she stops touching her, but then quickly gets what Katya is trying to do and lifts her hips so she can pull her underwear off. Katya's come off as well and then she's lying down between Brooke's spread legs. The smooth skin is glistening with the wetness Katya has already spread.

“Is this okay?” she asks and only when Brooke replies with a silent, open-mouthed nod does Katya lean in and lick one broad strip from her entrance up to her clit. Brooke's hips lift up and try to chase her mouth, but Katya hooks her arms around her thighs and holds her down.

It's been a while since Katya has gotten to do this and she takes her time, drawing it out as long as she can. She keeps her tongue soft, changing up the rhythm and direction of her movements and mostly steering clear of Brooke's clit. Vaguely she registers how Brooke's hands keep flying all over the place, grabbing the sheets next to her hip and then squeezing her tits and running her fingers over her toned stomach, all the while breathing soft little sighs that make Katya's toes curl.

After a while of Brooke getting more and more worked up, Katya takes her mouth off her and with short breath asks, “Fingers okay?”

Again Brooke only nods open-mouthed and Katya slowly slides one finger into her, meeting no resistance, and Brooke moans low in her throat. When Katya puts her mouth back on her she focuses on her clit this time, her tongue drawing circles around it while she slowly fucks Brooke, first with one finger and then two. Her hips keep meeting the thrusts of Katya's hand and Katya can hear her panting heavily. She doesn't go fast enough to make her come and Brooke doesn't say anything, but when Katya raises her head, she has hers thrown back, her eyes closed and her brows pulled together in a frown. Katya slows her fingers even more and keeps peppering the inside of her thighs with kisses until her face relaxes and she looks at Katya.

“You can ask for things, you know. What do you want?”

Brooke bites her lip and Katya thinks it's charming how shy she looks.

“I need more pressure,” she finally says, and while still fucking her slowly with her other hand Katya starts rubbing over her clit.

“Like this?”

“Harder,” Brooke presses out and Katya does as she’s told, at the same time speeding her other hand up. “Yes!” Brooke hisses, her hips moving in an erratic rhythm, trying to chase both of Katya’s hands. When she comes, Katya doesn’t stop, drawing out her orgasm as long as she can. 

She wipes her hands on the sheets while Brooke catches her breath with closed eyes. She opens them a little and with fluttering hands starts reaching for Katya.

“Let me return the favor.”

“You don’t have to,” Katya assures her. She’d be fine just knowing that she’s still got it.

“I know, but I want to.” Brooke shifts a little closer. “What do you want?”

At the question Katya’s mind seems to go blank. She doesn’t know what she wants, she hadn’t thought that far. Instead of replying she leans forward and kisses Brooke, who responds hungrily, her fingers starting to roam across Katya’s naked skin. It’s easy to lose herself in the sensation when there’s somebody kissing down her neck while a hand grabs her ass. Katya’s focuses on that and how it lets go of her, only to slide to her hip and then between her legs. She spreads them a little, feeling how wet the insides of her thighs are when the air hits them. 

Brooke has moved down from her neck and is now kissing her breasts while her fingers spread her lips and slide over Katya’s entrance a few times before she’s pushing two into her, making Katya gasp. She doesn’t know how long it takes her, probably no time at all, but her entire being seems to have been reduced to the places where she’s being touched and she lets her orgasm roll over her, coming out of it lightheaded, as if she’s emerged from a real wave and was under water a little too long.

She stays still, listening to her own heavy breaths, with half her brain still offline and feeling boneless. She feels like she could fade right into the mattress. Until Brooke breaks the silence and Katya snaps out of it.

“That was incredible. I’m so glad I decided to talk to you. If I wasn't already in love with somebody else, I'd ask you out properly.”

Katya snorts lightly at that. “Oh no, you're way too young for me to date. And too nice, too. I need somebody who will let me know when I'm being annoying and when my outfit looks dumb and when I'm making bad choices, but will still let me have eight cups of coffee a day.” Katya doesn’t know where all of that suddenly came from and shuts up. 

Brooke smiles at her knowingly. “Sounds like you have somebody specific in mind.”

She does, but she hadn’t meant to. “Oh, no. No, no, no, no.” For good measure Katya adds one more “No.”

Brooke raises her brows and dryly states, “Right. Anything you say six times obviously must be true.”

Katya looks away from her face, instead directing her gaze at the ceiling. “It's not like that, she's one of my best friends. She's practically family at this point.”

“Being your girlfriend would also make her part of the family.” 

Katya sighs. “I don't do serious dating. Whenever I've been with someone long enough to get into girlfriend territory, I've run. And with her it would have to be serious right away, so I'd fuck it up right away. No, the fall out from it inevitably going wrong would be too big.” Katya thinks back over her short, unimpressive dating history. None of her relationships have ever ended really terribly, but certainly not great either. And every single time it had been her fault. No, it’s not worth it. She has known that for a long time, keeping herself reasonable and making sure none of her thoughts ever went in that direction. 

“What if it doesn't go wrong?” 

Katya jumps a little when Brooke asks the question. She had almost forgotten she wasn’t alone in the hotel room. The things she just said she has never said before, never even allowed herself to fully think. But it's true. Trixie is what she can never have, because she wouldn't know how to. Katya is wired for short casual relationships and Trixie is the kind of woman you’d build a family and a home with. They're simply not compatible.

“It would go wrong.”

“If your relationships never work out because you run, then maybe this is the one to make you stop. But you'd have to try.”

“It's not that simple.”

“Really? Because to me it just sounds like you're scared.”

Katya doesn’t know what to reply to that. She has to admit that Brooke’s argument makes sense, but that can’t be it. 

“I've changed my mind, you're not too nice for me, quite the opposite,” Katya deflects.

Brooke rolls her eyes but she’s still smiling. “You’ve given me some advice, now let me repay you. You've thought about all the reasons why you shouldn't date her. You wouldn't have done that if you didn't feel  _ something _ for her.”

That's a door Katya has never as much as cracked open. It's impossible that she has feelings for Trixie, she would never have let that happen. They've known each other for more than ten years at this point, Katya knows Trixie as well as anybody knows her, and if they don't have feelings for each other now, it's never going to happen. 

“Brooke, I know you mean well, but it's--”

“Complicated,” she interrupts Katya with a smirk. “I get it.”

Katya actually doesn’t think it’s complicated at all, the whole thing couldn’t be more clear. Trixie is amazing, Katya had told herself a long time ago she couldn't have feelings for her for a whole list of reasons, so nothing will ever come of it. Instead of explaining that, she thinks of how ridiculous this situation is.

“God, why are lesbians like this? We just met, had sex and tried to solve each other's relationship problems. I swear, nobody else would do that.”

Brooke only laughs and after a moment of silence Katya yawns.

“How late is it?” she asks.

“No idea. Late,” is all Brooke replies, so Katya sits up, snatches her jeans off the floor and pulls her phone out of the pocket, slightly squinting at the screen. 

“It's almost 12, I have to get back to my room. My kid's gonna be back from the night out with her dad and I don't want to have to explain what I was doing,” she says with a grin in Brooke's direction. Katya makes a quick trip to the bathroom to clean herself up a little. Then she wanders through the hotel room, picking up her glasses and her clothes as she goes, and feeling Brooke's eyes on her the entire time. They don't leave her as she gets dressed and combs through her hair with her fingers, trying to get it into a reasonable shape. Luckily she hadn't worn much makeup, so now she doesn't look too obviously like she's just had sex.

“Right.” She checks that she has all her stuff and then Brooke gets up, still naked, walking up to Katya slowly and placing one hand on her waist.

“Thank you for this.”

“Oh, the pleasure was all mine. Now go fake it 'til you make it and get yourself that girl.”

Brooke smiles. “Will do. But you too!” When Katya rolls her eyes, she adds, “She might be the love of your life, give it a chance!”

Katya doesn't dignify that with a reply. Instead she leans in to kiss her one last time.

“Bye, Brooke.”

“Bye, Katya.”

The moment she closes the hotel door behind her, the entire evening feels distant and almost like a dream, even though she knows that Brooke is still in that room and she did in fact do  _ that _ . But it's like the episode is over and Katya has switched to another channel.

When she enters her own hotel room, the lights are on, the door to the bathroom open and she can hear Kate brushing her teeth. She had hoped to be back before her, but it's fine. She's an adult, she's allowed to go out and do adult stuff.

“There you are!” Kate comes out of the bathroom, already in her pyjamas. “I thought you wanted to stay in with room service.”

“I got bored, so I went and hooked up with a Canadian ballerina.”

Kate rolls her eyes. “Fine, then don't tell me.”

Katya grins. She had figured Kate wouldn't think her mom actually hooked up with anybody and if so she wouldn't tell her about it. It's a good solution for both of them, Katya doesn't have to lie and Kate is not grossed out.

“Did you have a good time?” Katya asks from the bathroom as she starts on her own nighttime routine. 

“Yes! We went to a Japanese restaurant and the staff knew them. Apparently they go there all the time.” Sheets rustle, Kate must be getting into bed. When she's settled in she continues, “I think Dad is really building a life here with Tatianna. He seems happy.”

Katya pokes her head out the bathroom door and smiles. “Good.”

*

A few days after they get back home, Kate and her have something close to a fight and Katya hates it. Without talking it through with her first, Kate had asked her grandparents to lend her the money to pay the tuition for Yale. It's true that Katya couldn't have come up with it by herself, but she was working on a plan and instead Kate went behind her back. 

That's what hurts her, not that she went to Katya's parents. Well, she doesn't love that, but they could have talked about it and worked something out together. Instead Kate had negotiated a whole repayment plan for herself and continued Friday night dinners every week that Katya is now no longer required to attend. Katya doesn't want to make it a thing, she knows it's Kate's right to decide stuff by herself and that she was only trying to take pressure off her mom, but it's still hard to not be involved all of a sudden. 

There was no shouting between them, but things got a little bit frosty all of a sudden. They’re polite to each other and it’s awful. It reminds Katya too much of how she and her own mother talk to each other and she's determined to do something about it, even though she has no idea how to fix something that isn't really broken and that she knows is her fault.

Eventually it all resolves itself in a way she hadn't expected. 

“I'm not going to be home on Saturday,” Kate informs Katya on Thursday morning when Katya is about to head out to grab a coffee and then go to work. Kate is still in her pyjamas, having nowhere to be today.

“Yeah?”

“Yes, I'm visiting Jason.” Her face is composed and expressionless as she adds, “I'm going to stay the night, just so you know.”

Katya had just picked up her purse, but at that she puts it back down on the end table by the door.

“Oh? How come?” She keeps her voice as even as Kate's had been.

“His roommate is gone for the weekend, we'll watch a few movies and I don't want to drive back home at night.”

“Right. Thanks for letting me know,” Katya says and grabs her bag again.

“Sure.”

All day at work Katya is distracted, partly because Kate is going to spend the night at her boyfriend’s place for the first time, which is bound to make any mother a little nervous, but also because she’s wondering if Kate was actually trying to tell her something. On her way back from work she stops by the market and when she gets home to Kate, who’s lying on the couch reading, she drops a box of condoms in her lap.

“Oh my god, Mom!” Kate sits up and stares at the box, apparently not willing to touch it. Her face is bright red and her mouth opens, but nothing comes out of it.

“Take them. You don’t have to tell me if you need them or when you need them, but I need to know you have them.” Katya starts pacing back and forth in front of the couch. “I know you’re too smart to make the same mistakes I made, but I want you to be safe. And I figured you wouldn’t be keen on buying condoms at the market where everybody knows you and your boyfriend’s uncle might ring you up.”

At that Kate’s face pulls into an expression of extreme discomfort. Then she mutters, “There are shops out of town and I have a car, you know.”

Katya stops her pacing and sits down in the armchair across from the couch. 

“So that’s something you’ve thought about.”

Kate won’t meet her eyes, but she reluctantly starts to speak. “I have thought about it, but I don’t need them. For now.”

Katya exhales forcefully. “Right. For now.”

“I’m not ready.” Kate looks up at her. “And Jason has never tried to push me.”

“Good.” Katya nods sharply. “That’s good.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, I can take care of myself,” Kate says softly.

“I know you can, Katie, but you don’t have to!” Katya explains. “I’ve always had only myself to rely on and I want it to be different for you.”

“But you already do so much for me! You never put yourself first!” Kate raises her voice and she looks at her mother with something like helplessness. It makes Katya smile, knowing that she means well.

“That’s my job, honey.” She sighs and carefully rubs at her eyes, trying to avoid smearing her mascara all over her face. “I know you don’t need my help, but you and I have always been a team.”

Kate looks upset at that. “And we still are! That’s never going to change.” She gets up, awkwardly dropping the box of condoms on the coffee table. They’re not what this conversation is about anymore. She sits down on the armrest of the chair, leaning against Katya.

“And it’s not true that I don’t need you anymore. I do, just not for everything. And I’m 18, you have to let me do things by myself when I want to. For  _ me _ , not because I don’t want you there.”

Katya puts her hand on Kate’s arm and squeezes lightly. “I know, I’ll try.”

“And you’ll have to let me do things for you,” When Katya just hums, she adds, “You said we’re a team, that means I’ve got your back, too.”

“Fine,” Katya reluctantly agrees.

And with that their conversations lose all the stiffness they had before and they talk like  _ them _ again. 

When Kate leaves to go to Jason’s two days later, Katya calls, “Do you have the--”

“Yes, Mom!” she hastily interrupts her before pulling the door shut behind herself and Katya can let her leave in good conscience. 

*

“What are you doing back here already?” Trixie asks, when she comes by the table where Katya just sat down with Violet. It’s their lunch break, but usually Katya only comes by in the morning and more often than not when she’s done with work as well.

“I missed you,” Katya says with a grin and Trixie only raises her brows. “Okay, the coffee machine at the inn is broken,” Katya admits and Trixie nods slowly in understanding.

“Right, coffee. For you too?” she directs towards Violet. 

“Oh sure, why not.” She sounds less than enthusiastic. They stopped by on their way back from the garden center, picking out flowers and talking through the garden planning for the rest of the summer. It’s still looking somewhat sparse around the inn and Violet doesn’t trust Katya to pick out plants by herself. She had surprised Katya by bringing a notebook with meticulous sketches of the garden and a list of all the plants they should get. They ordered most of them to be delivered to the inn next week, but Violet didn’t find everything she had in mind, so they have another place to hit. But first Katya needed coffee.

“Right, you’ll either have to move to the counter or order something to eat, because it’s the lunch rush and you’re blocking a table,” Trixie explains.

“Ooh, food sounds good, actually,” Katya decides and Violet sighs. She had already said something about not frequenting diners when Katya parked her jeep outside, which Katya had ignored and dragged her in here anyway.

“Do you have any salads?” Violet asks, looking doubtful, while Trixie pulls out a pen to take down their order. 

“We do.” She taps the pen against the menu in the middle of the table. “I’m assuming you can read.”

Violet snatches the menu, her face looking less disgruntled as she takes in the specials made of fresh, seasonal things that Katya always ignores. Violet finds a salad to her liking and Katya orders a cheeseburger. 

“How long is it going to take?” Violet asks with a glance towards her watch. 

“Until it’s done,” Trixie dryly remarks.

“Your customer service is terrible.”

“And your accent is fake, but you don’t hear me complaining,” Trixie says as she’s already making her way back to the kitchen, leaving Violet with her mouth open and Katya wheezing with laughter. 

That Violet is actually from Atlanta and not Paris, as she claims, is an open secret, but people usually pretend they don’t know. Katya assumes she wanted to start a new life and make herself a more appealing applicant for the old inn. She has never asked because she doesn’t want to embarrass Violet. Now she’s looking down at the menu that’s still lying on the table in front of her with a frozen expression and she doesn’t look at Trixie when she brings over their coffee mugs and fills them.

Katya leaves her be, instead watching the other patrons of the diner. There’s people there Katya vaguely knows from around town, but never sees at the diner, except Trixie serves them “the usual”. This must be the everyday lunch crowd. Katya is especially impressed by an elderly gentleman who manages to have a conversation with Pearl, Trixie’s only waitress before Kim joined them. Katya likes Pearl, she’s actually pretty fun, she’s just supremely uninterested in anything going on in this place, including any and all guests. 

When Katya takes a sip of her coffee, she notices Violet watching the unlikely pair as well, but her eyes keep following Pearl as she moves on to another table, collecting empty plates. They stick with her all the way back to the kitchen and when Pearl disappears through the door, Violet’s head snaps around and she clears her throat.

Katya feels a grin spread across her face. She has never seen Violet look at anybody like this. She’s always calm, focused and impersonal. Katya is one of her best friends and she barely knows anything about her personal life.

“Her name is Pearl,” she tells Violet.

“Hm? Whose?” She slowly sips her coffee.

“You know whose, the woman you were just staring at.”

Violet looks at her with a blank expression. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Right,” Katya simply says. “I could introduce you,” she then offers.

“No!” Just like that Violet’s collected exterior has cracked and she’s staring at Katya with wide eyes.

She raises her hands in an appeasing gesture. “I’m just saying, I can kinda see it, the two of you. You share a kind of…”

“What?” Violets asks with one delicate brow raised, not quite managing to hide the interest in her voice.

“Aloofness? Yeah, I think that’s a good way to describe it.”

Violet rolls her eyes. “You should figure out your own love life before you try to get involved with mine.”

Katya snorts. “That’s easy to figure out, I don’t have a love life. Except for--”

“Yes, yes, hooking up with a hot ballerina, you’ve told me all about it.”

Katya wants to interject that actually she had been telling Ginger about it and Violet walked into the room, sticking around when she noticed she might pick up some gossip. And it was a one time thing anyway, she doesn’t even have Brooke’s number. Before Katya can say that a crashing sound makes them both jump and turn around towards Trixie, who is standing with her back to them, at her feet a shattered plate with the components of a burger strewn across the floor.

“You okay there, Trixie?” Katya asks.

“Yes,” she replies without turning around, her voice flat. She hurries behind the counter and grabs a dustpan before quickly and efficiently cleaning the whole mess up. Then she disappears into the kitchen and Katya can hear her telling Shea to make another order. 

She doesn’t come back out, not even when their food is ready. It’s Pearl who serves it to them and she looks even less happy to be working than usual. Katya almost gets the impression that she’s angry when she puts down her plate with enough force to make it slide halfway across the table. Violet thanks her uncharacteristically friendly, but Katya has more important things to deal with.

“Is Trixie alright?” she asks Pearl with a frown. Maybe she cut herself on the shards and that’s why she’s still in the back, bandaging herself up or something.

“She’s fine.” Pearl gives her a look Katya doesn’t know what to do with. Usually she’s just bored, but this is almost hostile. She wants to ask Pearl if she did something to offend her, but she’s already leaving their table.

Katya barely eats anything of her burger, suddenly she’s lost all appetite so she just picks it apart. No matter how busy it is, Trixie is the one to serve her, has been over all those years. The only exception is when she’s not there and she’s almost always there. It’s a small thing that doesn’t really matter, but it still leaves a bad aftertaste in Katya’s mouth. Trixie stays god knows where while Violet finishes her salad and they have to call Pearl over again to pay. Katya tips more than usual and still leaves with guilt settling in her stomach uncomfortably, even though she doesn’t know why. She hopes whatever this is doesn’t stick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen. I'm not sorry.
> 
> Please leave me a comment here or come say hi on tumblr ([@connyhascontrol](https://connyhascontrol.tumblr.com/))!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As they’re waiting for the street light in the town center to turn green, Kate waves out the window and when Katya leans forward to look around her, she sees Trixie with her hand raised as well, standing at the window of the diner. Their eyes meet, for the first time in weeks, and Trixie’s hand slowly sinks. She looks tired and a bit sad, Katya thinks, while trying to ignore the weight she can feel in her own stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for all the comments and asks on tumblr about the last chapter, your feedback means the world to me. Every single one of you who told me they want to hug Trixie is extremely valid. [Shea](https://hedonssippingseagrams.tumblr.com/) has joined the team and proofread this one, thank you! And [Naty](https://pichitinha.tumblr.com/) continues to lend moral support and bully Katya for being an idiot.
> 
> I raised the number of chapters to 12, at least that's gonna be it if I stick to what I currently have planned and it doesn't get longer. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Things between her and Trixie are  _ weird _ and it’s driving Katya crazy. Ever since she came by the diner with Violet, Trixie has been avoiding her, and when she couldn’t she’s been cold and distant in a way she’s never been before. 

It’s not that Katya is banned from the diner. She still comes by every day, but Trixie doesn’t react to any of Katya’s little jokes or engages in conversation above the bare minimum of their business transaction. Most of the time Trixie doesn’t even serve her anymore, it’s usually Pearl or Kim, sometimes Shea even comes out of the kitchen. She does that when it’s slow and she’s alone, but now it’s clearly because Trixie is avoiding her and Katya doesn’t know why.

It’s the same when she’s there with Kate, although she’s a lot nicer to Kate. Kate has told her that when she’s there by herself, Trixie talks to her, but it’s a little awkward and stilted. She’s interrogated Katya on what happened and Katya had truthfully recounted everything she could think of. She and Violet had been talking about Pearl and it’s very possible Trixie overheard that, but Katya doesn’t understand why that would matter. It must be something else, but Katya can’t figure out what.

“Well, you better think really hard and figure it out, because I miss the old Trixie,” Kate instructs her.

Katya does too, but she doesn’t say that.

“Maybe you should just apologize,” is Ginger’s suggestion when Katya is lamenting the situation at work, following Ginger around while she is preparing lunch.

“For what? I haven’t done anything!” She realizes she’s raised her voice and Ginger doesn’t deserve that, but Katya is frustrated.

“You must have done something. And with all the shit she puts up with from you, it must have been bad for her to freeze you out like this.”

Ginger has a point. Over the years Trixie had complained plenty about Katya’s behaviour, which was of course the point. Katya likes pushing people’s buttons and Trixie’s are impossible to resist because they’re so easy to hit and despite everything they’re still friends. 

“Maybe she’s just fed up with me,” Katya murmurs. It’s what Kate had warned her about countless times, but she never listened. 

Ginger looks up from the cutting board she’s currently chopping carrots on. “Right,” she says sarcastically. 

“I’m serious! She clearly doesn’t wanna talk to me, maybe it’s time I respect that.”

“What do you mean?” Ginger asks with a frown, but goes back to her carrots.

“I’ve refused to take the hint so far, but I think it’s time I kept my distance,” Katya says quietly. It’s not like her to leave anything unresolved, but her current approach of trying to act as she always does isn’t working. If that’s what Trixie really wants, Katya isn’t going to push. Giving her space is the adult thing to do, so Katya will. She hopes it’s only a temporary thing.

“I think that’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said,” Ginger states dryly. “You should just ask her what’s going on, so you can work it out together.”

Katya shakes her head. “No. If she doesn’t want to talk to me, I’m not going to force her.”

*

She’s miserable, there’s no other way to put it. She’s been avoiding the diner for two weeks now and she misses all of it, the coffee, sitting there and watching the people around her, having snippets of conversation every time Trixie passes her by. Katya never realized how much time she usually spends there. Now she gets to work earlier and there’s always something to do at the inn, but they’re not all things that  _ she _ needs to do. She does them anyway, since she’s already there. 

The amount of food they order in has gone up significantly, and the other day Al asked her if everything was alright when she’d ordered from him three days in a row. She knows that Kate is unhappy too, but she doesn’t know how to fix all of this.

“I visited Kim at the diner today,” Kate says carefully one night, when they’ve settled in on the couch with their food containers. Now that school is over, Kim is working more hours and Kate often goes there to hang out in the mornings when the first rush is over and it gets quiet until lunch.

“Yeah?”

“Trixie seemed mad.”

Katya stares down into her food. “Did she?” She pushes a dumpling from one corner of the box to the opposite one and back.

“She was really rude to the guests. Kim said she’s been like that for a while now.” 

Katya can feel Kate’s eyes on her, but she doesn’t look up. “Who knows what Taylor wants from her now.” Katya wouldn’t, she hasn’t gone to the last town meeting since she knew Trixie would be there. Kate doesn’t reply, but Katya can hear her sigh.

“How’s your packing going?” Katya tries to distract her and it seems to work, with Kate making a ‘blergh’ sound from her side of the couch.

“How am I supposed to pick my favourite books?” she asks with a pained expression. “I love all of them.”

“Pick the ones that are either useful for college or that make you happy.” Katya has given that piece of advice before and they agreed it was the smart approach, but Kate’s first attempt had still left her with a selection that Katya refuses to lug into the car and then into Kate’s dorm room. 

“I’m trying!”

“The rest of your books will be here, if you really need one you can come and pick it up. But you have to leave enough space in the room for some clothes and you’ll have to sleep somewhere too. And you need to leave some space for your roommate.”

“I know, I know,” Kate mutters. Katya knows that she’s nervous. Moving out is a big deal, but it’s not just that, her entire environment is going to change. She’ll adjust to it, Katya is sure of that, but the transition won’t be easy for her. Kate especially dreads living with a roommate, and it’s not something Katya has ever done, so she has no helpful advice either. 

“If she’s sharing a dorm room with you, she’s probably not gonna be a snob from a super rich family. And it’s Yale so we can assume she’ll be serious about college. I’m sure you’ll get along with her.” Katya had said, hoping she is right. 

Over the next week the packing continues, the pile of books Kate absolutely has to have with her slowly shrinking to a manageable size. Her room gets more and more chaotic with her seemingly dividing all of her possessions into piles and when Katya picks up a shirt Kate yells at her from where she’s sitting on the floor in the middle of it all.

“I have a system!”

“Okay, jeez!” Katya drops it back on the pile and raises her hands. “It’s just that that’s mine and I’ve been looking for it.”

“Oh.” Kate looks a little embarrassed. “Sorry.”

Katya takes one big step to get over the clothes pile and sits down on folded legs on the floor next to Kate. “That’s alright, you can keep it. It looks better on you anyway.” Kate doesn’t reply, just looks across all of her stuff with desperation in her eyes.

“What’s the system?” Katya asks, getting ready to help however she can.

Kate takes a deep breath. “Those are clothes I absolutely need and those are the ones I’d like to take but will decide when I’m done and know how much stuff it is in total.” She points first at one pile and then one next to it. “Those are the ones staying here and that’s stuff I don’t fit into anymore, so we should donate it.”

“Right.” Katya nods, updating her mental map of the room.

Kate points a stack of assorted clutter on her bed. “That’s stuff that I need to take because it has sentimental value and over there is stuff I need to throw out. No, wait, the other way around.” She looks frazzled and like she just wants to quit, so Katya quickly squeezes her arm and gets up. She grabs a few boxes from the pile on the landing that they’ve started months ago in anticipation of Kate moving as well as a few garbage bags from underneath the sink. 

“Okay, the bags are for clothes.” She steps over the piles once more, but this time to ge to Kate’s desk where she picks up a marker. “We’ll label everything so there’s no mix-ups.” Katya drops one box on the floor in front of Kate. “You start with the clutter, I’ll do clothes and then we’ll see what’s left.”

Kate looks relieved at having clear instructions and gets to work. Within an hour they’ve put away the piles and the room looks somewhat organized again, despite the trash bags and boxes standing around. They decide that’s enough work for today. Kate has tomorrow left to sort through the rest of her stuff and put away the things she won’t take, and then in two days it’s moving day.

Katya has been keeping it together surprisingly well. There is a lot to do, both at work and to prepare Kate’s move, so she doesn’t have time to freak out. Also Kate is very much freaking out and Katya needs to be a calming presence and help her get through this. She can have her own crisis afterwards. 

*

When Katya comes out of the bathroom on the day of the move she finds a post it sticking to the floor boards in front of the door.  _ ‘Be back soon, I’ll bring coffee!’  _ the note reads and Katya sticks it to her arm to throw it into the trash when she’s downstairs. She dresses quickly in old jeans and a sweatshirt and ties her hair up. She still has some time until she has to pick up the moving van so she throws on a bit of makeup to give her hands something to do. 

Kate is back when Katya comes home in the van and as she had promised she’s brought coffee in a paper cup with the Trixie’s diner logo on it. Katya opens the plastic lid to inhale. She’s sure she would recognize Trixie’s coffee even if it didn’t come in the familiar cups, just by smell. 

Getting all of Kate’s stuff into the van goes surprisingly fast. Katya had taken the smallest model and it’s still not nearly full. They probably could have squeezed all of it in the jeep and Kate’s car, but the jeep is currently at the mechanic because it had made a few very suspicious noises a few days ago and Kate insisted Katya take her car until it’s fixed instead of ignoring it and praying. 

“We could have asked Trixie for the truck,” Kate remarks.

“We could have, but this works too.”

“Yes, but the truck would have been better. I’m sure she would have said yes if you’d asked.”

Katya swings the door closed and it shuts with a bang. “Kate, please. Just leave it.” 

She does and they both go inside for a trip to the bathroom before they get on the road. Kate takes her time, Katya is sure she’s saying goodbye to the house and she lets her. She waits in the driver’s seat with the door open and drinks what’s left of her coffee that’s tepid by now. When Kate comes outside she looks determined and quickly climbs onto the passenger seat. 

“Alright, I’m ready.”

Katya starts the van and when she pulls out onto the road Kate turns her head until they turn the next corner and the house disappears out of view. As they’re waiting for the street light in the town center to turn green, Kate waves out the window and when Katya leans forward to look around her, she sees Trixie with her hand raised as well, standing at the window of the diner. Their eyes meet, for the first time in weeks, and Trixie’s hand slowly sinks. She looks tired and a bit sad, Katya thinks, while trying to ignore the weight she can feel in her own stomach.  

The horn of the car behind her makes her jump. She didn’t notice the light turning green and she nearly strangles the van, before realizing she didn’t put it in first gear. The stick is hard to move and the person behind them honking the entire time doesn’t help. Finally they drive off, neither of them commenting on what just happened.

“You went to say goodbye this morning, didn’t you?” Katya finally asks.

“Yes.”

Yesterday Kate had come by the inn, saying bye to Ginger and Violet, then she’d gone over to Kim’s place, so she didn’t go to the diner for her.

Katya nods. “Good.” She doesn’t want Kate’s relationship with Trixie to suffer because of whatever this is between them.

After a moment Kate touches her arm gently. “You two are gonna be alright.”

Katya gives her a quick smile, hoping she’s right.

“How are things with Jason with the move and everything?” she then asks to change the subject. Out of the corner of her eye she can see Kate shrug.

“I’m gonna have less time, but we’re not that much further apart and once I’ve got my car back it’s not that different from before, I hope.”

“Have you two talked about this?”

“Of course we’ve talked about me going to college,” Kate says and Katya can hear the frown in her voice.

“No, I mean have you talked about what that means for your relationship and if you’re both committed to this?”

Kate is quiet for a moment. “Not really, I suppose.”

“You should probably do that. You know, talk about what you expect and what you’re willing to do,” Katya advises.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” They’re both silent for a moment and then Kate asks, “How on earth did  _ you _ get good at relationship stuff?”

Katya laughs. “I didn’t, lesbians are just naturally all about clear and open communication, I guess.”

“Right.” The doubt is so obvious in her voice that Katya doesn’t need to see her face to know Kate doesn’t believe her.

*

It only takes a little over half an hour until they’re making their way onto the campus. They leave the van in what Kate points out is a no-parking zone, which Katya ignores. She’s not going to carry all that stuff further than absolutely necessary. As soon as they get out a girl with a clipboard and a big smile approaches them. 

“Hi, I’m Bethany, are you a freshman?” she asks Kate, who nods and gives her a timid smile of her own.

“Great! I’m here to help you get where you need to go,” she leans in and lowers her voice to a stage whisper, “but first I’m going to have to ask you to move the car, unfortunately it can’t stay here.” 

“Oh, right! I’ll move it in a second,” Katya says as if she didn’t know. “So, where do we need to go?” She turns her own megawatt smile on Bethany.

“Uh, what’s your name?” She looks a little taken aback at not being listened to, but apparently also doesn’t know how to make Katya do what she wants her to do.

“Kate Zamolodchikova. Uh, Yekaterina.”

Bethany flips through the papers on her clipboard, all the way back to Z. “Right, you’re in Hall C.” From her bag she produces a flyer with a map. “Turn right at the fountain and that’s it. There’s somebody there who will give you your keys.”

Kate takes the flyer. “Thank you.”

“Alright, grab as much as you can carry, we’re not making this trip more times than necessary.” Katya opens the back of the van, grabbing two trash bags full of clothes and pushing one into Kate’s arms.

“But-- you can’t--” Bethany tries again as Katya locks the car and they take off in the direction she’s described.

“Thank you!” Katya calls, leaving the girl looking irritated but already turning towards another new arrival.

It only takes them a few minutes to find the right building and within another 10 minutes Kate has secured the key to her dorm room. When they approach it, they see the door is already open.

“Time to meet your roommate,” Katya says quietly.

They step into the small common area of the suite and find themselves alone, but not for long. 

“Kate, there you are! I’ve already picked my bed, you’re late so don’t come complaining about it to me.” From one of the rooms attached to the common area comes Phi Phi, clearly expecting Kate.

All summer Kate hadn't heard anything from her, hadn't even known what college she finally decided on, but evidently it's Yale. She's going on about optimal closet space, apparently already in the middle of unpacking. Finally Kate sets down the bag she's carrying, marches towards Phi Phi and pulls her into a tight hug.

"Hi, it's nice to see you, I had no idea you'd be here! Where have you been all summer?"

Phi Phi seems a little stunned by that, but it doesn't last long. 

"My mom divorced my dad and decided she needed to find herself and we needed bonding time, so we spent two months at a tibetan monastery.”

“Right,” Katya says. “Of course you did.”

“So we’re roommates?” Kate asks and Katya can hear the relief in her voice. She didn’t think the day that spending a large amount of time with Phi Phi would become a comforting prospect, but here they are.

“Yes, I made my dad pull a few strings. I tried to get us a bigger suite, too, but apparently the people responsible for housing are used to receiving very generous donations, so it didn’t work,” Phi Phi rattles off at high speed. 

The bag in Katya’s arms is starting to slip, so she pushes past the two girls into the adjoining room, dropping everything on the until now unclaimed bed near the door, and looks around. It’s not huge, but it looks clean, there’s a large window and several shelves along the walls. With the common area they should have enough space to avoid each other when they need to and not murder the other in their sleep. It has the potential to be a nice place. 

Katya is quick to enlist the help of a few boys moving in a floor above Kate. She realizes almost right away they genuinely think she's a student and that one of them is clumsily trying to hit on her. She doesn't correct any of the mistakes as long as there are still boxes with books in the van, and afterwards she gets them to help moving in the other two girls Kate shares the suite with. 

Blair looks like she can't possibly be old enough to go to college, but assures Katya she is. She's a very pretty and equally nervous girl from the country and Katya feels at ease knowing that's who Kate is sharing her living space with. The second freshman is Kameron and she looks like she doesn't need any help carrying boxes, with arms as muscular as hers. They generally distrust people who are too into fitness, but she seems nice enough. Frankly Phi Phi is the most difficult roommate Kate has to deal with and they already get along. All in all, it could be much worse and while Kate still looks nervous, she isn't panicking anymore.

As soon as they have all their stuff in the suite and Katya has let the boys from upstairs know they're barking up the wrong tree in more ways than one, they assess the still somewhat scarce looking room. When Katya sees somebody walk by the suite with a mini fridge, it's decided Kate is not done moving in and that a trip to Target is absolutely necessary. They buy a whole lot of kitchen stuff, so Kate won't have to depend on the cafeteria too much. 

On the way back to campus they get a ridiculous amount of takeout from different places so Kate can find out what the best ones are and which should be avoided. Katya convinces Kate to invite the other girls on the floor and she isn't thrilled at having her new space full of strangers, but it's the perfect opportunity to get to know everybody right away and make a good impression. It's college, Katya assumes free food will do the trick and she seems to be right. Kate probably won't be best friends forever with every one of these girls, but it's a good start. 

At some point all the food is eaten, there's nothing left to do and Katya has to return the moving van. When she steps outside with Kate she notices that all other parents seem to have left already, probably none of them stayed all day. Katya knows that neither of them were ready to say goodbye earlier and none of the other girls seemed to mind. Now the campus around them has gotten much calmer, but a lot of the new students seem to be getting ready for their first parties. Kate walks her to the parking lot they found that's closer to Kate's building and then there's nothing left to do but leave. They hug tightly for a long time.

"You can call me anytime, with any problem. Or when there's no problem and you just wanna talk. Call me." Katya's voice is muffled by Kate's hair.

"I will," she promises and then sniffles, neither of them letting go. “I love you.”

“Love you too, kid.” 

Before Katya pulls back she forces her face into a smile that she manages to keep up for as long as it takes her to get into the van and pull out of the parking lot while Kate waves after her. Once she’s off the campus she puts the radio on, but the music doesn’t actually reach her. The impending heaviness that’s been hanging over her for the past months is now descending upon her and she knows it’s silly, but she doesn’t know how to stop it. 

Kate isn’t that far away and she’s where she wants to be, where she  _ should _ be. Katya needs to let her do this, and she wants to. That doesn’t change that she already misses Katie terribly. She drives back to the car rental place as if in a trance. The man behind the desk reprimands her for returning the van late and she doesn’t bother coming up with a charming reply, just apologizes and then drives home in Kate’s car. 

She knows she shouldn’t, but as soon as she unlocks the door she drifts towards Kate’s room. For a moment she stands in the doorway, overlooking the dark room. It barely looks any different. There’s a bit more space on the bookshelves, the desk is tidy and Kate’s laptop is missing, but it still looks like she might have just gone out, maybe gone to binge-watch something on Netflix with Kim. It doesn’t feel like that, though. Katya lies down on the bed that’s made as tidy as always, but she notices Mr. Mittens is missing and can’t help but smile at Kate taking him with her. 

The plastic stars on the ceiling greet her with their faint greenish-yellow glow in the darkness and Katya feels the loneliness hit her with full force. Tears start rising in her, but before the first can fall, her phone starts buzzing in her jeans pocket. Katya abruptly sits up and wipes her hand across her face while pulling her phone out with the other. The display shows Kate’s name and Katya frowns.

“Hey, honey, what’s up?”

She quietly says, “Nothing. I just… I don’t know, I feel weird.”

Katya lies back down, one arm beneath her head. “About what exactly?”

“About starting classes on Monday. About sharing a bathroom with strangers.” After a short moment of hesitation she adds, “About not being home and knowing I won’t see you until next weekend.”

“Yeah, me too.” Katya sighs. “What are you doing?”

“I’m in bed. Everybody else is at a party across the hall, but I didn’t feel like going.”

“Phi Phi went?” Katya asks surprised.

“Yes, she said this is her chance to reinvent herself and be Fun Phi Phi from now on,” Kate explains and Katya snorts.

“How long do you think that’s gonna last?”

“I’m giving her another half hour.”

They chat about nothing in particular for a few more minutes until Katya can hear the door being pushed open.

“My half hour was too generous,” Kate says dryly.

“Blair is-- who are you talking to?” Phi Phi’s muffled voice is audible through the phone.

“My mom. Blair is what?”

“Oh, good.” 

Then there is a lot of rustling and Phi Phi has evidently taken the phone.

“Katya, Blair got really drunk and is in the bathroom throwing up, what do I do?”

“Is somebody with her?” Katya asks.

“Not right now.”

“Right, you should probably get in there and make sure she doesn't choke. But throwing up is good, let her get it all out. Once she’s done, get her to drink some water if you can and put her to bed, she’ll be fine,” Katya calmly instructs her and after thanking her Phi Phi is gone, apparently having handed the phone back to Kate.

“Wow, this really is college. Should I… go check?” Kate sounds unsure.

“I think Phi Phi has it under control. There isn’t much you could do anyway.”

“Right.”

For a moment they’re both silent and Katya relaxes slightly when she no longer has to be in mom mode.

“This is gonna get easier,” she then tells Kate, not talking about the drunk roommate situation and trusting Kate to get it.

“I know. But right now it sucks.”

Katya can’t argue with that. “I’m just a phone call away. Nothing has changed between us,” she assures Kate, trying to convince herself in the process. There isn’t really anything left to say and they wish each other a good night, promising to talk the next day. 

Once Kate has hung up the silence and darkness in the house start pressing on Katya’s chest again. She should go to bed, but there is too much going on in her head and she knows she would just drive herself crazy being alone with her thoughts right now. The only other option is to not be alone. 

There is no doubt about who Katya wants to talk to most about this and it’s probably a bad idea, but she still puts on her shoes, grabs her keys and walks out into the night. 

*

Katya almost turns around and leaves when she's standing in front of the diner, but she can see light coming through the windows in the apartment above, so Trixie must still be awake. The few times she has been upstairs she had been at the diner before, and for a moment she has no idea how to even get there otherwise before she remembers the back entrance to the building. Once she's walked around the corner she quickly spots the doorbell that's labeled 'Mattel’ in Trixie's neat handwriting. Once again she almost turns around and goes home, but instead Katya takes a deep breath and rings. Nothing happens, except for Katya's heart beating fast in her chest, but then she can hear somebody coming down the stairs and the door opens. Trixie is wearing checkered pyjama pants, a baggy sweatshirt and her face is completely free of make-up. She has her hair down and for a second Katya thinks of Kate's graduation party, when things between them had been so different.

“Katya!” Trixie says, the annoyance on her face, probably from being disturbed so late, melting away into surprise.

“Hi.” Katya gives her as much of a smile as she can manage. “I know it's late, I'm really sorry, but I didn't know who else to talk to.” She knows that that’s not quite true. She has other friends she could talk to, like Ginger. But she needed to come to Trixie.

There's nothing left of the cold and distance that's been in Trixie's expression lately, instead she looks at Katya with worry in her eyes.

“What's wrong?” She steps forward with one hand outstretched, but then lets it fall to her side again.

That's the moment Katya knows it's over. She can feel the tears build up behind her eyes until they spill over and just like that she's sobbing. All she can press out is, “Everything!”

Now Trixie does reach out, grabs her shoulder and pulls her forward, and before Katya fully realizes what's happening she's enveloped in Trixie's arms. While she's crying onto her sweatshirt, she thinks that in the years they've known each other, Katya can probably count the times they've hugged on one hand and always was she the one who initiated it. But now Trixie is holding her and giving no indication of letting go anytime soon. It’s Katya who pulls back after a while, feeling stupid standing in the doorway, crying all over Trixie.

“Let’s get you inside.” Trixie gently grabs her by the elbow and leads her inside, letting her climb the stairs in front of her. Once inside the apartment Trixie ushers her towards the sofa, gently pushes her down and places a box of tissues in her hands. Then she goes to put the electric kettle on. They’re both silent, apart from Katya loudly blowing her nose, while they’re waiting for the water to boil. Once it does, Trixie makes them both a cup of tea and when she places them on the coffee table, the herbal aroma does something to immediately calm Katya down a little.

Trixie pulls one leg up on the couch and sits on it, so she can face Katya. “Tell me what happened.” She says it as if the last weeks hadn’t happened, as if Katya came by the diner while Trixie closes up and they’re talking like they always do.

Katya opens her mouth, but then stops. She feels so stupid. Nothing happened that she didn’t know was going to happen. “Kate is gone. We were talking on the phone earlier and then once she hung up it was like it’s official now. She’s moved out.” She takes a sip of her tea even though it’s still too hot.

“She’s not even an hour away, and you’ll see each other on the weekend,” Trixie quietly offers and she’s right.

“I know, but this changes everything.” While she thinks how to explain, Trixie looks at her with her big brown eyes, waiting for Katya to speak, with her hands wrapped around her own mug. “When she comes home on the weekends now she’ll be visiting. I’m no longer her home.”

At that Trixie smiles slightly. “I really don’t think that’s ever going to be true.”

“She no longer is my home,” Katya finally admits, her voice flat and her eyes downturned. “I’m a mother and no matter what else I am, I’m always going to be a mother first. For as long as she’s existed, Kate has been my first priority.”

“I know.”

“I wasn’t even fully a person yet when I had her. I don’t know how to be an adult without Kate around.” Katya draws in a shaky breath. “I need her more than she needs me.”

At that Trixie reaches over and squeezes her knee. “Is that such a bad thing?”

Katya doesn’t reply, just shrugs and then blows her nose again.

“You raised her to be a smart, independent young woman, who can make her way alone. But she loves you and if she ever has any problem whatsoever I’m sure you’re the first person she’ll go to. Maybe she doesn’t need you, but she wants you in her life.” Her hand moves forward a little and Katya thinks she’s going to pat her thigh, but then Trixie pulls it back again. “And I’m not worried about you, you’ll figure out how to live by yourself. You’re the most capable person I know.”

Katya looks at her in surprise. “Me?” She barks out a dry laugh. 

“You’ve raised a child all by yourself and she is the happiest, most cared for kid I know. You can do that for yourself, too.”

Trixie sounds perfectly confident, a feeling Katya would love to share, but hearing Trixie say it helps already. 

“Thank you.” A few minutes ago Katya felt silly bothering Trixie with this, but now she feels calmer and her heartache is soothed as much as she could expect anyone to soothe it. She leans her head against Trixie’s shoulder and her arm comes around, rubbing Katya’s arm slowly.

“Of course.” They stay like that for a moment and Katya notices how nice Trixie smells. Usually the only smell Katya associates with her is that of coffee and grease and she’s fonder of that than she likes to admit. She’s missed it in the last couple of weeks. But now something flowery yet not overly sweet reaches Katya’s nose. It must be Trixie’s shampoo. Katya catches herself as she’s just about to turn her head and press her face into Trixie’s hair. Instead she sits up straight, Trixie’s arm falling away from her, and grabs her tea, taking a sip.

Trixie seems to pick up on Katya's tension and puts her second foot back on the floor and sitting up straight, so they're no longer facing each other. They’re both quietly drinking their tea until Trixie breaks the silence.

“This is the first time you’ll live alone and let me tell ya, it has its advantages.”

Katya nods slowly, as if deep in thought. “I can finally have all those orgies in the living room that I’ve been holding off on.”

The tension breaks as Trixie screams with laughter. “No! I meant you get to watch the TV shows you want to watch. I was gonna say can eat what you like, but you’re doing that always anyways. You get the bathroom all to yourself. You get to walk around in only your underwear.” She stops herself, looks down at her lap and Katya isn’t absolutely sure, but she thinks Trixie is blushing. 

She wants to ask Trixie if that’s what she does because they’re friends and they tease each other, it’s what they do. But Trixie looks uncomfortable, so Katya doesn’t ask.

“That does sound nice,” she offers instead. Trixie is right. This is her opportunity to learn how to be an adult by herself. There have to be upsides to this. And lots of people live alone, surely she can manage that. Trixie has lived alone for as long as Katya has known her and she wonders if sometimes Trixie wishes she didn’t. Katya looks around and imagines another person sharing the small space and it seems impossible. Not just because it used to be nothing more than an office and was never meant to be an apartment, but also because it’s so obviously Trixie’s place.

Like herself, it’s a confusing mix of practical, comfortable things, full of wood, worn leather and warm colors, and bright, overly feminine things like the pink throw-pillow embroidered with gold flowers that Katya is resting against right now. It doesn’t make sense, but somehow it all works together. This is why being around Trixie is never boring and Katya realizes just how much she’s missed it. She wants to ask Trixie why things have been so awful between them lately, but she’s too scared of breaking this fragile truce they have seemed to come to.

“Thank you for this.” She vaguely gestures around herself. “I’ve never shown up on a woman’s doorstep crying before and I don’t think it’s for me.”

Trixie smiles. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“Sorry if I ruined your evening plans.”

“You think I had plans?” Trixie snorts and gestures to her outfit. “I was just gonna go to bed.”

“Thanks for keeping me company instead.” 

They both know where this is going. The crisis is averted, Katya has calmed down and it’s long past either of their bedtimes. The right thing to do would be getting out of Trixie’s hair, but the thought of going back to her dark, empty house is still making Katya miserable, so she stays where she is.

“Do you want to watch some TV?” Trixie asks suddenly and to Katya’s surprise her face is nothing but sincere. She isn’t just asking to give Katya the opportunity to decline.

“That would be nice.”

They quickly settle in with old episodes of The Nanny and even though they’re not talking much, Katya enjoys having somebody sitting next to her, folded onto the couch with strategically placed pillows around her, laughing at all the things Katya laughs at. Not everything is fixed, but Katya doesn’t feel nearly as alone anymore as she did before coming here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please consider leaving a comment here or sending me a message on tumblr, where I'm [@connyhascontrol](https://connyhascontrol.tumblr.com/)!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Katya aimlessly wanders through the aisles, she stops in front of the shampoo bottles, remembering hers was getting low. Trixie probably buys her shampoo here too, unless she goes to the beauty store that Katya only ever frequents to get the sunscreen for super sensitive skin. She picks up a shampoo bottle that says it contains hollyhock. She flips the cap open and sniffs, but it’s way more herbal than whatever Trixie uses. 
> 
> “What are you doing?” she mutters to herself, replaces the bottle on the shelf, grabs her usual coconut one and drops it in her basket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your lovely comments and messages, they get me so excited to get more of this out to you! A big thank you to [Shea](https://hedonssippingseagrams.tumblr.com/) and [Naty](https://pichitinha.tumblr.com/) for being my beta/cheerleading squad, this fic would not be the same without you. I added another chapter because I'm terrible at estimating word counts, whoops.

Katya awakes with her back hurting, and for a moment she doesn’t know where she is. Then she takes in the wood panels along the walls and the leather couch she’s folded up on. She doesn’t remember Trixie spreading a blanket across her, she must have done that when Katya was already asleep. Trixie herself is nowhere to be seen and when Katya sits up, she can see her bed is made. 

She can hear the sounds of a busy diner in the morning from downstairs and has a moment of panic, thinking she might have overslept, but her watch lets her know it’s not even 8 o’clock yet. It’s a Sunday, but they have a family reunion booked at the inn, so she has to get to work. She makes a quick trip to the bathroom and gives her hair up as a lost cause. She’ll have time for a quick shower before work, but she’ll just have to put her hair up. 

In yesterday’s clothes she makes her way downstairs, Trixie’s voice standing out to her in the mix of noises. She pulls aside the curtain separating the back area from the diner, steps behind the counter and finds herself facing Jinkx, who is sitting at a table near her and having breakfast. 

“Morning!” Katya gives her a smile, but Jinkx just looks at her with her mouth open a little. Being as early as it is on Sunday, it’s fairly calm with several tables empty.

“You’re not supposed to be back here.” Pearl, coffee pot in hand, regards her with a frown, and once again Katya thinks she looks mad. 

“Right, I just want to talk to Trixie real quick, then I’ll be gone.”

“Trixie is busy,” Pearl informs Katya, sounding frosty.

“It’s okay!” Trixie calls from the kitchen. “Can you keep an eye on the eggs for a minute?”

Pearl gives Katya another dark look, then sets down the coffee and walks into the kitchen, Trixie coming out a second later. Katya wonders how she managed to do her hair and makeup and get dressed without waking Katya up. She looks put together as always and somehow even well-rested. She meets Katya with a smile.

“Hey.”

“Thanks for letting me crash here last night and, uh,” Katya reaches out and lightly touches her arm, “thanks for… you know.” Katya doesn't have a better way to say it. 'Thanks for letting me be ridiculous and cry over nothing,' and 'Thanks for listening to me be an idiot,' would fit, but aren't nearly as important as 'Thanks for being my friend again.'

“Anytime,” she replies gently. “Would you like some breakfast?”

“No, I need to get home and then to the inn,” Katya declines and then pats down her jeans. “I don’t have my wallet anyway.”

“At least take a coffee.” Without waiting for a reply, Trixie grabs a paper cup, fills it with coffee and puts the lid on. Katya accepts it with a smile and another thank you. Then, Trixie grins. “Do you want to take one for Violet as well?”

Katya can feel her face pull into an expression of confusion. “No, she’s not working today, and why would I?”

With a shrug Trixie says, “I just thought, since she’s been hanging around here so much lately.”

“She’s what?”

Trixie looks surprised. “You didn’t know? I thought she was-- nevermind.”

“What? Spying for me?” Katya grins broadly, when Trixie rolls her eyes, but doesn’t deny it. “No, I had no idea she came here, and she didn’t do that for _me_ , I can assure you.” Her eyes flicker to the kitchen where Pearl disappeared earlier and when Trixie follows her gaze, her brows go up.

“Oh, right! That explains a lot, actually.” They share a knowing smile and it’s just like things used to be. 

“I better get going.”

“I’ll see you later?” Trixie asks with big eyes and Katya thinks she looks a little nervous.

She smiles. “Sure, see you later.”

When she walks out into the morning sun, she feels lighter than she’s felt in weeks. She still misses Kate, but at least her fight with Trixie - or whatever it was - is over.

*

At work, Ginger treats Katya with suspicion at her surprisingly good mood.

"I thought you would be heartbroken, since Kate is gone."

"I was. I _am_. But Trixie and I had a good long talk about it, and I feel a lot better," Katya explains nonchalantly.

Ginger raises her brows as high as they will go. "Did you, now?"

“Yes, I went over last night and cried all over her and now she’s talking to me again.”

“So why was she so mad at you?”

Katya pulls her shoulders up in an awkward shrug. “Don’t know, we didn’t talk about that and I didn’t want to ruin everything by asking.”

Ginger gives her a look that’s clearly telling her she’s an idiot.

“What?”

“If you didn’t talk about it, it’s not resolved. If you don’t know what it was you did wrong, what’s keeping you from doing it again?”

Ginger is not wrong, but Katya is too relieved to have Trixie in her life again to start a discussion, that could change that again. It’s not like her to avoid meeting a problem head on, but there’s just too much at stake. Katya is saved from having to admit any of that to Ginger by her phone buzzing in her hand. It’s a reply from Kate, confirming that they’ll talk tonight, and Katya grins at the prospect.

“Kate?” Ginger only asks and Katya nods. “What is she doing today?”

“Not sure, I told her to do something with her roommates to get to know them, but I don’t know if they’re in any state to do anything other than getting over their hangovers. She’s calling later, so I’ll find out then.”

Ginger gives her a dry smile. “Oh, to be young and hungover on a Sunday and not have to work.”

Katya lightly slaps her arm. “You wanted to open this place with me, it’s your own fault. Besides, Kate is sharing a room with Phi Phi, do you really want to switch places?”

Ginger fakes a shudder going through her. “Now that you mention it, I think I’m good where I am.”

*

She’s nervous when she’s stepping into the diner later that day, finally done with work. She’s never been nervous before when coming here, but she can’t help thinking last night and this morning might have been a fluke. Katya is standing in front of the door, unsure whether or not she should push it open, until Trixie spots her through the glass, so Katya quickly slaps on a smile and enters. 

It’s busy, there are families eating pie together after a long day of doing god knows what, but Trixie asks her right away if she wants her coffee here or to go. She sounds like she used to, possibly even a little friendlier, and Katya takes it as a good sign.

“Here,” she replies. It’s still two hours until the time Kate has agreed to call her and she doesn’t want to potter around alone in the house until then. So she has a coffee at the counter while Trixie works. Katya is glad Pearl’s shift is over and Kim is here now. She greets Katya with surprise showing clearly on her face, but also with a smile.

Her nerves settle when she realizes she gets to sit here again and that things are okay. She still wants to know why they weren’t okay only yesterday morning, and Katya doesn’t know what she did or what happened to make Trixie change her mind. They don’t talk, Shea seems to have the whole day off, so Trixie is running the kitchen, and people are starting to order dinner. Katya is tempted to have dinner here as well. She’s never told her, but Katya thinks Trixie is a better chef than Shea, and she hasn’t gotten to eat Trixie’s food in weeks. But it’s still fairly early, she isn’t actually hungry yet, and she has a fridge full of leftovers, that she should try to get to before it all goes off.

So Katya takes her leave once she’s done with her coffee, having her “See you!” echoed by Trixie, and quickly pops into the market down the street. She doesn’t know how much snack food she still has, and she’s in the mood for something sugary, that gets too much after the first few bites but that she will not be able to put down until it’s all gone. She stocks up on candy and then does another round, checking if there’s anything else she needs.

As Katya aimlessly wanders through the aisles, she stops in front of the shampoo bottles, remembering hers was getting low. Trixie probably buys her shampoo here too, unless she goes to the beauty store that Katya only ever frequents to get the sunscreen for super sensitive skin. She picks up a shampoo bottle that says it contains hollyhock. She flips the cap open and sniffs, but it’s way more herbal than whatever Trixie uses. 

“What are you doing?” she mutters to herself, replaces the bottle on the shelf, grabs her usual coconut one and drops it in her basket. 

Katya has promised Kate to eat the occasional fruit and/or vegetable, so she stops in front of the produce section, looking for anything that she finds appealing.

“The peaches are very good right now.”

Katya looks up at Dela’s voice and meets her smile with her own. 

“Alright, that’s decided then, thanks.” She doesn’t bother with an extra bag, just grabs three peaches that she thinks look good and places them on top of the candy.

"So," Dela starts with a sweet smile, "I saw you come home this morning." Katya only looks at her with a frown, not sure where this going, so Dela leans in and whispers, "In yesterday's clothes."

"Oh. Yeah, I was feeling kind of _blergh_ ," she makes a vague, wiggly hand gesture, "and needed to talk to a friend."

Dela nods, still smiling. She has a way of smiling that lets you know something is going on behind it, but you never know what. She surges forward, grabbing Katya's arm.

"I'm so happy for you and Trixie, we've all been rooting for you two for so long!"

"It's only been a few weeks…" Katya's confusion is replaced with panic when she realizes what Dela is implying. "Oh, no, no, no! I crashed on her couch, it's not like that!" she quickly explains.

"That's not what Jinkx said it looked like this morning."

Katya groans. Of course, she forgot about Jinkx. "What did she say?"

"That you two were gazing at each other tenderly."

Katya barks out a humorless laugh. "Jinkx shouldn't read as many romance novels." In reply Dela only cocks her head to the side with raised brows. "Trixie and I talked, that's it. There's nothing going on between us!" Katya assures her. 

Dela is still smiling that smile as she pats Katya's arm and says, "Sure, dear," before swanning off to continue her own shopping.

Katya keeps standing where she is. She can kind of get Jinkx misunderstanding the situation, with her coming downstairs from Trixie's apartment in last night's clothes, but there was no tender gazing. The problem is if Jinkx is convinced there was, Dela won't be the only one she's told. It's almost 6 pm, Katya assumes she has met half the town since this morning and has probably mentioned it to everyone. That's what Jinkx does. People specifically go to her for the latest gossip, sometimes even Katya does.

She was at work all day, so she hasn't heard anything about it, but she can't imagine nobody has mentioned it to Trixie. And if so, why hasn't Trixie told her? 

Somebody clears their throat behind Katya and she is pulled out of her thoughts, realizing she's standing in the way. With a quick apology, she steps aside and then heads straight for the register. She is greeted by the woman in front of her in the line. She's the mother of a girl Kate went to middle school with, so they know each other in passing, but they've never really talked. Katya says hi back, slightly confused at how friendly _Carol? Karen?_ suddenly is. It's probably one of those names. When Mary at the register rings her up and is extremely friendly the whole time through, she realizes Jinkx must have gotten to them already. Or Dela did. Or anybody those two have come in contact with today.

*

Right away when she gets home, Katya tears into the bag of marshmallows she just bought. Trixie must know people are talking, and yet she served Katya her coffee without mentioning it. Maybe she's embarrassed by the whole thing, but that doesn't seem very Trixie. No, it's more likely that she thinks it's so ridiculous that she doesn't think it's worth talking about. That at least makes more sense to Katya. And she’s right. Until yesterday they hadn’t spoken in weeks, it’s stupid to assume they’re dating now. 

Her phone starts buzzing, Kate’s name on the screen.

“Hello? Who might this be? Surely not my daughter, who has so cruelly abandoned me.” Katya answers in a frail old lady voice and Kate snorts at the other end of the line.

“You’re so dramatic.” The eye roll is almost audible.

“You’re the one who called me last night an hour after we’d last seen each other.”

“Yes, and this is what I get for it?”

Katya grins. They might only be talking over the phone, but it’s still _them_.

“What did you do today? Is Blair okay?”

“Oh yeah, she’s fine, just hungover. She stayed in bed most of the day. Phi Phi and I checked out the campus and a bit of the town as well, so we know where to buy groceries and do laundry and all that. And I’ve gone to all the buildings I have classes in so I won’t get lost and be late.”

“Of course you did,” Katya says with a fond smile. Kate sounds cheerful and excited, nothing like last night and Katya is relieved. Knowing that she is already settling in alright makes this easier on Katya as well. 

“How about you?” The concern is obvious in Kate’s voice.

“There’s good news and, uh, weird news.” Katya quickly summarizes what has happened in the last 24 hours.

“What?” 

“Well, after your call yesterday I went over to talk to Trixie and we made up--”

“Oh my god, that’s great!” Kate interrupts her. “So what was it that she was mad about?”

“I don’t know, we didn’t talk about that.” Katya admits and stuffs a marshmallow into her mouth.

“I thought you made up?”

“We did, but we talked about other stuff,” is what she says, but most of it gets stuck in the marshmallow.

“What?”

“We talked about other stuff,” Katya repeats after swallowing.

Kate sighs. “Is that the weird part?”

“Oh, no. I fell asleep on Trixie’s sofa and this morning Jinkx saw me come downstairs to the diner and now everybody thinks we’re dating.”

Kate is silent for a moment, before asking, “And how do you feel about that?” 

“What do you think? It’s weird.” Katya considers getting Kate’s input on why Trixie wouldn’t say anything about it to her, but then decides it’s not worth making a big deal out of it if Trixie doesn’t think it is.

“Have you done anything about it?”

“I told Dela, but it didn’t look like she believed me.”

“So what now?”

Katya shrugs, as if Kate can see her. “I’m not gonna waste my breath trying to convince everybody there’s nothing going on between us, that will only make people think there definitely is.”

“Ah, yes, the lady doth protest too much,” Kate agrees. “What did Trixie say about it?”

“Nothing, at least not to me. She’s probably thinking that arguing is useless, too.”

“Probably,” Kate replies pensively.

They stay on the phone for a while longer, Kate grabbing some snacks as well and telling Katya all about the campus and the people she’s already met. That night Katya goes to bed in her own home, the separation anxiety that had been building up over months soothed a little.

*

Never before has Katya been so eager to get home from work on a Friday and get changed for dinner with her parents. Since she still has Kate’s car, she’ll pick her up at Yale and they’ll drive to her parents’ place together. To see her daughter for the first time in a week, Katya will even take it upon herself to spend time with her parents.

She shows up at the dorm a little early, but as soon as she knocks, Kate opens and they hug. They have talked on the phone every night this week, Kate telling her all about her classes, her professors and the reading she’s already done. By now Katya is convinced that Kate is exactly where she’s supposed to be. Once they hang up, the house is still too quiet, but Katya is combating it with TV or loud music. In the mornings she heads to the diner as soon as possible and then stays at work until either Ginger or Violet tell her to get lost. It’s a work in progress, but she’s determined to get better at being alone.

But for the weekend she has Kate back, and she looks as excited about that as Katya feels. Kate is ready to go, and after a quick goodbye to her roommates she grabs her backpack and an overnight bag, and they’re off.

Svetlana greets them at the door with a big smile. She hugs Kate first and then, in her enthusiasm, even Katya. Her dad is no different and they immediately start talking at Kate, asking if she’s been to certain places and met certain people, not giving her a chance to actually reply. Katya doesn’t remember ever seeing them so joyful before. With her, every big occasion had always been accompanied by the worry that she would ruin it somehow. Katya doesn’t begrudge them that, their worry was justified most of the time.

For Katya, it’s the most relaxed the Friday night dinner has been in a long time. Once Kate starts talking about her first week at Yale, anybody barely acknowledges Katya is there and it suits her fine. After a while she starts quietly making small talk with the maid whenever she comes by to collect plates or bring out a new course. She’s new, looks pretty terrified and seems grateful for somebody to treat her like a person.

“Yekaterina, stop distracting Maria, she has our dessert to prepare,” Svetlana’s voice cuts through the room and Katya turns her friendly smile away from the maid and towards her mother.

“I was just finding someone to have a conversation with. And her name is Elena, Maria was two maids ago.”

At that her mother seems taken aback a little. “Two? Really?” She turns towards Pyotr, who is clearly thinking hard as well.

“Ah, yes, there was the Polish girl.”

“Oh, the one with the pigtails! Honestly, a grown woman with pigtails, how ridiculous!” her mother remarks and returns to her meal.

“Run!” Katya whispers to Elena with a sunny smile, sure that her mother would take offense to her nervous nature and fire her in no time, which is honestly the best that could happen to her. Elena gives her an unsure smile in return, before heading back to the kitchen.

“How are things at the inn?” her dad asks when Katya has just taken a big bite of her potatoes and she rushes to chew and swallow. 

“Good! Our bookings are rapidly increasing and the ratings we have gotten are great. The restaurant is a big pull, dinner services are busy, lunch not so much yet, but Ginger is convinced we’ll get there,” Katya happily rattles off. 

“Good, good.” Her dad says, sounding pleased. Business is the one topic he’s always comfortable talking about.  “How are you doing financially? Is everything going according to plan?”

“Well, our income is pretty close to what we expected, but our expenses before the opening were a little higher than we had accounted for, so we’ll probably need a few more months to break even than planned, but it’s nothing dramatic.”

“You sound very confident about that.”

“I am,” she says with a pleasant smile and he looks at her with something akin to pride.

“Good.”

It’s probably the most praise she’s ever going to get from him. Her dad appreciates success and confidence. One she’s had too little and the other too much of growing up. Now she seems to have struck the right balance in his eyes and Katya doesn’t disagree.

Apparently, her mother is fed up with the shop talk and redirects the conversation to Kate and Yale. 

“We should take you to the club sometime soon, introduce you to the right people, maybe smooth the way a little, hm?” She says it with a wink and Kate’s face falls, even more when Svetlana adds, “Maybe even help you find a nice young man you could study with.”

“Oh god, Mom! You will not set her up with some rich kid who sailed there on his name and connections and she certainly doesn’t need your help to make the _right_ friends,” Katya says sharply. “We’ve talked about this.” 

They had, when they had first told them Kate would be going to Yale and Svetlana had wanted to throw a party with all her rich friends and their eligible bachelor children and grandchildren under the pretense of already making friends at Yale ahead of actually getting there. She’s been trying to set Kate up with somebody since she turned 16. They haven’t told her about Jason yet, knowing she would not approve, since their families haven’t been golfing at the club together for the past 30 years, and to save him from having to come to dinner for as long as possible. 

Now Svetlana doesn’t meet Katya’s eyes, instead keeps cutting her food, as she says, “I’m merely trying to help. Honestly, I don’t understand why you’re being so touchy.”

Katya opens her mouth to protest, but Kate starts speaking before she has a chance.

“Thanks, Grandma, but for now I’d like to get settled, get to know my roommates and my neighbors, and other than that concentrate on my classes.”

“Yes, you should!” her grandfather says enthusiastically. “Don’t let yourself be distracted from your studies, it’s why you’re there.” Kate smiles at him gratefully, but his wife glowers at him, so he adds, “Although a social life and good connections are important as well and you shouldn’t neglect that.”

Kate sighs quietly and Katya jumps in. “Let her find her own feet, she knows what she’s doing,” she says softly, looking across the table to her daughter.

“Alright,” Svetlana finally relents. “But if you change your mind, let me know,”

“I will. Thanks, Grandma.”

They finish their dinner without any further incidents, her father disappearing into his study directly after. Before they leave, Kate goes to the bathroom, and across from Katya on the other loveseat her mother rearranges her face carefully into an expressionless mask.

“You know, you don’t have to come to these dinners anymore if you don’t want to.”

“What?” Katya slowly lets the hand with her drink in it sink, feeling a little like she just got slapped.

“Kate made the arrangement, nobody is forcing you to be here.”

“Okay,” Katya says in a flat voice. “I guess I misunderstood. Next week you won’t have to put up with me.”

Svetlana sighs and rolls her eyes. “That’s not what I said, I meant you don’t have to speak to us if you don’t want to.”

“Well, excuse me if I thought I was being uninvited, because it sounded a lot like that’s what you were doing.” Katya can feel her pulse rise and hears the sharp tone in her own voice. She didn’t mean for this conversation to go like this. She never does.

“That’s ridiculous, you’re always welcome here, you know that.”

“Do I?” she mutters more to herself than her mother and only gets a disappointed look in return.

“Come to dinner or don’t, but I would appreciate it if you could let me know in advance, so I can plan the meal.”

“You don’t have to feel like you have to invite me, I’m a big girl, I can find something else to do.”

“God, why are you so stubborn?” her mother asks with another sigh.

“Me?” Katya laughs incredulously. “I’m trying to be considerate and give you an out.”

“But I don’t want an out, your father and I would love to keep having you for dinner!” Svetlana has raised her voice.

In the same upset tone, Katya answers, “Fine, I’d love to come!”

They sit opposite each other, both breathing heavily, and the realization how ridiculous they’re both being comes down on Katya at full force. It could have been a perfectly pleasant invitation. She can’t help but laugh, and at first her mother looks offended, but then the corners of her mouth pull up as well. Katya reminds herself to not always assume that her mother wants to antagonize her.

At the sound of a throat being cleared, they look towards the open doorway to the hall where Kate is standing, already with her jacket on and looking somewhat uncomfortable, and Pyotr with raised brows, looking at them both like they’re naughty school children. 

“Are you two quite finished?”

“We were just making plans,” her mother says, sounding perfectly calm and collected.

“Yes, it was impossible to miss.” He’s smiling as well as he says it. Katya doesn’t waste any time and says her goodbyes, ready to end whatever weird interaction this was as quickly as possible.

In the car Kate turns towards her. "What the hell was that? Are you two okay?"

"Oh yeah, we're fine. Except that I'm increasingly becoming like my mother, so that's bad news for you, I guess," Katya explains with a grin.

Kate only sighs and shakes her head a little.

*

Katya wakes up slowly, the early fall sun sending gentle light through her window. She doesn't know how late it is and she doesn't care. It's Sunday, she has nowhere to be today, so for once she gets to sleep in. Kate stayed with Jason over night and she doesn’t expect her to get back before noon. 

They had spent yesterday buying some more things for Kate’s dorm room. Katya’s was determined to make that place a home and make Kate’s life there as comfortable as possible. So their purchases (that Kate insisted she didn’t actually need, which Katya ignored) included a new bedspread and several matching pillows, a second pinboard for photos and other non-college related things, as well as three cacti. 

Neither of them is convinced Kate can actually keep them alive. For somebody as pathologically responsible as her, it’s astounding how bad she is at keeping plants alive. Katya isn’t any better at it, so most of the plants in their house are actually plastic. The few that aren’t are only clinging to life because Dela occasionally tends to them. Every time Katya brings up maybe getting a dog, everyone around her uses the plants as a reason why she shouldn't. That she’s successfully raised an actual human doesn’t seem to matter in those conversations.

After their shopping trip they’d had a late lunch at Trixie’s, Kim spending her break with them and Kate telling her all of the things about college she’s already shared with Katya. Several of their friends and neighbours had stopped by their table, asking Kate how she was getting on at Yale and her telling them how much she loves it over and over again. Jinkx is one of them, and once she had gotten her answer from Kate, she’d turned towards Katya.

“Where is Trixie? Don’t tell me she actually is taking a day off!”

Katya had shrugged. Yes, Trixie had been notably absent, but it’s not like she would know her schedule or how she spends her time away from work. “Apparently she is, no idea what she’s doing.”

Jinkx had nodded sagely. “Yes, it’s important that people in relationships still have their own space. It also keeps the mystery alive.”

“We’re not--” Katya had started, but Jinkx had already been sauntering off with a last wink towards her. “Oh, nevermind,” she’d muttered to herself and sullenly stolen a fry from Kate’s plate.

They had spent the afternoon at home, sorting through some of the stuff Kate had left behind last week and deciding if she needed it after all, before she drove off for a date night with Jason. Katya had pushed down the disappointment of Kate leaving to spend some time with him. Katya had been looking forward to their regular movie night, but Kate hadn’t seen Jason all week either, it’s only fair, she’d told herself as she’d gone to bed in an empty house again.

Automatically, Katya’s hand reaches for her phone that’s charging on the bedside table and it tells her it’s just past 9 am. Instead of going through her notifications as she usually does in the morning, she puts it down again, deciding she doesn’t need to engage with the world just yet. 

She scratches her belly where her shirt has ridden up, the hand staying on her skin afterwards as Katya sighs and turns onto her back, her eyes falling shut again. She lets her hand drift upwards towards her breasts. They're small like the rest of her, but she cups one, the soft skin feeling comforting. As she keeps moving her hand, she can feel the nipple harden under her touch. She pinches it and does the same with her other breast, and then pulls her shirt over her head and drops it on the bed next to her. 

This is a luxury Katya doesn't get to enjoy often. Usually when she gets off, it's quick and perfunctory, just to get the pressure out of her body, but that never was by choice. When she's had the house to herself, she's always liked to take her time. She thinks about the conversation she had with Trixie and the advantages of living by yourself, although this is probably not what Trixie had in mind. Or maybe she did. Trixie has never had to worry about being walked in on while masturbating.

"Nope!" Katya says and squeezes her eyes shut forcefully. That's a bad train of thought to follow while she's fondling her tits. Instead Katya thinks of Brooke. Beautiful, graceful Brooke, who had so clearly desired her. In her mind, Katya replays their meeting and how she had looked at her, and that's enough to start a warm feeling in her belly, just like it did back in Boston. As her brain skips to the memories of them in the hotel room and Katya leisurely going down on her, her hand slides down her body and starts rubbing herself through her panties.

Katya gently sighs at the sensation and then almost reluctantly opens her eyes. She's determined to make the most of this, so she lifts her hips and pulls her underwear off, discarding it carelessly, before sitting up and bending over the edge of her bed to pull her toy box out from underneath it. She doesn't have a huge collection, since she doesn't have much time to enjoy them, and with sure movements she grabs her favourite vibrator. The box also reveals an empty bottle of lube that she forgot she used up, so for now she'll have to make do with spit.

Katya lies back down and gets the toy as wet as she can, while with one hand gently flicking her clit. Once she thinks she's aroused enough, she guides the vibrator to her entrance. It doesn't slide in as smoothly as it could and it makes her be hyper-aware of the stretch. She groans when the curved tip settles against her g-spot and she leaves it there, not fucking herself with it, not turning it on, just enjoying the feeling of being full.

She lets her memory and imagination take over, in her mind finding herself back in that hotel room, methodically eating out the woman beneath her. Lying alone in her own bed now, she starts rubbing her clit slowly and with barely any pressure. In her fantasy, the body of the other woman is changed, her mind supplying her with exactly her type, Katya's fingers sinking into her thick thighs and she groans. She peppers the soft skin on the inside of her thighs with kisses slowly traveling upwards. As she reaches her pussy and starts licking into the faceless woman, Katya thinks she can almost taste her. 

She presses the button on her vibrator and gasps as it comes to life inside of her. She doesn’t let that distract her from her fantasy, continuing to eat her out. She’s so wet and pink and soft and Katya has no trouble sinking two fingers into her. Her hips start moving, trying to meet the movement of Katya’s hand and her mind provides her with soft sighs and moans. At the same time Katya slowly pulls the vibrator out a little before gently pushing it back in, and she’s so worked up and sensitive that it’s almost too much, yet not nearly enough. 

As she lazily keeps fucking her partner with one hand, she kisses up her body, across her soft stomach and up to her full breasts, closing her mouth around her puffy nipples and sucking hard, making the woman moan Katya’s name and making her in turn clench around her vibrator. She picks up the speed and fucks herself faster, hitting the right spot over and over, and in her fantasy she does the same to the featureless woman beneath her. She’s practically writhing, quietly chanting Katya’s name like a secret prayer, and Katya drowns her voice out with a deep kiss. It feels like she’s really there, tasting her mouth and smelling the sweet scent of her hair. 

Katya can feel herself getting close at that and speeds her hand up, the broken sighs that leave her mouth mixing with the sounds the two of them make in her mind. As she pulls back from the kiss, the featureless woman is no longer featureless. Warm brown eyes meet hers and a familiar mouth forms her name one last time in a familiar voice before she comes, right along with Katya.

“Trixie… Trixie…” It’s a whisper, not a shout, and as Katya comes down from her orgasm, panic starts to rise in her. She turns off the vibrator with shaking fingers, pulls it out too fast, slightly wincing at the discomfort, and drops it onto the mattress. Wide-eyed she’s staring at the ceiling, afraid what she’d see if she closed them again, her chest rising and falling with her heavy breathing.

“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this, if you did, I would love it if you left me comment here or dropped me a message on tumblr, you can find me at [@connyhascontrol](https://connyhasconrol.tumblr.com/).


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She remembers her mother saying Trixie seemed very familiar with their home and only now does Katya realize how true that is. There might not be any of her things here, but her presence is obvious in every room. Over time Trixie had become the most prominent person in her life, second only to Kate, and it’s different from any of her other friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends, I'm in a good and lesbian mood, so you're already getting the next chapter! Thank you, [Shea](https://hedonssippingseagrams.tumblr.com/), for betaing, and thank you [Naty](https://pichitinha.tumblr.com/) for your feedback and cheering on!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this, I loved writing it!

Katya manages to steer clear of the diner all Sunday, making her own coffee at home and getting pizza with Kate for lunch. It’s possible Trixie isn’t working the whole weekend, but running into her is a risk Katya can’t take. She needs to sort through her head and she can’t do that by herself. Usually Kate is the person she talks things through with, but she would ask what prompted this and Katya can’t possibly tell her that she had thought about Trixie while masturbating, the person she had assured everybody, including herself, she had absolutely no romantic or sexual interest in. Now it looks like she maybe, possibly, under certain circumstances, might have a sexual interest in her. 

Katya needs to know what this means and she needs somebody who is not her daughter to tell her. That leaves Ginger and Violet. Preferably Ginger, if she wants to hear something actually helpful _and_ get some sympathy. 

Kate is still with her for the rest of the day, and Katya does her best to not let her know something is going on. Somehow she manages to not rouse any suspicion. Kate drives back to Yale in the evening in her own car, leaving Katya with the fixed Jeep, and for a minute she considers driving over to Ginger’s place. But that seems very dramatic, because she doesn’t even know if there is anything to worry about yet. It was one orgasm. That she moaned Trixie’s name during. 

She stays home by herself. There’s leftover pizza, but she isn’t hungry. Katya is too keyed up to sit down and read or watch TV. Instead she grabs her yoga mat and unrolls it in the living room. A few years ago it had been Kate who discovered yoga for herself, but she was too physically uncoordinated to stick with it. Katya, however, had been very much into it, her gymnastics roots helping her with the physical side of it and giving her the space to concentrate on herself. She used to go to a class every week, but she hasn’t had time for that in over a year. Now she does an occasional routine at home, but not nearly as often as she'd like.

She goes through her positions slowly and deliberately, focusing on what she’s doing and gradually drowning out the noise in her mind. It’s useless, as soon as she goes to bed the images of Trixie are back, complete with sound, and Katya starts up a random podcast on her phone so she isn’t alone with her thoughts. It takes her until well after midnight to fall asleep, and even then she keeps waking up again. 

When her alarm goes off in the morning, she feels worse than she did when she went to bed and drags herself into the shower, where she stands underneath the spray of cold water with closed eyes, hoping that will help her feel better. She gets dressed and puts on makeup and then there’s really nothing more to do than go about her day. She could skip her morning coffee at Trixie’s and drive straight to work. Except that would be as if they hadn’t gotten over their fight, and Katya doesn’t want Trixie to think something is wrong. She’ll simply have to behave like a normal person and get her coffee as usual. It’ll take two minutes, she can do that, surely.

Turns out she can’t.

“What’s up with you today?” Trixie asks with furrowed brows when she pushes the paper cup into her hand and Katya tries very hard not to touch her while also avoiding eye contact. When she had come in, Trixie had smiled at her and wished her a good morning, and Katya had felt herself blush, her stomach flipping.

“Nothing,” she mumbles. “Didn’t sleep well.”

“Right.”

Out of the corner of her eye she can see Trixie looking at her, but she doesn’t dare look at her face and try to read the expression on it.

“I should… I mean, I gotta--” She blinks, looking down at the counter. “Work. Bye.” Wow, real smooth, Zamolodchikova. She doesn’t wait for Trixie’s reaction, just turns on her heels and hurries outside. In the car she rests her forehead against the steering wheel and groans. She should have just skipped the coffee.

Once she’s at the inn, she makes a beeline for the kitchen, where she grabs Ginger’s elbow and drags her away from the basket she’s arranging muffins in for the breakfast buffet.

“What the-- John, finish this!” she manages to instruct the bus boy before Katya pulls her out of the kitchen, across the hall and into the office. “What the hell has gotten into you?” she asks Katya with her hands on her hips.

Katya drops her purse on the floor and sits down on the edge of her desk. She drags her hands down her face and with her fingers still covering the lower half she quietly says, “I got off thinking about Trixie.” Then she buries her face in her hands completely.

“Okay?” Ginger offers after a while.

“What do you mean, ‘okay’? It’s not!”

“It can’t have been the first time, right?”

“What? Of course it was the first time! I don’t make a habit of thinking about my friends when masturbating.”

“Huh.”

Katya’s hands drop. “Why does that surprise you?”

Ginger shrugs. “I mean, I didn’t think you would with all your friends - I sincerely hope not - but I thought that, you know… it’s Trixie.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Katya asks in a flat voice and Ginger rolls her eyes. 

“You’re into her, that’s all.”

“You think I’m into her?”

“Are you _not_?”

Instinctively Katya wants to say no, but she only opens her mouth and then closes it again. “I don’t know,” she finally admits. 

“Well, who’d’ve thunk,” Ginger mutters dryly with a raised eyebrow. “Have you never thought about it?”

“I’ve thought about it a lot and about how it could never work and that I’m not interested and neither is she.”

Ginger snorts a little. “Right, of course you’re not.”

There’s a short knock at the door and then Violet strides into the room.

“Ginger, I need the menu for-- What’s going on here?” She stops in the doorway for a second, but then quickly steps inside and closes the door behind her. 

“Katya just realized she might be into Trixie,” Ginger fills her in and Katya groans.

“Thanks so much.”

“You didn’t know?” Violet sounds genuinely taken aback.

Katya feels slightly sick. “Jesus Christ.” She bends over, hands on her knees, and breathes deeply. Ginger steps closer to her and rubs circles on her back, and she’s grateful for the grounding touch.

“How long?” she then asks Violet. “How long have you thought that?”

She pulls one shoulder up in an elegant shrug. “For as long as I’ve known you, I suppose.”

“Oh my god.” Helplessly Katya looks to Ginger. “Did you think that, too? All this time?”

“Kind of.” Ginger smiles at her sympathetically. “I didn’t think you were fully aware of it, but I thought you had to have _some_ idea.”

“So that’s the consensus, then? That I’ve been, what? Pining for Trixie all these years?”

Violet shrugs once more, but stays silent, obviously not wanting to say yes, even though that’s what she seems to be thinking.

“I wouldn’t say pining. And what we think doesn’t matter. It’s just an impression we were under and if you say we’re wrong I’ll believe you. You have to figure this out for yourself,” Ginger says quietly, still rubbing Katya’s back. 

“Right.” She nods. “Figure it out myself. How do I do that?”

“Think about what it is you want and then decide what to do to get it,” Violet says like it’s obvious. Katya doubts it’s that simple, but for now it’s the best plan she has. 

Violet goes back to the front desk and Ginger to the kitchen, leaving Katya to start with her actual work. She gets next to nothing done, there’s too much going on in her brain. She’s not even at the part of trying to find out what she wants, she’s still hung up on both Ginger and Violet being convinced she’s had feelings for Trixie the entire time. That seems ridiculous, but at the same time they’re the people who know her best, after Kate. And Trixie herself, but she obviously can’t ask her if she thinks Katya is into her. 

She desperately wants Kate’s input, but she can’t explain how all of this started in the first place without including the jerking off bit. They might be a very open mother-daughter duo, but even they have their limits. 

She does think about Trixie a lot, and about their relationship. Maybe it means something that Dela had told her they were all rooting for the two of them. But then Dela and Jinkx were constantly seeing things were there weren’t any. And who was ‘all’, anyway? Brooke had made a better point when she’d said, that Katya had thought of all the reasons it couldn’t work and that she wouldn’t have done that if she didn’t care for Trixie. She had also thought Katya was scared. She hadn’t been then, but she is now.

She had lost Trixie once before, only for a few weeks, and she couldn’t deal with it then. If she messes this up, Trixie could be out of her life permanently. Katya might of course also realize that she doesn’t want anything from Trixie other than her friendship. That seems unlikely at this point, though.

She drives straight home from work and by then she already has two theories: being unprepared for being alone has made her project something onto Trixie that isn’t there, so she has another person to latch onto _or_ she is interested in Trixie, but she doesn’t know if it’s only sexual, or if she has genuine feelings for her. 

The first one would make sense with the timing of all of this. Trixie was the person she went to when she was at her lowest and who helped her through it. That could have been the beginning of Katya finding somebody to fixate on. But that she went to Trixie and that Trixie was able to help her would fit with her second theory as well.

If it’s sexual, it’s an easy fix. She’ll never mention it and never do anything about it, except maybe continuing to masturbate about her. There’s no harm in that. If feelings are involved, it would be much more complicated. Violet is right, she needs to figure out what she actually wants. 

She draws herself a bath to give herself space to think and do nothing else. As the tub starts to fill with water, she digs through the cabinet under the sink for something to put in it. For some reason, her mother had one day decided that bath salts and fancy bubble baths were the ultimate gift for her, despite Katya not even taking baths that often. It was a classic gift to give somebody you didn’t actually know very well. Over the years they had really piled up, and Katya picks one at random. The packaging looks fancy, and she assumes it must do good things for her. It’s some kind of oil, and she dumps what she thinks is a good amount into the water. A fresh lemony scent fills the bathroom and she breathes in deeply. 

She hisses when she steps into the tub, the water too hot to be comfortable, but Katya sits down anyway. After a moment her skin gets used to the temperature and she leans back. She has things to figure out, but for a moment she gets to enjoy this. She’s just about to smear on some of her favourite face mask when she notices her bath is not just lemon scented, there’s something light and floral underneath, that's only now coming through. It’s a scent she hasn’t been able to shake in the last week. 

The bottle with the oil is still standing by the sink and Katya sits up, leaning over the edge of the tub, trying to reach it. She doesn’t even get close to it, so she stands up, the air in the room feeling freezing on her red, overheated skin, steps out of the tub with one foot and grabs the bottle. As she quickly sits down again, she slips and only barely manages to catch herself with her free hand, water splashing across the tiles. Katya doesn’t care, she slides down until she’s mostly covered with water again and then her eyes quickly scan the label on the bottle.

The only flowery ingredient she can find is lime-tree blossom. Well. Now she knows what Trixie’s hair smells like. She carefully places the bottle on the floor next to the tub. What to do with this information Katya doesn’t know, nor why she so desperately needed to know. But it’s definitely not a normal thing for a friend to obsess over. And it’s not like it did anything to alleviate her loneliness, so it’s looking more like she has some real interest in Trixie. 

The only way she can think to figure out what she wants, is to picture it. With a sigh she closes her eyes and as if it had just been waiting for her, Katya’s fantasy from yesterday morning is back, except this time it’s obviously Trixie right from the start. They’re her thighs spreading to make space for Katya in between them, they’re her breasts Katya kisses, her hands that pull their bodies close together and her forehead leaning against Katya’s, their breaths mingling before she closes the distance and kisses Katya. 

Immediately her toes curl and the heat in her belly is back. She stops her hands from traveling over her wet skin to where she is so quickly so desperate to be touched. It’s not just that she wants to be touched, she wants Trixie to touch her. 

Once she has unleashed her imagination again, it doesn’t seem to want to stop and even when she opens her eyes and finds herself alone in her bathroom, she still sees them pressed closely together and Trixie’s fingers cupping her face gently before leaning in to kiss her. 

That seems to be a clear yes to sexual interest. Katya sighs and it’s both the physical reaction to the fantasy as well as resignation about what this means. Abruptly she gets out of the bath, carelessly dries herself off and puts on her pyjamas, even though it’s way too early to go to bed. When she steps out of the bathroom, the railing on the landing catches her eye. Trixie repainted it last year for Katya’s birthday. Every year she gifts Katya three hours of her handywoman services to take care of all the little things that need being taken care of in the house and Katya always shamelessly exploits her, giving her a list with enough things to keep her busy all day. 

As she walks through the house, she can see Trixie everywhere. The shelves in the kitchen that she put up, the coat rack she built specifically to fit the corner by the front door, the floorboard in the living room that used to be wobbly and now isn’t anymore. It’s been three years and Katya still doesn’t know how Trixie did that. 

She remembers her mother saying Trixie seemed very familiar with their home and only now does Katya realize how true that is. There might not be any of her things here, but her presence is obvious in every room. Over time Trixie had become the most prominent person in her life, second only to Kate, and it’s different from any of her other friends. 

Without noticing, Katya had made Trixie her life partner. There might not be any romance involved, but it’s certainly not just friendship. No wonder everyone had been perfectly willing to accept they’re dating. Is that what adult relationships are like? She’s never really been in one, at least not to the degree that being permanently present in the other's home would have been on the table. If you added sex to what her and Trixie already have, Katya is pretty sure that would be a relationship. 

The realization comes to her as she’s aimlessly wandering through the kitchen, unsure of what to do with herself. What Katya wants from Trixie is everything she has now and then some. She wants Trixie to come by and not just fix her plumbing, but then stay for dinner and then the night. She wants to talk to Trixie every day, and not just at the diner. She wants to make her scream-laugh and push her buttons until she gets that cute little groove between her eyebrows. She wants to see her in jeans and a ponytail. She wants to see her in pretty dresses and bold makeup. She wants to see her naked and with sleep in her eyes. She wants everything Trixie has to offer. She’s never _wanted_ like this before, or perhaps she’s wanted like this for ages, and she just didn’t notice.

There is a short moment of elation that quickly gets crushed by another realization. She wants Trixie to want her. All this time she’s involved Trixie in things she never asked for, made her something she never agreed to. Katya has taken advantage of her, when all she was probably trying to do was be nice and help out a friend. God knows she’s needed it over the years. 

What she must think of Katya by now. She’s a 35-year-old woman, who for most of her adult life has relied on the kindness of somebody who owes her nothing, for absolutely nothing in return. A hot feeling spreads in her again, but this time it’s shame. 

*****

The next morning at the inn Ginger catches her in a calm moment, and this time it’s her who drags Katya to the office.

“So? Any results of your soul searching?”

Katya sighs. “I think you were right.”

“I was?” Ginger slowly breaks into a smile. “That’s good news, right?”

Katya barks out a dry laugh. “No. No, it’s absolutely not. Good news would have been that it didn’t mean anything. Now I have to live with the knowledge that I’ve been a desperate leech for years without noticing it.”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“You know, the…” Katya vaguely waves her hands around, “the fixing my house up, listening to me whine at the diner after closing, keeping my daughter and me fed. I’ve taken up so much of her time and she let me, but that’s over now.”

Ginger looks completely bewildered. “Okay, you’ve gone totally off the deep end now. None of that made any sense. Do you seriously believe Trixie would have done all that if she didn’t _want_ to? You know her better than anybody else, she doesn’t do things just because they’re the nice thing to do.”

“No, but she does things because they’re the _decent_ thing to do and I’ve never seen her say no to anybody who actually needed help. But I’m not gonna take advantage of that anymore.” 

Ginger drops into the chair behind the desk. “You’re wrong. She _likes_ you, she has for ages!”

Katya only slowly shakes her head. “As if she couldn’t do worlds better than me.”

“You’re an idiot,” Ginger mutters with a pained expression. “You should talk to her. You _need_ to talk to her.”

Katya swallows. “Yes, I think I do.”

The door opens and Violet steps through, apparently no longer bothering with knocking. She gives Katya a calculating look. 

“You’re in love with Trixie, aren’t you.”

“I…” Katya starts, but then only stares at her open-mouthed. Love is not a word she had dared to think and she still doesn’t. “That’s an exaggeration, I think,” she finishes lamely and Violet raises her eyebrows. “Why do you think that, anyway?”

“You didn’t get a coffee this morning and the only thing I can imagine stopping you from getting coffee is not knowing how to face Trixie.”

“Damn.” Ginger sounds both surprised and impressed.

Unwilling to either confirm or deny, Katya asks, “How do you know I didn’t get coffee today?”

Violet shrugs nonchalantly. “Pearl texted me.”

Katya smirks. “Oh, you’re texting now? Is that all you’re doing?” 

“Don’t distract from the topic at hand! Are you going to ask her out?”

“Wait, you and Pearl?” Ginger asks and Violet rolls her eyes.

“Yes, now focus! What are you going to do about Trixie?”

“I’m going to apologize to her--”

Violet nods and interrupts her. “That’s a good start.”

“--and I’m gonna tell her that she doesn’t need to worry about me anymore, I’m gonna leave her alone from now on.”

Ginger groans and Violet blinks a few times.

“She thinks Trixie doesn’t like her back,” Ginger explains and Violet’s mouth drops open. 

“Unbelievable.” She shakes her head and then without another word turns and leaves, Katya staring after her with a frown.

“Do you remember when Kate thought Jason wasn’t into her and wouldn’t ask him out because of that?” Ginger asks, sounding tired.

“Yes?”

“Yeah, this is exactly like that.” 

“It’s not like that at all! Jason had made it obvious he liked her, Kate was just too in her head to see it.” Not only is the situation completely different, Katya is also a little offended Ginger would compare her to her teenage daughter freaking out about her first serious crush.

Ginger only stares at her and blinks a few times. Then she sighs. “Talk to her, please, for all our sakes.” She pushes herself up from the desk chair and walks out, leaving Katya alone with her thoughts once again.

*****

Postponing it any longer will not make it any easier, so after work Katya drives to the diner. She has thought through what she wants to say. She needs to apologize and assure Trixie that she’ll step back, hoping that they can still be friends. She guesses that one is more on her than on Trixie, depending on how long it takes her to get over her feelings.

Once she’s stepped through the door, Katya scans the diner and when looking into the kitchen catches a glimpse of Shea at the stove, coming to the conclusion that Trixie isn’t there and feeling a mixture of relief and disappointment at that.

“She’s not here,” Pearl confirms her thoughts when she walks by with an empty plate in each hand. “Coffee?” Her tone is more civil than it’s been in a long time.

“Uh, no, I think I’m gonna go, actually,” Katya mumbles. She feels stupid. What on earth had she been thinking? If Trixie had been here, she would have been working and they couldn’t have talked - _really_ talked - anyway.

“She’s upstairs, you know. In case it’s urgent,” Pearl lets her know and then lightly cocks her head to the side, clearly waiting for Katya’s decision. 

She obviously came here looking for Trixie, she can’t _not_ go upstairs now, she realizes with horror. She should have just accepted the coffee. Then again maybe this is the perfect opportunity to catch Trixie alone. She swallows.

“Right.”

With her elbow Pearl points towards the curtain separating the diner from the back, including the stairs leading up to Trixie’s apartment. Katya is tempted to ask what she’s done to win Pearl’s graces back, but instead she just nods briefly and walks towards the curtain, disappearing behind it quickly. 

As soon as she starts climbing the stairs, she hears the faint plucking of a guitar and for a moment she stops and just listens. It doesn’t sound like it’s a recording, it must be Trixie. Katya didn’t know she played. There’s a lot she doesn’t know about Trixie, and it’s just another reminder that she’s always been more invested in their friendship than Trixie. It's another reason to follow through with what she came here to do. At the top of the stairs she stops again in front of the door, her hand raised to knock. Now she can even hear Trixie softly singing along and she’s tempted to just stay there and listen, but if anybody came back here, they’d see her standing on the landing like a lost sheep and she’d like to spare herself that embarrassment. She knocks and immediately the singing and the guitar stop. Through the frosted glass in the door Katya can see the shape of Trixie come towards her, the door opens and then Trixie is standing in front of her, bewilderment on her face.

She’s clearly done with work for the day, she’s changed into jeans and a t-shirt, but she’s still got her makeup on and her hair is in an updo, although it has started coming undone a little. Some of the short, fine hair framing her face is standing up after getting frizzy, making it look almost like a halo. Above her right ear she’s twisted some of it into a curly strand, but it doesn’t stay where she must have tried to tuck it behind the ear. Trixie gestures for Katya to come in, and she steps into the apartment, but stops after a few feet, standing in the middle of the room.

“Sorry for barging in here like that, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Okay.” Trixie crosses her arms in front of her body and looks at her expectantly.

On the couch Katya spots the guitar, and she points to it. “I didn’t know you played.”

“My dad taught me,” she answers, looking at Katya critically. “Are you okay?”

“What? Why?”

“You were really weird yesterday morning, and I hadn’t seen you since then and I thought maybe you were sick or something.”

“Uh, no, I’m-- I’m okay,” Katya reassures her, knowing full well it doesn’t sound convincing.

“Right.” Trixie nods. “Do you wanna sit?” She gestures towards the sofa, looking out of her element, and it’s strange to see her frazzled, in her own home no less.

“No, I’d rather stand, actually. I won’t take up much of your time.” Katya gives her a quick smile, that Trixie doesn’t return. She just keeps looking worried and waits for Katya to speak.

She takes a deep breath and then haltingly starts to talk. “I just… wanted to apologize, I get it now.”

“You get what now?” Trixie asks with a frown.

“All the stuff you’ve put up with from me and constantly looking after me. You won’t have to do that anymore from now on,” she promises. Trixie only slowly shakes her head, seemingly confused, so Katya carries on. “I’m gonna back off and I won’t impose on you any longer, you've done far too much for me already."

"I don't…" Trixie blinks a few times. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"It's okay, you don't have to go easy on me, I'm a big girl!" Once again Katya slaps on a smile, but the relief on Trixie's face that she had expected doesn't appear. "Oh, and I'll talk to Jinkx, clear everything up and make sure she'll spread that we aren't dating and were never dating. Can't have people thinking you'd take on a charity case, your reputation would be ruined." The joke lies heavy in Katya's stomach.

“Haha, yes, very funny, I get it!” Trixie snaps and Katya's fake smile falls off her face.

“What?”

“You don't have to go on about it. You'd never date me, message received!” She sniffs, looking both angry and hurt, and Katya feels at a loss.

“Trixie, I… that's not what I meant at all! I'm just saying we're friends and it would be weird for us to be romantically involved.” That's not really what Katya is saying, but it's a safe thing to say.

“Would it?” 

She hadn’t expected Trixie to get so mad.

“Yeah, I mean, I'm a fuck-up who's annoyed you for years, why would you want to be with me?”

Trixie's expression softens as she says, “You're not a fuck-up and you never really annoy me.”

“Oh.” Katya doesn't know what to do with that information. “Well, either way we both don't wanna date.”

“What makes you think that?” Trixie asks with furrowed brows.

Katya shrugs, trying to hide the fact that she's explicitly lying now. “I know dating has never been my thing and for as long as we've been friends you haven't been in any serious relationships either, at least that I know of.”

“Yeah.” Trixie visibly swallows. “That doesn't mean I don't want to be, though.”

“Oh,” Katya says again, softer this time. She had often thought about whether Trixie was lonely and would like to have a partner, but in her eyes, that are fixed on Katya, she can’t find loneliness. Instead she looks nervous. “If that’s what you want, I’m sure you’ll find it. Anybody would be lucky to have you. I mean, if I knew how to be a normal person and do the relationship thing, I’d definitely, uh, want to try it with you,” Katya finds herself rambling and doesn’t seem to be able to stop. “You’re the kindest person I know and you’re smart and funny-- You’re _so_ funny, I don’t think anybody else realizes how funny you are. And you’re absolutely gorgeous, of course. You’re, uhm, somebody’s dream woman, I’m sure.” Finally she manages to shut up and Trixie no longer looks mad. She slowly shakes her head, blinking confused.

“Are you really that dense?” By her tone Katya can tell it’s a real question and not just an insult.

“What?”

“Do you still not get it?” Trixie steps closer. “I don’t want _somebody_ , I want _you_!”

Katya hears the words clearly, but she’s sure she must have misunderstood somehow. Trixie takes another step towards her.

“I’ve wanted you since you stepped into my brand new diner over ten years ago, following me around and not shutting up until I poured you a coffee." She is looking directly into Katya's eyes, and she looks nervous but determined. "I told myself I’d ask you out if I ever saw you again and it was not at my workplace. And then you came back with Kate the next time, and I thought I must have read you all wrong, because if you were a mother you might also be a wife. But then I found out you were a single mom, so I thought dating was probably the last thing on your mind, and you didn’t really seem interested anyway.” Now it’s Trixie who seems to be rambling, and it’s something Katya has never seen before. She takes a deep breath. “Except sometimes there are moments when it seems like you _are_ interested, and it’s been driving me crazy for years,” she finishes quietly, standing right in front of Katya, making her look up at Trixie. 

Katya knows she needs to say something, but she’s still processing. The certainty that somebody like Trixie would never settle for somebody like her had helped her keep her brain from running away with fantasies and possibilities, probably for years. Because if Trixie didn’t think about her like that, there was no point in thinking about Trixie like that. She hadn’t been able to stop herself from realizing Trixie was the best woman she’s ever known and that she wouldn’t know what she’d do without her, but it would have been silly to think about what she might want, when Katya knew it was impossible to get. The alternative, she had never dared to acknowledge, was hopelessly pining for her friend. In all those years, she never considered that she might have gotten it wrong.

Finally she opens her mouth “I’m so stupid.” She reaches out, her hand grabbing Trixie’s arm. “I-- God, Trixie, I’m such an idiot.” She meets Trixie’s eyes, that are still looking unsure. “I want you, too. Of course I do, how could I not?”

Trixie inhales loudly and Katya realizes she had been holding her breath. And then everything happens so quickly. Trixie surges forwards, her hands settling either side of Katya’s face, holding her with surprising gentleness, and she closes the distance between them, pressing her lips against Katya’s. As she’s being kissed, Katya feels like her knees are going to give out underneath her and she sags against Trixie. One of her arms comes around Katya’s waist, pulling her safely and tightly against Trixie’s body. Only then does she remember she should be returning the kiss and comes alive, slinging her arms around Trixie’s back and kissing her in a way she hopes proves that she means it. 

When they break apart, Trixie has one hand in her hair, the other arm still pressing Katya against her, and in turn Katya is holding on as if for dear life, not trusting her feet to carry her. She feels light-headed and knows it's not just because kissing Trixie kept her from breathing for longer than a human should. It's like a weight has fallen off her body and if Trixie didn't keep her grounded, she would simply float up to the ceiling.

“I never thought you would actually be interested in me,” Katya admits quietly, her eyes going from Trixie’s lips to her eyes.

She looks genuinely bewildered. “Why on earth wouldn’t I be?” 

“Because I’m a mess, my _life_ is a mess. You would know, you’ve helped me out of trouble so many times. I didn’t think you’d settle for somebody who can’t even take care of herself.”

Trixie looks down at her with a frown. “That’s not what I see when I look at you at all.”

“No?”

“No.” Trixie shakes her head slowly. “Do you not remember our talk we had the night Kate moved out? I meant all of that. You started at 16 with a baby and nothing else and managed to build a life for you and your daughter, that’s very impressive! Nobody says you’re not allowed to get help. And there’s nobody who I like helping more.” Then she bites her lip before saying, “And besides, the entire town knows, even if you didn’t notice, I’m sure somebody said something.”

“Well, yeah, Jinkx did, but she talks a lot and sees what she wants to see,” Katya says with a lopsided grin and a shrug.

“That’s fair,” Trixie admits and then kisses her again, this time with no rush and they both lose themselves in it, breathing each other in. 

Katya hopes she never gets used to this, that Trixie’s soft lips moving against her own never become commonplace to her. She can’t imagine it will. When they pull apart, Katya follows her nose and does what she didn’t dare that night on Trixie’s couch: pushing her face into Trixie’s neck where it’s twisted up into a bun, and inhaling. The floral smell is faint, but it's there underneath grease, coffee and sweat, and it feels like they're sharing a secret. Trixie lets it happen, apparently content with just holding Katya. After a moment Katya pulls back far enough that she can look Trixie in the eyes without contorting her neck.

“What now?” she asks. This is uncharted territory for Katya. Sure, she has gone out with women before, even had a few tentative casual relationships, but this is something else entirely. Katya’s reasoning with herself that there would be a lot at stake here remains true, but now she’s sure it’s worth the risk. Still, she’s afraid of messing everything up and she hopes Trixie has a plan, because she sure doesn’t.

“Let me take you out to dinner tomorrow,” Trixie suggests, looking excited at the prospect.

“Dinner?” Katya asks, surprised. Ten years worth of build-up seems a lot for only a dinner.

“Yes, there’s a place I want to show you.”

Katya wiggles her shoulders. “Ooh, somewhere fancy?”

“No, not fancy, just special,” Trixie explains with a warm smile, as if that clears anything up. She’s not usually that cryptic and Katya finds herself intrigued.

“Dinner it is, then.” They’re still holding onto each other and Katya asks, “Do I… go now?” 

Trixie laughs, bright and joyful, and the sound makes Katya grin happily. “I think so! I have some things to do, and tomorrow we’ll have dinner and we’ll talk. Does that sound good?”

Katya nods, still smiling. “That sounds great.”

Reluctantly she lets her arms fall away from Trixie, who does the same. Katya heads towards the door in large strides, pulling it open. Before she leaves she looks at Trixie, still standing in the same spot, biting her lip and unable to hide her smile.

“This is _really_ real, right?” Katya asks quietly.

“God, I hope so.”

Katya hurries back to her for one more kiss, both of them reluctant to end it and breathing heavily when they finally do.

“Right,” Katya nods as if they’ve settled something with that kiss. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning then?”

“Of course,” Trixie assures her with a big smile.

Katya walks downstairs and back into the diner in a daze.

“Everything alright?” Pearl’s question pulls her back to reality. 

“Yeah,” Katya replies. “Never better.” She can’t help but laugh a little and Pearl looks perplexed before realization flashes in her eyes, and she gives Katya a genuine smile and nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, why not leave me a comment? You can do that anonymously too, if that's what you're worried about. Or shoot me a message on tumblr ([@connyhascontrol](https://connyhascontrol.tumblr.com/))!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie looks nervous but determined as she says, "I want to be in a relationship with you. I can't do casual and if that's not for you, I'd rather you tell me right away."
> 
> "I wouldn't be doing this," Katya gestures around to the restaurant, "if I wasn't serious." When Trixie's expression softens she adds, "I always knew that with you it wouldn't be just dating."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments and messages I got for the last chapter, it makes me so happy to see people rooting for these two fools! Thanks as always to [Shea](https://hedonssippingseagrams.tumblr.com/) for betaing and [Naty](https://pichitinha.tumblr.com/) for cheer leading, I love you ladies!

When Katya gets to work the next day, with a coffee from Trixie’s in hand, Ginger and Violet are already waiting for her, one with an open grin, the other looking smug.

“Yes, yes, you were right,” Katya reluctantly admits as she walks by, not stopping on her way to the office, and they follow her.

“So?” Ginger pushes as Katya hangs up her jacket and sits down at the desk.

“I thought Pearl would have told you everything by now,” Katya directs towards Violet with a raised brow. 

“She told me everything she knows, but that’s not a lot.”

“Did you tell her you love her? Did  _ she _ tell you she loves you?” Ginger asks, expectation in her wide eyes.

“Jesus, you’re intense,” Katya mutters. “No, she said she likes me, I said I like her back, we kissed, and she’s taking me out to dinner tonight,” she summarizes their conversation from yesterday. When she says it like that, it doesn’t sound like much, but it’s  _ everything _ . Katya had driven home in a daze, and then done nothing else for the rest of the day other than lying on the couch and thinking about kissing Trixie. The shame that had been pushing her down before was gone and replaced with joyful anticipation rising in her chest at the prospect of seeing Trixie again the next day.

“That’s all?” Ginger asks, looking a little disappointed.

“Be grateful she finally got it together this far,” Violet says, sounding unimpressed as well, and Katya feels herself flush with embarrassment, but she doesn’t comment on it. Looking back now, she knows she was being a complete dumbass, but she only did it to protect herself. And it’s not like this was only on her, Trixie could have asked her out at any point, but she didn’t either.

Ginger quickly moves on. “Where is she taking you for dinner?” 

“I don’t know, it’s a surprise.” Katya can’t help but grin. Earlier at the diner Trixie had asked if she could come pick Katya up around seven, quietly, so nobody would overhear. Katya had agreed, and to try and get some more information out of her, she had asked Trixie how she should dress.

“Casual. Whatever you wear will be fine,” Trixie had assured her and Katya had grinned, slow and deliberate.

“I think I can do a little better than fine.”

Trixie had returned her grin, and Katya is sure she’d blushed underneath her makeup. She had even giggled a little when Katya had stupidly wiggled her eyebrows up and down before leaving with a wink.

“And she’s gone,” Violet sighs, pulling Katya’s thoughts back to the office, where her two friends are giving her vaguely amused looks. 

“Huh?”

“I asked what Kate thinks of all this,” Ginger apparently repeats.

“I haven’t told her yet.” Katya had wanted to, she would love nothing more than to call her right now, but some things are too important to hear over the phone. It might just be a date, but it’s a date with  _ Trixie _ . “I’m gonna tell her when I see her in person.”

“It’s a big deal, huh?” Ginger asks with a smile and Katya nods.

“It is," she agrees, thinking that doesn't even begin to cover it.

*

It’s almost seven and Katya has been ready for 20 minutes, but then decides to go with another outfit instead. Of course the doorbell rings the second she’s stripped off her top and skirt and is standing in her bedroom in only underwear. She quickly throws her bathrobe on and on bare feet rushes downstairs. 

“Hi, sorry, I’ll be…” Katya had started speaking as soon as she pulled the door open, but then trails off as she looks at Trixie. She said to dress casual, so Katya hadn’t expected her to do anything special, but she’s in a simple white dress that goes down to her knees. She’s thrown on a jean jacket on top of it and paired it with worn cowboy boots. Her hair is open and falls in soft waves over her shoulders, and her makeup is bold and beautiful as usual. She grins when Katya takes her time looking her up and down.

“Wow, I’m a big fan of Date Trixie,” Katya finally manages to say. 

“And I’m a big fan of Date Katya.” Trixie’s eyes flicker towards Katya’s chest, where the bathrobe has started to slip open, leaving her bra on display.

“Shit!” She pulls it tight again, but can’t help her grin. She steps aside to let Trixie pass. “Come in! I’ll be ready in a minute, I just need to put on some clothes.”

“I mean, don’t bother on my account.” Trixie closes the door behind herself, and as soon as she turns around, Katya steps close to her.

“Hi.” She crowds against her, slightly pushing herself up on her toes, and when Trixie realizes what she’s doing, she leans down towards her.

“Hi,” she echoes Katya and then gently brushes her lips against Katya’s, who pulls herself away. She rushes towards the stairs, eager to get ready and not leave Trixie alone for a second longer than she needs to, trusting her to make herself comfortable in the meantime.

In her bedroom, she pulls the dress she had just decided on when Trixie rang from the back of her closet. It’s black, has a high ruffled collar and long puffy sleeves. It’s kind of witchy and kind of ridiculous, and she bought it on a whim ages ago, never actually wearing it. She thinks Trixie will appreciate it. Underneath her bed she finds her black ankle boots and then plucks her decades old leather jacket from the back of the chair by her cluttered vanity. She leans down to check her face and runs her fingers through her hair to fluff it up a little. As she does, she notices that her expression seems to be stuck in a perpetual state of giddiness, and it makes her grin even wider. 

She almost falls on the stairs, so eager is she to get to Trixie again. In the living room she twirls, her dress swishing around her, and looks expectantly at Trixie. 

“You look great,” she says softly, her eyes roaming over Katya's figure, before grabbing her purse from the couch. “Shall we?”

“Sure!” Katya heads towards the door, picking up her own bag. “Are you gonna tell me where we’re going now?”

“Nope.” Trixie smiles and heads outside, waiting for Katya to lock up behind her. In the driveway, she holds the door of her truck open for Katya to climb in. When she starts the car, the radio turns on automatically, playing some country song that Katya doesn’t know, and Trixie turns the volume down but doesn’t turn it off completely. They don’t talk while they drive, but it’s a comfortable silence and Katya doesn’t feel the need to fill it with chatter. Instead she listens to the radio, her knee bouncing along to the rhythm, and tries to figure out where they’re going.

They leave the town behind quickly and travel in a direction that isn’t on any of Katya’s regular routes. It doesn’t take long for her to find herself on unfamiliar roads, and if they were farther from civilization, she’d assume Trixie was taking her to a nice, private place to murder her. But then Trixie pulls into a parking lot in front of an unassuming little restaurant. It’s a one-story building with simple gray walls, but a light-up sign above the door announces ‘Go West!’ in cheerful letters. 

What the outside lacks in charm, the interior makes up for with no problem. It’s not huge, but comfortable. Everything is wood and warm colours, and it reminds Katya of Trixie’s apartment. It’s no wonder she likes it here. Quite a few of the tables are taken, but they are far enough apart that it doesn’t seem crowded. The lights are dimmed and there’s music playing softly somewhere. Katya feels like she could fold up with a book in one of the booths and spend a cozy evening by herself.

But she isn’t by herself. Trixie is standing next to her, watching her take it all in. It takes only a moment until a server walks up to them and greets them with an especially friendly smile in Trixie’s direction. Katya thinks she probably knows her. She leads them to a booth and hands them menus before taking their drinks orders right away. Then she leaves them alone with another friendly smile.

"So," Trixie starts.

"So," Katya echoes her, and then they look at each other and both laugh a little. 

"I think we should talk about some things, so we're on the same page."

"Right." Katya nods and sits up straighter. "What's on your mind?"

Trixie looks nervous but determined as she says, "I want to be in a relationship with you. I can't do casual and if that's not for you, I'd rather you tell me right away."

"I wouldn't be doing this," Katya gestures around to the restaurant, "if I wasn't serious." When Trixie's expression softens she adds, "I always knew that with you it wouldn't be just dating."

"You  _ always _ knew?" Trixie looks bewildered and a little mad, and Katya can't blame her.

"Well, subconsciously, yes. I wasn't actually aware I was--" she stops herself to consider the safest way to say this, "I was interested in you." 

"How on earth could you not know?"

Katya had been afraid that this might happen. She takes a deep breath and then starts to explain. "When I met you, I was still getting the hang of this whole lesbian thing and I thought it meant I wouldn't get to have, you know, a real  _ partner _ . And then I got to know you better, and for the first time I could imagine being with a woman permanently, if it was a woman like you. I didn't dare hope it would actually be you, because you're everything I could wish for and I… I didn't deserve that. And I had Kate to worry about, it wasn't the right time for me to be with anybody. It was more of a prospect. One day I might get to be with a woman like you."

"Katya."

While she had spoken, she had mainly looked at the table. Seeing Trixie's eyes as she admitted all this would have been too much, but now she looks up. There’s no pity in Trixie’s face, only warm affection, and she gently takes Katya’s hand she has resting on the table into her own.

“I don’t understand why you have such a low opinion of yourself.” She intertwines their fingers and for a moment Katya stares at their hands and how they fit together perfectly. “You’re smart, you’re successful, and you’re loved.” At that Katya’s eyes snap back to Trixie’s face and she seems to realize herself what she just said. “By everyone around you,” she adds quickly. “Surely those things matter?”

Katya shrugs a little. “I guess this is a weird rich people thing where it doesn’t count if you didn’t accomplish it all by yourself. Except for with your daddy’s money, I guess.”

“You really feel that way?”

“I don’t  _ want _ to, but I can’t help it. It’s how I was raised.” She puts on a weird old man voice. “Don’t show weakness, Brenda, or you’ll bring shame upon the family!”

Trixie laughs, despite it not actually being funny, and it makes Katya smile. On the table, Trixie’s thumb strokes the back of her hand and for a split second that sweet gesture makes Katya want to cry, not because she’s sad, but because she’s so overflowing with affection.

“Trixie Mattel with a  _ guest _ , I can’t believe it!”

At the unfamiliar voice, Katya looks up at the tall, blonde woman who has appeared at their table. She has both hands on her broad hips and a wide smile on her face. Trixie squeezes Katya’s hand before letting go to stand up, and to her surprise, she hugs the woman. She envelopes Trixie in her arms and rubs her back, and Katya looks on, not quite believing that Trixie lets her, and also with jealousy rising in her throat.

“Hi, Nina,” Trixie says when they finally let go of each other and then she turns to Katya. “This is my friend Nina, she owns this place. Nina, this is Katya,” she introduces them.

Nina’s eyes go wide. “Oh! It’s nice to finally meet you, I’ve heard so much about you!” She puts her hand out and Katya shakes it.

“Nice to meet you, too.” She doesn’t add that she had no idea Nina even existed.

“So, you two finally got it together, then? That’s lovely.” She pats Trixie’s arm and she only sighs in return, looking somewhat sheepish.

“Now I’m curious what exactly you’ve heard about me,” Katya says quietly with a lopsided grin.

Nina’s smile gets wider. “Nothing to worry about, I assure you.” She lightly pushes Trixie back towards the booth. “Sit, sit! Enjoy your date, everything’s on the house!” She turns to leave, but over her shoulder she stage whispers. “I’ll send over some champagne!” 

Trixie rolls her eyes and thanks her. Katya leans back and regards Trixie with raised brows.

“What?”

“Explain?” Katya only says, and Trixie laughs again.

“Nina’s a family friend. She and Mom shared a room in hospital for a while and I spent a lot of time there, so we all became pretty good friends. Nina got better, Mom didn’t, but they kept in touch the whole time. And when she finally passed, Nina saved us all from drowning. My dad didn’t know how to deal with his grief on top of taking care of two teenagers and keeping the store running, and he kind of clocked out for a year. She made sure we had food in the house, went to bed at a reasonable time, and that I did my homework. And she never really left again.” Trixie shrugs a little and smiles. “She let me be a teenager and not have to take on all of Mom’s responsibilities. And then after Dad died and my brother bailed on the store, she asked me what I really  _ wanted _ to do. When I came up with the idea for the diner, she helped me set it all up and taught me how to keep the place running. She’s the person I’ve come to with any problem I’ve had, and she has moved heaven and earth to help me.”

This time it’s Katya who reaches out and intertwines their fingers. She doesn’t know what to say. She can’t imagine Trixie not knowing how to do something. In her eyes she’s the one with all the knowledge. Trixie is Katya’s Nina, she realizes.

“There is no way I could ever repay her for everything she’s done for me and continues to do for me. But what I  _ can _ do is pay it forward and help somebody else.” She squeezes Katya’s hand. “Just like you always make all the costumes for the kids at Jinkx’ dance performances. Or got Kim a job when she needed one. Or made sure to include Phi Phi when you took pictures at Kate’s graduation.”

Katya deliberately pulls her face into a frown. “I feel like you’re trying to tell me something.”

Trixie snorts. “You think?” Then she leans in, waiting for Katya to do the same, and kisses her sweetly, just for a moment. 

“Is that why you brought me here?”

“Partly,” Trixie admits. “But also because I come here for dinner every week and it’s my favourite restaurant. And Nina is the closest thing I have to family, so I wanted you to meet her.”

“You and your secrets.” Katya lightly shakes her head. There’s so much she doesn’t know about Trixie and it used to sit with her uncomfortably. But now Trixie is making such an effort for their first date and Katya is excited to find out everything there is to learn about her. 

“I’m not  _ trying _ to keep secrets, I just never think what I get up to is that interesting.”

Katya laughs in surprise. “You’re the most interesting person I know, nothing you have ever said to me was boring!”

“Yes, because I leave out the boring stuff!” Trixie points out, but Katya is not having it.

“Nothing you say could ever bore me. You could read me the phonebook and I’d be fascinated.”

“Wow, that’s a very sappy thing to say for somebody who didn’t think she was into me only a few days ago.” Trixie gives her a lopsided smile.

“Well, I was wrong.” Katya leans forward slowly, returning Trixie’s smile.

“Imagine that.” Trixie presses her lips against Katya’s waiting mouth and they only break apart when the girl who seated them brings by a bottle of champagne and fills two glasses for them while they watch, slightly embarrassed, but still holding hands underneath the table. 

When the food arrives, Katya can see why this is Trixie’s favourite restaurant, apart from Nina. It’s delicious and when she praises her food, Trixie wordlessly pushes her plate towards Katya, so she can try a bite of hers, as if they’ve done this before hundreds of times. It’s such a simple thing, but it makes Katya’s stomach flip, and she revels in the feeling.

“Can I ask you something?” Trixie gently sets down her fork and looks at Katya with her dark eyes wide, the dim light reflecting in them.

“Of course!”

She takes a deep breath. “I’m assuming it’s over, but if it’s not and I found out later I’d feel like an idiot for not asking. You’re not seeing anybody else, are you?”

Baffled Katya lets her fork sink as well. “No, of course not! Why would you think that?”

Trixie blinks a few times. “Because of what Violet said about you hooking up with someone? You know, the reason why we didn’t speak for weeks?”

“Oh my god, is that what that was?” Katya grabs Trixie’s arm out of shock and she throws her head back and laughs, but it seems like it’s less out of amusement than desperation.

“How could you not know that? What did you think happened between us?”

“I don’t know! That’s why I didn’t know how to fix it!” Katya throws her hands up. “So we had a falling out because you were jealous?”

Trixie looks slightly offended at that. “I wasn’t just  _ jealous _ . I thought you and I were finally, you know, inching towards  _ something _ , and then Violet goes and casually mentions that you’re seeing somebody else.”

“I wasn’t seeing anybody, I had--” she lowers her voice, “I had sex once with a woman in Boston and I haven’t seen her since. It was just a one-night stand.”

“Oh.” Trixie’s gaze lowers to the table. “The way she said it sounded like it was an ongoing thing.”

“Definitely not. It was a one time thing and it didn’t mean anything.” Katya gently touches Trixie hand that’s lying on the table, not grasping it, just brushing her skin against Trixie’s. Trixie leaves her hand where it is and smiles sadly.

“Now I feel really stupid for crying about it as long as I did.”

Katya opens her mouth, not to speak but to somehow let out the feeling of being punched in the gut she has at knowing her actions made Trixie cry. She doesn’t give Katya time to express that.

“Shea and Pearl said it was time I got over you and stopped getting my hopes up, that this was the final proof it was never going to happen. I believed them, and I knew I couldn’t keep talking to you like before if I wanted to have even a chance of getting over it.” Finally she looks up at Katya’s face. “I didn’t think it was gonna be that hard. And then you stopped coming - of course you did, I was awful to you - and I was so mad at you.” She laughs that hollow laugh again and Katya properly takes her hand, interlacing their fingers again.

“I missed you so much.”

At that the sadness in Trixie’s face softens into fondness. “I missed you too.”

“Why did you change your mind the night I came over?” Katya asks quietly.

“Because you came to your friend asking for help and I would have felt like such an asshole turning you away. The problem I had was  _ my _ problem, I had never talked to you about it, so I couldn’t expect you to understand. And in the end, the temptation was too big. If there was still a chance I could be your friend after how I acted, I wouldn’t turn it down,” Trixie explains haltingly, her eyes once again not meeting Katya’s and with a faint blush on her cheeks.

“There was nothing wrong with how you acted, you were just trying to protect yourself. If you had stuck with it, I would have respected it. I would have been unhappy, and you’re right, I wouldn’t have understood, but I would have kept my distance.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Me too.” Katya grins, picks up her fork and steals another bite from Trixie’s plate. She looks up in surprise, and then smiles before reaching over to Katya’s plate, grabbing a slice of cucumber from the garnish and popping it into her mouth.

“Joke’s on you, I wouldn’t have eaten that anyway.”

Trixie laughs and it feels like it washes the remnants of their heavy conversation away. They didn’t order dessert, but once they’ve finished their main courses, a plate of tiramisu with two spoons is brought to their table anyway. Trixie looks around, spotting Nina at the bar, and when Katya turns to look at her as well, she winks exaggerated enough that they can see it halfway across the restaurant. Trixie chuckles and shakes her head with a fond smile. Before taking the first bite, they clink their spoons together and they both giggle at how silly it is. Katya never did any of this as a teenager, but she imagines that's what being a teenager on a first date feels like. Except that she isn't nervous, she's just excited.

Once the tiramisu is finished and they've downed their drinks, Trixie having switched to lemonade after one glass of champagne, they stop by the bar to say goodbye to Nina. This time she doesn't only hug Trixie but Katya as well.

"I hope I'll see more of you in the future." She looks so excited and Katya can't help but laugh.

"I think you will."

On the way outside, Trixie manages to slip their waitress a tip, after Nina had, true to her word, refused to take any money for the food, and then they’re back in the parking lot, climbing into the truck, the light coming from the restaurant faintly illuminating Trixie’s face. She hasn’t put the key in the ignition, instead they’re looking at each other with wide eyes. They had dinner, that’s all they had agreed on, and now that that’s over, they’re without a plan again.

Finally Trixie quietly asks, “Do you wanna come back to my place?”

Katya finds herself nodding before she emphatically says, “Yes.”

Trixie nods too and then abruptly turns her face away from Katya, instead fumbling to start the car. It’s almost shockingly loud when it comes to life and Trixie wastes no time, quickly pulling onto the road. 

On the way back to Stars Hollow they’re silent again, but this time it’s like there’s an invisible rubber band stretching out between them and they’re both waiting for it to snap. The radio is playing quietly in the background, but Katya barely registers it. She’s bouncing her leg impatiently and she notices Trixie driving faster than the laid-back pace they kept on the way there. Still, it seems to take longer to get back to familiar roads and in her mind Katya calculates how long it will take them to get to the diner. 

Logically she knows it can’t have been more than maybe 25 minutes to get there, but it was still too long. Trixie has barely parked the car when Katya has already undone her seatbelt and opened the passenger door. She expectantly looks at Trixie as she does the same on the driver’s side and then they’re walking across the street towards the diner. Trixie heads straight for the door, not to the back entrance, and Katya wordlessly follows her, impatiently waiting while she unlocks the door. She locks it again once they’re inside and still silently they head towards the back, not even bothering to turn on the light in the diner. 

Trixie grabs Katya’s hand and practically pulls her up the stairs, not even letting go to unlock the door to her apartment, even though it’s awkward and takes probably longer to do it with only one hand. Once she has it open, she pulls Katya in and hits the nearest light switch. Katya blinks a few times, her eyes needing a moment to adjust. Before they fully have, Trixie is crowding her back against the door, closing it as she goes. 

Before Katya can say anything, Trixie’s mouth is on her, kissing her hungrily and it’s what they both have been waiting for. She tastes of chocolate and coffee from the tiramisu and the thought occurs to Katya that she’s going to remember that forever. As they’re kissing, Katya gathers up enough presence of mind to try and push Trixie’s jacket off her shoulders. Upon realizing what Katya is doing, she helps along, shrugging out of it and pulling it off her arms without ever breaking their kiss. Before the jacket has hit the floor, Katya is struggling to get out of hers and Trixie tries to help, their impatient hands getting in the way of each other.

When they finally manage it and the leather hits the floorboards with a heavy thud, Katya starts pushing Trixie backwards, leading her around the corner and towards her bed. At the edge Katya finally pulls away a little bit, their mouths no longer connected but the both of them desperately sucking in the same air. With a grin slowly spreading on her face Katya places her hand against Trixie’s breastbone, feeling her chest rise and fall with her panting, and then pushes gently but persistently.

Trixie lets herself fall backwards, hitting the mattress with an  _ ‘oomph’ _ , her eyes burning into Katya’s. Katya quickly kneels down and pulls the cowboy boots off Trixie’s feet, letting them clatter to the ground carelessly, but gently leading Trixie’s stockinged feet down. She takes off her own boots as well, and as she gets up again, she grabs the hem of her dress and tries to pull it over her head, too late remembering that there’s a zip at the back she needs to open. She groans and roughly pushes her hair out of the way, trying to get to it.

“Here, let me.” Trixie sounds breathless as she says it and hastily sits up. Without thinking about it Katya lets her knees sink onto the bed, left and right of Trixie’s legs and ending up straddling her. Gently Trixie takes Katya’s glasses off her face first and stretches out to carefully set them down on the bedside table, before taking care of the dress. It takes Trixie a moment to get a hold of the zipper as well, but when she does, she pulls it down quickly and then grabs the hem where it’s resting on Katya’s thighs. Together they manage to pull the dress off. Then Trixie’s hands are back on Katya’s thighs, slowly sliding up and down and making goosebumps rise on her neck and arms. She can feel Trixie’s eyes roaming across her body, her legs that are folded either side of Trixie, her stomach that, sitting slightly hunched over like she is, has folded into little rolls, her small breasts in the black satiny bra she has only worn for herself in a long time.

“God,” Trixie breathes, her expression almost pained. With her hands on either side of Trixie's body, Katya leans down and kisses her, Trixie’s impatient mouth opening beneath hers immediately and her arms coming up to pull Katya closer. She groans into Trixie’s mouth when she can feel her hands on her bare skin with enough pressure that she can make out her individual fingertips. Trixie’s hands find their way to her ass and Katya can feel her pushing her hips up to grind into her. She pulls away from Trixie’s mouth and pushes up on her hands so she can look at her face.

“So I’m assuming you don’t wanna…”

“What?” Trixie’s hands are still sliding all over Katya’s skin.

“Take it slow,” Katya finishes her sentence with a grin and Trixie’s face pulls into an expression of shock and horror.

“No!” Her voice has lost all the soft beathiness from earlier. “ _ Ten years _ , Katya!” she presses out, and Katya can’t help but giggle at how mad she looks. 

“Okay, just making sure!”

To make up for laughing, she bends down again and presses open mouthed kisses all over Trixie’s jawline and neck, down to the top of her breasts. When the dress gets in the way, Katya sits up and swings one leg over Trixie so she is kneeling next to her on the bed.

“Then let me take this off you,” Katya murmurs, her fingers playing with the soft white fabric where it’s rucked up over Trixie’s thighs.

Trixie scrambles to get up too, so that they’re kneeling opposite each other and Katya’s hands start sliding up her thighs over her skin-colored tights, taking the dress with them. She keeps pushing upwards, revealing the soft pink lace of Trixie’s panties, the soft skin of her stomach with the edge of the tights biting into it, and then the swelling of her breasts in a matching delicate bra. Trixie raises her arms and Katya carefully pulls the fabric over her head. Their mouths find each other again before the dress has hit the floor, their fingers winding into hair, two shades of blonde mingling.

Katya’s entire world has been reduced down to Trixie, Trixie, Trixie. Her scent, the warmth and softness of her skin, her hands touching her with no trace of uncertainty, the little sighs she breathes into Katya’s mouth, where they meet her own. 

Reluctantly she breaks away from their kiss, but she wants to see Trixie,  _ needs _ to see her. Gently she pushes Trixie down again, and as she sinks back, her hair fans out around her head. Katya stares at it for a moment before she remembers she has more pressing matters to tend to. She slips a finger of each hand under the edge of Trixie’s tights and starts pulling them down, Trixie raising her hips to help get them off. She carefully pulls them off Trixie’s legs before dropping them on the discarded dress. There are red indents left behind on her stomach and Katya kisses them gently, the skin hot underneath her mouth. 

She kisses upwards until she comes across a scar just beneath Trixie’s ribs. It’s from when she had to get her gall bladder removed a few years ago. She had driven herself to the hospital, the ridiculous woman, and Katya remembers being so mad at her for not asking for help, mostly because she was terrified when she found out it was something you could die of. Now all that’s left of that are four small scars scattered over her belly, the biggest one below her ribs and Katya can feel the healed stitches beneath her lips. When she touches her tongue to it, Trixie sucks in air and makes a strangled sound that travels all over Katya’s skin like electricity. 

She seems to be fed up with Katya taking her time and awkwardly bends her arms to undo the clasp of her own bra. Katya helps by lifting the cups and pulling it away from her body, quickly joining the pile of clothes on the floor. As soon as it’s off, Trixie’s hands find her breasts, kneading them not too gently, her fingers sinking into them. Katya puts her own hands over them, just holding them with no pressure, and still Trixie whimpers. She pulls her own hands away and Katya squeezes. Between her fingers Trixie’s peaked nipples are begging for her attention and Katya quickly slots her mouth over one, her tongue drawing circles around it, while she rolls the other between her fingers. Trixie pushes her torso up to meet her, all the while sighing breathlessly. 

“Touch me!” she demands softly.

Katya grins and briefly sinks her teeth into Trixie’s breast. “I am touching you.”

She groans in frustration. “ _ Fuck _ me!” she presses out, her eyes impossibly dark and piercing. 

She had been trying to keep her calm, but Katya’s resolve crumbles at those words. She sits up and Trixie barely has time to lift her hips before Katya is pulling her panties down. Her own underwear is suddenly too much, so she undoes her bra and shrugs out of it, before getting up from the bed and unceremoniously pulling her own panties off. Trixie is staring at her, her eyes traveling from Katya’s breasts to the triangle of hair between her legs, darker than on her head, but still blonde. Trixie bites her lip and slowly spreads her legs. At the sight Katya groans low in her throat and gets down on her knees, hitting the floor harder than she had intended and wincing slightly. The pain is quickly forgotten as she gets close to the edge of the bed. Instead of getting back on it, she hooks her arms around Trixie’s bent legs and pulls, so she slides over the covers and closer to the edge. She guides Trixie’s legs over her shoulders, and for a moment rests her head against the inside of Trixie’s thigh. Her eyes close almost by themselves and then she feels a tender touch cupping her jaw, and Katya opens her eyes again. Across the planes of her body, Trixie is looking at her with soft longing, and Katya turns her head into her hand, so she can press her lips to Trixie's palm. In response to that, Trixie slides her hand up to Katya's hair, winding into it and pushing it out of Katya's face. Katya smiles and takes the hint, her lips trailing from the inside of Trixie's thigh upwards. 

She can smell Trixie's arousal before her lips touch it, and a wave of  _ want _ travels through Katya, leaving her desperately clenching around nothing. Trixie's lips are dark pink and hot, and Katya is glad to have the proof that Trixie wants this as much as she does right in front of her. She closes her mouth around them and gently sucks, and out of the corner of her eye she can see Trixie's torso lift off the bed for a second. With her tongue Katya spreads Trixie's lips and laps up the wetness that has gathered there. 

Above her, Trixie keeps whimpering, and she presses her hips down towards Katya’s mouth. She can’t seem to hold still, trying to get what she needs, and Katya is mesmerized by her movements, that seem jerky and involuntary. She has barely started, and yet Trixie has already come undone. So far everything Katya has done was for her own benefit. Now she starts focusing on Trixie, but still keeping her tongue soft and moving it in every direction, never staying in one place for long. When Katya gives in and finally circles her clit, the sounds stop and she looks up at Trixie, who has her head thrown back and her mouth wide open. When Katya slowly pushes two fingers into her, Trixie almost sobs, and Katya presses her face into the crease between her hip and thigh.  _ She _ feels overwhelmed by what they’re doing, she can only imagine the state Trixie must be in. 

A few broken sounds fall from Trixie’s mouth until she manages to gather herself enough to demand, “More fingers!” 

Katya pulls out her hand, only to push back in with three fingers, still with little resistance, and puts her mouth back on her clit. Trixie groans, the sound as if it was ripped from her by force.

“Faster,” Trixie pushes out when Katya has barely found a rhythm to fuck her with, and she obliges. Trixie’s hips keep pushing down against her and the noises she makes grow more and more desperate, until she starts batting at Katya’s face with shaky hands.

“Katya, stop!”

Immediately, Katya pulls back and raises her head, so she can look at Trixie’s face. “What? What’s wrong? I’m sorry, did I…” 

Trixie cups her face with one hand and gives her an exhausted smile. “No, you’re perfect. I just need…” She doesn’t finish the sentence, instead she pushes herself up on her elbows and twists around, one arm reaching out towards her bedside table. She rummages around in the drawer for a second, before dropping a bottle of lube and a bright pink dildo on the covers. 

“Okay!” Katya exclaims with new enthusiasm, reaching for both. The dildo is big, not comically large but substantial, and she makes sure to cover it in a good layer of lube. She watches as she starts pushing it into Trixie, in awe at how beautifully she opens up underneath Katya. She gives Trixie a moment to adjust to it, but she thinks she’s starting to figure out what Trixie likes, so she goes back to fucking her fast, trying to angle her hand so she hits her g-spot. Katya is about to go down on her again when Trixie stops her.

“No, come here! Kiss me.” 

“Bossy,” Katya says with a grin as she crawls up onto the bed and over Trixie’s body, one hand still working between her legs.

Trixie’s arms pull her close. “Is that a complaint?”

“Absolutely not!”

Their mouths find each other and don’t break apart until Trixie comes. Her head hits the mattress and while Katya keeps fucking her, she watches every tiny movement of her face. She feels like she’s uncovered all the secrets of the universe, making Trixie fall apart beneath her. As soon as Katya pulls the dildo out of her, Trixie’s fluttering hands travel down Katya’s body, with no hesitation finding their way between her legs.

“God, you’re so wet,” Trixie breathes, her eyes burning into Katya’s.

She gasps when Trixie slides two fingers into her, and for a moment Katya thinks she won’t be able to hold herself up. But she makes herself, so she doesn’t have to break eye contact with Trixie. That’s the most important thing on earth right now, Katya is sure of it. 

She reaches down herself and grabs the hood of her clit between three fingers, rubbing them together. Direct contact would be too much for her, she can tell. Their hands bump against one another and somehow it’s the sexiest thing, both of them working on making Katya come together. She can’t tell how long it takes her, but she’s still staring into Trixie’s eyes when she comes, tears burning in her own. 

She manages to not completely collapse on Trixie, rolling herself to the side, but she hits the bed feeling as if she’d been dropped off a ten-meter diving board. Immediately, Trixie’s arms gather her up and pull Katya to her chest. 

“Oh wow, did I fuck you so good I made you cry?” Trixie’s voice is soft, but her tone is teasing.

“Shut up!” Katya is still crying, but she’s also laughing, and she presses her face against Trixie’s chest. There is a soft pressure against her head, and she is sure Trixie is kissing her hair over and over.

When she feels like she’s come back to herself and the tears have stopped, Katya rolls onto her back. Right away she misses Trixie’s skin pressing against hers, but she’s sweaty and needs to breathe properly. She’s exhausted and her eyes drift closed.

“Jesus Christ, we could have been doing that for  _ ten years _ !” she huffs. Trixie snorts and presses a kiss to her cheek.

Katya cracks one eye open when she hears Trixie get up. Through the open bathroom door she can see her standing in front of the sink, dumping the dildo into it and then tying her hair up in a simple bun. Katya watches as she washes her face, first with water and then squirting something out of a tube and methodically working it over her skin, rinsing it off afterwards.

“How can you think about taking off your makeup right now?” she asks, a little offended that Trixie has moved on so quickly to something as pedestrian as skincare, while Katya still feels like the entire earth has shifted beneath her.

In response Trixie snorts. “If I hadn’t done it right away, I would have fallen asleep, and if I sleep with all that on, my skin won’t let me forget about it for the next month,” she explains. “I’m getting old,” she adds with a grin in Katya’s direction. 

“God, me too.” Katya groans, feebly attempting to swing her legs out of bed and failing, making a whole production out of it. “I can’t even get up.” She can hear a cupboard open and then something hits her in the side. She gropes around for it, identifying it as a packet of face wipes, and laughs. 

“There you go, grandma.”

Trixie closes the door to go pee and in the meantime Katya cleans her face, depositing the package as well as the makeup wipe with mascara streaks and smeared with red lipstick on the bedside table afterwards. When Trixie comes out of the bathroom, she turns off all the lights and gets under the covers with Katya. It takes them a moment to sort out where which limbs go and find a position that’s comfortable, but finally they settle in with their legs intertwined, facing each other.

Katya feels wide awake now and they’re so close that she can easily make out that Trixie’s eyes are fixed on her face as well. In between their bodies Katya grasps Trixie’s hand, gently sliding her fingers along Trixie’s warm skin, and squeezes. Trixie smiles and squeezes back.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” Katya whispers into the dark.

“You didn’t mean to. You didn’t know.”

Katya lightly shakes her head. “I should have paid more attention. And it doesn’t matter, I still hurt you and I’m sorry.”

“It  _ does _ matter,” Trixie argues softly. “I never said anything, I couldn’t expect you to read my mind. And if you really weren’t interested in me, I would have no right to expect you to never see anybody else. You owed me nothing and you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Katya thinks for a moment. “Still, knowing that I hurt you feels awful, especially because it was all unnecessary. We could have figured  _ this _ ,” she waves the hand that isn’t holding Trixie’s back and forth between them, “out years ago. Maybe I didn’t owe you, but I knew we had a connection and I was never fully comfortable with anybody else.” She swallows, but doesn’t turn her eyes away from Trixie. “I was always thinking about you.”

Her eyes go wide at Katya’s confession. “You were?”

“Not consciously, but on some level, yes.” 

“And you still didn’t think you were into me?”

“It was like you were always at the back of my mind, no matter what I was doing, so I didn’t really register it anymore. It’s not like I was thinking about sleeping with you while I was hooking up with somebody else,” she explains. “Although recently I kinda did,” she admits and grins.

“Is that so?” Trixie mirrors Katya’s grin.

“Well, I wasn’t with anybody else, but I was definitely thinking about you a few days ago.”

“Are you telling me you only figured it out because you were thinking of me when getting off?” she asks in a flat voice.

“Uhhh, yeah, pretty much.”

Trixie laughs, an edge of hysteria in her voice, and it takes Katya by surprise.

“That’s so stupid!” Trixie is still giggling when she says it and Katya leans in, giving Trixie’s laughing mouth a quick kiss.

“Do you wanna hear something  _ really _ stupid? The woman I slept with in Boston told me I obviously have feelings for you and should give our relationship a try.”

Trixie retracts from her, looking like it’s purely instinctive, and stares at her perplexed with her mouth hanging open. “What?”

“Yes. And I told her she should go after the girl she was in love with.”

“God, you lesbian.”

Katya screams with laughter. “I know! It was so weird!”

Trixie shifts closer again until their noses are almost touching and then closes the small distance between them again. 

“I can’t believe you talked about me with your one-night stand,” she whispers against Katya’s lips before kissing her languidly. Katya pushes herself up against Trixie, trying to get as much skin contact with her as possible.

“It all worked out, didn’t it?” she asks breathlessly when they break apart again. Trixie doesn’t reply and instead buries her face in the crook of Katya’s neck. When she concentrates, Katya thinks she can feel Trixie's heartbeat where Trixie is pressed against her side, and its steady rhythm lulls her to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear what you think, either here or over on tumblr ([@connyhascontrol](https://connyhascontrol.tumblr.com/))!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate still looks unconvinced. She’s worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “So you really like her?”
> 
> “I do.” This time Katya doesn’t hold back her smile. “I like her _so much_ , Kate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this week I finished writing the epilogue, so now this fic exists in its entirety and the next updates probably won't take that long, like one every week or something like that. Thanks for all your comments and messages, they are so so so appreciated! Thank you to [Shea](https://hedonssippingseagrams.tumblr.com/) for proofreading and [Naty](https://pichitinha.tumblr.com/) for the emotional support. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

It’s not even light out when Katya wakes up, and before she’s opened her eyes, her hands blindly search for Trixie next to her in the bed. With furrowed brows, she reluctantly opens her eyes when she comes up empty. The door to the bathroom is ajar, a strip of light falling across the bed, and Trixie is standing in front of the mirror, carefully applying eyeliner. Her hair is already twisted into an updo, but she’s still in underwear, a simple t-shirt bra and mismatched panties. Katya waits until she’s finished with her eye, as not to startle her.

“What are you doing up already?” she mumbles, her voice rough with sleep. Surprised, Trixie turns towards her, but her expression softens right away when she looks at Katya.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she says quietly.

Katya squints at the alarm clock. “It’s 5:30, come back to bed!” she demands, but Trixie only smiles.

“Go back to sleep.”

Katya ignores it. “5:30! That shouldn’t be a real time you can be awake at!”

Finished with her makeup, Trixie comes out of the bathroom and opens the door to her closet. Katya can see it’s neatly divided. One half is filled with pastel dresses, the other with flannels and shelves for jeans and sweatshirts.

Katya sits up, grabs her glasses and pushes them onto her nose, resigning herself to the tragic fate of being awake at this hour.

“Can I ask you something about your style?”

Trixie turns away from the dresses with curiosity on her face. “Sure!”

“Why do you dress so differently at work and in your free time?” It’s something Katya has wondered for a long time, and weirdly it always felt too personal to ask.

Trixie is clearly taken by surprise and thinking about her reply, so Katya adds, “I think you’re hot either way, I’m just curious.”

Trixie smiles at that, but then her face smoothes out into a pensive expression again. “Growing up, I never really got to do the girly thing and dress up and wear makeup, and I love getting to do all that now, but I don’t want that all the time, you know? This way I get to be super feminine when I want to and where I think it fits, but I don’t feel like I have to live up to any expectations. I don’t  _ have _ to seperate it that strictly, but it helps with keeping things clear in my head. This way I know that if I want to dress up, like last night, I do it because I really want to, and not because I feel like I have to.”

Katya nods slowly at the explanation. “That makes sense.” She can understand the need to separate herself from the expectations that generally come with womanhood and that are placed on her specifically. Katya is very consistent in her style. It’s fairly feminine, but always has touches of weirdness and whimsy. She makes sure to always have something a little bit  _ off _ about her.

Trixie has settled on a pale blue dress and as she pulls it over head, carefully, as to not disturb her hair and makeup, Katya says, “I like you in this. And I like you in jeans. And I like you in nothing at all.”

Trixie smiles, pulling her dress into place, and walks up to Katya, leaning down to kiss her sweetly. It’s over far too soon for Katya’s taste.

“Come back to bed,” Katya repeats in a low voice, one hand slipping beneath the hem of Trixie's dress and sliding up her naked thigh.

“I can’t!” Trixie protests with a pained expression. “I have to open up in,” she glances at her watch, “20 minutes and I have to have coffee ready by then.”

Katya whines, her hand traveling up further and grabbing Trixie’s ass. Trixie slaps her through the dress and with a pout Katya lets her hand fall away. Trixie kisses her again and then pulls away. She gets a pair of tights out of her dresser and sits down on the edge of the bed, rolling them up her legs. When she’s up to her thighs, she gets up and wiggles from side to side to get them into place properly. Then she bends down to grab a pair of heels from underneath her bed and stands on one leg, then the other, to slip them on.

“There’s a towel in the bathroom, if you want to shower. Come say bye before you go? I’ll save you some breakfast.”

“Of course.”

Trixie kisses her one last time and then disappears around the corner, and the apartment door opens and closes. 

Katya has plenty of time until she has to be at work, so she stays in bed for a while longer. She pushes her face into the pillow on Trixie’s side of the bed, ignoring that it uncomfortably mushes her glasses up against her face, and smiles. It smells like her hair. When she’s just about to doze off, somewhere the familiar but muffled melody of her own alarm goes off. Muttering curses under her breath she rolls out of bed, eyes on the floor, and tries to find her phone. Following the noise she finds it stuffed in the pocket of her leather jacket that’s lying by the door. She turns the alarm off and then notices she has a text from Kate. It’s from yesterday, just after seven. Katya hadn’t checked her phone the entire time she was with Trixie. According to her text, Kate had wanted to call, but had to work on an assignment instead. She’s asking if they can talk tonight.

**Katya**

_ Sorry, forgot to check my phone last night! Of course, call whenever you have time! _

They are no longer talking on the phone every day. With Kate having slowly found her bearings and Katya being distracted in the last few days, they haven’t had to. Now Katya is excited to hear from her, but it’s weird knowing that she’s going to keep something so important from her. Katya stands by her decision to tell Kate about her and Trixie in person, and they’re not going to see each other until Friday for dinner at the grandparents, so she’ll have to hold on until after that. Until then it’s going to be a little weird, but it’s not like she’s lying, she just wants to do this the right way.

Katya takes a quick shower, warmth spreading in her belly as she rubs Trixie’s shower gel over her own skin. She spots Trixie’s shampoo bottle and it’s not one of the three brands they sell at the market, so she must get it somewhere else. The label tells Katya it is indeed lime-tree blossom and she feels a sense of accomplishment at having identified it correctly and then is immediately embarrassed by it.

She puts on her dress from last night. At the bottom of her purse, she finds a hair tie and puts her hair in a ponytail. Even with no makeup on, she looks too dressed up for work, and if she shows up at the diner like this, everybody will assume she spent the night. Which she did, but Trixie and her haven’t talked about how public they want to be about their relationship yet.

She walks down the stairs on tiptoe, trying not to make too much noise with her boots. She’s probably being overly cautious, but she decides that’s better than being careless. At the bottom of the stairs she notices the flaw in her plan. She’d told Trixie she’d say goodbye before she left, but she can’t do that now without walking out into the diner. 

She can hear somebody walking by and carefully pulls back the curtain on one side to sneak a glance through the gap. Pearl is behind the counter, filling coffee grounds into the machine.

“Pearl!” Katya whispers. She doesn’t react. Once again Katya says her name, but a little bit louder. Still nothing. 

“ _ Pearl! _ ” Katya makes sure to pop the P and speak as loudly as she dares, and Pearl finally looks around. Katya pulls back the curtain a tiny bit further and waves hastily to catch her eye. When Pearl spots her, she stops what she’s doing and stares at Katya, but otherwise doesn’t move. With her head Katya makes what she hopes is the international gesture for ‘Follow me!’ and pulls the curtain closed again. Seconds later, Pearl joins her and crosses her arms in front of her body.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m trying to be inconspicuous,” Katya explains quietly.

“Yeah,  _ trying _ .”

Katya ignores the comment. “Could you please tell Trixie that I’m back here?”

“Why can’t you just come out? How did you even get back here?” Pearl asks with narrowed eyes, and Katya is caught off-guard. She hadn’t considered that Pearl wouldn’t know why she’s here. She had seemed to be up to date on everything going on with them until now, but apparently Trixie hadn’t filled her in about last night.

“Uhhh…” she starts, but Pearl quickly interrupts her.

“Oh my god, you slept here, didn’t you?” Pearl’s face splits into a grin.

“Will you please keep your voice down?” Katya hisses. “Yes, and I’m trying to keep it on the down low. Which is why I can’t walk out there.”

“Right.” Pearl has a talent for making you feel like you’re being laughed at without actually having to laugh, and Katya is feeling the full effect of that right now. “Fine, I’ll go tell her you’re hiding back here.”

“Thank you!”

She leaves Katya alone again, awkwardly bouncing from one foot to the other. After a minute or so Trixie appears with a coffee cup and a paper bag in hand.

“Hi!” Katya greets her with a grin. “I didn’t know if we’re being open about all of this yet, so I figured I’d sneak out the back.”

“Not very sneaky if you’re getting Pearl to tell me about it,” Trixie says with a lopsided grin. “For the record, I don’t care if everyone knows. We wouldn’t be able to hide it for long, and they’ve all thought we were dating for a while now, anyway.”

“Okay,” Katya steps closer to her, “then I won’t be sneaking around in the future.” She loves saying that, casually mentioning doing this again like it’s no big deal. “I’d like to keep it quiet until I’ve had the opportunity to talk it through with Kate, though, if that’s okay with you?”

“Of course!” Trixie immediately agrees. Then she grins and presses the coffee and paper bag into Katya’s hands. “Have a nice day at the office, dear!” she chirps in a bright, fake voice and brushes her lips against Katya’s cheek in a barely-there kiss. Katya has to stifle her laughter and brushes up against Trixie. If she had her hands free, she would grab her by the waist and pull her close. This way she can only get on her toes, her laughing mouth meeting Trixie’s, and they melt against each other. 

“Thanks, babe,” she says in her best douchebag impression. She carefully tucks the paper bag under her arm, so she has one hand free to slap Trixie’s ass, and in response, she giggles. Katya raises her hand to Trixie’s face, her thumb carefully wiping at the lipstick that’s smeared across her mouth, the neat lines she had painted on now smudged over her skin. Katya’s touch does nothing to fix it.

“Yeah, I think you’re gonna have to redo that.”

Trixie hums, her eyes on Katya’s mouth. “In a minute.” Her breath is hot against Katya’s skin and they kiss again, Katya sighing softly when Trixie’s tongue brushes against hers. Afterwards she needs a moment to collect herself, her eyes only fluttering open slowly and Trixie is looking at her with both hunger and joy. She bites her lip and Katya can see her composing herself. 

“It’s not really the right colour for you.”

“Huh?”

“My lipstick,” Trixie clarifies with a soft smile.

Instinctively, Katya’s hand comes up to touch her own mouth. When she looks at her fingertips, there’s a trace of soft pink on them and her stomach flutters at the sight. She takes a deep breath and steps back.

“Okay, we’re either going upstairs or I have to leave right now, those are the only two options.”

Trixie laughs breathlessly. “God, I know.” She bites her lip. “Go, before I change my mind.”

Katya nods sharply and approaches the backdoor. “I’ll see you around, Mattel,” she says with a grin and a wink and then leaves, still hearing Trixie laugh as she starts heading up the stairs. 

*****

Kate is stressed when they talk on the phone, but it’s a kind of stressed Katya is familiar with. She is putting ridiculous expectations on herself regarding her course work and Katya knows better than to think she can talk her down from that. She still assures Kate that she’s sure her paper will do fine, and that she will not be kicked out of Yale.  

“It’s just a lot. I feel like I’m already falling behind with my reading.”

“Maybe because you’re the only one who actually does all the reading,” Katya suggests and Kate snorts.

“Oh no, Phi Phi is, too, and she’s getting it  _ done _ .”

“Of course she is,” Katya mutters. “How is living with her?”

“Honestly, not that bad. She gets up at 5 every morning to prepare for her classes, but I have my sleep mask, so it’s fine.” After a moment of hesitation Kate adds, “She’s been weird over the last couple of days, though.”

“Weirder than usual?”

“Yes! Sometimes she practically runs out of the room suddenly for no reason when we’re in the middle of a conversation. She went out a while ago and asked to borrow my car, but she wouldn’t tell me where she was going. I let her take it anyway, it seemed important.” Kate sounds worried.

“Hm.” Katya thinks for a moment. “Maybe it’s just college getting to her. If you think it would help, I could try and talk to her?”

“Maybe. If it doesn’t get better.” Kate sighs. “Alright, I have another two essays to read tonight. I’ll meet you tomorrow for dinner?”

“Of course, see you tomorrow! And don’t read for too long, you need your sleep.”

“Yes, Mom.” It’s probably supposed to come across as annoyed, but Kate just sounds fond.

Once they’ve hung up, Katya considers texting Trixie and inviting her over or going to her place herself. They had seen each other at the diner earlier and had snuck away to make out in the storage room for a few minutes. Kim had almost caught them, but Katya had quickly grabbed the nearest package on the shelf next to her.

“Oh, here’s the, uh,” she’d checked the label, “corn flour you were looking for.”

“Thank you.” Trixie had taken it out of her hand, clearly struggling not to laugh. 

They were lucky it was Kim, nobody else would have been fooled by that display. Once Kim had found what she needed and gone back outside, Katya had slapped one hand over her mouth to drown out the sound of her laughter and dropped her forehead against Trixie’s shoulder, who had quietly giggled into her hair. 

Katya feels like a teenager. She doesn’t want to keep their relationship hidden, but for now the sneaking around is exciting, making her giddy when she thinks about their secret. She hasn’t kept it a secret from Ginger and Violet, she wouldn’t have been able even if she’d wanted to. 

At work Violet had greeted her with a smug smile, pointedly looking at the paper bag from Trixie’s. 

“Enjoy your  _ breakfast _ !” 

It’s the most suggestive Katya had ever heard anybody say breakfast, and instead of replying she had just grinned and breezed through to the office, where Ginger had cornered her as soon as she was done preparing the guests’ breakfast.

“So?”

“I’m not an expert on dates, but I’m pretty sure that was a first class one. Really, top notch stuff.” She couldn’t stop smiling as she had said it and Ginger had rushed in to hug her, which had been a little awkward with Katya sitting down.

“We talked about a lot of stuff, it was great. And I get to do that now, really talk to her!”

Ginger had reached out and patted Katya’s arm. “I’m so happy for you, for  _ both _ of you!” Then she’d sat down in the chair opposite the desk. “Tell me everything!” 

So Katya had told her about Nina and the restaurant and discussing what it is they’re doing.

“We’re totally on the same page about our relationship and what we want.” As she had said it Katya still couldn’t believe there was an actual relationship to talk about and that she wasn’t freaking out about it.

“You’re both really serious about this, aren’t you?”

Katya had only nodded and Ginger had looked like she was close to tears. Not that she was sad, but Katya had still wanted to lighten the mood. So she had leaned forward and lowered her voice.

“And then I went home with her. I’m pretty sure I found God, and she lives between Trixie’s thighs.”

Even now, Katya still grins at the memory. She should definitely ask Trixie if she wants to come over, it’s not that late yet. She could bring a bag and stay the night. Something warm and bright comes alive in Katya’s chest at the thought of Trixie’s toothbrush joining her own in the glass by the sink and them changing into their pyjamas before going to sleep in her bed. After Katya has railed her again, preferably.

She has never shared this bed with anyone. Even when Kate was on school trips or staying at Kim’s for a sleepover, and Katya went out looking for a woman to pick up, she had always gone back to their place. This house had always been sacred. But the thought of having Trixie there feels right.

She has her phone in hand, her text conversation with Trixie open, when the doorbell rings. She grins, apparently Trixie had the same idea. She hurries to the door.

“You know the backdoor is always unlocked, you could just-- oh.” Katya’s face falls in surprise because it’s not Trixie standing on her porch, it’s Phi Phi. She has a look of concentration on her face that is unusually intense, even for her. In the driveway Katya spots Kate’s car.

“Hello, Katya. Can I come in?”

“Uh, sure!” Katya steps aside to let her in. Phi Phi heads straight for the kitchen and Katya follows her. There Phi Phi stops in the middle of the room and turns around to Katya.

“I’m sorry for showing up unannounced like this, but I have a question and I don’t know who else to ask.”

“Okay.” Katya gestures towards the kitchen table, and Phi Phi pulls out a chair and sits down.

“Would you like something to drink? Water? Tea?” Katya asks somewhat haltingly, but Phi Phi just shakes her head, so Katya sits down, looking at her expectantly.

“How can I help?”

Phi Phi seems to gather her nerves. “Do you think I could be gay?”

Katya had feared that’s where this was going. It’s not that she doesn’t want to help, she just doesn’t think she really can. But she’ll give it her best try.

She slowly opens her mouth. “Are you asking if theoretically that is something you could be or if I have reason to believe that you are?”

“The latter.”

“Then yes. Also yes to the first, I just don’t think that question leads anywhere.”

Phi Phi nods sharply. “Right. Thank you.” With her hands flat on the table she pushes herself up, and Katya realizes she’s trying to leave.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait! Sit down, that can’t be all, we can talk this through!”

Phi Phi only blinks at her. “You’ve answered my question.”

“Maybe I can do more to help if I know how you got to that question." Katya tries to sound encouraging.

Phi Phi lets herself fall back into the chair. All energy seems to have left her and she leans on the table, as if she couldn't stay upright otherwise.

"Tell me what brought this on?"

She drags one hand across her face, and then Phi Phi slowly starts to explain. 

"There's a girl who I've… known for a while. We've been spending a lot more time together recently and I feel like I see her differently now. Or I think I've always seen her this way, I just didn't  _ see _ . Does that make sense?"

"More than your could possibly imagine." Katya offers her a tired smile.

Phi Phi doesn't seem to know what to do with that, so she keeps going. "I don't really know what I want from her, I just know I want something different. She has a new boyfriend, and I was so mad when I found out. At first I thought it was because he isn't good enough for her," she leans forward across the table, the intensity in her eyes back, "and he isn't! But that's not all, I'm pretty sure I'm jealous." She stops and slouches back in the chair, this time both hands covering her face.

"Phi Phi?" Katya asks carefully.

"Yes?" She doesn't take her hands off her face.

"I know it's Kate." Her voice is gentle, and yet Phi Phi flinches as if Katya had screamed at her. Then she groans and sits up straight.

"Of course you figured it out. I only have one friend, I guess it's not that hard."

"I've known for a while," Katya admits.

"For how long?"

Katya considers lying, since Phi Phi already looks embarrassed, but she thinks she needs somebody to be honest with her right now.

"I've had my suspicions since you did Romeo and Juliet for English class, and you cast Kate as Juliet and then kept insisting you should be Romeo."

"The boys were absolutely incapable! Not a hint of nuance or understanding in their performances, I was worried about my grade!" Phi Phi comes alive with her justification, but then seems to realize what she's doing. "Yes, you're probably right.” She sighs. “God, that was two years ago. How did I not know? How could I miss this for so long?"

Katya shrugs. "You didn't know the signs. I recognized them because I've been there myself."

She looks almost petulant and Katya isn't sure if it's because Phi Phi is upset she didn't notice or because she's miffed she's just one of many to experience this. 

"What signs?"

"Oh, the being way more into the friendship than the other girl, only being interested in guys who are either non-threatening or completely unavailable, struggling to connect with other teenage girls who are constantly talking about boys." Katya smiles. "Does that ring any bells?"

Phi Phi’s groan is answer enough. 

“I was so sure I was into guys and now it’s like it all disappeared from one day to the next.”

Katya nods. “It felt the same for me, but it was actually never there, I had just convinced myself that’s what attraction was.”

For a moment they’re both quiet, Phi Phi clearly processing.

“What do I do?” she asks then. “About Kate, I mean.”

“I’m afraid that she’s straight. That was hard for me to accept, too, but she’s my daughter and I have to love her, no matter what.” 

Phi Phi just stares at Katya, either not getting or simply not appreciating the joke, and Katya sighs.

“Look, she’s terribly in love with her boyfriend, and she’s really happy. That’s something you will just have to accept, no matter how shitty it feels. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get over it. Kate is your best friend and you’re spending more time together now than ever before, of course your baby lesbian brain is gonna get a little obsessed with her. Maybe try meeting some other girls, preferably gay girls, just so you know what it’s like. And maybe once you have options, you’ll find you’re not even that into Kate. Either way, it’s good to surround yourself with other lesbians. You know, find a community. There has to be an organization at Yale.”

Phi Phi nods slowly and pensively. “That makes sense. I’m going to try that.” Once more she sighs and then gets up. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Katya accompanies her to the door. There Phi Phi turns to her and with wide eyes she says, “Kate can never know about this.”

“Of course.”

For the first time since Katya has known her, Phi Phi looks like a kid, small and unsure, and Katya can’t help but pull her into a hug. She freezes for a second, but then returns it, holding on to Katya tightly for a long time. She looks a little embarrassed when she finally lets go.

“This is a good thing, you know,” Katya tells her. “Not the falling in love with your straight best friend, that’s a rite of passage, but figuring out who you are. Now you can find people like you.”

“No offense, but you don’t seem like you have.”

Katya laughs at her bluntness. “I have! Community doesn’t always come in the form you expect it.” Katya thinks of Violet and Pearl and the relationship they seem to have quickly fallen into. She thinks of Jinkx, who may have only been married to men, but who has told her countless stories of passionate affairs she’s had with women, complete with illicit meetings in dressing rooms and romantic getaways to the seaside. She thinks of Trixie. She always thinks of Trixie.

Phi Phi doesn’t look convinced. “I just don’t want to end up in a big house all by myself,” she admits, looking around pointedly.

“I’m not by myself. I was gonna go get laid, but then you showed up, so thanks for that,” Katya deadpans, and Phi Phi sputters out a surprised laugh.

“I didn’t know you had a…” Her sentence trails off as she questioningly looks at Katya.

“Girlfriend, yes.” The word puts butterflies in Katya’s stomach. “It’s still very new, I haven’t even told Kate yet.” She bites her lip. “I’ll keep your secret if you keep mine?”

Phi Phi nods with a smile.

*

“That’s a very nice thing you did.” Trixie is folded up on Katya’s couch with her shoes discarded on the floor. She made herself at home as soon as she got there and it warms Katya from her belly right into her fingertips.

“I’m the only out lesbian she knows, I couldn’t send her away,” Katya says as she sets down the cups of tea she made for both of them. She makes sure their arms brush against one another as she sits down. 

“You  _ could _ have, but you didn’t.”

Katya’s hands start playing with the tassels on one of the throw pillows. “She needed a mom and I  _ am _ a mom.” She shrugs. 

“Yes, you are.” Trixie takes her hand, gently pulling it away from the pillow. There is fondness in her eyes but something delicate underneath, that makes Katya pull their entwined hands close and press her lips to Trixie’s knuckles.

“What about you? Did you ever want to be a mom?”

Now it’s Trixie who shrugs, but Katya is sure she’s feigning nonchalance.

“Sure, at some point. But I never really had a partner and I wanted, you know, a whole family of my own.” She says it like it’s no big deal, but Katya can tell it is. It makes sense. Trixie loved her own family so much and got so little time with them. “I guess I’m too old for all of that now, anyway.”

“You’re 37, that’s not too old.” Katya knows what she’s implying and that it’s a lot. They’ve been dating for all of two days, and she’s not seriously suggesting they start a family together. But she’s also not going to disregard the possibility. Growing up, Katya had always said she would never have kids, so Kate was already far more than she’d bargained for. She hasn’t seriously thought about having another child ever, but she can imagine a baby taking its first wobbly steps in this living room. She doesn’t say that out loud, she’s not a psychopath. Instead she tells Trixie, “You’d be a good mom,” and she means it. 

“Thank you.” Trixie smiles, still a little sadly.

Katya composes her face into a serious expression. “Listen, I know it’s early days for us, and it’s unlikely, but if I try really hard, I might manage to knock you up.”

Trixie nods with a blank face. “Right, you never know until you give it a go.”

“Exactly.” 

Once Trixie breaks and starts laughing, it’s over for Katya as well, and she plants a sloppy kiss on Trixie between giggles, pushing her back into the couch. 

“You have a lot of wasted time to make up for, anyway.” Trixie looks up at her with a grin.

Katya just hums enthusiastically against Trixie’s neck, too busy kissing her to reply. 

“How much time until you have to leave?”

“Enough,” Katya decides without having checked her watch. If she’s late for dinner with her parents because she’s busy having sex with her girlfriend, then that’s just how it’s going to be. Katya slips her fingers beneath Trixie’s t-shirt and she hisses.

“Cold hands!” she complains. 

“Then warm me up,” Katya murmurs against her neck and lets her hands travel up further, cupping Trixie’s breasts in her hands through the bra. 

“Skin to skin contact is best for that, right?”

“Yes, as much as possible,” Katya agrees with a grin. 

Between them, Trixie’s hands open the button of her jeans, and she pulls down the zipper. Reluctantly Katya lets go of her breasts to help her pull her pants off, her underwear following right away. Then Trixie lets herself fall back again, and Katya is on her without having taken anything off herself.

She ignores Trixie’s nude bottom half in favour of pushing up her shirt again and kissing upwards. She pulls Trixie’s breasts out of her bra, the cups folding underneath the weight of them. It can’t be terribly comfortable for Trixie, but she doesn’t complain, just sighs when Katya closes her mouth over one nipple and sucks. Katya barely has time to give the other one the same treatment, because Trixie’s hands are grasping her face and pulling her upwards. When Katya doesn’t move immediately, she makes an impatient sound at the back of her throat and Katya’s toes curl. She pushes up to meet Trixie’s mouth, that is both soft and insistent against her own.

When Katya pulls back, Trixie makes a noise of protest, that quickly stops when Katya grabs her ankle and lifts her foot, still with a sock on, to rest on the back of the couch, and give herself more space between Trixie’s legs. It puts her knee at the height of Katya’s head and she kisses the side of it, the tip of her index finger starting to draw a line from the back of her knee to the inside of her thigh, making goosebumps rise on Trixie’s skin. Katya stops just before she gets to Trixie’s center, and Trixie’s hips lift up, trying to chase her. With a grin Katya places her hand flat on Trixie’s pubes and pushes down. Only when Trixie stops pushing against her, does Katya let her thumb drift downwards to her opening, softly rubbing against it, but never dipping inside. She can feel Trixie’s wetness cling to her skin and slides her hand up again, so she can gently rub her thumb back and forth across Trixie’s clit. 

“Katya…” Trixie breathes her name like a plea, and Katya expects her to order her what to do next, but instead she grabs Katya’s forearm with one hand and one of her own breasts with the other. 

While her hand keeps at it, Katya lowers her head to her new favourite place in the world, Trixie hot against her tongue. As she starts moving slowly in small circles, she notices that Trixie’s taste is already familiar to her and can’t keep in her groan. At that a shiver goes through Trixie and the grip she has on Katya’s arm gets almost painful. Only when Katya gently opens her up with her tongue, she lets go, and Katya regrets that she can’t see what her hand is doing instead. 

As Katya pushes her tongue into her over and over, she speeds up the movements of her hand, and Trixie starts breathlessly chanting her name in a sing-songy voice. She doesn’t seem to notice she’s doing it, and Katya takes it as a sign that she’s close.

“Oh my god!”

At the familiar voice Katya’s blood freezes, and before she’s raised her head, Trixie shrieks and pulls her leg down from the back of the couch, hitting Katya in the process. She’s still trying to pull herself out from underneath Trixie when she can hear the door to Kate’s room slam shut.

Kate saw. She probably didn’t  _ see _ see, the sofa should have blocked the gory details, but she saw enough to know what was going on, and more than Katya ever would like her to see. 

Trixie has gone paler than Katya has ever seen her, and she hastily picks up her clothes and gets dressed. Finally she looks at Katya, who has also gotten up, so they’re standing in front of the couch, unsure what to do. On the table their forgotten mugs of tea have probably gone cold.

“I thought you were meeting at your parents’ house!” Trixie hisses.

“That’s what she said!”

“What do we do?”

Katya has never seen Trixie look so panicky, and to calm her down she wants to give her a small kiss, but Trixie evades her.

“Not now!” She looks scandalized that Katya would even try that right now. “Your face is still…  _ wet _ ,” she adds pointedly. 

Katya bites her lip, trying to hide her grin, and failing, and Trixie swats at her arm not too gently.

“This isn’t funny!”

“It is a bit.” Katya shrugs, still grinning. Judging by her expression Trixie is not ready to see the humor in the situation yet, so Katya grabs her by both arms, gently rubbing up and down in what she hopes is a calming gesture.

“You go home, I’ll talk to her, and then I’ll text you later, okay?”

Trixie looks unhappy but nods.

“I promise it’s gonna be alright. It’s not a conversation I’m looking forward to having, but we’re all gonna be fine,” Katya promises. She accompanies Trixie to the door and this time she lets Katya kiss her briefly.

Once she’s gone, Katya washes her face in the bathroom and brushes her hair. When she deems her appearance acceptable, she carefully knocks on Kate’s door. There is no response and Katya almost starts speaking through the closed door, but then it opens a little, Kate’s thunderous face appearing in the narrow crack.

“Can we talk about this?” Katya asks pleadingly, and Kate jerks her head in a nod. She steps out into the kitchen. It’s where they have their crisis conversations. For a moment she just stares at Katya, anger radiating off her.

“I can't believe you would do this, oh my god!” finally bursts out of her.

“I wouldn't have done it in the living room if I had known you were gonna come home, I'm sorry!”

Kate runs her hands through her hair and groans. “No, I don't mean  _ that _ ! But also, god, don't do that!”

“What, then?” Katya isn't sure she really wants to know what has Kate more upset than finding her mother with her head between another woman's legs.

“With Trixie!” Kate sounds agitated as she is pacing back and forth on the kitchen floor.

“But… you love Trixie!”

“Yes, I do, and that's exactly it!”

“I don't understand,” Katya admits and Kate groans again. “Can you please sit down? You're making me nervous” They sit down opposite each other at the kitchen table, but Katya can still hear Kate bouncing her leg underneath the table. 

“Okay, please explain to me why you have a problem with Trixie and I seeing each other,” Katya says with her voice as level as she can keep it.

“Is that what you're doing?”

“Yes, we are,” Katya confirms calmly.

“Are you sure that--” Kate groans again, “I hate this. Are you not just sleeping with her?”

Taken aback by the question, Katya sits up straight. Kate won't look her in the eyes and Katya can't blame her. 

“No, I really like her. I wouldn't risk our friendship just for sex. Why are you asking me this?”

“Because I don't want you to break her heart,” Kate says as if it's obvious.

“Oh, honey.” Katya’s voice has gone soft and she’s sure her expression has as well.

“Remember when Trixie suddenly was weirdly cold and distant towards you?”

“Yes?”

“Kim overheard her talking with Shea and Pearl, and they told her to keep her distance from you, so she could get over you. She really cares about you and has for a long time, I don't want her to get hurt by this.”

“I know,” Katya says with a small smile. “We’ve talked about it, and we’re both committed to this relationship. I can assure you I have the best of intentions.”

“It's not your intentions I'm worried about. But you've broken hearts before without meaning to, I've seen it, and I can't let you do that to her.” 

Kate looks so upset on Trixie’s behalf, and Katya has to keep herself from smiling, so Kate doesn’t think she doesn’t get the importance of all this.

“I promise you I am serious about Trixie, and I will do anything I can to make sure her heart is taken care of. But listen, things happen, life is weird, I can't promise you that her and I will be together forever and it's too early to even think about that. But I'm not taking this lightly and neither is Trixie. We're both adults and we made this decision, knowing that we can't predict where it's going to lead us.”

Kate still looks unconvinced. She’s worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “So you really like her?”

“I do.” This time Katya doesn’t hold back her smile. “I like her  _ so much _ , Kate.”

“Good.” She breaks into a tentative smile. “Then I'm really happy for both of you.” After a moment of consideration she adds, “I’d hug you, but I’m not going to touch you at least until you’ve had a shower.”

Katya laughs. “That’s fair.”

After another sigh Kate glances at her watch. “We need to get ready for dinner.”

Katya checks her own watch and they still have time, but she assumes Kate needs some space. So Katya gets up and retreats to her bedroom to get changed and put on fresh makeup. An hour later they get in the car and start the drive in uncomfortable silence.

“I wanted to tell you in person,” Katya says to break it. “I wanted to do it right, because this is important. I’m sorry it became this whole mess instead.” Out of the corner of her eye she can see Kate nod.

“How long has this been going on?”

“We had our first date on Wednesday.”

“Wow!” The surprise is apparent in Kate’s voice. “You’ve gotten… comfortable quickly.”

Katya snorts. “As you said, Trixie has cared for me for a long time now, and once I figured it out, I didn’t wait for long.” She skips the part where she was being a total idiot.

“So, was it everyone thinking you’re dating that made the penny drop?”

“Uhhh, yeah, sure.”

Kate doesn’t believe her, Katya is sure, but she also knows her mother well enough to assume there’s a reason why she isn’t telling the truth. It saves Katya from having to tell her about her wank fantasies or say ‘You don’t want to know’, which is basically the same as telling her about her wank fantasies.

After a moment of silence Kate suggests, “How about we pretend you just now told me about Trixie and you, and earlier never happened?”

Katya grins. Her kid is so smart and great. “Yes, perfect!”

*

True to her word, Kate shakes off any discomfort, and she genuinely seems very excited for them. She’s maybe a little too excited, because Svetlana picks up on her good mood and asks what that’s about when they’re digging into their desserts.

She looks up like a deer caught in headlights, only glancing at Katya for a split second before turning towards her grandmother.

“Uhm, I’ve just had a good week, that’s all.”

“And why is that?” She sounds like she’s just making conversation, but her eyes resting on Kate are attentive in a way that tends to activate Katya’s fight or flight response.

Kate shrugs uncomfortably. “My last class today got cancelled, so I could come home earlier, and I’m almost done with all my reading for next week.” It sounds more like a question than an answer.

“Good! You should get a solid schedule figured out now at the beginning of the semester, so you don’t fall behind,” her grandfather advises and Kate nods, smiling at him.

Svetlana smirks. “Oh please, I recognize that look! You have met somebody, haven’t you.” She’s so busy being pleased with herself that she doesn’t even notice the look Kate and Katya give each other.

“Grandma,” Kate starts with a sigh and before she says anything else, Katya knows what she’s about to do. It’s too late to stop her, short of simply yelling ‘No!’, so Katya watches helplessly as Kate continues, “I’ve actually had a boyfriend for a while now.”

Svetlana’s smug expression dissolves. “Really? For how long?”

Kate isn’t looking at her as she says, “A few months.”

If Katya could reach her, she would kick her underneath the table. If Kate wants to tell them about Jason, that’s fine, but there’s no need to let them know they’ve kept it a secret for all this time. The shock is obvious on both her parents’ faces, and for a moment Katya closes her eyes. She owes Kate for earlier, and she knows what she needs to do to create a distraction. If they’re very lucky, it’s enough to get them out of this. If not, they’re in it together at least.

“I’m dating Trixie,” she loudly declares, and everybody in the room turns towards her.

“A-ha!” Her mother points one finger at Katya’s face, sounding triumphant.

“Who’s Trixie?” her dad asks. Katya ignores him in favour of replying to her mother.

“We weren’t dating yet when you insinuated we were.”

“Trixie is our friend who runs the diner,” Kate explains to Pyotr. “The one who took me home during the opening of the inn when I got sick.”

“Oh, the chubby one!”

“I told you before, you don’t have to pretend,” Svetlana says at the same time.

Katya’s head snaps around to her father. “I don’t appreciate you saying that like it’s a bad thing!”

“No, they really just started dating this week!” Kate defends Katya.

“That’s more than you can say for yourself, young lady!” Svetlana regards Kate with a cold expression. “I cannot believe you kept this from us for months!”

“Yes, that’s unacceptable. We want to meet this boy, make sure he’s good enough for you,” Pyotr joins in.

“That’s not your call to make!” Katya argues.

Her mother ignores that. “And you’re bringing your partner, too, I will not accept a no from either of you.”

Katya leans back, her head hitting the backrest, and laughs. The others stop talking over each other and look at her, their bewildered expressions only making her laugh harder. 

“Fine, but if she breaks up with me because my whole family is clearly crazy, I will never forgive you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I would love to hear your opinion! I love comments and I love messages on tumblr ([@connyhascontrol](https://connyhascontrol.tumblr.com/)) and I love you for having it made to this point with me.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the things that have always annoyed her about couples, Katya wants to do now. She wants to walk everywhere holding hands with Trixie. When they’re not together, she’s glued to her phone, waiting for Trixie to text her, or texting her whatever she deems important for Trixie to know right now, from pictures of dogs she just saw, to telling her how much she wants to eat her out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the last chapter before the epilogue, I can't quite believe it! Thanks for sticking with me this far, I hope you enjoy the home stretch! A big thank you as always to [Shea](https://hedonssippingseagrams.tumblr.com/) for proofreading, [Naty](https://pichitinha.tumblr.com/) for all the hand holding, and everybody who leaves me comments and messages, I'm so very grateful to all of you!

Trixie greets them with a tentative smile when they enter the diner on Saturday morning. Last night, Katya had called Trixie, letting her know how it went with Kate, their agreement to never speak of what happened, and of her parents insisting they meet Trixie officially. 

There are plenty of tables free, the main breakfast crowd has already come and gone, but Kate and Katya sit down at the counter, where Trixie seems to be checking supply orders while the diner is quiet. She quickly lets the papers disappear beneath the counter when they settle in for their late breakfast. 

When Kate greets her with a friendly “Morning!” her nervousness seems to fizzle out and she returns the greeting. 

Trixie is already getting coffee mugs off the shelf, putting them down on the counter and filling them, when she asks, “What do you wanna eat?”

“Can you make me those coffee and vanilla pancakes you made for my birthday?” Kate beams at Trixie with her biggest smile.

“Uh, sure!” 

“They’re not even on the menu! Don’t let her bully you,” Katya tries to intervene, but Trixie shakes her head.

“No, it’s no trouble!” she assures them, and after Katya orders eggs and bacon, Trixie disappears into the kitchen.

“You’re going to milk this for as long as you can, aren’t you?” Katya quietly asks her daughter with raised eyebrows.

Kate shoots her a grin. “I’ve learned from the best.”

Trixie serves them their food and it’s like it always is. They eat, they chat, Trixie flitting in and out of conversation when she has to take care of other guests. Except now Katya unabashedly watches her rush back and forth, her cream-coloured skirt, that must be the most impractical thing to cook in, fluttering around her legs. Her heels clack on the tiles as she walks and the rhythm becomes a steady, calming background music to Katya’s thoughts.

“You could at least try to not openly stare,” Kate remarks, sounding unimpressed, as she sops up the maple syrup with her pancakes.

“But I like staring at her.” Katya flashes Trixie a grin, who has just stepped up to the register to put money in it. She probably caught the tail end of their exchange and doesn’t look at Katya, but she’s smiling and her ears have gone pink.

“Besides, I’ve not once complained about Jason and you making goo goo eyes at each other for months and sneaking off to make out on the porch,” Katya points out, and Kate rolls her eyes, but a faint blush paints her cheeks pink as well. 

“Speak of the devil,” Trixie murmurs, and they both turn around to where Trixie is looking. They can see Jason through the windows, as he walks up to the door. Katya can pinpoint the moment he spots them, because his face lights up with a smile, his eyes on Kate the entire time it takes him to push open the door and walk up to them. Once he’s in front of her, Kate throws her arms around his neck without getting up from her stool. They kiss hello a little longer than is polite in company, and Trixie eyes them warily. Katya reaches out across the counter to poke her arm. When Trixie turns her attention towards her, Katya smiles at her, trying to let her know it’s okay. Especially after yesterday, they don’t have a leg to stand on regarding inappropriate touching in front of others. Trixie sighs almost imperceptibly and then her face softens, no longer regarding Jason with suspicion. 

“Hello, Katya,” he says a little sheepishly when Kate lets go of him, and he sits down on the stool next to Kate. 

“Hi, Jason,” she greets him with a sunny smile. 

“We can go in a minute, I just need to finish my super special delicious pancakes!” Kate tells him with another bright smile in Trixie’s direction. She smiles back a little lopsided. 

Before Kate is done with her pancakes, Kim enters, already getting ready for the lunch shift. She hugs Kate and Jason and gives a little wave towards Trixie and Katya. 

“You’re coming to the party tonight, right?” Kate looks at her intently.

“Sure, I’ll come by once my shift is over.”

Kate looks relieved. She had told Katya that Jason was taking her to a party with all his friends tonight after they plan to spend the day hanging out, and even though she gets along with them, she has never spent a lot of time with them. She had hoped Kim would be her safety blanket.

“If Kate is out, does that mean you have nothing to do tonight?” Trixie asks nonchalantly.

“Why, do you wanna give me something to do?” Katya asks in the same tone of voice, and next to her Kate pulls a grimace. 

Trixie shrugs. “Do you wanna go see a movie?”

“Sure, it’s a date.” Katya openly grins this time and at the word ‘date’ Trixie does too.

“Oh, are we allowed to talk about that now?” Kim looks back and forth between them with curiosity on her face.

“About what?” Kate asks with furrowed brows.

“About…” Kim doesn’t actually say anything, just waves her hand back and forth between Trixie and Katya.

“Oh, when Miss Jinkx went around telling everybody they’re dating, she was wrong,” Kate explains and Kim frowns.

“But I walked in on you kissing the other day.” 

“Oh,” Katya says in a flat voice, “you noticed that.”

Kim scoffs. “Of course I did, I’m not an idiot. But you were waffling something about corn flour, so I thought we were all pretending.”

Katya shoots her daughter a dirty look when she starts openly laughing at them. 

“That’s very considerate of you. Thanks, Kim.” Trixie has to raise her voice to be heard over Kate’s laughter. 

“Uh, so you two are, uhm…” Jason seems to just catch on to what everybody is talking about.

“Yes, we are,” Katya confirms.

“Oh, that’s totally… fine.” Judging by his expression he knows how weird his comment was.

“Thank you, I was so worried you wouldn’t approve,” Trixie states dryly with one eyebrow raised. Katya reaches over the counter to slap her arm.

“Be nice!”

“I’ve never been nice, and I’m not gonna start now.” As she says it, one corner of her mouth starts pulling up.

“That’s very true,” Katya admits, a smile spreading across her face. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“So are you two, like, public now?” Kate asks, pointedly ignoring them smiling at each other.

Trixie gives Katya a questioning look and Katya shrugs. “Sure, I guess. We only wanted to wait until I had time to tell you about it, it was never meant to be a secret. That doesn’t mean we’re going to make an announcement.”

“I doubt you have to, if you’re going to see a movie together,” Kate points out.

“Why wait that long?” Trixie leans across the counter towards Katya, and she has to push herself up a little to be able to kiss Trixie. Their mouths are both smiling when they meet.

It’s just a chaste brush of lips, but Kate hastily stands up. “Okay, that’s our cue!” She grabs Jason’s hand. “We’re going. See you later!” she tells Kim as she’s already pulling Jason towards the door, completely ignoring Katya and Trixie.

Trixie gives her an unsure look, but Katya waves her concern away with one careless hand.

“She’ll get used to it, don’t worry.”

Now that Kate is gone, Kim has lost interest in their conversation, and she wanders off to actually do some work. A couple with a baby sits down at a table for an early lunch, and Trixie has to go and prepare their food. Katya hangs around for a bit, pulling faces at the baby while it just stares at her with huge blue eyes. 

She takes off when it’s time to meet up with Ginger. She had agreed to go shopping with Katya when Katya had told her that Kate would be spending all day with Jason and their friends, and that Trixie had to work. 

“Tell me about the party,” Ginger says when they’re browsing a little boutique in Hartford an hour later.

“You know, the usual shindig my parents throw.” Katya holds up a hideous brown dress with ruffles in places ruffles should never be, and Ginger snorts. Katya puts it back on the rack. “Tiny food, lots of alcohol, stuffy people who have been telling the same anecdotes for 40 years.”

“And you thought that was better than just dinner with your folks?”

“Ah, you see, this way we can avoid actually having to talk to my parents one on one, and they have to behave if they’re hosting a whole party.” Katya is very proud that she managed to redirect the dinner her parents wanted to have with Trixie and Jason to their annual ‘We have to prove we’re still rich and important’ party.

At her explanation, Ginger only gives a non-committal hum. When Katya had told Trixie last night on the phone, she hadn’t sounded convinced this was a good idea either.

“Oh, so I don’t only have to impress your parents, but all of their snooty friends too, gotcha,” she had deadpanned, and Katya had explained that she didn’t need to impress anyone.

“I would like it if my parents know and like you by the end of the night, but I’m not counting on it, and if they don’t, it’s nothing against you, they’re just never happy with any of my life choices. This is a big choice, so they’ll probably disagree on principle. But I have to give them the chance of liking you,” Katya explains. “I don’t care about anybody else there, and if things go really terrible, maybe I never have to go to any of their parties ever again. We can only win here, Trixie!”

Katya’s insistent tone had apparently done little to convince Trixie. “I don’t know what to wear.”

“Wear the dress I made you,” Katya had suggested casually, as if the thought had not been on her mind the second it occurred to her that they could attend the party together.

Trixie had sighed. “I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

“Not really. But Jason will be there too, and you can count on him to be more awkward than you.”

“Oh, wow,” Trixie had commented in a flat voice. 

Katya thinks it will be a good opportunity for Trixie to warm up to Jason a little, but she keeps that to herself. 

“How about this?” Ginger holds up a dress with an orange and red problem pattern, and for a second Katya is tempted. Then she considers what she would look like, standing next to Trixie. It’s not that she wants them to show up matching exactly, but she wants people to look at them and know they came together. When she explains that to Ginger, she rolls her eyes.

“You’re no fun when you’re in love,” she mutters in response. Katya doesn’t say anything, just ducks around the corner where the clearance rack stands, so she doesn’t have to face Ginger and the potential of  _ love _ . That’s too much to deal with. She needs to find something to wear first, maybe then she can tackle such complex topics.

A deep blue catches her eye and when she pulls the hanger from the rack, she knows she’s found the right dress. It’s not perfect, the hem of the skirt would hit her weirdly at the middle of her calves, but that’s easily shortened. She’ll probably take the sleeves off as well and only leave them as straps. She has two weeks until the party, that’s plenty of time for some alterations. The material has a slight shimmer to it and it’s going to go beautifully with the luxurious fabric of Trixie’s dress. They’re probably going to have a horrible time, but they’re going to be the best looking couple there.

*

Katya unlocks the door as quietly as she can and then immediately takes her shoes off. It’s almost 4 am, and she assumes Kate is asleep, unless she has gotten a personality transplant and is really into partying now and not home yet. Either way the house is quiet and dark, and Katya intends to sneak upstairs to her bedroom. 

She and Trixie had gone to see a movie at the bookstore that transforms into a cinema every weekend. Between all the mismatched chairs, they had managed to snatch the coveted red couch. It’s as close to an announcement about their relationship as they’re going to do, because it’s always taken up by couples. They hadn’t exactly cuddled, but they had been too cozy for being just friends. It had been some rom-com that Katya had seen before, and halfway through the movie Katya had whispered into Trixie’s ear, asking if they wanted to get out of there. Trixie had shushed her, not turning her eyes from the screen, but Katya had caught her smirk. She is certain Trixie hadn’t actually cared about the movie, she’d just wanted to annoy Katya, successfully so. 

She had more than made up for it afterwards by letting Katya ride her face, eating her out methodically and enthusiastically. Then she had dug out a strap-on from her closet and had ridden Katya, her hips circling slowly and her eyes burning into Katya’s. After watching Trixie take her time and then finally come with her hands leaning on Katya’s shoulders, her hair falling over her shoulders, and broken sobs leaving her mouth, Katya had needed to come again herself. She had, as gently but quickly as she could, maneuvered Trixie down, unbuckled the harness around her hips, and brought herself off by shamelessly and impatiently grinding against Trixie’s leg, while Trixie had still been breathing heavily, and with a shaking hand she had cupped Katya’s jaw. Katya hadn’t cried this time, but she had still held on to Trixie afterwards as if her life depended on it. 

“Didn’t expect you to have this.” Katya had picked up the harness and dangled it from one finger in front of Trixie’s face. “Should I be jealous? Who have you been fucking?”

Trixie had snorted. “Nobody. I bought it so you could fuck me.”

The noise that left Katya’s lips had been half gasp, half laugh. “Wow, you didn’t waste any time.”

At that Trixie had grinned. “Oh, I’ve had it for a while.”

“How long?” Katya had pushed up on one hand so she could see Trixie’s face better, but she wouldn’t meet Katya’s eye. “How  _ long _ ?” Katya had repeated and Trixie had rolled her eyes. 

“I ordered it the night you gave me the dress,” she’d finally admitted, and Katya had dropped back down next to her.

“Maybe I don’t wanna say no to you,” she had quietly quoted back at Trixie and kissed her. 

“You remember that,” Trixie had whispered, sounding surprised. 

“I thought about it for weeks.”

Trixie hadn’t replied, but she’d buried her head in the crook of Katya’s neck, both of them breathing each other in. Without meaning to, they had fallen asleep like this, and Katya had only woken up hours later when she’d needed to pee. It had taken all her willpower to not simply climb into bed with the still sleeping Trixie again after going to the bathroom. But Kate and her had made an implied agreement that they’d both sleep in their own beds tonight when they had said they’d see each other at breakfast the next morning. So Katya had reluctantly gotten dressed. She hadn’t meant to wake Trixie, but when she had pressed her lips to Trixie’s forehead for a quick kiss goodbye, she had stirred. 

With heavy eyes she had softly murmured “Katya,” and having to leave her had tugged at Katya’s heart in a way she couldn’t remember ever feeling before. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she had quietly reassured the both of them, and Trixie had smiled, already falling asleep again. For a moment Katya had stayed right there, just looking at Trixie’s sleeping form, not quite believing how beautiful she was.

Now, Katya is cold and curses herself for coming home. She could have just texted Kate that she’s staying at Trixie’s. It would have been fine. She can’t wait to get into bed, she just quickly wants to check that Kate made it home safely. As she turns the corner into the hallway, she sees the door to Kate’s room open, but it’s not Kate coming out of it. She can only see the outline of the person in the dark, but she knows it’s Jason. He doesn’t spot her, just sneaks through the kitchen, looking probably not unlike her, and then Katya hears the back door open and close. 

She’s still trying to process what she just saw when Kate’s door opens again, this time all the way, and the soft glow of her bedside lamp falls into the hallway. It’s followed by Kate, wearing an oversized t-shirt, apparently on the way to the bathroom. The moment Katya takes in her messy hair is the moment Kate spots her standing in the dark, and she jumps a little in surprise.

They stare at each other silently for what is probably only a few seconds, but seems to stretch out endlessly.

It’s Kate who breaks the silence. “I thought you were asleep.”

“No, I was still out.”

“Right.”

Katya swallows and then slowly asks, “Did you--”

“Yes,” Kate interrupts her. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“Okay.” Katya nods slowly. “I’m going to bed, then.”

Kate nods but says nothing, so Katya turns around to go upstairs. She’s still sneaking, for no reason. 

She goes through her nighttime routine mechanically, only remembering how cold she is when she shudders while changing into a sleep shirt and shorts. Despite the late hour, she can’t sleep once she’s in bed. She should have stayed at Trixie’s, she thinks again, then this whole weird situation wouldn’t have happened. 

Her door cracks open a tiny bit, the sound seeming unnaturally loud in the silent room, and Katya turns her head to see Kate standing in the doorway in the dark.

“Are you still awake?” she whispers.

“Yes,” Katya replies at the same volume, and then waits for Kate to say something else. When nothing more seems to be coming from her, Katya pulls back her comforter and after what seems to be a moment of hesitation, Kate walks up to the bed and climbs in, Katya scooting over to make room. As she settles in, Katya notices Kate has exchanged her shirt for pyjamas. They lie next to each other on their backs, both staring at the ceiling.

“Maybe I do want to talk about it,” Kate whispers, but then says nothing more.

“How do you feel?” Katya asks, to start the conversation.

“Good.” Then even quieter, gentler, she says, “It was nice.”

“Good.” 

“I thought… I don’t know, that it would be  _ more _ . That I would feel different afterwards,” Kate admits.

“Right now it seems like a big deal, and to you it is, but in the end it’s just sex. You’re still the exact same person you were before.”

Kate hums, and then they’re quiet again, both of them sorting through their thoughts.

“He walked me home after the party, and when we were about to say goodbye, he told me he loved me.”

At that Katya turns her head to look at Kate, and she meets her with a big smile.

“He did?” Katya asks with excitement, and Kate nods. Katya breaks into a grin of her own. “He says he loves you, and you sleep with him? I didn’t think you were that easy.”

Kate groans the groan of any teenager tormented by their embarrassing parents, and Katya laughs a little. She turns onto her side, and Kate does the same, so they’re facing each other.

“So, he loves you,” Katya repeats. “What did you reply?”

“That I love him, too.” The way she says it let’s Katya know she’s being dense and that it’s obvious.

“Right, of course.” After another moment of silence she adds, “I’m really happy for you.”

“Thank you.” Kate smiles at her, barely visible in the dark, but undeniably happy. 

The conversation seems to be over and Katya knows if she lets it go, they’re both going to fall asleep. But she can’t let it go.

“How do you know for sure that you love somebody?” she asks quietly, and even in the dark Kate’s surprise is obvious on her face.

“Really? Already?”

Katya shrugs. “Maybe. I don’t know. A lot has happened between us before we got to where we are now.”

“That’s true,” Kate admits. “You know, I was worried when you told me about the two of you, but the more I’ve thought about it, the more it makes sense. I can’t believe I didn’t notice it. Like, I’ve known Trixie likes you for a few weeks now, but with you I never realized.” After a pause she carries on, “I don’t know how you know for sure, but I feel about Jason like I’ve never felt about anybody before, I want to be around him constantly, and he’s the most important person in the world to me.” Katya lightly kicks her in the shin. “After you,” Kate adds with an eye roll. “Maybe that’s all it is.”

“Yeah, maybe it is,” Katya whispers.

Kate scoots a little closer and with one finger pokes Katya in the arm. “I hope you do love her. You deserve that, and so does she.”

Katya wants to tell her that’s the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to her, but she feels too heavy all of a sudden, sleep tugging at her, so she just hums and closes her eyes.

*

Despite their date at the movies and their kiss at the diner, nobody has said anything to them about their relationship, and it’s gotten to the point where Katya is suspicious. She has even hung around Jinkx when they happened to run into each other in town, but nothing. Part of her is relieved, because she doesn’t want everybody making a big deal out of it, but she would like to get some attention now that they’re actually dating. 

Trixie finds it funny that she’s so hung up on this. “They know, and we don’t have to hide. I don’t really care about anything else,” she says as they stroll towards the dance studio for the monthly town meeting. “We’d hear about it if anybody had a problem with it. I prefer this.”

Katya pulls a face. She knows that Trixie is right. They’re in the lucky position that they get to be public about their relationship and not have people yell at them on the street. But for the first time in her life Katya is in a relationship that fills her with nothing but excitement, and she wants to share that. She still can’t quite believe that she gets to be with Trixie, and she wants to show her off, show  _ them _ off.

All the things that have always annoyed her about couples, Katya wants to do now. She wants to walk everywhere holding hands with Trixie. When they’re not together, she’s glued to her phone, waiting for Trixie to text her, or texting her whatever she deems important for Trixie to know right now, from pictures of dogs she just saw, to telling her how much she wants to eat her out. The other day she had almost told her she missed her, even though they had seen each other only a few hours earlier. 

“Ugh, gross,” she had muttered to herself and deleted the message. Instead, she had just sent her a picture of a necklace that undeniably looked like a vulva, that Katya had spotted in a shop window a few days ago, with no comment.

They make it to the town meeting just in time, and have to squeeze themselves past a few of their neighbors to the only two empty chairs in the middle of a row. They get a few friendly nods, but nobody comments on them showing up together. 

Once the meeting begins, Katya quickly clocks out. None of today’s topics seem to be relevant to her, nor does she want to be involved in the decision making process. She still votes against two of Taylor’s proposals on principle, without having listened to what they are. Katya keeps herself occupied by trying to feed Trixie Red Vines. Most of the time she bats away Katya’s hand approaching her mouth, but twice Trixie is so engrossed in the discussion going on around them that she simply takes a bite and only notices when she’s chewing on it. She rolls her eyes at Katya, but the corners of her mouth are pulling up in a smile she tries to hide.

After the second time, Trixie seems to pay more attention to what Katya is doing, and she can’t catch her off guard again. It takes the only point of interest for Katya out of the meeting, and she’s glad when Taylor announces they’re approaching the last point on the agenda for tonight. She’s ready to drift off again, but then she sits up when she hears her own last name, only mispronounced a little bit. 

At the same time Trixie asks, “What on earth is the Mattel-Zamolodchikova issue?” Her question goes unanswered, and they shoot each other worried glances. On the podium Taylor has gotten out a map of the town and puts it up on the pinboard. Katya can see that different parts of the town have been colored in either pink or blue.

“Now, as we all know and to nobody’s surprise, Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova have entered into a romantic relationship,” Taylor starts to explain, looking everywhere but the two of them. Katya throws her hands up in the air in confusion at the same moment when Trixie crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“We have to ensure we have clearly designated and equally distributed areas for either of them, so life in town can continue as undisturbed as possible when the relationship runs its course.”

“Hey!” Katya calls, and next to her she can feel a storm brewing, without even having to look at Trixie.

“When it’s run its course?” Trixie’s voice is cold, and Katya loses interest in Taylor and his ridiculous contingency plan, instead focusing on Trixie, who she can tell is outraged.

Taylor can no longer avoid looking at them as he elaborates. “Well, let’s face it, you’re not exactly the most sociable person, and we’re all aware of the disastrous track record Katya has with relationships.”

“Huh.” Katya takes a bite of her Red Vine. “He’s got a point there.” Trixie gives her a sharp look, that Katya returns with a lopsided grin.

Trixie turns her gaze to Taylor again. “This is our personal business, you have no right to involve everyone in this, especially when you’re spreading that our relationship is doomed to fail. You can’t do that!”

“Yeah, Weston’s is in Trixie’s area, am I supposed to just never eat pie again when she dumps me? At least I’m assuming she’s pink and I’m blue.”

Trixie turns towards her, looking bewildered.

“And what’s this heteronormative pink-blue bullshit?” Katya carries on. “This is homophobia!” She is fully aware of the irony of accusing Taylor of being homophobic. It’s just another layer of stupidity to add to this already absurd situation.

At that, Taylor rolls his eyes, as if Katya is the one being ridiculous in this situation. “Nobody here is homophobic, Katya.”

“You’re not helping!” Trixie tells her sharply and Katya puts a hand on her thigh to calm her down.

“I’m not trying to help,” she says truthfully. “This whole thing is completely ridiculous, and I think we’re done here.” Katya gets up calmly and starts packing up her snacks. She offers Trixie a smile and her hand. “You coming?”

Trixie still looks upset, but she takes Katya’s hand and lets her pull her to her feet. They squeeze themselves past their friends and neighbors again, none of which will look them in the eyes. 

Once they’re outside and out of hearing distance from the dance studio, Katya starts laughing. “That’s the stupidest thing that has ever happened in one of these meetings.” She expects Trixie to join her, but she is very quiet. “What’s wrong?”

"Why aren't you upset that they all think we're inevitably going to break up?" Trixie looks at her, unmistakably with hurt in her eyes

With a smile Katya takes her hand. "Because I’m not worried that they might be right. And I hope you’re not either."

At that, Trixie's expression softens and she looks down at their intertwined fingers with a smile. "Of course not."

"Good." Katya gives her a quick kiss. "Then we're gonna stay together out of spite and prove them all wrong."

Trixie laughs quietly. "Sounds like a plan."

Swinging their hands between them, Katya starts walking towards the house. Trixie had said she wanted to cook dinner for them tonight. 

“We need to get Taylor a boyfriend, so he’s too busy for idiotic shit like this.”

Trixie raises one eyebrow. “Would you wish Taylor on anyone?”

Katya snorts. “No, that’s true. We can keep an eye out at my parents’ party. Somebody there is bound to be a repressed, gay pedant, looking for a companion to be bitchy with.”

*

“Come on, we still have to pick up Jason!” Katya calls from the bottom of the stairs to Kate, who is rifling through Katya’s shoes to find something for the party. They’re running late, and for once Katya cares about them being on time. Despite what she had told Trixie about not caring what anybody thought, Katya wants them to make a good impression, mostly because she knows that’s what Trixie wants.

There is no reply from upstairs and Katya lets herself drop onto the couch next to Trixie, who is patiently waiting for them to get ready.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” She rests her head on Trixie’s shoulder, careful to lean on her own hair, so she doesn’t smear her makeup on Trixie. 

Trixie peers down at her with a smile. “You have, but don’t let that stop you.”

When Katya had opened the door for Trixie, she hadn’t said anything, just made a desperate keening sound that she’s still not quite sure where it came from. She had seen Trixie in the dress before and she looks just as stunning now as she did the first time, but then it hit Katya that she’s wearing something Katya made specifically for her, and that that’s what she’s going to officially meet Katya’s parents in. That knowledge had grabbed Katya’s heart and pulled hard, making her stumble right into Trixie’s arms. 

She can feel how tense Trixie is next to her, so Katya shifts closer. She presses her face into Trixie’s neck and inhales, but then abruptly sits up straight.

“What?” Trixie asks.

“You smell different,” Katya accuses her and is met with a bewildered expression from Trixie.

“I have a new conditioner. Do you not like it?” She sounds genuinely concerned.

Katya returns to her previous position with her nose pressed tightly against it. “No, it’s not bad, I’m just not used to it.” She sniffs again. “Raspberry, right?”

“M-hm,” Trixie makes. “What’s your obsession with how my hair smells, anyway?”

“It’s not about  _ how _ it smells, it’s that  _ I know _ how it smells. You have to get really close to you to catch it, and I get to be that close to you,” Katya explains with her face still in Trixie’s hair so she doesn’t have to face her as she says it.

“Oh, honey.”

At Trixie’s gentle voice, Katya raises her head. Neither of them says anything else, they don’t have to. Trixie looks at her with soft, warm eyes, and Katya wants nothing more than to kiss her, knowing she can’t because it would ruin both their lipsticks. A loud crash makes them both look up to the landing. 

“Did you break something?” Katya calls.

“Nope,” Kate replies too quickly. “I’ve never broken anything ever! Why would you even ask that?”

“My vagina begs to differ. And if you don’t hurry up, I’ll keep talking about her.”

“Mom!” Kate reprimands her from upstairs.

With a grin Trixie quietly says, “She seemed fine the last time I saw her.” Katya doesn’t get to reply, since Kate is hurrying down the stairs.

“Come on, we’re late!” She rushes past them straight to the door, and Trixie and Katya give each other amused looks. Quickly they pile into Katya’s jeep. They have to make a detour on the way to the party to pick Jason up. He could have come by himself, it would have been the practical thing to do, but Katya hadn’t wanted him to show up there by himself without knowing anybody, and he didn’t have the time to come over to their house beforehand. So they agreed to meet him halfway, resulting in a conspicuous meeting in a Walmart parking lot. 

“Get in!” Kate yells through the open window as soon as Katya stops the car, and Jason scrambles to comply. When Katya accelerates again and takes a corner maybe a little boldly, Trixie tightly holds on to the door handle. 

“Right, if I ever need somebody to rob a bank with, I’m bringing you two,” she mutters, and Katya flashes her a grin. 

They end up being only a few minutes late, and a maid opens the door for them. Katya doesn’t recognize her, which means that apparently Elena’s career in this household had already run its course, as Katya predicted two weeks ago.

“Let’s get this over with,” Katya quietly says to the group when they’ve handed over their jackets, and slaps on a smile. They head towards the living room, where Katya can hear her father’s booming voice recounting an anecdote from his student days, that she’s certain everybody in attendance already knows by heart. Still, everyone laughs at the expected point and it’s the exact moment they step into the room, Katya with Trixie by her side, and Kate with Jason behind them. 

“Ah, there they are,” Pyotr announces with a content smile, pulling the attention of everybody in the room towards them.

“Here we are,” Katya agrees brightly. Surprised she lets her father pull her in for a kiss on the cheek, and immediately wonders if he maybe got into the whiskey a little early. He’s missing the telltale red hue of his skin he gets whenever he drinks, but he seems to be in too good a mood to be sober. 

“Miss Mattel, it’s good of you to come.” He holds out his hand, and his eyebrows go up in surprise when Trixie grasps and shakes it, probably with a lot more strength than he had expected. 

“Please, call me Trixie. Thank you so much for having me.” 

Katya sometimes forgets how charming Trixie can be if she wants to. She  _ always _ finds Trixie charming, but she’s aware that’s not exactly objective. It’s a pleasant reminder that around Katya she’s comfortable just being herself. 

Pyotr moves on and kisses Kate on the cheek as well. Then his expression hardens a little and he holds out his hand to Jason.

“Now, you’re the boy going out with our Kate.”

“Yes, Sir. Jason Doose.” He looks nervous, but still smiles as he shakes the offered hand.

“I hear you’re attending college here in Hartford.”

“Yes, Sir, for mechanical engineering,” he answers. 

That seems to mildly impress Pyotr. “What do your parents do?”

“My mother is a high school history teacher.” 

He doesn’t say anything about his father. Katya knows Jason’s parents split a long time ago, and his dad moved out of town shortly after. It doesn’t sound like they’re in touch. Pyotr accepts the reply with a nod. He wouldn’t dare say anything against single mothers in front of Katya when they have guests.

“Let’s get you all some drinks!” His enthusiastic expression is back. Kate and Jason have to decline the wine he offers them, and he sends a server to find some soda for them, muttering something about ridiculous American age restrictions. 

“Was that a test?” Katya can hear Jason ask Kate in a whisper.

“No, he’s just Russian. But you passed, don’t worry,” Kate reassures him. 

Katya and Trixie both accept a glass of wine. Katya will simply have to eat a lot of small fancy food bites before it’s time to drive home. 

“Where’s Mom?” Katya asks her father casually, and she can feel Trixie giving her an intense look.

“Oh, yes, you should go say hello! She was in the dining room last I saw her.”

“You wanna get it over with?” Trixie murmurs as they’re making their way to the dining room, and Katya nods.

Her mother is there, currently hissing at a server who apparently put the salmon puffs on the same plate as the mini squash pastries, and Katya happily interjects, so he can escape to the kitchen. 

“Mom, hi! The place looks great,” Katya greets her with a bright smile and Svetlana gives her a tight one in return.

“It would, if they had brought the cream tablecloths.”

“Aren’t these cream-colored?” Kate asks. They are, but Katya knows better than to speak up.

“No, darling, they’re egg-shell, and they clash with the curtains.” Svetlana explains in exasperation.

“They’re perfectly fine, Mom. Relax and enjoy the party, that’s why you have all that staff. Have a salmon puff!” Her mother just raises an eyebrow at her, so Katya carries on. “Anyway, you remember Trixie Mattel?” During the tablecloth discussion Trixie had drifted back a bit. Katya puts one hand at her lower back and gently pushes her forward so they’re standing next to each other again. “My, uh, partner,” Katya finishes haltingly. 

She’d had no trouble telling Phi Phi she had a girlfriend, but talking about her partner to her mother is somehow much harder. It doesn’t help that she thinks the word partner is stiff and awful, but mentioning her girlfriend to her mom is absolutely out of the question. It feels too personal, somehow.

“It’s so nice to see you again, Mrs. Zamolodchikova.” Trixie says the name without stumbling and holds her hand out. “You have a beautiful home.”

Svetlana shakes her hand. “Thank you, Miss Mattel, that’s so kind of you to say. What a lovely dress you’re wearing.” She regards Trixie’s appearance critically, and Katya can’t find any disingenuity in her face. 

“Thank you, and please, call me Trixie.” Trixie doesn’t mention that Katya made the dress, but she smiles pleasantly, and her left hand comes up to rest on the small of Katya’s back for a moment.

Kate takes it upon herself to introduce Jason. “Grandma, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Jason Doose.”

Kate calling him her boyfriend apparently gives him a confidence boost, and he very politely thanks Svetlana for the invitation. Her expression gets a little frosty, but not openly hostile, and she pointedly says how happy she is to finally meet him. All in all, Katya thinks they’re doing great. After their short interaction, Svetlana turns to Kate, Jason apparently no longer in need of her attention. 

“Grab some food, we should head back to the living room. Your grandfather has something to announce, apparently,” Svetlana informs them. “He’s been in a suspiciously good mood all day.”

“Yes, I noticed.” Katya takes a plate and starts filling it with a little bit of everything from the buffet, motioning for the others to do the same. “Do you know what it’s about?”

“No, he’s being  _ so _ mysterious and very pleased with himself.” Svetlana rolls her eyes.

Katya tries to hide her smile. If there is one thing her mother can’t stand, it’s not knowing what’s going on around her. Her dad must think it’s a really good secret to risk his wife’s wrath for it. 

They return to the living room, where most of the guests have congregated, but Pyotr makes no attempt to get everybody’s attention. Instead, their little group is quickly approached by one of her parents’ friends who Katya has known all her life, and still she struggles to remember her name. Luckily she takes it upon herself to introduce herself to Trixie, reminding Katya that her name is Bunny, making her wonder how she always forgets that. Quickly, Katya gestures for Kate and Jason to find somewhere else to be, and they have done this often enough that Kate immediately grabs him by the arm and pulls him away. These conversations are never pleasant. It was too late for Trixie and her, but at least Katya could protect the kids.

“You know, I never believed the rumors,” Bunny explains. “Especially with you having the little one, we talked about it for months back then!”

Katya catches Trixie give her a look out the corner of her eye. But Katya is familiar with being reminded of her scandalous past by every person she talks to at these functions, and she just smiles politely.

Bunny doesn’t seem to require anybody taking part in her conversation. “And you were always such a pretty girl, still are, even if you’ve always dressed a little unconventional, and maybe you’d look good in a bob, you know, more age appropriate.” She laughs as if they’re actually close and she gets to say these things about Katya. “But I thought surely you were too pretty to be a,  _ you know _ , but now look at you!”

“Look at me, the lesbian,” Katya simply says, and Bunny laughs.

“Oh, you were always so quick!” 

Then she addresses Trixie, and Katya can feel the hairs on her neck standing up.

“You as well, of course! I’d never have guessed you were a, a…”

“Lesbian,” Trixie helpfully provides, and the same soulless smile Katya has cultivated over all of her life starts settling on her face.

“And a shame, too, with hips like those. Those were made to have a big family, weren’t they.” She sighs as if they’ve shared a joke among friends.

Katya can feel Trixie’s hand on her arm become more of a claw, and gently rubs her back, trying to tell her to calm down.

“My child-unfriendly hips have already taken care of that. Thank God Trixie runs her own business, so she has something to keep her busy, since she’s had to skip popping out all those babies.” Katya’s smile has stayed firmly in place during her comment.

Bunny’s expression hasn’t slipped either. “Yes, little projects are so important, aren’t they.” She patronizingly pats Trixie’s arm and then quickly excuses herself.

“God, is that what it’s like every time?” Trixie asks quietly, shock in her voice.

“I’ve never brought anyone to these things, so until now they all just gave me helpful tips how I could finally trap a man.”

Trixie blinks a few times. “So tonight is you coming out to like fifty people.”

“Technically yes, but most of them will pretend I haven’t.” Katya disregards Trixie’s concern with a careless wave of her hand.

*

“Most of the people you’ve introduced me to really think we work together,” Trixie mutters a little while later, hiding her comment behind her drink. They’ve briefly taken refuge in the hallway where there aren’t so many people, and Katya has cracked open a window to get them some fresh air.

Katya’s prediction had come true, and most of her parents’ friends are acting like she’s brought her business partner, regardless of the arm Katya has kept demonstratively around Trixie for most of the night. Out of the few people who had acknowledged their relationship, two had asked them if Trixie or Katya knew some other random gay person, one a hairdresser, the other a gallery owner. Katya actually does know the gallerist, they got some of the pieces for the inn from her. They had met years ago and gone out for drinks once, but they had only talked about work the entire time, so they left their relationship at that. Katya doesn’t mention it.

“That’s why I never really liked the word ‘partner’. Do we run a law firm together or do we scissor? Nobody knows,” she says quietly with a grin.

“We’re not doing either,” Trixie points out with a raised brow.

“Yet,” Katya adds with an exaggerated wink and Trixie inelegantly snorts into her glass.

“If I may have everyone’s attention for a moment,” her father calls from the living room. 

With a shared sigh they abandon their nice little spot and rejoin the party. Katya spots Kate and Jason also slinking out of a corner where they had apparently been hiding.

“Let’s see what this is about, then.” Her mother has appeared by her side, and Katya can tell only her role as the host keeps her from crossing her arms in front of her body.

“Now, you all know our daughter Yekaterina,” he starts, and Katya’s face falls in surprise.

“Uh-oh,” she mutters. She has no idea what this is about, but her first instinct is that it’s not good. The faces of the people around her have started turning towards her, and she gives a non-committal little smile at the room in general.

“Most of you probably also know that only a few months ago Katya opened the Amur Inn not far from here. Svetlana and I had the pleasure of attending the opening ourselves and seeing what a remarkable, charming place it is.”

“Where is he going with this?” her mother whispers, and Katya can only shake her head in response, clueless. Next to her, she can feel Trixie shift from one foot to the other.

Her dad continues to address the crowd. “We were not the only ones with that experience, since today I may or may not have heard from the editor-in-chief of American Traveler, who may or may not have put the inn on this year’s list of the 10 most exceptional places to stay at in the United States. I guess we will see when the issue drops on Monday.”

“What?” Katya asks loudly. She can feel everyone’s eyes on her, especially Trixie’s and her mother’s on either side of her. “Dad, are you serious?”

“Yes, my dear! Gerald called me this morning. He asked me to keep it to myself, but,” he gives a jovial smile to the party guests, “we’re among friends here.” It’s met with polite laughter. Pyotr raises his glass and all around Katya people mirror him.

“To Katya and her continued success.”

As the party toasts to her, Katya catches Kate’s eyes from across the room, and it’s her joyful face that pulls Katya out of her shock state and makes her smile as well. She can feel Trixie grab her hand and squeeze, and Katya can tell how proud she is just by looking at her face. Katya opens her mouth, not yet sure what to say, but then Kate crashes into her, slinging her arms around Katya’s middle and holding on tight.

“I’m so proud of you, Mom!”

Katya laughs a little and returns the hug. “Thanks, kiddo.” She is vaguely aware of her dad telling everyone to go enjoy themselves, but she’s not listening, just opens one arm and immediately Trixie slots herself against Katya. 

“Mom, get in here,” Katya tells her mother and lifts her other arm.

“I really don’t think--”

“Mom!”

“Fine,” Svetlana mutters and carefully puts one arm around her daughter’s back. 

With her chin, Katya motions Jason, who’s awkwardly standing next to them, to join them. “Come on, I want the whole family in on this.”

It takes him a while to figure out how to fit into the group hug until he ends up mostly hugging Kate from behind, but his arm is bumping against Trixie’s and she doesn’t seem to mind. Pyotr is the last to join, and he doesn’t need an invitation. Enthusiastically he kisses his wife's temple before gathering her against his broad chest and closing the circle around Katya’s back.

She doesn’t care that she’s at a party of people who for the most part have very little understanding for the life she leads and vice versa. For a moment, she gets to be with her family and enjoy the good news.

“We’re very proud of you, Katya,” her dad tells her, and Katya only nods, unsure if she would have the voice to thank him if she tried. 

It’s a little awkward when they all break apart, but Katya is too happy to care.

“Oh! I have to call Ginger!” She stares at Trixie’s face, not wanting to leave her here, but Ginger needs to know.

“It’s fine, I’ll be here with Kate,” Trixie assures her.

“I’ll look after her, don’t worry.” Kate grins and hooks her arm around Trixie’s elbow. 

Again, Katya can only nod with warmth blooming in her chest and pressing on her throat from the inside. She manages not to cry, quickly retreats to the hall, and from there she slips out onto the patio. She doesn’t have her jacket, and she’s immediately cold, but the air helps her clear her head and breathe more freely again. 

She has a conversation that mostly consists of “What?” on Ginger’s side and Katya repeating “I know!” over and over. Then she heads back inside, finding her family still standing together. 

Her dad and Trixie are having a polite chat about the diner. Apparently, he’s trying to get her to expand. When he recommends her a brand manager, Katya quickly slides her arm around her as she steps up to them and presses a kiss to her cheek, and Trixie relaxes a little. The news about the magazine seem to have put everyone in a good mood, and Svetlana even has a civil conversation with Jason, who looks a little like he’s on trial for murder but stands his ground. When their host duties require her parents to leave them, Katya leans in to whisper, “Good man,” and Jason looks relieved.

Eventually an elderly couple comes up to them, congratulating Katya on her success, and she thanks them with a genuine smile.

“At least half the praise needs to go to my business partner. She’s our chef and she’s absolutely phenomenal. The place would be nothing without her there.”

The man turns to Trixie. “Then congratulations to you, too!”

“Oh, no, Trixie is not my business partner, she’s my  _ partner _ .” When Katya’s explanation is only met with blank stares, she expands. “My  _ partner _ partner. My girlfriend. My significant other. The woman I date, in a romantic and gay way. The woman I love.” The words are out of her mouth before she has a chance to stop them, and her head whips around to Trixie, who is staring at her wide-eyed.

“You do?” she asks quietly.

“Yes.” Katya swallows once. “Yes, I do.” 

Katya had forgotten she wasn’t alone with Trixie and only when her mother’s friend exclaims “Oh, my,” she remembers why that particular phrase even slipped out of her. 

“I’m a lesbian, we’re lesbians,” she once again makes her point clear, and Kate starts to giggle. When Katya looks at her, she’s holding on to Jason’s arm, head resting against his shoulder, and she smiles at her. Katya smiles back.

Trixie gently touches her hand. “We can talk about that later.” She doesn’t look upset and Katya takes it as a good sign. 

After that, the evening seems to stretch out endlessly, made only bearable by Trixie’s hand that seems to be constantly touching her, like an anchor to keep her from being washed away. As soon as the first guests have left, Katya instructs their little group to get their jackets, and finds her parents to say goodbye.

“The magazine…,” she hesitantly starts, “You didn’t have anything to do with that, did you?” she asks her father. He raises his hands in a gesture of innocence.

“Nothing, I swear. You achieved that all by yourself.”

Katya smiles, thinking of Kate and Trixie and Ginger and Violet and everybody else back in Stars Hollow. “I really didn’t.”

*

It’s not even midnight by the time they get home, even though Katya could have sworn they’d spent at least five years at that party. They had dropped off Jason and then Katya was supposed to drive Trixie home.

“You know I’m okay with you staying over, right?” Kate had asked from the backseat in a long-suffering tone of voice as they’d reached the town and Katya was about to turn the next corner to get to the diner.

“Are you sure?” Trixie had turned to look at her.

“Yes, yes, I’m a big girl. If I wasn’t home, you probably would come over anyway, it’s fine.”

Katya could see her dismissively wave her hands in the rearview mirror. “Okay, home then,” she’d said and driven straight on instead of turning the corner.

They’ve left their heels in a pile by the door and are slumped down on the couch, Katya in the middle with Kate leaning against her from one side and Trixie from the other. Katya feels about ready to fall asleep right there, but then Kate stretches her arms above her head and gets up.

“Right, I’m going to bed. You two don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” With her index and middle finger she points at her eyes before pointing at them, and Katya snorts.

“Sure. Good night, honey. Love you.”

“Love you, Mom, love you, Trixie.” She gives them a tired smile before trudging down the hallway to her room.

Next to Katya, Trixie has sat up straight and looks after Kate with astonishment on her face. Then she raises her eyebrows and slowly smiles at Katya.

“Tonight is full of surprises.”

Katya pulls her legs up on the sofa and turns a little so she can face Trixie. “I didn’t mean to just blurt it out like that. I hadn’t meant to say it at all, I hadn’t even decided yet.”

“But you’re sure?” It’s an honest question, with Trixie eyes fixed on Katya’s.

She nods. “I think I’ve loved you for a pretty long time now, I just didn’t notice.” She knows it’s the truth, and has probably known it deep down for a while. But saying it still makes her heart beat in her throat and she’s fiddling with the seam of her dress, not knowing what to do with her hand.

Trixie cups Katya’s jaw in one hand and leans in to place a soft kiss on her lips. Then she smiles.

"I don't remember what it was like, not loving you,” she quietly confesses, and Katya reaches out with both hands, needing her as close as possible. They don’t kiss, they just hold each other. Their breathing settles in the same slow rhythm, first on the couch and then again when they’ve dragged themselves up the stairs and into Katya’s bed. 

They fall asleep with their fingers entwined and their legs tangled, and in the hazy moments before she’s all the way gone, Katya vaguely thinks that she gets it now, all those songs and stories. She gets it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! You would make my day by leaving me a comment here or a message on tumblr ([@connyhascontrol](https://connyhascontrol.tumblr.com/))


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katya remembers and vows to never forget one time when Trixie sang an Aimee Mann song from the first verse to the last note, occasionally replacing a forgotten line with hums, while making eggs in Katya’s kitchen in nothing but her underwear and a mostly unbuttoned flannel shirt. Katya was watching from where she leaned against the table and fell more in love with her in a way that felt tangible, like it gathered around her heart and grounded it firmly inside her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello, good evening, how are you, hello! It's been a while but I'm finally here with the epilogue. Lots of things have happened in the meantime, my wonderful beta [Shea](https://hedonssippingseagrams.tumblr.com/) got married and I'm on vacation right now, I hope the chapter makes up for the wait! A huge thank you goes to all the ladies from the validation station as well as [Naty](https://pichitinha.tumblr.com/), I couldn't have done this without you, and I love all of you very much! Thanks also to everyone who has stuck with me through this whole thing, especially to those of you who have left comments, kudos and messaged me on tumblr, I really cannot tell you how much that means to me. 
> 
> I'm gonna leave the [playlist for this fic here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3hteSFAGLITkzbmgu1aInD?si=j0QHmnOfThKd97STqBb0kQ) one last time, and now there's nothing left for me to say other than that I hope you enjoy it!

The inn looks serene, covered in a light dusting of fresh snow. Katya doesn’t feel serene, not with the elaborate January wedding she has been trying to prepare the Amur Inn for over the last couple of weeks, and that she was informed earlier today was cancelled, because the groom had apparently run off with the best man. Katya has spent enough time with the bride to silently congratulate him on that decision. Except that she now had to spend all day trying to cancel orders of furniture and tablecloths and a million other things, because the bride hadn’t been satisfied with the selection the inn offers. She has done as much of that as she can stomach for now, so Katya has decided to call it a day. 

Stepping outside, the cold air seems to immediately seep in through every pore of her skin and she hurries to her car. Just as she’s buckled her seatbelt, she can feel her phone vibrate in her coat pocket and she fishes it out with her fingers already getting uncomfortably cold.

**Trixie**

_ Come to the diner as soon as you're done with work _

She grins.

**Katya**

_ Bossy _

_ Do you need it that bad? _

She waits for a few seconds, but Trixie doesn't read her messages. Katya hadn't planned to drive to the diner, because tonight was Trixie's turn to cook, and she would be coming over to Katya's in a few hours anyway. But if Trixie wants her there now, she's not going to argue. The drive only takes a few minutes and the big windows sending warm light out onto the street are as inviting as ever. As soon as she steps into the diner, she spots the baby in a car seat sitting on the counter. Apparently, Trixie's message hadn't been a booty call after all.

"Baby!" she says in lieu of a greeting and makes a beeline to the seat. "Hi, who are you?" As a response, the baby blows several spit bubbles and stares at her. Katya shrugs out of her coat, unwraps her scarf, and dumps both on an empty stool.

"This is my niece, Josephine," Trixie explains, and when Katya looks at her she can sense the stress radiating off her, from the way her jaw is set, to the hand she has on her hip.

"Hi, Jo!" She gently strokes the tiny little fingers on one of her tiny little baby hands, and immediately Josephine grabs her index finger. "I didn't know you had a niece," Katya directs at Trixie, but she is still looking at the baby and her big brown eyes. She's intently staring at Katya's face and then lets go of the finger, only to reach out and try to grab Katya's glasses with her chubby little fist. Katya barely manages to pull back in time.

"I didn't know either," Trixie says. "My brother is in town. He just showed up and left her here, saying I should look after her for a few hours. I said no, but he left anyway." Then she lowers her voice. "I have no idea how to look after a baby!" she urgently whispers, as if she's trying not to offend Josephine.

"You seem to be doing fine so far," Katya points out.

"Well, yeah, she's just been sitting there, but I have no idea what to do when she actually needs something."

"Gah," Josephine states.

"I know, right?" Katya replies with an exaggerated eyeroll in Trixie’s direction.

Trixie watches their short exchange with apparent moroseness. "Can you stay? At least until Kim gets here, and I don't have to look after the diner and the baby?"

"Of course!"

“Gah!” the baby makes again, her arms outstretched and getting dangerously close to Katya’s hair. Katya grabs a paper napkin out of the holder on the counter, crumples it up, and holds it out to Josephine. With her eyes full of wonder, she takes the little ball. When Katya looks up, Trixie stares at her with narrowed eyes.

“What? She needed some stimulation.”

Trixie keeps staring.

“Babies let you know when they want something, and normally there’s like five things they want. They’re honestly not that hard to figure out,” she insists. “I managed it at 16, it can’t be that complicated.” That’s a gross oversimplification, but she wants Trixie to know that her niece is in good hands, so that she can relax. Katya doesn’t know if it’s working, but a guest demands Trixie’s attention, so she leaves Katya alone at the counter to keep an eye on Josephine. She has started ripping the napkin apart with clumsy movements, leaving little bits of tissue all over her onesie, that already seems to be covered with stains from different kinds of baby food. 

Katya takes out her phone and starts to google. It’s been a hot minute since she’s had a baby in her care, but a quick search confirms her estimation that Josephine is about 6 months old. Trixie has been an aunt for half a year and she had no idea. That must be a weird feeling.

“You’re gonna get spoilt rotten from now on, you know that, right?” Katya asks the baby and she responds with another determined  _ gah _ .

For a while, Josephine is satisfied with the napkin and Katya takes approximately three thousand pictures of her on her phone. She has Trixie’s eyes, or rather Trixie’s brother’s eyes, Katya assumes. Her hair is a lot darker, and her skin is warmer than the delicate pink Katya has become so familiar with over the last months.

She starts to make unhappy noises, and Katya notices she’s ripped the napkin in such small pieces that she can’t grab it anymore. Katya picks up a fresh one and holds it out, this time not balled up, but Josephine seems to have lost interest, and Katya can tell she seems to prepare herself to start crying. Instinctively, she grabs her underneath the armpits and lifts her, the bits of napkin falling back into her seat as well as all over the floor. As soon as Katya is holding her, Josephine’s problem becomes obvious. Katya wrinkles her nose and looks around for a diaper bag, spotting it sitting on the floor behind the counter. She has her arms full of stinky, unhappy baby, so Katya can’t grab it herself.

“Babe,” she calls out to Trixie, “can you hand me the bag?”

Trixie hurries over, grabs the diaper bag and hangs it over Katya’s shoulder. “Um, where…” she slowly starts.

“I’m gonna go upstairs,” she reassures Trixie that she doesn’t plan on changing a diaper right in the middle of the diner.

“Right. Are you sure you’re okay with this? I could--”

“Nope, I’ve got it!” Katya interrupts her, already on her way to the back. Trixie pulls the curtain open for her and Katya goes up the stairs, Josephine securely on her hip.

It turns out that changing a diaper is like riding a bike, except a lot grosser. Katya goes through the motions as if on autopilot, getting it done as quickly as she can. It’s cold in Trixie’s apartment and Josephine still looks like she could go off any second, despite Katya’s constant cooing and chattering at her. As soon as she’s clean, dry and dressed again, her mood improves, and she happily lets Katya pick her up again. 

With the bag slung over her shoulder and Josephine on the other arm, Katya makes her way downstairs.

"I don't remember that being this disgusting," Katya tells Trixie back in the diner. "You have to really love the little monsters to put up with that for so long."

When Katya motions for her, Trixie takes the diaper bag from her again and sets it down on the counter. Katya could put Josephine back in her seat, but she seems happy on her arm, grabbing a fistful of Katya's hair. So Katya sits down with her, and with one hand rifles through the diaper bag. She remembers this, doing everything one-handed for months, because she was always holding Kate with the other. She thinks she saw a plushy in the bag earlier and hopes that might help her not get her hair ripped out. She spots a patch of brown fur and pulls, producing a little dog from the bag, and Josephine starts babbling and immediately reaches for it. 

“There you go, here’s your buddy.” Katya smiles as she watches her face light up, and she can’t resist pressing her nose against Josephine’s head for a whiff of that good baby smell. As she does, she catches Trixie staring at her from across the diner, one hand holding her notepad and dangling at her side, as if she’s forgotten all about it. Katya raises her eyebrows as if to ask ‘What?’, and Trixie shakes her head, looking like she’s forcing herself into motion again, and she hurries into the kitchen. 

Kim comes in a little later, taken aback by Katya sitting there with a baby on her arm. Before Katya can explain, Trixie shows up.

“Okay, you can put her back in her seat, I’ve got it from here.”

“Or,” Katya starts as if she’s explaining something to a child, “I could just stay where I am, with my new best friend.”

“Are you sure?” Trixie asks nervously with her brows knitted tightly together. Kim has the presence of mind to slowly slip away from them and especially Trixie, who is obviously not in the best mood.

“Yup, we’re just gonna hang out here!”

Trixie hums and checks her watch. “God damnit, I can’t believe Mike would just leave her here!”

“Did he say when he’s coming back?”

“No. And I don’t even have his phone number! I tried the last one he gave me years ago, and it’s not connected anymore.” Trixie stares at the door, as if she can make him come back through sheer force of will. If anybody could, it would be Trixie, Katya thinks.

She lightly bounces Josephine and she giggles. “We’re doing okay so far, but she’ll probably wanna eat something at some point,” she calmly points out. She doesn’t want to stress Trixie out further, but she didn’t see any jars of baby food in the bag. Katya wouldn’t normally feed a stranger’s child, especially not knowing if the baby has any food allergies, but if it comes to that, she will, rather than letting the poor thing go hungry.

“Food!” Trixie says, her eyes going wide. “I’m supposed to cook tonight! If Mike doesn’t pick her up right now, I won’t have time to do that!”

Katya has never seen her so frazzled and miserable, so she puts her hand out on the counter, as far near Trixie as she can reach. Trixie meets her halfway, grasping at her fingers almost with desperation.

“It’s okay, baby,” Katya reassures her. “We can make up for it some other time.”

Trixie’s worried expression smoothes out a little, and she gives Katya a small smile. It’s immediately wiped off her face again, and Katya turns to see what tipped her mood so quickly. A man pushes open the door to the diner. Dreariness surrounds him like a tangible cloud, from his shoes that are clearly falling apart, to the tired expression on his face. 

Katya is immediately certain this is Michael, the face is so similar to Trixie’s. But while she is soft and glowing and strong, he looks like his entire body is collapsing in on itself. Part of that Katya writes off to having a baby, not sleeping for months does that to a person, but he’s not just tired, he’s obviously unwell.

“Hello.” Trixie regards him with a frosty look. In Katya’s arms, Josephine starts to fidget and reaches out towards her dad, dropping her stuffed dog in the process. It lands at Michael’s feet and he bends down to pick it up, and then just keeps holding it, making no attempt to take his daughter. Katya has to hold onto her tightly, so she doesn’t slip, and when Josephine goes ignored by her dad, she starts to cry, screaming right in Katya’s ear. She cradles her closer to her chest, gently bouncing up and down in her chair, but to no avail. 

Michael looks at her, like he’s just now registering a total stranger is holding his child. Still, he doesn’t try to approach her. Silently, he holds the stuffed dog out to Katya, and she snatches it out of his hand, holding it up to Josephine’s face, gently bumping it against her red cheeks.

“Boop!” The first time has no effect, but when Katya starts chanting, “Josie! Josie, look!”, and keeps booping her with the dog, she starts calming down, finally reaching for the toy. Neither Trixie nor Michael have done or said anything during the little scene, and Katya sighs.

“Hi, I’m Katya, Trixie’s girlfriend,” she introduces herself.

“Oh, yeah! She’s my…” Trixie remembers a little late, and her sentence trails off as she vaguely gestures between them.

“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” Michael says.

“I didn’t know you had a baby,” Trixie counters. 

“Do you wanna take her?” Katya prompts, and again Michael just looks at her. 

“I need to talk to you, Trixie,” he then says, his eyes drifting to his sister. 

Trixie forcefully exhales through her nose. “Are you gonna be okay here for a moment?” she asks Katya, who nods and gives her an encouraging smile. Trixie nods as well and turns, heading to the back, Michael following her with heavy steps. 

Once they’re up the stairs and the apartment door has fallen shut, Kim approaches Katya somewhat haltingly.

“Can I ask what’s going on?”

“This,” Katya bounces Josephine up once, “is Trixie’s niece, that she didn’t know existed until a few hours ago. That guy is her brother, and he dumped the baby here. That’s basically all I know.” 

*

“Unbelievable!” comes out of Trixie as soon as Katya unlocks her front door and they step inside. For the short drive here, she had been silent, fury bubbling just below the surface, and Katya hadn’t asked for details when Trixie had come downstairs back into the diner, ordered her to put Josephine in her seat, and informed her that Trixie was staying at the house tonight. 

“Baby, what happened?” Katya softly asks, now that Trixie seems willing to speak.

“He wants me to take her!”

“What?”

“Josephine! He wants to leave his child with me!”

“Permanently?” Katya’s voice is careful and gentle, as if to balance out Trixie’s anger.

“Yes.” As she says it, Trixie seems to lose her energy, and she drags herself over to the couch, crumpling down, and Katya quickly joins her, her arms gathering her up and pulling her close. She doesn’t say anything.

“He says the mother is out of the picture, she up and left a few weeks after Josie was born, and he can’t do it by himself. He says he wants me to take her, but if I don’t, she’ll be put into foster care.”

Trixie buries her face in Katya’s neck and hot tears hit her skin. Slowly but deliberately, Katya strokes her hair, muttering pet names. It’s heartbreaking to hear how much hardship this child has already experienced in her short life. 

“I just can’t believe he would do this, abandon his own baby!” Trixie gets out between sobs, and Katya kisses her temple. 

“I don’t think that’s what he’s doing.”

“What?” Trixie raises her head and stares at Katya. Her cheeks are pink from crying and with her thumb Katya wipes away the tears.

“He’s trying to do what’s best for her, and he knows he’s not it.”

“So, what? You think-- you think I should just take her and let him move on?” Trixie sounds mad again.

“No, I can’t tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. But did you see him? I believe him when he says he can’t do it. He was a husk of a person. Josephine deserves better than that.”

Trixie doesn’t say anything to that, just sniffles and then beds her head on Katya’s chest.

“She’s named after our mom,” she finally whispers, and Katya pulls her yet a little bit closer. She hadn’t known that. They’ve talked about Trixie’s family and especially her mom quite a lot, but somehow she never mentioned her name. It makes even more sense now that Trixie is so upset about Michael trying to hand her off to somebody else.

“This is not your responsibility,” Katya tells her quietly. “You don’t have to go and pick up the mess your brother left. Nobody will think any less of you if you don’t drop everything and raise a child you never signed up for. But if you decide that you will do that, you don’t have to do it alone. I’ve got your back, always.”

Against her chest Trixie shakes her head. “I can’t put that on you. You never asked for any of that.”

“I didn’t ask for Kate either, but she showed up anyway.” She drops a kiss on Trixie’s head, and with a smile she says, “Sometimes you unexpectedly find yourself with a baby, and you just learn to deal with it.”

Trixie is quiet, but she’s calmed down and is no longer crying on Katya. 

“Are they staying at your apartment? Is that why you left?”

Trixie nods. Even when she was furious, she was still helping her brother. “I told him I had to think about it.”

“And you should. And whatever you decide, I’m there with you.”

“Thank you.” Trixie raises her head up and strains her neck, so she can kiss Katya, just a gentle touch of lips, but it says a lot more than that.

They order pizza and watch a nature documentary, just so that something is on. Trixie’s thoughts are far away and Katya leaves her to it. She meant it when she said she’d be right there with Trixie, no matter what she decides, but the decision still has to be Trixie’s. They go to bed early, their arms touching as they brush their teeth in the upstairs bathroom, Katya in her favourite shorts and a tank top, Trixie in one of the big sleep shirts she keeps in the dresser. 

She doesn’t have just one drawer. As soon as she had started bringing some of her clothes over, they had spilled over into Katya’s things. Katya loves it, loves finding Trixie’s socks and bras in between her own, both easily distinguishable by size. And it’s not just her clothes, it’s Trixie’s shampoo, still the lime-tree blossom one, standing on the edge of Katya’s tub. It’s the musician’s biographies downstairs on the couch table. It’s the food that for the first time since Katya has lived in this house fills the kitchen cabinets. 

When they climb into bed, Katya wordlessly opens her arms, and Trixie snuggles up against her. They lie awake like this for a long time, and Katya is certain that when she finally drifts off to sleep, Trixie is still wide awake, her body tense against Katya’s.

When Katya’s alarm goes off in the morning, Katya barely has time to register it, because Trixie turns it off quickly, reaching over her to get the phone from the bedside table. She puts it back down and stays with her body lying halfway across Katya’s, her weight a familiar comfort.

“Did you sleep at all?”

Trixie shakes her head. “No, I’ve been thinking.” She pushes herself up on one elbow, so she can look Katya in the eyes. “I don’t know if you remember, but just after we started dating, you asked me if I ever wanted kids,” she says quietly.

“I remember.” Katya’s hand starts slowly stroking up and down the small of Trixie’s back.

“Right. Well, I did. I really did. And I told you I thought I missed my chance at maybe having my own family.” She stops, looking unsure, so Katya hums encouragingly. “So… so maybe this is it. Maybe this is my shot at a family, you and I and this baby who needs someone to love her. I don’t know how to take care of a baby, but I can learn that. And I know for sure I can love her.”

Katya slings both arms around her and squeezes tightly, smiling into Trixie’s hair. “I know you can, baby. I know you can.”

“So you’d be okay with that?”

“Yes, more than okay.”

Yesterday morning they’d not had a serious conversation about the possibility of having a kid together, now they just happen to have acquired one. It was a lot easier than giving birth, Katya thinks. 

*

Things happen so quickly after that. They tell Michael that morning and Katya expects him to do  _ something _ . Maybe cry with relief, maybe change his mind, show any emotion at all. But he just nods, looking as exhausted and hollow as he had the day before. He had already been in touch with a social worker in Hartford, apparently truly determined to go through with this, no matter Trixie’s decision, and they make an appointment for the next day to talk through their options and what their next steps should be. 

Katya is not included in this, since she won’t actually be Josephine’s caregiver. It makes sense for Josephine to be placed in kinship care, and Trixie and her have only been dating for a few months. Officially Katya is not involved in this, practically she’s still going to have a baby around most of the time. 

Kate is the first person she tells. She does it over text, because Kate has a bunch of papers to write and a strict do not disturb policy for the week, but Katya reckons this is worth it.

**Katya**

_ Trixie and I have a baby! _

It takes about 20 second until her phone buzzes with an incoming call.

“What do you mean, you’re having a baby?” Kate asks frantically in lieu of a greeting.

“No, no! We  _ have _ a baby! She’s six months old, her name is Josephine, and she’s Trixie’s niece. Trixie is going to be her foster parent or guardian or something. They’re figuring that out right now.”

“Holy shit,” Kate says quietly. She is not prone to swearing, but Katya thinks this situation warrants it. 

“Yeah. We only decided yesterday. Or Trixie decided, I’m just along for the ride.”

“But you’re doing this together?” Katya asks hesitantly. “Raising a child? That’s a lot.”

“If we’re dating, I will be involved, and there’s no way we’d stop dating.” That had not even been up for debate at any point. They had just found each other, and Katya had so much time to make up for. If anything, this was Katya’s chance to prove how dedicated she was to Trixie and to the life they were hoping to build together.

"This wasn't planned, but, you know, we aren't getting any younger. If we want a baby, we have to get a move on," Katya explains.

"Do you want a baby?" There's no judgement in Kate's voice at the question, no expectation. 

"Trixie really does."

"What about you?'

"I honestly hadn't thought much about it before," Katya starts pacing the kitchen, too nervous to stay in one place for what she's about to say, "but I never had anybody to raise a baby with, and that's different now. I probably wouldn't have suggested it any time soon, but I… I like the idea of having a family with Trixie." She stops her pacing. "Not that we aren't a family already! But I'd like to do all that again, with somebody else, and without the constant panic that I'm doing everything wrong and that I'll end up on my parents' doorstep, begging for money and forgiveness, just so I can make sure you're going to be clothed and fed."

Kate is quiet for a moment. Then she softly says, “I can imagine that, you two with a baby.”

“You can?” Katya drops down in a kitchen chair.

“Of course! You basically raised me together, you both deserve getting the full experience. And if there’s already a baby that needs parents, it makes perfect sense.”

“I think so too.” She hadn’t asked for Kate’s permission, and she knows their relationship is strong enough and that Kate is old enough that she would never feel threatened by another child in the family. Still, Katya had wanted to make sure Kate understood where she was coming from. 

“Trixie will be the best mom,” Kate adds, and Katya can hear the smile in her voice.

“Yes, finally somebody can show me how it’s done.” Katya grins and feels her nerves soothed a little.

*

The whole process seems a lot easier than Katya had expected, since Trixie is family and Michael agrees to have Josephine raised by her. 

“I think it’s mostly the social worker’s doing. She really seems to want to get things done. I like her, her name is Bob,” Trixie tells Katya over the phone when she’s left the office, Michael apparently still having to go over some things.

“So what happens now?”

“I’m taking Josie home with me.”

“What? Today?” Katya hadn’t expected things to go that fast. “Aren’t they going to, I don’t know, vet you?”

“They will, and I’ll have to take a parenting course, but for now we agreed it would be best if I took her right away, since Michael has admitted to being unfit to care for her. Until he has signed away his parental rights, he can decide to have me babysit her.” Trixie sounds calm and determined. “Mike has pretty much everything of hers in his car, so he’ll drop all that off at my place and then that’s it.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah,” Trixie sighs. More quietly she repeats, ”yeah.”

“How do you feel?”

Trixie takes a deep breath. “Honestly? I don’t know. I have no doubts about my decision, I’m glad she’s with me. But it’s a lot and all very sudden.”

“I know.”

They’re both quiet. They could continue their conversation when Trixie is back home, but she doesn’t suggest it, and Katya is not going to leave her alone with this. 

“Would you like me to stay over tonight or do you want to have some time alone with her?”

“Please come over.” Relief pours out of Trixie along with her breath. “I need someone there who knows how to… do anything, really.”

“Of course,” Katya assures her. “Of course.”

Before she goes over to Trixie’s, Katya stops by the market to make sure they have all the necessities. She picks up baby food in different flavors, so they can find out what Josie likes, along with a pack of diapers, and a bar of the dark chocolate Trixie likes so much. She gets a few curious glances when she puts everything on the conveyor belt, but there’s nobody around who would openly ask about it. She carries her shopping bag through the diner and heads straight for the back, Pearl barely acknowledging her presence. Katya coming and going at all hours is common enough by now. 

“She’s sleeping,” Trixie whispers as soon as she opens the door for Katya. Once again Josie is in her car seat, this time resting on Trixie’s kitchen table. On the chairs around it Katya can see several bags, which she assumes hold Josie’s things. Near the couch, there’s a playpen set up that will probably function as a bed for now.

Trixie looks like she got stuck somewhere between Diner Trixie and Private Trixie, with her hair in a ponytail, heavy makeup and pink blouse tucked into a pencil skirt. Her feet are bare on the wooden floor and Katya thinks she must be cold. More apparent is her nervousness. Normally, Trixie is steadfast, sure of everything she does. Now, she’s awkwardly flitting from one side of the room to the other, without really doing anything there. It only stops when Katya captures Trixie’s hand in her own and pulls her in for an embrace and a gentle kiss.

“It’s fine, you’re doing fine,” Katya assures her close to her lips, not having to crane her neck for once because as soon as she had pressed their fingers together, Trixie slumped over, trusting Katya to carry her weight. “She’s sleeping. She’s happy and content, look at her!”

Katya shifts slightly with Trixie in her arms and they look at the sleeping baby. With one chubby fist, Josephine has a death grip on her little dog plushy. Other than that, she looks completely at peace and it tugs at Katya’s heart. The poor thing has no idea that her life is about to completely change. She’s sure it’s for the better, but it’s change nonetheless. Josie’s dad might not be the best dad, but he’s the only person she’s consistently had around, and she’s at an age where babies get very clingy. Him suddenly disappearing is going to be rough on her little heart. They will have to make up for it as good as they can. 

“What do we do now?” Trixie asks with her gaze still on Josephine. 

“What would you usually do now?”

“Make dinner.”

Katya presses her lips to Trixie’s hair. “Okay, let’s do that, then.”

The familiar motions of chopping onions and garlic for a pasta sauce seem to put Trixie at ease a little, but she still stops what she’s doing to check up on the baby every couple of minutes. Katya lets her. She knows Trixie isn’t used to having a baby around, she’s bound to be overly worried for a while. Over time, she will relax and get used to Josie being there all the time. 

Josephine wakes up just as Trixie has finished the sauce, and she sputters out a disgruntled little cry, that is only momentarily soothed by Katya picking her up and resting her on her hip.

“She’s probably hungry.” Trixie abandons their own dinner in the pan on the stove with the gas turned off, and opens one of her cupboards that to Katya’s surprise already holds a neat little row of jars with baby food. She picks one and heats it up in a water bath while Katya sits down, Josie securely on her lap, bouncing gently and chatting at her to tide her over. 

With a small plastic spoon, Trixie stirs the contents of the jar. “How do I know it’s the right temperature?”

“Let me see!”

Trixie lifts the glass out of the water, wipes it dry and holds it out to Katya, who sticks her little finger in it. It’s warm but not hot, and she nods satisfied. She pops the finger in her mouth to taste it.

“Carrots and peas?”

Trixie nods. “Hang on, I have a bib here somewhere.” Frazzled, she stands in the middle of the room for a moment and looks around, before apparently remembering where she left it and heading straight for the diaper bag. The cartoon frog on it is covered in a layer of dried up food, and Trixie looks embarrassed as she hands it over to Katya. “I wanted to wash it after lunch, but I forgot.”

One-handed, Katya fastens it around Josie’s neck. “It probably would have gotten dirty again now anyway, don’t worry. You wanna do the honors?” Katya could feed her by herself, but she thinks it’s good for Trixie to get used to these things so she loses her apprehension. She also likes the thought of them feeding the baby  _ together _ . It’s dumb and sappy, and Katya will not apologize for it. 

Josephine apparently is an enthusiastic eater, and she readily opens her mouth every time Trixie holds the little plastic spoon out to her. Kate had only started to appreciate eating when she could grab things and feed herself, before that it had been a pain to get her to finish anything. Katya hasn’t thought about that in years. 

Once Josie has finished her jar, Katya quickly cleans off her face and her sticky fingers and then sits her on Trixie’s lap. Josie doesn’t leave her any room for awkwardness and immediately grabs Trixie’s ponytail. She doesn’t pull, just holds it tightly, fascinated by the thick golden strands. Trixie starts to slowly relax, and having a half murmured conversation with Josie, asking what on earth she’s doing there. In the meantime, Katya plates their pasta and ladles a good amount of the sauce onto them. They eat like this, Trixie struggling a little to feed herself with only one hand, but Josie seems happy where she is, and Trixie doesn’t want to disturb the peace.

Trixie changes her first diaper all by herself, with Katya watching per Trixie’s request. It’s not a difficult thing to do, she’s just worried she might forget something or do something wrong. After they’ve made dinner, it’s warm in the apartment and Josie takes the whole process stoically, distracted by her dog plushy. Trixie remarks how changing her diaper on a blanket on the couch is probably not ideal, and Katya makes a mental note to check ebay for a changing table they could squeeze into the apartment somewhere. 

Bathing her in Trixie’s tiny bathroom is the next challenge, at least when they both squeeze themselves into the room. But they manage and they don’t have to do it together every time. As Trixie dresses her in her little footie pajamas that Katya notices are just on the side of getting too small, Josephine is already falling asleep. Katya takes the few toys that are scattered in the playpen out so nothing could get in the way of Josie breathing properly, and she’s completely out as soon as Trixie lays her down and tucks her in. 

They spend the evening on the couch, Trixie snug against Katya’s side, Katya’s arm around her, and all they do is watch the baby sleep. She hardly stirs the entire time.

“Completely tuckered out, the poor thing,” Katya murmurs barely audible, and Trixie still shushes her, making Katya smile into her hair. 

When Katya comes out of the bathroom, ready for bed, Trixie is back on the couch in her pajamas, unwilling to leave Josie out of her sight. Katya folds herself down next to her, pulling Trixie close again.

“Come to bed, baby,” she whispers against Trixie’s cheek before brushing her lips against her skin, scrubbed clean and smelling of moisturizer. “She’ll let you know when she needs something. We’re both here. She’s perfectly safe.” Reluctantly, Trixie lets herself be pulled up and walks the ten feet all the way to the bed. 

“Can we move the cot closer tomorrow?”

“Of course,” Katya agrees with a smile.

She’s sure it’s the middle of the night when she’s woken up. Instinctively Katya’s hand searches for Trixie beside her, but her side of the bed is empty, yet still warm. Then she hears the soft sounds Josie makes, not quite crying, but definitely unhappy. Trixie’s voice murmurs something too low for Katya to understand, but then she starts to hum. Finally, Katya’s heavy eyes make out Trixie’s shape in the dark, gently rocking from side to side. All timidness seems to have fallen away and she is cradling Josie against her chest.

Katya has heard Trixie hum under her breath and even confidently sing with a frequency that took her by surprise. Mostly Trixie does it when she cooks and when she drives. Unlike Katya, who usually only hums little melodies she comes up with on the spot, Trixie gives complete performances of songs when she’s comfortable. Katya remembers and vows to never forget one time when Trixie sang an Aimee Mann song from the first verse to the last note, occasionally replacing a forgotten line with hums, while making eggs in Katya’s kitchen in nothing but her underwear and a mostly unbuttoned flannel shirt. Katya was watching from where she leaned against the table and fell more in love with her in a way that felt tangible, like it gathered around her heart and grounded it firmly inside her chest.

Now Katya understands what Trixie was given that voice for. It’s meant for soothing melodies hummed in the dark against sleep-warm skin, pouring out of her by itself as if to say ‘I’m here and you’re going to be okay.’ It’s what Katya feels every time Trixie talks to her late at night, the two of them curled up in either of their beds, that both have quickly become  _ their _ beds, or early in the morning, when the sun hasn’t risen yet and Trixie is getting dressed for work, or when she doesn’t have the morning shift and presses tightly against Katya, and she can feel Trixie’s pulse reverberate her own.

Katya hadn’t been worried even for a second about Trixie being thrown into parenthood so suddenly, and the picture in front of her proves to her that Trixie had just been waiting to finally have a place to put all that love.

*

Having a baby is both harder and easier than Katya thought it would be. The years and her love for Kate had glossed over the sleepless nights and - much worse - the days following them when she was supposed to show up to work and do her job as if nothing had happened. She’s eighteen years older now than the last time she did it, and she’s aware of it every single day. But this time she isn’t doing it alone. She gets to share everything with Trixie, the diapers needing to be changed, the cries waking them at 2 am, the endless loads of laundry that one small human can somehow produce. But also the sound of pure joy Josie makes whenever Katya does any of her weird voices while reading her bedtime stories. And Kate coming home on the weekends and ignoring both Katya and Trixie to swoop up her baby sister, who’s technically not her sister at all, and spin her around, their laughs making it impossible to determine who enjoys it more. And Violet’s look of resignation when Josie had spit her lunch all over her new Louboutins. Functioning on no sleep, you learn to find happiness in the strangest places. 

They both have to adjust, of course. They day after they took Josie home, Trixie rounded up her staff, informing them of the addition to their little family and that she’d have to step back significantly for the next couple of months. She had hired somebody new to help out in the kitchen since Shea couldn’t do it all by herself. Everybody only calls the girl T-Rex and Katya doesn’t question it. Kim has taken on more hours too, saying she doesn’t mind working full-time while she tries to figure out what to do with her life.

Nina immediately offered up her help, both with the diner and the baby. When Trixie and Katya had expressed they wouldn’t want to take up more of her time than she could spare, she waved their worry away, explaining how the restaurant was doing great, and that she really only puttered around there so she could feel useful, but that she was probably more of a hindrance than a help to her staff. 

For now Trixie doesn’t really work, except for some paperwork and managing stuff she doesn’t want to push on either Shea or Nina. As a result she hasn’t had to deal with early deliveries or opening up in the morning, so there was no need for her to stay in her makeshift apartment above the diner. Katya knows she loves that place, and it hasn’t stopped being home to Trixie, but Katya also knows it’s a terrible place for a baby, especially when Katya was sitting in a big empty house waiting for a family to live in it. 

They’re not living together, not quite. They’ve only been dating for about six months, and even though moving in together would be practical, they don’t, at least officially. Katya is aware that Trixie is Josephine’s foster parent. As far as social services are concerned, Katya has nothing to do with her. So Trixie should have a place she can take Josie home to if she wants or needs to. Although, unofficially Bob the social worker knows Katya and approves of her, Kate’s admission to Yale, and her parents’ money. Not necessarily in that order, she had told Katya. 

When it comes to time, Katya is not quite as involved in Josie’s life as Trixie is. She couldn’t afford it, not with the inn still needing to establish itself. The article in American Traveler had done wonders for them, but with increased bookings come an increased need for service. Katya isn’t going to complain. They’ve not been open for a year and their numbers look better than any of them could have predicted. And being the owner gives her the freedom to spend the occasional day with a baby strapped to her chest, when Trixie has errands to run or simply needs a break.

It’s one of those days in early summer when a familiar face appears in the door to the Amur Inn. The tall blonde awkwardly wrangles it open while pulling a suitcase behind her, with a large bag hanging from her arm. Katya stands behind the front desk and just stares, while Josie kicks her legs out in her sling, protesting at being ignored. It’s Brooke. Boston Brooke, who walked up to Katya and let her unmistakably know she’d like to fuck her. And then she did. Katya would be happy to see her, if she wasn’t in the company of another woman, short but athletically built, with long dark hair and a beautiful face. She talks at Brooke with a low, raspy voice and Brooke stares at her like she hangs the moon and the stars in the sky. That is, until she spots Katya, and her face falls in shock.

Katya doesn’t want to bring up anything that might get Brooke into trouble, so she is preparing to greet them like she would any other guest, not giving away that they know each other, but Brooke makes that unnecessary. 

“Katya! Oh my God, hey!” She pushes towards the front desk with a big smile, and Katya relaxes.

“Hi, I didn’t expect to see you here!”

“Yeah, me neither.” Brooke laughs a little and then grabs the other woman’s arm. “Baby, that’s Katya, the woman I met in Boston. Katya, this is Vanessa, my wife.” She emphasizes the last word and beams at Katya.

“Oh!” Katya’s mouth falls open. “Is she the girl…?” Brooke nods and Katya snorts before she can stop herself. “Wow, you didn’t waste any time. Congratulations!”

“We’re here for our honeymoon,” Vanessa clarifies. She’s looking Katya up and down, as much as that is possible with her behind the tall desk and a baby hanging from her chest. “I guess I got you to thank for that somehow.” Then she smiles a charming big white smile and turns to Brooke. “You got good taste, I gotta give you that.”

Katya laughs in surprise. Clearly Brooke has told her what went down between them, and Katya likes that Vanessa seems in no way threatened by it. If that’s because she trusts Brooke or because she thinks nobody in their right mind would look at anybody else while she’s there, Katya doesn’t know. She hopes it’s both.

“Looks like you made some big life changes too,” Brooke says with a bright smile towards Josie.

“Good employees are hard to find, so we’re training them young.” Katya takes Josie’s little wrist and waves at Brooke and Vanessa with her hand. “Say hi, honey!”

Josie excitedly starts babbling and kicks her legs out, Katya having to adjust her stance to keep her balance. She’s getting too heavy for the carrier, but she’s starting to walk and she’s improbably fast when she’s crawling, so this is the only way to make sure Josie stays in place.

“She’s my girlfriend’s-- she’s our-- we’re… it’s complicated,” Katya cuts her explanation short.

“Girlfriend, huh?” Brooke asks with raised brows, and Katya nods with a grin.

“I took your advice, looks like you took mine. I’d say that was a very productive night.” Then she remembers what she’s actually there to do. “Can I check you guys in?”

“We have a reservation under Matteo,” Vanessa says, sounding pleased with herself, and Katya looks for the booking in the system.

“So, are you the manager here, or…?” Brooke asks.

“I’m one of the owners,” Katya explains. “Matteo, there you are. Two nights, right?”

“Yeah,” Vanessa confirms. “We came here because a website said you’re LGBT friendly. We didn’t realize  _ how _ friendly.”

“Oh, the friendliest.” Katya grins. They quickly get all the administrative stuff done, and Katya hands them their key. “Have a nice stay, and let us know if there’s anything you need!”

They thank her and head up the stairs, and Katya finds somebody to send a bottle of champagne up to their room.

By the time Trixie comes home that night, Josie is already in bed and Katya is waiting for Trixie with several containers of Chinese food. She’s been out all day, trying to find a new meat supplier for the diner, since her old one will retire in a few short weeks.

“Let me tell ya, looking at raw meat is probably the worst way to spend the day, and the alternative was diapers,” she calls from the front door, as she’s hanging up her jacket and pulling off her shoes. 

“Sorry, that sounds awful. Did you find somebody?”

Trixie did, and she talks at length about the abysmal state of some places she’s seen and about the ridiculous prices she’s had thrown at her. “They think because I’m a woman they can overcharge me. One tried to sway me by saying they had to slaughter the animals and how gross all the blood was, and that I’d never do that myself.”

“Babe, you do think it’s gross and would never do that yourself.”

“Yes, but he doesn’t get to assume that!” Trixie erupts. “He never would have said that to a man.”

“No, he wouldn’t have,” Katya agrees with a smile and pushes the fried wontons over the kitchen table towards Trixie, before she has to ask for them. She immediately grabs the box and transfers a few onto her plate with her fork.

“You’re not gonna believe who’s staying at the inn right now,” Katya starts with a grin.

“Who?” Trixie asks around a wonton.

“The woman I hooked up with in Boston, Brooke, and her wife.”

Trixie makes a choking noise and then struggles to swallow. “Excuse me?” she then presses out, staring at Katya.

“Yeah, they’re on their honeymoon. We chatted for a bit, it was nice,” Katya says casually, holding back her grin as Trixie’s jaw pushes forward a little.

“Was it.” It’s not really a question, and her voice is a lot colder than it was a minute ago.

“We just talked, and she’s married now. Don’t get your panties in a twist, unless I get to untwist them for you later.”

Trixie loudly exhales through her nose, and someone else might have mistaken it for a laugh. Katya knows Trixie is furious. She also knows not telling her would have made everything a lot worse in the long run. And sometimes making Trixie mad leads to very fun results. They finish dinner in silence and Trixie goes to bed early, saying she’s exhausted from being on her feet all day. She’s already asleep when Katya joins her later, and the next morning when Katya’s alarm goes off, Trixie has already gotten up, which is not unusual.

She finds her in the kitchen, feeding Josie oatmeal, and when Katya enters, she looks up at her with a smile and wishes her a good morning. In response, Katya kisses first Josie’s forehead and then Trixie’s.

“You’re in a good mood,” Katya carefully says as she pours herself a coffee. Trixie only hums, but she’s busy with Josie, so Katya accepts it. The storm seems to have blown over. Katya is almost a little disappointed that Trixie has gotten over her jealousy as quickly as she has. They go about their morning as usual and Trixie gives her a quick kiss when she heads out to work. 

It’s early afternoon when someone hits the the bell sitting on the front desk, and Katya quickly saves the changes she made to the budget spreadsheet for this month before hurrying out of the office. 

“What can I-- Hello there, Miss.” Katya voice drops an octave when she takes in the image before her.

Standing casually leaning against the front desk is Trixie, in a candy pink dress flaring out from her hips down to her knees, making her waist look dainty in comparison. Her feet are in white heels, her thick legs looking even longer than they already are. A perfect pink purse dangles from her wrist, and her breasts are pushed up and together, the low neckline leaving not a lot to the imagination. 

In the last couple of months, Trixie had neglected that half of her wardrobe, it was her style for work and she wasn’t working, after all. And with a baby in the house nobody could keep all that up. It’s been months since Katya has seen her in a dress, and with her hair and makeup done. Now she’s gone all out, the clacking sound her fingers make as she drums them on the wood of the desk making Katya realize she even got her nails done.

She looks like a pinup, every part of her exquisitely arranged with meticulous care, and it makes Katya weak in the knees to know she gets to take it all apart. At least she hopes so.

Trixie sweetly smiles down at Katya, towering over her in her heels. “Hi, do you have a free room? I’ve heard the staff here is  _ very friendly _ to their guests.”

Katya licks her lips. “I’m afraid we’re fully booked, Miss. I could only offer you my private office, if you wanted to… lie down for a moment.”

“That’s so very kind of you.” Trixie’s voice is syrupy as she says it, but then she grins, big and slightly crooked, and it’s all Trixie. Katya grabs her hand and starts pulling her down the hallway towards the office.

“Where’s Josie?”

“Nina’s got her.”

“I have to man the front desk, we don’t have much time.”

Trixie pushes past her and into the office, quickly closing the door once Katya is inside too, and turning the key in the lock. “Then you better get me off quick.” She’s crashing into Katya, her mouth opening right away and her hot tongue swiping over Katya’s lips, while her hands find their way underneath Katya’s shirt and onto her back. Trixie rakes them over her skin, not hard, but hard enough so her nails leave tender trails on Katya’s skin. 

“We really need to put a couch in here,” Katya huffs against Trixie’s face when she realizes there is no surface she can spread Trixie out on. She settles for the desk, pulling Trixie close with one arm around her waist, with the other hand pushing her keyboard and mouse out of the way. Trixie scoots backwards onto to desk, spreading her legs so Katya can stand between them. Katya promptly buries her face in Trixie’s cleavage, her tongue tracing the crease between her breasts and wiggling in between them. With a sigh Trixie cradles Katya’s head against her chest and then raises one leg, putting her foot on the armrest of the desk chair. 

“Jesus, you’re so beautiful.” Katya doesn’t need Trixie to dress up like this to tell her that. She does constantly, no matter what Trixie wears. Lately it had mostly been murmured gently, Katya kissing her tired face, and receiving a sweet smile and a blush in return.

But today Trixie replies, “I know,” and smirks. She leans back on one hand, and Katya takes it as an invitation to push her dress up to her hips, only to find herself confronted with layers and layers of tulle.

“A petticoat?” Katya laughs breathlessly.

“You think a silhouette like this just  _ happens _ ?” Trixie asks with raised brows, and Katya kisses her hungrily. She pushes all the fabric out of the way until she finally reaches a pair of white satin underwear. With her finger she follows the zig zag pattern of the stitching.

“This really is a completely new look, huh?”

Trixie grins lazily. “I was waiting for an opportunity to debut it.”

“Well, I’m honored,” Katya says, and at the same time presses her palm flat against the satin, Trixie gasping and pushing against Katya’s hand.

“Take them off,” she quickly demands and together they get the panties off her hips and down her legs. Then Katya grabs her leg and gingerly sets down her foot on the armrest again.

“I’m definitely winning the leg hair contest now.” With a grin she strokes up Trixie’s leg, that is smooth and shiny with lotion. Over the last months when they’ve hit the bed, both of them too exhausted for anything physically more demanding, they’ve rubbed their fuzzy legs against one another, playfully arguing who had grown their body hair out longer. Happily Katya notices that not all hair has vanished off her body, and she gently tugs on Trixie’s pubes.

“You might still win this one, though.”

  
“I thought we had to hurry?” Trixie reminds her, her hips impatiently pressing up. 

“Right, sorry.” The moment Katya pushes her fingers between her lips, she kisses Trixie and drowns out her gasp. They are in a hurry, but Katya still takes her time spreading Trixie’s wetness around and over her clit, Katya’s thumb rubbing against it while she pushes two fingers into her. 

Trixie’s nails dig into Katya’s back and she moans into their kiss. Her hips start setting a rhythm, albeit a somewhat erratic one, and Katya does her best to meet her. By now Katya is so familiar with Trixie’s body that she knows how hard and fast she needs to go to make her come, and she’s just a little too slow for that. Trixie muffles the agitated noises falling from her mouth in Katya’s hair. Then she starts playing dirty.

“Please, honey, I need it, I need you,” she gasps right next to Katya’s ear. “You’re so good to me, love you so much.”

And just like that Katya gives in, pushes three fingers into her fast and at exactly the right spot, and shortly after Trixie is contracting around her hand, and her chin collides painfully with Katya’s forehead. They both wince, but Trixie is still riding out her orgasm, and Katya keeps pumping into her until Trixie stops twitching. 

“Sorry, sorry, sorry!” Trixie places gentle kisses on Katya’s head where she hit her, and Katya giggles airily, adrenaline still pulsing through her veins. 

“My turn?” She unbuttons her slacks and starts pushing them down her thighs, but Trixie pulls back and gives her frosty look.

“Oh no, I’m not doing anything with these nails on.” She demonstratively wiggles them in front of Katya’s face, the sparkly pink catching the light. “If you want to come, you’re gonna have to do it yourself.”

Katya’s mouth drops open, and Trixie just flutters her lashes at her and then expectantly raises her brows. With a frustrated groan Katya drops backwards into the chair, Trixie’s leg still resting on it, and slides her butt right to the front. She doesn’t bother taking off her underwear, just pushes them to the side. She keeps her gaze on Trixie, sweaty, her hair a mess, her dress still pushed up around her hips and barely holding herself up on the desk. Trixie in turn is watching Katya’s hand, biting her lip hard enough that it must hurt a little. 

With the fingers she had inside Trixie only minutes ago, she rubs over her own clit now, and it’s so wet she struggles to get enough friction, so she presses harder and then hisses when it's too much. She knows this won’t take long, especially with Trixie looking at her like she is. She might have tried to put on a detached exterior, but Trixie’s eyes are a little glassy and heavy with hunger, and her chest keeps rising and falling noticeably. Katya comes watching Trixie watch her, without her fingers even having moved anywhere else than her clit. Afterwards Katya slumps in the chair, with her eyes closed and her head leaning back, and catches her breath.

“Here.” Trixie’s voices makes her open her eyes. “For your hand.” She’s holding out a baby wipe, a travel size package in her other hand and her purse sitting open on the desk. Katya takes it with a snort and starts wiping her fingers clean.

“I love that you always come prepared.”

Trixie bends down and picks up her panties, carefully pulling them over her feet and sliding them up her legs. “Oh, honey, when I come, I’m always prepared.” She grins and Katya pushes up to kiss her, both of them in awkward positions and not fully dressed.

That’s the moment the bell on the front desk dings, and with a groan Katya lets her head fall against Trixie’s shoulder.

“Go! Don’t want you to get in trouble with your boss.” Trixie grins and Katya quickly pulls her underwear and pants back into place.

“One moment!” she calls when the bell goes again. She balls up the baby wipe. “Do I look presentable enough?” Trixie just shrugs, so in a quick move Katya shoves the wipe into Trixie’s cleavage and she shrieks.

“God, you’re disgusting! Come here.” She pulls a fresh wipe out of the package and cleans up Katya’s lipstick.

“Thanks, babe.”

“Go!” 

As Katya hurries out the door, she can hear Trixie giggle and has to school her expression into a polite smile, not the grin it wants to be. Waiting for her at the front desk is Brooke and she greets Katya with raised brows.

“Sorry, I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.” She smirks and Katya almost returns it.

“Not at all, what can I help you with, Brooke?”

“We were thinking of--” 

Brooke is interrupted by the sound of heels clacking on the hardwood floor, and moments later Trixie rounds the corner. She has cleaned herself up a little, Katya is pretty sure she has applied a fresh coat of lipstick and powdered her face down, but her hair is flat in some places and frizzy in others, and her dress is creased beyond help. Katya is sure she knows that, and she could have slipped out the back door unnoticed, but she’s right here, where Katya and Brooke are talking, and she happily interrupts them.

“Right, I’m off, then.” She grabs Katya’s shirt and pulls her in for a short and hard kiss. “I’ll see you tonight, honey.” Then she gives both of them a sweet smile and leaves. Brooke and Katya both stare after her, and when the door closes behind Trixie’s puffy pink skirt, Brooke turns around and with her thumb points to where Trixie just disappeared.

“And you needed me to tell you that you should try to get with that woman?”

*

Summer rolls around and they celebrate Josie’s first birthday as a family, with Kate having moved back into her old room for the break. For fall, they have managed to find a spot in a daycare for Josie, and Trixie is excited to get back to work. But as long as the weather is nice and she has Kate around, she says she doesn’t mind being the stay-at-home mom. 

“It’s nice to have an adult around during the day, who I can have a real conversation with,” she whispers when they’re lying in bed together, Josie already sleeping in her crib. The three of them go on little day trips, and when Katya isn’t working, she comes along. They don’t do anything too exciting, just visit local landmarks and when a heatwave hits in July, Trixie takes them to a little lake in the middle of the forest, that she went to with her family when she was little. There they laze the day away in the shadows of old trees and the shallow water where Josie likes to splash around and watch tiny fish scatter away.

Kate being home not just on the weekends makes them realize that sooner or later they’re going to have to do something about their living situation. So far Josie has been staying in their bedroom and Katya already had to say goodbye to her vanity to make that fit, and sooner or later Josie will need her own room. Kate’s room stays Kate’s room, that is never up for discussion, and at Trixie’s apartment there isn’t even a second bedroom.

So Katya starts tentatively looking for bigger houses on the market. She doesn’t tell Trixie about it. They’ve never had a discussion about moving in together, and Trixie may not have stayed the night at her apartment in months, but Katya doesn’t want to force her into anything. If she happened to decide to move into a bigger house, that was on her. Her house was in good shape, Trixie made sure of that, and she could probably get a decent price for it. She’d have to ask her parents for a good realtor to get as much out of it as possible. Logically, it’s all doable. 

Except that Katya feels absolutely miserable at the thought of giving up this house, the roof that she raised Kate under and that she is now helping to raise Josie under. Finding any houses bigger than hers and in an acceptable price range is difficult enough, but even those few Katya drives by, not yet willing to commit asking for an appointment to view them, unable to imagine living in them.

She confesses all of that when Trixie asks her where she’s been all afternoon, and Katya tells her she was sitting in her car across the street from a beautiful family home, trying desperately to picture the four of them there and growing more and more agitated because she just couldn’t.

“Honey! Why didn’t you say something?” Trixie gently takes Katya’s face in both her hands where they’re sitting facing each other on the couch. 

“I didn’t want you to feel pressured! Because if we do this together, it’s our house and I didn’t know if you’d want that.”

Trixie blinks a few times. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because it would be picking a house together, and we don’t even live together.”

Trixie’s hands fall away from Katya's face as she laughs, somewhat hysterically. “How on earth can you be under the impression that we don’t live together?” she finally asks.

Katya feels hot with the flush of embarrassment rising in her cheeks. "Do we? You never, like, officially moved in.”

“I thought sleeping here every single night for the past half year and having the foster child we’re raising together live here was kind of a giveaway.” Trixie stares at Katya with astonishment, but also with the corners of her mouth pulling up.

“Oh.” Katya looks down into her lap. “This is me not realizing I’ve been in love with you for ages all over again, isn’t it.”

“Yes!” Trixie laughs and pulls her close for a kiss. Then she slings her arms around Katya, and they take a moment to rearrange their limbs and settle in comfortably. “I’ve been thinking about all of that too, and I figured you wouldn’t want to sell this place.”

“I really don’t,” Katya admits against Trixie’s collarbone.

“I don’t know how you feel about that, but we could extend the upper floor, add a second bedroom there for Josie, and maybe make the master bedroom bigger so I don’t have to store half my wardrobe back at the apartment.” Trixie says gently. “What do you think?”

Katya raises her head and stares at Trixie for a second. “That would be perfect.”

They arrange to do exactly that with Tom, the contractor, for the beginning of September, when Kate is back at Yale and they have enough time to get it finished before the winter starts. Trixie insists on paying for all of it since she's the reason they have to do all that, and she has enough of her dad's old contacts to get discounts on any materials they could need. During all this, Katya gets moments of whiplash when she realizes she has been living with Trixie for months and was too dense to realize it.

*

Katya comes home from work one day in late August, a week before the new semester starts, and finds Kate and Trixie sitting at the kitchen table, both with a cup of hot chocolate, despite the air feeling sticky with summer heat. On the floor, Josie is busy trying to push differently shaped wooden blocks into the right holes in a box. It’s strangely quiet, except for the toddler muttering unintelligibly to herself.

“Hey, what’s going on?” 

When Kate looks up at her, it’s obvious she has been crying, and immediately Katya is by her side, one arm around her.

“What happened?” Katya asks again, and Kate sniffs.

“Jason and I broke up.”

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry!” She kneels down on the floor and pulls Kate into a hug. She holds on tightly and Katya can feel her crying onto her shoulder. They stay like this for a while, and out of the corner of her eye Katya sees Trixie get up and pick up Josie, giving them some space.

When Kate pulls back, she sniffs again. “Sorry. Sorry. I’m okay.”

Katya pulls Trixie’s chair closer and sits down. “You’re not, and nobody expects you to be.” Kate wipes her face and then lifts her mug to her lips with shaking hands. “Tell me what happened?” Katya gently prompts her.

“It’s been… not great for a while,” she haltingly starts. “We were both so busy with school and barely saw each other, and when we did, all we did was talk about our classes and work we had to do. It felt like I was talking to a study partner, not my boyfriend. I thought it would sort itself out once we were done with exams, but the summer is almost over and it’s still the same. I don’t--,” she averts her eyes from Katya’s face, “I don’t miss him. I don’t think about when I’m going to see him next while I’m not with him. I don’t feel bad when I have to leave. And today we talked and he feels the same way. We agreed that we both don’t want this.”

Katya rubs Kate’s shoulder. “That’s awful, but it’s good that you talked and that you agree.”

“It’s stupid. I was the one who brought it up, I have no right to be so upset.” Kate looks up at the ceiling, once again holding back tears.

“Oh no, honey, you still get to be sad! You lost a relationship with someone you cared about, I would be worried if you were totally fine with that. And he was your first boyfriend, that’s a big deal. You have every right to be upset, even if it’s nobody’s fault and if it was as much your decision as his.”

Kate looks unconvinced. “I loved him and he loved me. I really thought that was enough.”

“I know. Maybe it was just the wrong time for you two.” Katya moves her chair closer still, so she can sit with one arm around Kate.

“I feel like I failed.”

“Oh, no no no no no, you can’t look at it like that!” Katya squeezes her tightly for a moment. “You were together for over a year, that’s really impressive for a first relationship. And it was a good year, wasn’t it? You had a great time together.”

Kate shrugs “I guess.”

“It was not a failure.  _ You _ are not a failure.” At Katya’s insistent tone Kate only nods, so she carries on much softer, “You know, I was totally heartbroken when I ended it with your dad. Even though it was completely my decision, and I didn’t for a moment think I was making a mistake. But I had loved him, not in the way I love Trixie, but still. I would have been miserable if I stayed with him and married him like he wanted, we both would have, in the long run, but I still missed him and the relationship we had.” 

Kate nods again, but this time she looks like she gets where her mom is coming from. 

“Listen, this sucks and it’s gonna suck for a while. It’s your first breakup. But there was no drama, nobody did anything to hurt the other, and you still care about each other, I’m sure. You’ll get over it. For now, you’re allowed to wallow in as much self-pity as you need.”

Kate gives her a watery smile. “That’s what Trixie said. She also said her mom taught her hot chocolate cures most heartaches.”

With a smile, Katya grabs Trixie’s abandoned mug and takes a sip. It doesn’t taste like the cheap instant cocoa powder Kate loved as a kid, Trixie must have made it with actual chocolate. “She is a very wise woman.”

“I thought Jason and I had something like you two, where it’s easy and natural.”

“Oh, honey.” Katya grabs Kate’s hand. “It  _ was _ hard for a long time, especially for Trixie. Our relationship is what it is now because we’ve both had our share of relationships that didn’t work out, and we learned and grew from that, and now we know what we want. And it still takes work, and hard conversations, and sacrifice. But she’s worth it, you know? I hope you’ll get there with somebody one day, maybe earlier than we did, but your first ever boyfriend not being the one is not a sign that you’re doomed to never be happy, even if it feels like that right now.”

Kate wipes her hands over her face, as if she wants to erase any trace of the tears that have already dried on her skin. 

“I’m so glad you two are happy, and it’s good to know it’s real. Love, I mean.”

Katya squeezes her hand. “Me too.”

They stay up late that night. After they’ve put Josie to bed, they all change into pajamas and huddle together on the couch with blankets and ice cream, and watch Legally Blonde. In between they take two breaks when Kate is crying too hard to watch it, and both Trixie and Katya hold her close and let her talk, about the good memories and the not so good ones. In between she texts Kim and Phi Phi, getting dry jokes from one and surprisingly gentle encouragements from the other.

Kate distracts herself by telling them about Phi Phi’s newest dating adventures. She had taken Katya’s advice and found some other gay girls to hang out with, but she wouldn’t be Phi Phi if she didn’t take it to the next level. Her uniquely direct approach made her very popular with the lesbian Tinder population in town and for a few months after coming out to Kate and their other roommates, she spent the sparse free time she had with a number of girls, few of which made it to the second date. One time she had called Katya to complain about a literal model who just wouldn’t take the hint and leave her alone. The parade of new love interests seems to have slowed down now, and instead, Kate tells them, she’s been getting into very tense shouting matches with the girl who runs the Office of LGBTQ Resources on campus, and afterwards both would mysteriously disappear for a while, Phi Phi sometimes not coming home that night.

“It’s good to know you can get over it,” Kate says quietly with a small smile, sitting cross-legged with a tub of ice cream in her lap. Over the top of her head Trixie and Katya exchange a surprised look, that Kate catches. “Oh, please, I’m not stupid. I put together why Phi Phi would flee the room if I as much as took my sweater off.”

Katya awkwardly clears her throat, but doesn’t reply.

“I’ve told her that it’s fine, all of it. And that I’m sorry I’m not into her.” Kate snorts a little. “I’m not sure I would be, even if I was gay. Phi Phi’s a lot.”

Katya smiles. “She is.”

“You knew the whole time, didn’t you?” Kate asks her mom.

“Yes. But it wasn’t my secret to tell.”

“No, I know. I get that. I just wish I’d known earlier and made things a little easier on her.”

“She’s lucky to have you as a friend.” Trixie puts one arm around Kate, and she lets herself fall against Trixie’s shoulder. 

“You should keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn’t send a hit person after Jason, though,” Katya offers, and Kate laughs.

*

In September, when Kate is back at Yale and they’ve temporarily moved into Trixie’s apartment while the house gets a makeover, Trixie asks Bob about the chances of adopting Josie now. Formally, Trixie meets all the requirements. She completed the necessary parenting classes before she was allowed to foster and they let her get the license, even though Josie didn’t technically have her own room, because she was small enough to not really need one. That’s part of why they have to get the house remodeled, since if she gets her own room, Trixie can prove that she can take care of Josie permanently. Trixie has to officially move in, which really only means that her mail gets delivered to the house now. The thought still gives Katya a thrill, that seems to live permanently in her belly for a few days.

Bob helps Trixie fill in all the paperwork and lets her know that she will definitely recommend the adoption go through, but also points out that Trixie is living with a partner, that they aren’t married and lesbians on top of that. A judge could use that to claim she wouldn’t be able to offer a stable home.

“It would be easier if I was married,” Trixie sighs as she gets into a bed that Katya thinks she no longer belongs in, telling Katya about the meeting. 

The next words come to Katya and she doesn’t even think twice before saying, “Then let's do it.”

“What?”

“Let's get married, there's no reason not to!”

Trixie stares at her as if she's lost her mind. “We can't get married just because it would be the practical thing to do! No, not like this.”

“No, Trixie, listen, I mean it. I really do!” Katya gets on her knees and grabs both of Trixie’s hands. “We always said we’re in this together, and I want to be! For Josie and for you.”

Trixie looks at her for a moment and then pulls her hands out of Katya’s grasp. “No!” she repeats, the groove appearing between her eyebrows that Katya finds so charming, but doesn’t want to see, not right now. “No, it’s not supposed to be like this.” She takes a shaky breath. “I appreciate you doing this and I want for you to have the same rights as me when it comes to parenting, you deserve that. But I’m not going to get married for that.” She says it with finality and then lies down, turning her back to Katya, leaving her kneeling there kept upright only by shock.

She hadn’t meant for this to happen. Slowly Katya lies down, settles in under the sheets, and turns off the light. She wishes she was in her own home. She wishes she was touching Trixie, but Trixie is very clearly not interested in that right now. She wishes she hadn’t made Trixie doubt her intentions with one careless sentence. 

Before tonight, Katya had had no plans of asking Trixie to marry her. She doesn’t think marriage would make any difference to them and their relationship. That doesn’t mean that she’s not absolutely certain she will spend the rest of her life with Trixie, if Trixie lets her. But marriage would allow them to be parents together, guaranteed, without the vague fear of Josie ever being taken from them again, and both of them with full rights. They would be a family. And Katya wants that. 

Being married doesn’t mean anything to Katya, but being married to Trixie would, she realizes. She lies in the dark, staring at Trixie, who she’s certain is wide awake too, and she imagines calling her her wife. She imagines being called Trixie’s wife. 

She’s going to propose again, and the next time she’s going to get it right.

*

She tells Kate first, of course, the next day over the phone when she’s sitting in her office, so Trixie won’t overhear her. Katya tells her she messed it up the first time, that she didn’t think it through, but that she meant it nonetheless. 

“I can’t believe she said no,” Kate mutters into the phone once she’s gotten over the initial excitement that Katya is going to ask Trixie to marry her.

“No, she was right to! She wants romance and intent, and she deserves that.”

“Oh God, please tell me you’re not going to do a big public thing?”

Katya scoffs. “I’m not an idiot. No, I’m planning to do something private and special, so she knows I really mean it.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“I have no idea,” Katya admits with a laugh.

She has an idea later, so she leaves work early and drives straight to Nina’s restaurant. She’s not there yet, so Katya sits at the bar, drinking iced tea and drumming her fingers against the wood. When Nina arrives and Katya tells her what she intends to do, she immediately starts crying and pulls Katya into a hug.

“Oh, that’s so lovely! You know, she has been dreaming of a big fairytale wedding for longer than I’ve known her. I’m sure somewhere in her apartment she still has a binder with pages and pages full of wedding dresses cut out of magazines. It’s been a long time since we’ve talked about it, but she thought she would never get that.”

Katya smiles at the mental image of little tomboy Trixie dreaming of satiny wedding gowns with lace bodices, probably a fair share of poofy sleeves and long trains. “I want her to have it.”

Nina takes Katya’s hand in one of her own and pats it with the other. “Not that you need my blessing, but I couldn’t be more thrilled. I’d been hoping for so long that you two would figure it out, and you deserve that happily ever after.”

“Thank you, that means a lot.” Katya gives her a lopsided grin. “Now she only has to say yes.”

When Katya comes home, Trixie is irritable and asks her why she’s so late, and Katya feels slightly bad when she lies about there being an emergency at the inn. Trixie relaxes when Katya slides her arms around her waist from behind and kisses the spot underneath her ear.

“Listen,” Trixie starts in a low voice, “I’m sorry I shot you down like that yesterday. I just… I can’t--”

“Shh, it’s okay.” Katya kisses the same spot again. “You don’t have to explain.”

Trixie turns around in the circle of Katya’s arms and kisses her firmly, holding her face with both hands, and it’s explanation enough.

*

A few weeks later, they ask Ginger to babysit for the night, while they go have dinner at Nina’s. They do this often enough that Katya is certain she doesn’t rouse Trixie’s suspicion when she suggests it. They’ve both been a little on edge since living in the apartment, just because they spend half the day climbing over boxes and there’s no space to be alone, so Trixie happily accepts having a nice evening out, just the two of them.

Nina had assured Katya she would make sure they get some privacy, and the booths around them stay mysteriously empty. But it’s just that, dinner at their favorite restaurant, them stealing bites of each other’s food, like they have done since their first date in this very place. Katya orders them one plate of tiramisu to share, like they had back then. 

“God, that night seems so long ago, I can’t believe it’s only been a year,” Trixie says before taking the first spoonful of their dessert.

“I know, so much has happened.” Their actual one-year-anniversary would have been last week, and they both only remembered it after they put Josie down for the night. They had celebrated with Trixie slowly riding Katya’s face at the other end of the apartment, muffling her moans by biting down on her hand. Afterwards Katya had kissed the marks her teeth left on her skin, while Trixie fingered her with the other hand. They fell asleep with Trixie’s hand resting on Katya’s thigh, still wet, and left her muttering about how gross they were the next morning. 

“I feel like I’ve been with you much longer.” Katya swallows, knowing this is the perfect moment to do this. “And I can’t imagine being without you ever again.” Trixie softly says her name, but Katya shakes her head and carries on. “I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I didn’t get to fall asleep next to you every night. I love you so much that sometimes I look at you and I can’t bear being a separate person from you, like I-- like I wanna crawl inside your chest and live there.” Katya delivers her speech straight to Trixie’s face, with her eyes wide and her voice steady. She knows she can get a little intense. Trixie softens it by picking up her hand that Katya has resting on the table, turning it over so she’s holding it with the palm up. She lifts it to her face, presses a kiss to Katya’s skin and smiles.

“You can’t even fit your whole hand inside me.”

Katya is so caught up in what she’s about to do that it takes her a moment to process what Trixie said. Then she wheezes with laughter, pulls her hand out of Trixie’s grasp and roughly pushes her shoulder with it.

“You bitch! I’m displaying genuine human emotions here!” Katya’s laughter slowly dies down, and she takes Trixie’s hand in between both of hers. She often treats it like a fidget toy, gently bending Trixie’s fingers and pressing her own fingertips into the pillowy ball of her thumb. As always, Trixie lets her, becoming soft and malleable under Katya’s touch.

“Sorry, sorry! I didn’t mean to piss all over your moment.” She rests her chin on her other hand. “Please continue telling me how much you love me.” She grins with warmth in her eyes, and Katya nods.

“I do, you know. Love you. Once I figured that out last year, I knew my love life was sorted out, for as long as you’ll have me. And that was long before Josie. Getting to be her mom along with you is the happiest coincidence that could have happened to me, but I would be just as sure I want to spend my whole life with you if we didn’t have her, and I hope I’ve never given you reason to doubt that.”

Trixie’s eyes grow wide with realization. “Katya, what are you--”

“You're right, I did it completely wrong the first time,” Katya interrupts her. “'Why not?’ is not a good enough reason to ask someone to marry you. And in that moment that was what I was thinking, but before you, there have always been plenty of reasons not to marry anybody. And even though we’ve only been together a year, I know you so well and,” she takes a deep breath, “I know you're it for me. You're it,” she repeats and smiles. “I was an idiot for so long, so please let me catch up and do all of this properly. Please let me raise a child with you, let us be a family. And I'm asking you because that's what I want more than anything.” Trixie’s eyes start filling with tears, and when Katya tightly squeezes her hand, she smiles wide. “Will you marry me? Please marry me, Trixie.”

Trixie lets the tears fall freely as she scoots to Katya’s side of the booth, pulls her close and kisses her gently, her hands cupping Katya’s face, like it’s precious and fragile. Then with a watery smile she says, “No, I won’t.”

Katya feels like somebody just dumped a bucket of cold water over her head. “What?”

“We’ve only been dating for a year. You and I used to make fun of people who rushed into a marriage that would inevitably fall apart within months, and I won’t let us become those people. There’s no rush. We should live together in  _ our _ house for a while, have some arguments over stupid stuff that doesn’t matter at all, know what being together means when the excitement and the newness of having a baby around has died down, I’m back at work and everyday life has fully set in. And when we’ve done all that, we will get married. So I guess this isn’t ‘no’, it’s ‘not yet,’” Trixie explains. 

“Oh,” Katya says in a flat voice, still letting Trixie’s words sink in. The longer she sits with it, the better she understands it. Trixie is special enough that Katya wants to marry her, but Trixie cares enough about her - about  _ them _ \- to wait with the big fairytale wedding she’s always dreamed of. And Trixie trusts her enough to understand that she needs more time. That’s fine, they have plenty of time. 

Katya smiles. “Okay. Will you let me know when?”

“I will.” Trixie grins and kisses her again. When she pulls back, it’s Katya who’s crying, and with her thumbs Trixie brushes the tears away. “Oh no, honey, I’m so sorry! Please don’t cry. I know this is not what you wanted to hear, but at the end of the day when you come home, I will be there and I will love you, no matter what. I promise."

It only makes Katya cry harder, and she shakes her head. “No! I’m not sad, I just can’t believe how fucking lucky I am.” She laughs, and Trixie’s mouth forms a perfect O at her surprise, and she starts peppering Katya’s face with kisses. They end up with Katya’s head resting against Trixie’s chest and Trixie petting her hair like she’s a small, nervous animal.

“Shit, I totally forgot something.” Reluctantly Katya sits up and starts rummaging through her purse, pulling out an oblong box. “I’m really fucking glad now that I didn’t buy you a ring.” Katya had thought about it, but Trixie never wears any rings. They’d get in the way with Josie and at the diner. She presents the box to Trixie, who carefully opens the lid and gently gasps. She lifts the silver necklace out and laughs at the little hammer charm hanging from it.

“Help me put it on,” she orders, and turns her back towards Katya. She takes the necklace from Trixie and guides it around her neck. She has to fiddle a little with the fastener, but once she’s got it in place, she presses a kiss to the back of Trixie’s neck.

“All done.”

Their little bubble of not-engaged bliss is burst when Nina shows up by their table with a bottle of champagne in her hands.

“Congratulations!” Before either of them can say anything, she pops the cork, Katya yelping a little in surprise at the noise. She can see other guests turn around and look at them.

“I didn’t say yes,” Trixie lets her know, looking apologetic, and Nina’s face falls.

“What?” Then her eyes go wide. “Oh God, you’re not breaking up, are you?”

At the same time they both reassure her that no, they’re not. She still checks that they really are okay. 

“We’re terrific,” Katya tells her. “And I don’t take it personal at all that she’s turned down my marriage proposal twice.”

“Listen…” Trixie starts, but Katya interrupts her with a grin.

“Twice!”

Nina looks from one to the other and sighs. Then she lifts up the bottle of champagne. “What am I supposed to do with this now.”

“Drink it with us.” Trixie pats the booth next to her. There’s plenty of room with her and Katya sitting pressed against each other. So Nina joins them and they raise their glasses to taking your time.

*

They get a court date to decide about whether or not Trixie will get to adopt Josephine, and Katya takes the whole day off, so no matter the outcome, they can be together all day. The judge is a woman in her fifties, with her greying hair in a tight bun, and Katya gets flashbacks of the headmistress of the first school she managed to get kicked out of. Luckily, the judge does not seem to take as much pride and joy in making others suffer as her old headmistress did, and she treats their case factually but not without benevolence. 

Trixie has contacted Michael and he has come into town to be there for the occasion. Officially, he has no right to decide over Josie’s fate anymore, but Trixie wants him to be able to see this through if he wants to. He looks better than he did the last time Katya saw him, and he seems content to see Josie healthy and happy. At seeing Michael, she gives no indication of recognizing him.

“You pushed to have the child put into your sister’s care yourself?” the judge asks him, sounding interested.

“Yes, ma’am. I knew she would do a great job, and I can see that she is. Much better than I ever could.”

Bob gives them a glowing recommendation as well, and after that a decision is quickly made. When she signs the papers that officially make Josie her child, Trixie looks as detached as if she was signing the lease of a car, clearly in shock. She only nods when the judge congratulates her. Only when Katya places Josephine in her arm and a kiss on her cheek, does Trixie wake up, giving her a huge smile. When they’re standing outside the courtroom in the hallway, Bob hugs both of them, and it takes Katya by surprise. They always got on well, but she never seemed the overly emotional type.

“It’s always good to see kids end up where you know they’re in good hands.” Then she turns to Katya. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, I’m assuming you wanna adopt her, too. We could try for second-parent adoption, but that’s always tricky. Much better chances if you got married.”

“We will,” Trixie confidently informs her. “But not yet.”

“Yes, I can wait.” Katya tells both Bob and Trixie.

Their friends throw them a baby shower. It’s apparently a joint effort from Ginger, Shea, Violet and Pearl, albeit the latter two having gotten roped into it involuntarily. But Violet had disagreed with the decorations Ginger had picked and once she was involved, Pearl was involved by extension. 

Katya had known about it, and had been under the impression that they were throwing a party for Trixie, but in everything they have prepared, Katya is just as much included, and she almost cries several times. She pulls all of them into uncomfortably long hugs when they leave, and all of them let her. 

“I’m really happy for you,” Violet mutters as she’s already stepping out the door. Her French accent has mysteriously disappeared a few months ago. She had just shown up to work one morning without it, and nobody said anything. Since she’s been with Pearl, she seems less tightly wound, less set on proving how capable and independent she is every second of every day. Pearl seems to finally have convinced her that who she is is enough, and Violet is still very private, but she’s also softer and happier.

They settle into the house, Josie in her new room, and it’s both comforting in its familiarity and exciting in its newness. Trixie moves all her things in and it’s a good thing, since she needs her entire wardrobe again, with her going back to work at the diner. The first few weeks she gets ready in the morning with great care, taking her time with her hair and makeup and selecting her outfit for the day.

“I didn’t even realize how much I missed the dressing up,” she tells Katya one morning, positively glowing.

“I’ll never get enough of seeing you like this.” Katya means the joy, not the dress, and she knows that Trixie understands. 

Katya likes swinging by the diner after work again, now with a toddler in tow. They kiss across the counter like they did when they first started dating, except now Trixie comes home at a reasonable time and pays people to be there for the 5 am deliveries. 

Katya doesn’t want to push her, but every so often, when something happens that once again makes her absolutely sure she wants to spend the rest of her life with Trixie, she will ask, “Now?” and Trixie will smile, but shake her head. She doesn’t expect a different answer, it’s about asking the question. They’re a family no matter what. 

Katya has an awful lot of that now, family. There’s not just Kate, Trixie, and Josie anymore.  The four of them have rarely missed a Friday night dinner at her parents in the last months. Svetlana had at first thrown a fit about Trixie bringing a “stranger’s baby” into the relationship, and Katya had to take her aside one day and explain that Trixie was responsible and the kind of person who would take care of their family, and that surely Svetlana of all people understood that. Katya also made clear that both Trixie and Josie were permanent parts of her life, and her mother could get used to it or she could miss most of her second grandchild growing up as well. 

At that, Svetlana had looked like Katya had slapped her. The next week it was like somebody had replaced her with another person, and after dinner she sat in the living room with Josie on her lap for the first time, quietly talking to her and gently bouncing her. They are fast friends by now, and Pyotr adores her too. He exclusively refers to her as Jo, since when she had started to speak she had never gotten to the second half of her name, which he assumes is a choice. 

Josie is not the only new sibling Kate gets, since Matt and his girlfriend Tatianna have a baby boy. It’s strange for Katya to have them be parents at the same time again, but of different children. Sometimes Matt calls her asking for advice, sometimes Tatianna calls her, to complain about Matt being fussy and overly cautious. In return, Trixie and her get to watch what it means to have an actual newborn in the house and be thankful for all the sleep they’re getting. 

Katya finds herself feeling thankful in general. Thankful for her family, thankful for her friends, thankful for her job. And always, always thankful for Trixie. Thankful that she looked at Katya all those years ago and saw somebody worth loving, and that she stuck to it and waited while Katya was too in her head to see what was going on with her heart. Every day, Trixie proves that she’s the best person Katya has ever met, and Katya still struggles to believe that she gets the privilege of making Trixie happy. She thinks as long as she can manage that, she must be doing a pretty good job in life in general.

*

It’s a Tuesday and Katya will take Josie to the daycare and have a meeting with her tax consultant later at the inn. She’s not looking forward to that, not because she’s expecting anything bad, but it always reminds her that being her own boss comes with things like sitting there, trying to force herself to pay attention even though she doesn’t care, and then pay that man a lot of money for the service he provides and that she would rather never think about. When she had complained about it last night, Trixie had promised her to cook dinner so she would have something to look forward to. 

“I always look forward to coming home to you.”

“Hmm, is that so?” Trixie had asked with a smirk. “And what do I get in return?”

“What do you want?” Katya had already had a few ideas what she could offer Trixie.

“Cut back on the coffee.”

That had not been what Katya expected, but she had still kissed Trixie’s cheek and said, “Sure, babe,” and had tried to hide her smile at Trixie’s stunned expression. “You only had to ask.”

But right now she’s not thinking about any of that. Right now, Katya lingers on the threshold between asleep and awake, and her body is telling her to settle back on asleep, but the gentle yet insistent touch on her arm demands she open her eyes. It’s barely light out and the bedroom is still tinged blue. She knows her alarm would still let her rest for a while, and even Josie is not up yet to demand breakfast or entertainment. If she wakes up before it’s light out, she often comes into their bedroom to sleep in between them, taking up a surprising amount of space, and Katya assumes that’s what’s happening right now, but the toddler is nowhere to be seen. Instead, Trixie softly says  _ hey _ and Katya turns around to her. She is sitting on her folded legs, apparently wide awake. Trixie is looking at Katya with bright eyes, radiating happiness.

“Now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I would love to hear what you think, either here or over on tumblr where you can find me at [connyhascontrol](https://connyhascontrol.tumblr.com/)


End file.
